I get scolded quite a bit for being on my phone during dinners and nights out with friends. I quickly remind them that I’m “working.” Which shouldn’t actually be in quotes because I really am. Social Media is bascially a 24/7 job, especially when you work for yourself. However, I’ve taken it down a notch and for those of you who aren’t actually running a business, it’s time to put down your phones. I know that selfie and shot of your salmon seem super important, but your friends are about to disown you if you don’t rejoin them in a little place called reality. So, here are some hard and fast rules for Instagram posting:
- Instagram is basically not real life. Don’t let it consume yours.
- I think a lot of people need to learn the art of self editing. We get that you are somewhere really beautiful or you’re having a REALLY good hair day, or there is a lot going on, but try and pic a COUPLE of the best pictures and spread them out throughout the day. No one likes their feed being spammed by your event. Either that or learn to make a collage.
- We do not need your doctors’ visits, weekly sonogram, bloody wounds, or hunting kills to be forever etched into our brains. A post delivery baby hospital pic gets a pass though.
- I’m really not kidding when I say I don’t want to see your food pictures. Unless what you are about to eat is a slain dragon, I’m just not interested.
- If you’re going to create a meme (good for you), please, dear God, check your spelling/grammar. No matter how hilarious the punchline may be, I can’t get over the fact that you don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re.”
- If you need to use a filter on top of a filter before posting that self indulgent selfie, you probably shouldn’t be posting it. This is Instagram, not Vogue. There’s no need to Photoshop.
- #Hashtagsareactuallyusefulifyouknowwhatyouredoing. Not everything needs to be hashtagged, but don’t hate on others who actually know how to use them.
- Give credit where credit is due. If you love something someone posted, spread the love, but credit the source.
- Please don’t post pictures only to delete them two minutes later. This is Instagram not Snapchat (although there’s now that creepy direct message thing). Don’t post unless you are sure you want to post. Posting something and then removing it two minutes later doesn’t make you look mysterious, it makes you look insecure, and a little bit schizo.
- Clean your damn mirror, selfie queen.
And this one goes out to you… and you… and you…
Now, follow me on Instagram so you can see what I’m wearing.
Keeping in theme and wrapping up this week’s fitness focused posts, let’s cap things off with The List. This particular list is solely dedicated to the most obnoxious gym behaviors that are sure to raise your blood pressure and give that punching bag something to cry about. I’m sure there are some professional gym-goers who are much bigger sticklers when it comes to gym etiquette, but let’s just stick with the basics, okay?
- Any sort of noises. Grunting, panting, singing along to Bruno Mars- not acceptable.
- If there are 15 empty machines, why did you insist on hopping on the one directly next to me?
- Though I’ve been guilty, as Stiegler always tells me, girls should not wear grey pants to the gym. Seeing a sweat stained crotch is so not sexy.
- Texting at the gym is one thing, but talking on the phone while you get in your “cardio” is just absolutely absurd. There’s a “decline” button for a reason. If your cat isn’t giving birth and calling to tell you as much, there’s no need to be on the phone.
- If you’re paying $35+ a class, don’t slack off. You paid a pretty penny to participate, so do your best even when it’s excruciatingly painful. As Jenn once said during an especially tricky oblique exercise, “If it’s too tough, well tough. Do it.”
- Push up bras under sportsbras. Not only is that counterintuitive, but seriously?
- Do not talk to me while I’m working out. See these headphones? They’re the universal “bug off” symbol.
- It’s a treadmill, not a runway. While it’s okay, and frankly encouraged, to wear something nicer than your ex’s holey sweats, a full face of makeup and Pantene perfect hair is taking things too far and pretty much pissing the rest of us off.
- So, you’re walking on a treadmill reading an US Weekly in a completely packed gym? Ok. Next time, stay home and just swing your legs on the couch.
- Did you seriously forget your deodorant?
On the eve of my birth, I’m always a bit reflective. I think about the year passed and its highlights, low points, and lessons learned. At first when I thought about this year, I really chocked it up as a loss. I dated wildly inappropriate people, spent much of my time in a very unproductive fashion, and basically acted like the Tasmanian Devil with a raging case of PMS. But nothing is ever a complete loss. I fell back in love with running and Pilates, reconnected with old and made new friends, and finally figured out what it is that makes me tick. I spent the end of 2013 and the beginning of 2014 in California, a place where I’d lived before and hadn’t associated with the happiest memories. I didn’t plan on staying as long as I did, but it turned out to be like emotional rehab– where you drink a lot of wine. Some may say I spent a little too much time on the West Coast and became soft, but really, I just had a life epiphany, which is honestly, the greatest birthday gift I’ve ever been given.
It took me many years and reading the same book several times over before it all really clicked for me. For so long I was spinning my tires and trying to figure out how the hell to put this bitch in drive. There were times I’d stare up at the sky and just wish these answers would come to me- preferably in the form of magic fairy dust… or diamonds. Would have saved me so much time and quite a bit of agony if someone could have just spelled it out for me. But that’s the thing about life, the most important lessons are often the hardest earned. So, I decided to share with you some of the valuable nuggets of wisdom I collected this year. I did this once before, but feel it’s worth revisiting. Even looking back at that list, I laugh to/at myself at what I thought was most important then- only a couple of years ago- although some of them certainly hold true.
- Family is everything and friends are second families. Cherish them and let them know how much you do.
- If you’re going to worry, you may as well pray (to whomever). Worrying is quite literally a waste of energy. Use your energy for positivity and prayer instead- or at least go do some yoga.
- Never become complacent. There’s way too much in this world and in you to waste any of your precious time being boring or bored.
- All broken hearts heal– and surprisingly enough, each one gets a little bit less painful. It’s a difficult concept to grasp while in the middle of complete and utter heartache, but I swear to you, you won’t even remember what’s his/her name a year or two from now.
- There is absolutely nothing more exciting or more important happening on the internet or social media than what is happening right in front of your own face right this instant. Be present in your own life and put down your phone.
- Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Spoiler alert: there will always be someone younger, smarter, prettier, thinner, wealthier, etc. than you. But you’re perfect. You’re you.
- Get healthy now. When I was 18, I could and would house an entire pizza in one sitting and on my very first test shoot, the photographer and his wife asked what I did to stay in such good shape. I shrugged and said, “nothing.” Well, that doesn’t last for most of us forever. Learn to love wholesome food and exercise and remember there’s a difference between doing it for health and doing it to be “skinny.” When you switch your mindset, it’s not such a chore.
- When you feel like your life sucks, do something for someone who has even less.
- Let shit go. This is something I have struggled and still struggle with, but I finally realized: I am not a caped crusader here to save the world. It’s not my job to teach people what’s right or wrong. I often felt it was my duty to make sure justice was served, but like they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
- People will shock the shit out of you (in good ways and bad).
- It really is okay to be happy. People, society, and advertisers will try and lead you to believe otherwise, but there’s nothing wrong with being happy. There isn’t anything cool or edgy about angst. Besides, all negative emotions are rooted in fear.
- Don’t worry about everybody else. They don’t know what the fuck they’re doing either. Some just happen to be better at hiding it.
- It’s a lot easier to be nice to people than mean. Trust me, I’ve made a living crafting snarky commentary and let me tell you- it’s exhausting. Also, being kind to someone or complimenting them doesn’t detract anything from you.
- Take care of your skin. It’s the only set you get.
- You do not need to be married with children living in the suburbs before the age of 30. Not doing that or not wanting that does not by any means make you a failure. If you allow people (or yourself) to make you feel bad about bucking the social norm, you’re going to drive yourself insane and probably end up marrying the wrong guy out of sheer panic.
- It’s okay to express your opinions. Just learn to do so respectfully and eloquently.
- Be happy and supportive of others’ accomplishments. Don’t be a hater because there’s more than enough to go around.
- Find what makes you happy and do it. Figure out what gives you those butterflies in your stomach and makes you smile just thinking about it. Don’t worry what other people think about your dreams. They’re just scared of their own. Fuck ‘em. Yes, you are going to have to do some mundane tasks in life, but don’t do things that you don’t love. True excellence can only come from a place of love and if you hate what you’re doing, it will show.
- Learn when to say, “no” and when to say, “yes.” Not all opportunities are good opportunities. And some good opportunities are missed out of fear.
- Fall absolutely head over heels in love with yourself.
Somewhere my elders are simultaneously smirking and shaking their heads because I’m fairly certain they did try and teach me these things. And that’s why I’ll just tell you to forget everything I said and make your own mistakes… you’re going to anyway.
They say the way you spend New Year’s day foreshadows how you will spend the rest of the upcoming year. Probably not promising for a lot of you who woke up missing articles of clothing, unable to identify your bedside companion, sans cab fare for the journey home, and with a headache equivalent to the explosion of the Hindenburg. As for me, if today is any indication, I’m all set. Being handed a mimosa upon parting my eyelids, walking outside outfitted in a crop top, and spending the rest of the afternoon alternating between drinking rosé and napping is something I could get used to. Certainly an improvement over the last twelve months. 2013 was a hot ass mess… or maybe that was just me. I basically spent this past year dating completely inappropriate individuals, staying up too late, not working hard enough, and writing it all down. There are plenty of personal bad habits that I wish to lay to rest along with 2013. That said, here’s a countdown of some other things from 2013 that I certainly won’t be crying crocodile tears about kissing goodbye.
- No, I don’t want to play Candy Crush.
- Trainwrecks. I mean, obviously literal ones, but really figurative ones a la Amanda Bynes, Lilo, and most of my ex-boyfriends. Can we please stop encouraging bad behavior?
- Parody t-shirts. You know: Féline, Homies, Commes des Fuckdown, and the likes.
- Anything with a peplum.
- “Keep Calm” and STFU. Please stop making these. Along with most some e-cards, and definitely those comic strip things.
- The word/action of twerking. Also, all mentioning of molly.
- “DJ” as a fallback career. When did grasping the general concept of Spotify equate to a paid occupation?
- Awl dese cray wayz of mizspelling thangz n stuph. Idk. Itz nawt kewl, bb, k? Werq.
- The exploitation of unicorns.
- Miley Cyrus’s tongue. (Though her explanation to Babs was somewhat endearing). Let the record show- I’m a Miley fan.
- Leggings as pants. Seriously.
Peace out, ’13. I’d be lying if I said I’ll miss ya. xx, WhyDid image via
Looking back over this past year’s posts, I thought a couple of things: 1. I don’t post nearly enough, 2. I can’t believe all of that happened in one year. While at times it feels as if I’m not moving forward at all, taking a minute to look back (which every inspirational quote on Instagram would tell you not to do- I’m a rebel), I can see that even though it may be at a snail’s pace, I have certainly been chugging along through this thing called life. My self awareness will now beseech me to make some changes to how I’ve been handling a few things, but I must take a not so modest moment to grin with pride about what I have accomplished by revisiting a few of my favorite posts from this blog year. I hope you enjoy… and what were some of your favorites?
- Why Did You Wear That: Little in the Middle
- WhyDid Wisdom: I Don’t.
- Setting the Mood: Goth Goes Glam
- Why Did You Wear That: Fall Overhaul
- WhyDid Wisdom: Standards, Get Some.
- Weekend Playlist: Guest DJ, Jenn Seracuse
- Friday Frocks: You’re My Babydoll
- Why Did You Wear That: The Witching Hour
- WhyDid Wisdom: When Your Fixer Upper Becomes a Human Wrecking Ball
- WhyDid Wisdom: Crazy is Contagious