Why You Sweatin’ Me?

So, I’ve been spending a lot of time at the gym lately (you try watching yourself getting spray tanned in a bikini and tell me how you feel) and I have made quite a few startling observations. One being that most people look really funny running on the treadmill. Another being that people wear incredibly bizarre things to work out.

The other day, I spotted some serious cougars wearing cleavage baring tank tops and walking on the treadmills. I mean, this is not a bar or a pick up joint, ladies. I’m here to get my cardio on. That would require me strapping my two best girls down as to not look like a Baywatch re-run. Sports bras, not your push up bra, should always be worn. They help fight gravity and they will wick away the moisture (ladies don’t sweat, we glisten) rather than soak it up like the padding in your bra.

The gym is also where the thin line between appropriate and inappropriate legging wear is dangerously thin. I, myself, have been known to wear leggings to the gym (I KNOW!!). So what makes it okay and not okay? Well, they should basically ALWAYS be black. White is an absolute NO. You can see every dimple of cellulite. Heather grey will show every speck of sweat… er, glisten. So just stick with the tried and true. Now let’s address that cameltoe.  It’s basically inevitable, but luckily, my girls at Bye Bye Lines have created all types of things (panties, liners, and pants) to fight that frontal wedgie. Crisis averted.

I’m also baffled by the girls who come with a full face of make up to the gym. Go ahead and add this to my list of pet peeves. I mean, I get that some people are coming from work and may have a little bit on, but full on photoshoot style makeup?  I hope they realize that this is TERRIBLE for your skin! All that sweat and makeup is adult acne waiting to happen! Let your skin breathe! If you are coming from work or somewhere that required makeup, tuck some face wipes in your gym bag and get the gunk off pre workout.

I like to do double duty while at the gym. Meaning I will slather on some deep conditioner in my hair and braid it. That way, when I shower after the gym, I will not only have toned glutes, but also luscious locks. Smarter than I look, people.

Here are some examples of cute gym gear. Just cause you’re working out doesn’t mean you can’t work it:

VSX Body Wick seamleass sports bra, $22

C9 by Champion racerback tank, $14.99

Bye Bye Lines (The ladies who brought you Kamelflage and Cammel Ammo) Leggings, $38

Reebok Easytone Trend, $109.99

lululemon Sway jacket, $128

So hit the gym and get that heart rate up. Summer and short shorts are just around the corner. And fellas, cut a girl a break. PLEASE, don’t try and talk to us while we are mid stride. We’re actually trying to get in shape. You can chat us up over a smoothie later.

xx,

WhyDid

Camel Ammo

So you guys were pretty obsessed with Bump-Its, but apparently, you were really obsessed with Kamelflage. 

Well, good news. I’m going to blog about it again.  The ladies of Kamelflage have re-branded and are now going by the name of “CamelAmmo.” Yes, I’m for serious. No, I don’t know how they keep coming up with these names. I would like to think that it was after a few too many glasses of rose, but I think we’ll have to ask them about it.

CamelAmmo is patent pending and is intended for fighting the “frontal wedgie.” These little panty partners are to be inserted in the front lining of your undies, like so:

Now, the ladies of CamelAmmo insist that now you can “size down” but I still stand firm that if you are getting wrinkles in the crotch or any other area, you’re in the wrong size. I had a wonderful sewing teacher in college (yes, I was required to complete an entire course on learning to sew) who always said, “Wrinkles point to the problem area.” Words to live by, ladies.  

I personally, have not tried these little guys out, so I’m not sure how effective they are, but I think in the case of leggings, which by the way, still are not pants, they could be pretty helpful.  Hey, Miss Marshall, these might be a good investment for you.

You can now visit their website (www.camelammo.com) and purchase your very own CamelAmmo.

xx

WhyDid

Excuse Me, Sheriff, There’s a New Marshall in Town.

This sexy on screen siren is so en fuego, I had to choose two photos of her.  Originally an East Coaster, she has now transplanted herself to the West Coast.

 Wearing: blouse- Club Monaco, shorts- The Limited, cardigan- vintage, gold lurex belt- vintage (courtesy of her mother, Becky Marshall- thanks, mom!)

Wearing:dashiki- Emanuel Ungaro (courtesy of one of her bff’s), wooden bangle- vintage (see, mixing designer with vintage is so chic).

Name: Krystal Marshall

Occupation: Actor

Hometown: Atlanta, Georgia

If you were going to be stranded on a desert island and your bag was only big enough for 3 items, what would they be:

1. A machete, which I would use to cut down trees to make a shelter, and then cut apart the bag (that the machete came in) to make a fierce leather swimsuit.
2. A value size container of Aleve… because cramps will follow you anywhere- even a deserted island.
3. A Venus razor.  I’d take apart the four razor blades and attach one to the end of a stick so I could spear fish, one to a smaller stick so I could chop fruit, one I’d use for beauty (i.e., shaving my legs/bikini area, arching my brows, and cutting split ends), and the last one is for emergencies. Like, in case I have to kill myself.  

Favorite beauty product: Origins “Never a Dull Moment” exfoliating scrub, Rembrandt whitening trays

Style icon: MK Olsen

This summer, I can’t wait to wear: Rompers, jumpsuits, halters, and linen

Style tip for all the fashion degenerates: “Less is more.”  Oh, and if you think you look fat in something, chances are you probably do.

Best splurge (it was worth every penny): Marc Jacobs double breasted military coat

Trend you’d like to see die: Peep toe booties

Currently coveting:Erin Wasson’s wardrobe, body, and life.

Fun Fact:I plan to single handedly bring back full bottom underwear. I’m sick and tired of bikini briefs being shoved to the back of the drawer and only worn you-know-when. Enough!

Biggest personal fashion flop:At times, my cameltoe can be offensive.

Well, Miss Marshall, with those looks and all that spunk, I get the feeling we will be seeing a lot more of your face.  (And we’re pretty happy about that).

xx,

WhyDid

Cameltoe Camouflage

I love starting my week off with brilliant discoveries.  Yesterday, I was lucky enough to meet a couple of lovely young women who have come up with a very interesting new product.  Their product is called Kamelflage (use your imagination).

After witnessing one too many “frontal wedgies,” Treger Strasberg and Loren Weiner sprung into action.  They created an insert for your underpants that slips into the inside lining that will prevent your panties from getting in a bunch. 

I can’t decide whether this is genius or gross? 

• Frontal wedgies are caused by ill fitting pants. Size up, ladies. (Yet another reason why leggings should not be worn as pants).
• Okay, now you don’t have cameltoe, but instead you have a bulge in your pants.
• Are that many people suffering from frontal wedgies? This might be a whole other concern.

Either way, you can check Kamelflage out yourself: http://www.kamelflage.com/

And an ode to an old classic by Fanny Pack.

xx,

WhyDid

Blizzards and Bikinis

I figure there is no better time than in the middle of a blizzard to give a little lesson in bikinis. So what if there is 10 inches of snow in NY?  No time like the present to start thinking about warm weather and teeny bikinis…

I consider myself somewhat of an expert in the field of swimwear and I feel that many women don’t know what kind of bathing suits actually  look good on them, which totally frustrates me. Plus, I do realize that for some (okay most of us) bathing suit shopping can be somewhat traumatic.  Especially after hibernating all winter long. So here are a few guidelines to keep in mind while shopping for this season’s swimsuit:

• The most common and most annoying mistake women make is thinking that just because they have a bigger booty, they need to wear bigger bottoms (i.e. more fabric, more coverage).  Ehhh!! You are so wrong.  Guess what more fabric does to your butt?  Emphasizes how big it is.  Ever notice how Brazilian women always look amazing in their bikinis?  Their bikini bottoms are cut smaller making their bottoms look smaller.  (Yes, Brazilian women are hot and live on the beach so they know the tricks of the trade). So do not, I repeat, do not go out and grab the biggest pair of bottoms you see in order to cover your rump.  You are only calling more attention to the area you are trying to disguise. (Not to mention you will give yourself a case of what my BFF and I so lovingly refer to as “LA” (Long Ass)).

Here is a smaller cut bikini by Tibi, $190. Read more »

Cameltoe, literally.

It’s hump day, and apparently, SJP is taking it literally (wait for it- I will take this full circle).  You’re thinking to yourself, “She looks pretty normal.  This is a pretty standard running errands around New York outfit. Granted I wish she was decked out in true Carrie Bradshaw style.”  Take a look at her shoes.  Notice the weird big toe compartment.  She has given herself a case of cameltoe. Camels have humps. Wednesday is hump day. Told you I’d bring it home. Big thanks to PinkyToe for the pic. xx

That’s what HE said….

I often think that a lot of women are dressing for the wrong reasons. Yes, that’s right. (I mean besides avoiding public nudity- which I see no problem with).

A lot of women seem to be getting dressed for other women. Which is fine, I guess. I would just think that when a woman spends 3.5 hours primping in front of the mirror, it would be to impress, perhaps, a man. Call me crazy, but when I go to work (which consists of all women and a few fantastic gay men- I work in fashion, remember?) I roll in wearing clothes that look good, but are comfortable and still somewhat stylish. I can guarantee that I am NOT looking fresh off the runway though.  This would actually be the perfect time for me to don my open toe booties and latex leggings cause the girls in the office might actually care… but I’ll pass.

However, when I have a hot date with my man, I pull out all the stops- however, this does not include my latest and greatest trendy fashion finds. You see, men don’t notice your “this season” Gucci booties, or your brand new Balenciaga bag. They are looking at you. All of that hoopla is lost on them and they probably think it’s a little ridiculous. If your man does care about your outfit and its fashion expiration date, you may want to take your “gay-dar” in for a tune up.

Don’t believe me? Below are some of the current “trends” (which my girlfriends have already so lovingly commented on) and my very manly guy friends’ responses to them.

Read more »