Love is in the Air… Is That What Smells?

As WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady has already mentioned, Valentine’s Day is amateur night. However, you will most likely be forced into participating in some way, shape, or form. So you may as well get that shopping out of the way and come up with something creative to make the whole production less painful for yourself and respective parties.  I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again: interesting gifts for your flavor of the week…

For Him:

Ladies, let’s be serious, he doesn’t care if you get him a new pair of cufflinks or a cuddly teddy bear. He paid for dinner and would now like some sweet affection for dessert. You’re getting off easy as far as I’m concerned (no pun intended).

One of my favorite things in the world is pretty lingerie.  You are already aware of my affinity for costumes and that doesn’t stop in the bedroom.  Men are visual creatures, so give him something to stare at (before he tears you to pieces).

Carol Malony Polka Party Panty, $52

That’s a present he’ll enjoy unwrapping. (Please disregard the model’s Lee Press-on’s and bizarre belly button. Ick.)

Not at the “pants off dance off” stage? Why don’t you really send him for a loop by picking up the check at dinner? A sexy way to do so is slip your waiter/waitress your card while on your way to the bathroom.

C’mon, girls, please cut it out with the collages, love notes, and stage 5 clinger type presents. They are totally lost on guys. The only thing you’re going to get in return are ignored phone calls and canceled dates.  Men like a few things (in no particular order): sports, red meat, sex, and beer.  Stick with those and you may find yourself with a date after Valentine’s Day.

For Her:

Guys suck at buying presents. I know this because I’ve received quite a few doozies in my day.  I know there is a small percentage of you out there who don’t, but the majority of your testosterone filled pals have spoiled the bunch. Whether it be a giftcard or a heinous piece of jewelry, please pay attention in order to avoid a mid-February arctic blast.

Again, some guidelines of what not to do to tick your girl off. You already know I’ve advised her to get some skimpy knickers for later, so you don’t want to miss out on those because you couldn’t pull it together and get a decent gift, do you? That’s what I thought.

One of the sweetest gifts I’ve ever received was actually not from a guy at all. WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady really outdid herself this year for my birthday.  She got me a beautiful silver box and inside are 52 little pieces of paper. Each one has a reason on it why she loves me. (One a week, in case you suck at math like me).  I look forward to opening them every week.

Too mushy gushy?

Buy her something red… as in red soled. There isn’t one girl on planet earth who wouldn’t appreciate a pair of Christian Louboutins (if you are that girl, what are you doing reading this?). This is 99.9% effective in panties dropping.  Trust me, a pair of nice shoes will get you much further than any cheesy Hallmark moment.

Something sparkly also usually does the trick. (This does not include rhinestones or anything from Ed Hardy). There’s a reason they say, “diamonds are a girl’s best friend.”

Why don’t I just make this easier for you and compile a list of DON’T’s?:

• Perfume- you’re going to get it wrong. It’s our job, let us pick out our own.
• Chocolate- do you want a fat girlfriend? Didn’t think so.
• Any sort of stuffed animal- are you a pedophile? I ask because the only girl who would appreciate this is still in highschool.
• Hanky Panky rose thong- I saw this on E!’s gift guide and nearly lost it. You buy me one of these and I’m going to stick it somewhere the sun doesn’t shine.
• Red roses- we’ve already covered this.
• Anything from Kay’s, Jared’s, or Zales. Cut the crap.

The most important part of this day is quality time.  Be available, be kind.  A handwritten card also never hurts. Listen, I’m just trying to help you out. Despite my tone, I love love, but a bad VDay showing could leave you alone and lonely. While I may be home popping chocolates in my mouth with a glass of red and my rabbit, I do wish the rest of you a very Happy Valentine’s Day.

xx,

WhyDid

Carol Malony, Christian Louboutin, Hanky Panky, Kirsten Smith, Valentine's Gifts, WhyDidYouWearThat

You Wanna Pizza Me?

OMFG! I can’t stop thinking about pizza! I also can’t stop eating pizza. So, I figured I may as well write about it too.  Or ‘blog’ about it…you get the idea. I’m  still coming to terms with the fact that I’m a blogger now, but I always go around yapping about how much I love food and how I’m a ‘foodie’, so it really is only fair that I share my love of food with a dash of sarcasm and cynicism with the rest of the world.  Don’t you think? If you don’t, then no one asked you.

Now on to the cheesy goodness of that magical food that is pizza. This is where I REALLY don’t discriminate on food.  I love the low end stuff and I love the high end stuff.  Here’s my list of my 5 fave pizza joints (or restaurants that just make one hell of a pizza) here in NYC (in no particular order):

1.     Lombardi’s: If you live in NY, then you’ve heard of it. If you’re an idiot, you’ll actually wait in line and not go at an off peak hour instead. My point is that it’s good. Really good. So good that way too many tourists have heard about it and ARE willing to wait in that line. So do yourself a favor and go during the week for lunch or go right before that dinner crowd hits. I always order a pie with meatball and ricotta. It’s so good that I’m salivating as I write this and considering blowing off my dinner date with my boyfriend to go pig out on pizza alone and later cower in shame and regret about my pizza debauchery.  Ok, not really.

2.    Artichoke Basille: This is some of the best creamy, artichoke-y (yes, I’m going to go ahead and make up that word) goodness you can get.  For the first few bites, you feel as if you’ve stepped out of NYC and into some sort of delicious artichoke dream. Then you start to feel rather ill and have to stop, but believe me. . .those first few bites are worth a trip here.

3.     John’s of Bleecker Street:  John’s never disappoints and was actually the first pizza place in NY that I went to, so it will always have a little place in my heart (and mouth).  Lines can also form at this popular pizza joint, so I’d give the same recommendations on when to go as I did for Lombardi’s. I also always go with the meatball and ricotta pie here (seeing a trend?), but every pie I’ve ever had here has been tasty.

4.     Otto: Dear Prosciutto Arugula Pizza at Otto, I love you. You never fail to make me happy and I feel as if I can always count on you. You’re the wind beneath my wings. If I could propose to you then I would, but I’d inevitably eat you and end up a lonely spinster. Alright, in all seriousness: this is a good pie. I’ve had prosciutto arugula pizzas all over Manhattan and this one is definitely the best in my eyes. Otto also rocks because it has tons of other great food that I’ll blog specifically about some other time.

5.     Gonzo: I was just introduced to Gonzo’s pizza last week by my dear pals WhyDidYouWearThat, WhyinGayHell, and WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady. I was informed of the killer two for one special on Mondays and I was overcome with joy for getting the chance to stuff my face full of pizza and save money at the same time. We ordered four pizzas and all were fabulous, but two specifically stood out to me: the spicy chicken and the brussel sprouts pies. I’m typically not a huge chicken fan, but this pie made me rethink those claims. Just the right amount of chicken, cheese, and spiciness! As for the brussel sprouts pie. I LOVE me some brussel sprouts , so when you go and combine two of my favorite things such as brussel sprouts and pizza then that makes for an orgasmic experience.  It rocked my world and will most definitely rock yours, BUT it’s a special for a limited time so go soon! Now even. Go now! Run!

So there you have it. My current 5 fave pizza places in NYC. I say ‘current’ because that could easily change at any minute if I’m introduced to some other fabulous pie, but all of these places are worth taking a trip to.

All in all I’d give each of these places 4 out of 5 mouths for being seriously tasty and making me want to stuff copious amounts of pizza in my mouth.

See you next Munchin’ Monday!

xx,

WhyDon’tYouEatMe

**WhyDon’tYouEatMe bases its mouth scale solely on food quality and taste ranging from one mouth (meaning you probably would have rather eaten road kill) to five mouths (meaning you saw God while eating this food).

Shake Ya Tailfeather…

**NOTE: This particular entry is a little bit R rated and not for the faint of heart. I warned you in advance…

So, I woke up today to a very startling email. Yes, I sleep with my phone in my bed because I like using the alarm clock. Yes, I do have a normal alarm clock, but I can only wake up to jarring obnoxious noises. Yes, sleeping with my phone in my bed has led to some pretty embarrassing “butt dial” incidents. That being said, below is the email exchange the led to the following post:

from <malereader@gmail.com> to WhyDid date Thu, Feb 4, 2010 at 8:33 AM subject Re: INTERN NEEDED

Have you considered a blog entry about anal bleaching? Seems to be all the rage with women these days, particularly models.

from WhyDid to <malereader@gmail.com> date Thu, Feb 4, 2010 at 10:30 AM subject Re: INTERN NEEDED

Um, I woke up to this. I threw my phone and then went back to sleep.
Is this a serious inquiry? I can only imagine the kind of ” juggling” you must be doing…

from <malereader@gmail.com> to WhyDid date Thu, Feb 4, 2010 at 12:53 PM subject Re: INTERN NEEDED Google it, seriously. And you woke up to this at 10:30???

from WhyDid to <malereader@gmail.com> date Thu, Feb 4, 2010 at 12:56 PM subject Re: INTERN NEEDED Guess I have to now.

from <malereader@gmail.com> to “WhyDid date Thu, Feb 4, 2010 at 1:57 PM subject Re: INTERN NEEDED

Seriously, it’s all the rage.

from WhyDid to malereader@gmail.com> date Thu, Feb 4, 2010 at 2:06 PM subject Re: INTERN NEEDED

I’m not buying into it. Sounds like you drank the kool aid.

from <malereader@gmail.com> to WhyDid date Thu, Feb 4, 2010 at 3:18 PM subjectRe: INTERN NEEDED

I’m giving you business advice.

What cute young female reader of yours doesn’t want a sparkly clean hiney?

Alrighty, then.  Apparently, I had some Googling to do.  The funny thing is- the topic of “south of the border” grooming has been on all of our minds lately.  After getting the suggestion of looking into lifebooker.com, I had scheduled an appointment for a full Brazilian at Sothy’s because it was one of the “top booked” and it was conveniently located near my office. Um, I have to say it was a less than pleasant experience.  I should have figured as much seeing as the receptionist had a full on ’stache (mustache, folks).  This wasn’t going to go well.  Let’s pretend that the wax wasn’t scorching my skin off and that the woman wasn’t using strips (seriously, who still uses strips?).  I’m not a very hairy girl, so when I say “everything”, I’m dead serious.  The fact that I was laying pantless and fighting with the woman about stray hairs was humiliating enough.  Abort mission.  Again realizing that you get what you pay for, maybe dropping $100 a month to have Maya’s magical handiwork at Elizabeth Arden may very well be worth it.

Upon telling WhyInGayHell about this fiasco, he proceeded to ask me if people did a buttocks waxing and if this was something males should be participating in.  While I wasn’t readily able to answer the question, I assured him that living in New York, anything is possible. (Upon further research, apparently Face To Face in Chelsea does a little something called “the backdoor.”)

Moving right along… So this “anal bleaching…”  I really had never given it anything thought seeing as I thought it was just something porn stars did. I am all about cleanliness and grooming, but this seems a bit extreme to me.  Is this really something that people are doing? Normal people? Like your neighbor? Or that girl next to you at work? Yikes. So, basically what it is is a topical solution that can either be prescribed by a doctor or over the counter  applied to your nether regions to lighten the color and even out the skin tone in that area.  The same salon, Face to Face, is the only spa in the city currently offering this procedure, which is very popular in the gay community and apparently now young ladies of NYC. Below is a description of the treatment from Face to Face:

Anal Bleaching
This innovative treatment comes directly from our Hollywood friends and is for those of you with a ‘dark side’. We start by waxing the area with our rosemary based wax – great for sensitive areas – followed by an application of a fruit acid peel to lighten you up. Look hot and sexy from all angles!
30 minutes $100

Sounds like a blast. I’m still not convinced.  After asking a few gals their thoughts, only one valid point was brought up.  I understood why, perhaps, a gay gentleman may want a little clean up in the rear, but why the sudden interest from young straight girls?  Well, though we, as ladies, may not be aware,  when our male pals are behind us (not necessarily for the “rear entry” cause most of us are “exit only” types) they still get a view of our pretty little donuts.  Seems most men are more into strawberry frosted donuts rather than chocolate glazed. It may lead them to believe you have poor sanitary habits and that’s just foul.  So, my final verdict? Take a little gander at yourself and check out what’s going on back there.  Remember, hairy is scary and no one is down with that “brown.”

xx,

WhyDid

Warm is the New Black

BRRR It’s cold in here. There must be some Torros in the atmosphere.. Ok, for those of you that have no idea what I am talking about that was from a movie called ” Bring It On.”  A wonderfully cheesy cheerleading movie that I secretly LOVE.  

Anyways, for all my New Yorkers, I know you are all freezing off your tucasus like I have been and can relate to the BRRRR in the beginning of the cheer.  At least other people in other cities get to run from their front door to their car and have to fight the cold for 2.5 seconds. No, not us. We have to WALK through it and if we want to take a cab we have to WAIT in the cold for a cab to pick us up. It’s not fair. In fact, it should be illegal. 

Dear Mother Nature,

This weather is NOT attractive. Walking down the street looking like a stuffed marshmallow is not a look I am into. I also am not into my nose looking like Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. Why must you make it so cold? I can do the 30’s, but anything below that is just un fair. 

Sincerely,

A very cold VintageVixen

Well, since I don’t think I will be getting a response anytime soon, I guess we might as well fight this weather in style.  I have been surfing the net and there are some ADORABLE vintage jackets out there. I am staying away from black (like I said in my earlier post). I think a vintage jacket should be fun and NOT black. It’s your jacket you wear on your day off not an every day staple.

Vintage Chestnut Tweed Coat, $88

Mustard Quilted Coat, $38

Hot Pink and Red Knit Long Sweater, $48

Sheared Beaver Coat, $550

Cream and Navy Coat, $135

Stay warm, loves!

xx,

VintageVixen

Tough Love

What kind of lady would I be if I didn’t share important information with you? Not a very good one.

You may want to write this down. Valentine’s Day = Amateur Night.

People who don’t eat out all year long take this opportunity to bum rush the most expensive restaurant in Zagat still accepting reservations. Couple this with the fact that Vday falls on a Holiday weekend this year and we have a serious problem. It’s like a bad storm. My advice…stay indoors.

With that being said, I would like to shine light on one other issue surrounding the “Day of Love”. Flowers. If just the sight of classic red roses makes most women have a gag reflex, imagine how we feel when we receive them on Valentine’s Day?  They are soo unoriginal and to be completely honest, they look cheap. The only thing worse that I can think of is baby’s breath. Wait…I take that back – carnations are equally disturbing. I get it, red roses are easy and they do have an appropriate meaning but there are so many other flowers and colors that have beautiful meanings. Here are some of WhyDid’s favorites.
WHITE ROSES (My personal fave) – White roses represent innocence and purity.
PINK ROSES (WhyDon’tYouEatMe’s personal fave) – A symbol of grace and elegance. The pink rose is often given as an expression of admiration.
DAISY (WhyInGayHell’s fave) – Innocence and loyal love.
ORCHID (WhyDidYouWearThat’s personal fave) – Rare Beauty, refinement, beautiful woman, long life.

More on flowers and their meanings…. http://www.proflowers.com/flowerguide.aspx

Lady Malkin’s Tip of the Week: Cut flower stems on a diagonal under cold running water and place immediately in a water filled vase. Peel away to outer layer of petals from roses to make them last longer.

Hope your Valentine’s Day is lovely…

xx,
WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady

Why In Gay Hell Would You Pay For That?

WhyInGayHell’s first “vlog” (video blog).  He’s even more amazing live.

xx,

WhyDid

Me Nobu You Long Time

Let me begin by telling you a little bit about myself and my passion for food…

I was raised in the South and therefore, know about the beauty of truly wonderful barbeque, the brilliance of fried foods such as fried okra, fried green tomatoes, and most definitely fried chicken and chicken fried steak that almost make you want to scream aloud, “SCREW THIS WHOLE BEING THIN THING!”

Oh, but that was just the beginning. Once I moved to New York, I realized that I absolutely LOVED all things food. Given the choice between sex or food at an amazing restaurant I may very well choose food.  Ok, not really. Well, depends on the restaurant…

That leads me into my first restaurant. Nobu 57.  Another fun fact about me is that when I go to a restaurant I am going SOLELY for the food. I don’t care if it’s a “good scene” or if Leonardo Dicaprio will be at the table next to me.  Don’t get me wrong… I enjoy some good eye candy while I’m eating, but I prefer a good meal to a good view any day of the week. So, whenever I go to Nobu, I forego on reservations and just walk in and sit at the bar. At Nobu 57 you happen to get both good food and good eye candy at the bar because the bartenders are super cute. Not only are they cute, but they’re even helpful.  Here you can order from the full menu and have the bartender make you drinks based on your taste preferences.  I am now a huge fan of the Lychee Martini.  Who am I kidding? I’m a fan of just about all their drinks. Maybe I’m just a fan of all drinks? No…no…Just all THEIR drinks.

Now for the best part! The food! These are two items that I ALWAYS order: The yellowtail sashimi with jalapeno and the washu beef. Both literally melt in your mouth. This is one of those times where I would VERY likely choose food over sex. I also strongly recommend the fluke sashimi with dried red miso and yuzu sauce, the squid “pasta” with light garlic sauce, and the black cod with miso. 

If you’re looking for a good roll, then DEFINITELY go for the house roll – hands down the freshest fish I’ve ever had.  If you’ve ever had not so fresh fish, then we all know the definite importance of very fresh fish….in ALL aspects. You may or may not have to delve into your inner pervert to get that one.

The bad parts:

1. Running into someone you dated back in highschool that has multiple piercings in, errr, odd places. Seriously, how does that happen?!?

2.  Having people hover over you while you eat if it’s really crowded.

 3. Having to listen to some of the pretentious people’s conversations sitting next to you – you really just want to ask them to please stop and reevaluate their lives.

All in all WhyDon’tYouEatMe gives Nobu57 5 out of 5 Mouths because it rocks our world and will most definitely rock yours as well.

See you next Munchin’ Monday!

xx,

WhyDon’tYouEatMe

**WhyDon’tYouEatMe bases its mouth scale solely on food quality and taste ranging from one mouth (meaning you probably would have rather eaten road kill) to five mouths (meaning you saw God while eating this food).

Grammy’s Gone Wild

After getting love drunk with Lady Gaga and Elton John’s epic performance kicking of this year’s Grammy’s, the rest of the show just felt like a hangover.

I rarely do a red carpet wrap up for award shows because I usually find them so predictable and basically boring (and every other blog on the planet does them). However, there is something about the Grammy’s that brings all the crazies out- and I love every last second of it. This year was no different. There was good, bad, and most certainly ugly.  It’s just a matter of deciding where, oh where, I shall begin…

Oh, Katy Perry. You’re as good a place as any. I used to find you kind of adorable, and would at times chock your funny attire up to you being “quirky.”  But, due to your recent engagement to Russell Brand, I’m starting to think you’re just insane. What’s with that bindi on your forehead? Are you trying to blend into your heinous dress? That looks to me like one of those creepy stick on bath mats you use to prevent yourself from biting it while shaving in the shower. Ick.

Heidi Klum… don’t mind if I do. Hey Katy, wanna wear nude and sequins? This is how it’s done. This is the type of dress I pine over and wish I had in my closet for New Year’s and birthdays. She’s a golden goddess. Heidi, if you’d like me to take this dress off your hands (not like you can wear it again anyway), I will try and find some room for it in my closet…

No, you’re not hallucinating (like you were during the MJ tribute performance. Hey CBS, thanks for the head’s up that we’d need to bring along our 3D glasses to watch the show).  This is really Snooki from Jersey Shore. No, I don’t know how she managed to get in and Guiliana Rancic didn’t. Between her ski jacket, pink sunnies, and ginormous Coach bag, she’s sealed her fashion fate. Fail.

Fergie is looking delish in this cobalt blue mini. She and Snooks might be the same size, but she has made herself look long and lean by keeping it simple and sexy. I’m not 100% in love with that silver “snake” detail, but she still looks gorge.

Oh dear heavens! The Abominable Snowman is apparently up for a Grammy. Oh… wait, that’s Rihanna and apparently she’s had an issue with the TP in the bathroom. Rihanna is a beautiful girl, but this get up does absolutely nothing for her. A shorter hemline or a lower neckline would have balanced her out and made her look less like a snow ball and more like the belle of the ball.

Marisa Miller is white hot. It may not be the most creative or high fashion ensemble, but homegirl is aware of her assets and how to play them up. She kept it simple, chic, and sexy so we can focus on her gorgeous bod, hair, and face.

For once second, let’s pretend she’s NOT wearing a glitter wig. This dress… while it is interesting, it just isn’t fun or flattering. It’s flesh colored and skin tight. It could have possibly worked in a different hue and if she had piled her hair up on in a carefree updo. Not to mention that the particular shade of her “hair” and her dark brows really clash with this neutral dress.

Now this is how a neutral dress is done! Well played, Keri Hilson. It is incredibly well fitted and accentuates her curves in all the right places. She looks like a delicious dessert and I wanna take a bite!

Ciara, Ciara, Ciara… This hurts me because you were so charming in your red carpet interview with E!.  Why oh why do you insist on wearing creepy outfits like this?  It’s not flattering, it’s not attractive, and honestly, you’re not wearing pants. You said this was a “jumpsuit” but I’m going to call bullshit. I can see your thighs. Your skin and makeup was so beautiful, but I’m so distracted by your doily pants, that I can’t appreciate it.

Carrie Underwood is always a class act. She looks beautiful and elegant in this flowy white gown.  The only thing that irks me is her “mom” hairdo. You’re still young. Let your locks grow.  You can wear this do’ when you’re 40.

How sequins should not be done. I’m too exhausted by his jacket to even get into the faded ripped (probably True Religion) jeans that he’s wearing. I can’t.

How sequins should be done. This was an amazing shade for Taylor. It’s a great alternative to black and is gorgeous on her skin tone. The neck line is debatable and honestly, I would love it if Taylor would get some highlights. This is what my hair would look like if I decided to go ahead and quit getting it done. She needs to hightail it over to Ryan Darius for some sun kissed streaks and a “paddy cake” curl tutorial!

Oh, I’m sorry, Kesha, are you DRUNK? While delivering your lines this evening, I wondered if you were even speaking English. I’m going to assume you were also drunk when you got dressed. I get it. You’re “weird” and “off the wall.”  But honestly, if you’re going to be “zany,” go all out.

Speaking of off the wall, here is Lady Gaga giving it to us like she always does.  She never, ever disappoints and I wonder if she will ever run out of ideas for her crazy paparazzi ready outfits. We had a couple of ideas about this one- one being that she is, in fact, the universe (holding the star) and we are just living in it (her yellow hair being the sun).  The other is that she is Glenda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz. Thoughts?

Another one who never fails to disappoint? The one, the only, Britney Spears.  Does she share a stylist with Ciara? Cause she is also not wearing any pants.  At what point do you think she decided it would be a good idea to just wear her gurdle with a shear slip over top?

All in all, the Grammy’s were pretty entertaining. Like I said, it was good, bad, and oh-so ugly. We saw some amazing performances from Lady Gaga, Pink, Taylor Swift with Stevie Nicks. We also saw Jamie Fox act like an ass and Eminem appear from nowhere. Most importantly, we saw some really bad fashion that left us wondering, “Why did you wear that?”

xx,

WhyDid

xx,

WhyDid

Why Don’t You Act Like A Lady?

What can I say? I’m a lady. I don’t try to be. It just comes naturally to me- like basketball to Lebron. I know being a lady sounds pretty boring, but I promise I’m a lot of fun at parties!

Being a lady is not always easy. Thankfully, I received a great deal of guidance from two very special ladies: my grandmother, Rachel (the queen of all ladies) and of course, my mom, Shelly. Some people love fashion. Some love animals. I just happen to love everything domestic!

My passion in life (besides being a lady) is planning events. I had some amazing coaching in this department while working at the prestigious Waldorf Astoria Hotel here in NYC.  I now own my own event planning company, Eventive Designs, and also plan events for a celebration brand called Mermaids & Martinis. Thanks to the support of my smart, handsome husband, I am able to do what I love every single day!

Enough about me! I’m here help you with all things lady-like from planning your next soiree to which way the toilet paper should roll (OVER!! Never under). Just ask away!

Lady Malkin’s Tip of the Week: Roll old magazines and stick them in your boots to make them stand upright and keep their shape!

xx,

Lady

I Should Have Gone to Cornell…

Okay, so I probably wouldn’t have gotten in. Not even that “A” in history (thanks, Mr. Whitehead) would have gotten me in.  However, after stumbling upon this little gem today, I’m starting to think I should have studied harder.

Basically, the ladies of Pi Phi at Cornell have enforced a VERY strict dress code (six pages worth).  God, I love a good dress code.  On my 21st birthday, I enforced a skirt or dress only dress code (mind you, I went to WVU, my bday is in the middle of January, and it was 28 degrees). Granted the Pi Phi’s of WVU were not exactly cool (It was all about the Xi’s, Phi’s, and DG’s), but they are earning some credibility in my book after seeing this.

Some people are lashing out and getting angry about it, but honestly, homegirl’s got some good points. A few highlights (quoted directly from the list):

• NO: Leggings worn as pants.
• YES: “Denim legging” is appropriate as long as it is done right, aka, not from American Apparel and worn with chic, cool, chunky boots over them and a longer top. NO camel toe.
• NO: Shoes- tacky/cheapo/pleather. Don’t mess with me people.
• YES: shaved legs.
• NO: Dresses- sleeveless unless you have really good arms.
• NO: Dresses- satin. No one looks good in satin unless it’s from Betsey Johnson or Dolce and Gabbana, weigh less than 130 lbs, have three pairs of Spanx on, and it’s New Year’s Eve.
• YES: Shoes- booties if you can pull them off, aka, probably not.
• NO: Watches- Another thing I am weird about. Nothing that has indiglo or a timer on it is going to be present, so forget it. I will have the time and keep you informed. So unless your watch is a piece of jewelry you don’t need it. Put a bangle on instead.
• Additional notes on accessories: I’m also weird about accessories. I’m not saying you have to be wearing the Harry Winston wreath for me to like it, but I won’t tolerate any gross plastic shizz. Remember: less is more. I love things on wrists and I demand earrings if your ears are pierced. However, as usual, use common sense– If you are wearing a statement necklace, you can’t wear statement earrings. Keep things coordinated, simple, pretty, and fashionable. Remember, if you don’t know, ASK! That’s what I’m here for.
• MY FAVORITE: These are life lessons so read carefully. Face: Your skin is your base.  Your skin is your starting point– If your skin doesn’t look good, nothing else will. Always remember that. So unless you are Chloe Hall or Carolyn Franco, chances are you need to do something about your skin. I preferably like tinted moisturizer.
• YES: Blush- this is not optional.
• Eyes: This isn’t Johnny O’s, people. Glittery/Smoky eyes is not happening, people. It’s daytime, eyes shoule (be) defined and refined, less is more.
• NO: Hair- Weird accessories like plastic glittery butterflies. If you use a clip or bobby-pin, make is simple, pretty, and understated.
• Additional notes on Hair, Makeup, and Nails- Wear perfume. Wear deodorant. Get waxed, colored, cut, and groomed. Mani and pedi prior to Ithaca.

I mean, I don’t know about you, but I want to be friends with this girl. She actually knows what she’s talking about (a future WhyDid in the making?).  Seems to me that these guidelines were set for the upcoming rush activities, and speaking from personal experience, there are some girls who NEED things spelled out for them.  Can’t lie, I recall 40 plus of my sorority sisters (myself included) stripped down to our knickers getting professionally spray tanned before rush. If you want the best, you’ve got to be the best.  Now, to clarify, these are for a specific event.  If it’s Friday night, I’m putting on my “fuck me pumps” and showing cleavage.

xx,

WhyDid

P.S. Sorority girl responsible for this list- get in touch. We may have a guest spot open for you.