Up In the Air

I hope everyone has a nice base tan and a fruity cocktail because now it’s time to pack for your trip! Here are 10 tips to stress free packing. Why should you listen to me you ask? Oh – maybe because upon checking my bag on my last trip, I hit the 50.0lbs mark on the scale. Yes, 50.0 exactly. That, my friends, is good packing. Much to my disappointment, balloons did not fall from the sky and I did not receive a free upgrade to first class. Obviously the system is flawed, but that’s no reason to give up on the perfect pack job.

1. Lay out everything you’re going to bring on your trip before you start packing

2. Roll your clothes to allow more room in your suitcase and to prevent wrinkles. Roll more than one item together to create extra space

3. Get creative – stuff shoes with phone chargers, cords, socks, belts, etc.

4. Place your shoes on the bottom. Pair your shoes so that the heel of one aligns with the toe of another

5. Always place heavier items such as jeans on the top to help keep all other items in place

6. Never place breakable items in the outside pockets of your suitcase since your bag will be thrown around like a hot potato by airline employees

7. If you have rolling luggage, lay your liquid contents (in a ziplock bag) so that when you are pulling your bag, the bottles are sitting upright

8. Pack essentials like toothbrush, toothpaste, makeup, medication and documents in your carry-on bag. You never know where you could end up!

9. Leave some room – who knows what you may need to bring home with you…

10. Because each airline is different, please go online and check your airline’s bag policy. Thank you.

Bon voyage!

xx,

WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady

Why In Gay Hell Wouldn’t I Be Tan?

Sooo it’s “Beach Week” here at WhyDid and obviously you can’t go prancing around the pool looking pasty. So what’s a girl to do?  Get a tan, of course! I don’t mean go fry yourself under a heat lamp like a piece of fried chicken.  No one looks good with premature wrinkles and skin cancer.  I mean fake the funk with a fake tan.  To illustrate this, WhyDon’tYouEatMe, WhyDon’tYouWearThat, and I set off on a spray tan adventure which we’ll share with you below. Sit back, switch your heat lamp off and enjoy.

Sooo what was the outcome? Well, we’re all tan. We all have some degree of “tan palms.” The Fusion Glow tan of WhyDon’tYouEatMe was the most subtle and just gave a slightly sunkissed glow. A Tan For All Seasons gave WhyDon’tYouWearThat a bronze tan that looks like she spent a few days at the beach. It actually came out very brown as opposed to orange like a tangerine. And as for me? I am not nearly as tan as I was hoping to be. If you are only looking to be somewhat tan, Tan Towel is a good option, but not if you want to look like you spent a week baking in Jamaica. All in all, we all look beach ready. Remember, people, a fake tan is not a real base tan and you should ALWAYS use some type of sunscreen when basking in the UV rays. I mean, Why In Gay Hell would you want to look like a lobster when you can look like a Greek god?

xx,

WhyInGayHell

(*WhyDon’tYouEatMe’s bikini by American Apparel, WhyDidYouWearThat’s bikini by Vitamin A)

Life’s a Beach

We’ve gone and done it again, folks. We love a good theme over here at WhyDid and this week’s theme is in honor of the imminent warm weather that we’re all anxiously awaiting. It’s officially “Beach Week” and to get us started off on the right foot, I’m going to tell you about some of Manhattan’s best places to grab drinks where you’ll feel as if you’re actually at the beach (or at least out of the city).

Warning: Don’t get too excited and venture to these places with pale bare legs a blazin’. WhyDidYouWearThat will give the go ahead when it’s time to trade in your skinnies for minis!

For a tropical escape in liquid form, I recommend the following places:

1. The Rusty Knot: If you’re not able to look out over the ocean, you might as well look out over the Hudson, no? Well, we’ll take what we can get here in Manhattan and the Rusty Knot offers a simple escape with a rustic “nautical” theme and tasty tiki drinks (including Mai Tais and Dark and Stormy’s). Ahoy!

2. South Street Seaport: Who doesn’t like walking along the beach with a frosty drink in hand? I know I do, but there sure aren’t many places you can do so in Manhattan. South Street Seaport is an exception to the rule (we love breaking rules!). Here you can buy a drink and meander through the boardwalk and gaze at the ships without having to worry about those pesky cops stopping you. If you can get past all the tourists (or can simply ignore them) then you’re bound to enjoy yourself.

3. Sushi Samba 7: With drinks like the Nina Fresa and Fico Freso doubled with outdoor space giving a cabana-like feel, you’ve got yourself a mini vacay right here in NYC. Just do yourself a favor and don’t go on the weekends because you’ll have to fight the B&T for a spot at the bar.

4. P.J. Clarke’s on the Hudson: Some are not aware of the sister to the Midtown P.J.’s and they are missing out. Same great food, but much better atmosphere. Located on the Hudson between Tribeca and FiDi, you can watch the boats and the cute banker boys while sipping on a cocktail. (*Bonus- the outdoor seating is totally dog friendly).

5. Have your own rooftop pool party: If you won’t be making it up to the roof at Soho House when it reopens this spring, have no fear. Throw the most exclusive rooftop party in the city- your own! 1. Buy baby pool 2. Find a friend with a nice rooftop 3. Buy cooler, beer, and mixes for margaritas and strawberry daiquiris (or try some of WhyDid’s favorite summer beverages) and voila! You’ve found yourself miles away from Manhattan all the while still being right in the thick of it.

Now, excuse me while I go and buy myself a nice tropical drink with umbrella and pray for warmer weather to come.

See you next Munchin’ Monday!

xx,

WhyDon’tYouEatMe

The Money Shot…

Typically I find the big award shows to be one big snooze fest. It seems like a lot of people wearing the gowns they weren’t able to wear at their senior proms. However, this year I was pleasantly surprised. Despite the fact that I spent my morning doing the oh-so rigorous Intensanti with WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady, I didn’t fall asleep (let alone yawn) during the red carpet pre-show. Below are some of the good, bad, and just plain ol’ ugly.

The Good:

Speaking of pleasantly surprised, Meryl Streep looked stunning in Chris March (Project Runway). She is a great example for the older actresses everywhere (take note: she covered her ARMS!!). An absolute perfect choice.

Sandra Bullock has really never looked better. Her hair and makeup make her look totally feminine and this dress by Marchesa is truly a departure for her. Obviously Oscar worthy.

Some may disagree with me, but she’s SARAH JESSICA PARKER for crying out loud! Would you really expect her to wear some run of the mill satin gown? Abso not! The pale yellow of her Chanel gown is beautiful on her and I love, love, loved her gigantic hairdo. Matt, you’re not looking too bad either.

Despite the fact that Miley is slouching as if she’s got osteoporosis at age 17, I thought this was a wonderful choice for her (Jenny Packham). It’s a little more grown up, while still maintaining a youthfulness about it. Well played, Hannah Montana.

At first, I wasn’t a believer. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for Rachel McAdams. She’s a gorgeous girl. This dress absolutely grew on me like fungus and it is so different from the typical tulle and taffeta. Bravo, Elie Saab!

Not a huge Cameron Diaz fan, but I am a fan of her in this Bulgari creation. She looks absolutely delightful.

Elizabeth Banks looks amazing in this grey number by Atelier Versace. My only call out? That cheeseball headband. Just too much.

I don’t usually find the men’s outfits all that enthralling, but I do love that Robert Downey Jr. decided to be playful with his accessories. Sometimes it gets so boring with everyone in the standard black and white.

The Bad:

I’m 50% sure that Tina Fey is, in fact, wearing a Bump It. Yes, a Bump It a la Snookie on the Jersey Shore. This Michael Kors dress would have been okay on her, if she had just styled the rest of herself correctly.

This dress by Reem Acra isn’t HORRIFIC, but it does remind me of something my grandma would wear by the pool in Palm Beach. To “top” it off, her hair looks like she was getting in a last minute pre-Oscar workout and didn’t have time to wash it, let alone, dry shampoo.

I have a serious girl crush on Amanda Seyfried, but I do NOT have a girl crush on her Armani Prive. It is not a flattering color for Amanda and it is just too much dress for her. Better luck next time.

I think someone summed it up best when they said, “George Clooney looks like a lesbian.”  I mean, I have to agree. What is going on? And what is going on with Elisabetta’s shawl? Are we really at Junior Prom?

The Ugly:

First of all, WHY ARE YOU HERE??? That being said, your Armani Prive frock is a fashion fail. It looked like cotton candy gone wrong (as if that’s even possible). For a curvy girl, you should know better than to draw more attention to your hips than you need to.

Maggie, Maggie, Maggie. Really? Were you on your way to a luau and lost your way? Your Dries Van Noten looks like a Hawaiian shirt gone all kinds of wrong. Mahalo.

Oh, did you forget you silverware? No worries, Carey’s got you covered in her Prada gown encrusted with all different types of hardware. Dig in.

Diane Kruger is typically a fashion dream come true, but she’s kind of my worst nightmare in this dress by Chanel.

Yike, yikes, yikes! Zoe Saldana is fashion schizophrenia in her Givenchy gown. The top is actually kind of beautiful. Unfortunately, the red carpet isn’t shot from the waist up. The bottom looks like a cross between a purple poodle and a garden of hydrangeas.

Okay, seriously? Do I even need to go into a diatribe about the nipple covers on Charlize’s Dior gown?

And the Ridic:

I mean, this is all I’m going to say (quote), “If fashion was porn, this dress would be the money shot.” Um, thanks for the… err… visual, Gabourey.

All we really wanna know is where was Lindsay Lohan?  Now back to the beach.

xx,

WhyDid

Breaking You Off

Oh… it’s that time of year again. What time you ask? Time to break out the bikinis, dust off your beer bong, and apply the sunblock. It’s Spring Break time.

It’s the one week of the year that youngsters are given a hall pass to act like complete and utter dbags with basically no repercussions. Just because you’ve earned your bachelor’s doesn’t mean that you can’t fake the fun. We haven’t forgotten about you.

This week on WhyDid, we will teach you everything you need to know from how to pack efficiently, to how to apply the perfect spray tan, to how not to look like a jerk in your swimsuit. All you need to do is stay tuned and crack open a cold one.

xx,

WhyDid

LOL :-)

Well, I’m sure you remember when I explained to you that a wink face basically ruined my life. While perusing iTunes to update my collection (because, yes, I do take iTune’s suggestions), I stumbled upon this little musical masterpiece (I REALLY wish this was a joke):

Guess we ALL know what wink faces and emoticons insinuate. I suppose this doesn’t really fall under my typical wadrobe WhyDid’s, so let’s just file this under WhyDidYouProduceThat?? It seems you could write a song about cookie dough and egg nog and make a hit (I have both in case you  need either).

xx,

WhyDid

Hey Girls…

Let’s not get overzealous. While gallivanting last evening, I was startled to see SO MANY young ladies parading their naked legs around town.  I get it, we finally hit above 40 degrees yesterday, but that is no reason to get ahead of ourselves. It’s still freaking cold out.

I’m not quite ready to see your pasty stems. Just because it’s March and we saw a few hours of sun, does NOT mean that it’s time to break out the bare legs and open toed sandals. You haven’t even prepared yet! Before the legs come out (which is right around the corner), you must hit the gym and de-pasty yourself.  The first girl I saw I thought was a fluke. However, I continued to see bare legs left and right. Casper was hittin da club scene. I mean, I can’t. It was actually startling. Like smack me in my face startling.

Let’s hold off, my friends. It’s not time yet. I will send out the smoke signal when it is.  In the meantime, keep your pants on, ladies!

xx,

WhyDid

Behind Every Fabulous Woman is an Even More Fabulous Gay Man

It has been hypothesized that if Britney had had at least one gay in her life, the meltdown of  ‘08 may have been avoided.  I tend to agree with this.  In my opinion, every great girl has got to have a great gay somewhere in her life.

Ever heard of Lady Gaga?  Oh, you have? Well, guess what.  She has a little something called the Haus of Gaga and it consists of a team of her best friends who are also responsible for all of her amazing/ridiculous outfits. Who wants to wager on their sexual orientation? Just saying…

Gawker did a little number on the gay/straight relationship and while there are some valid points, I don’t completely agree with it. Sounds like it was written by a bitchy queen who doesn’t value real friendship. I have been blessed to have one of the greatest gays I’ve ever met be a part of my life. He likes my boy drama and is always down for a little shopping trip- but that’s because he’s actually my friend. I listen to his boy drama too- and if he’s looking for a sequin blazer, I’m right by his side. But alas, they’re right about not trying to set up your gay. I wouldn’t even know where to begin (top? bottom?) and we often bicker about why each other’s prospective love interests SUCK.

That being said, there’s a plethora of reasons why girls need gays:

• They will tell you if you look fat. I’ve always said that when it’s time to shop for wedding dresses, I’m bringing a gay man. They have nothing to gain/lose by telling you the truth. Once, while getting ready for a big event, my gay bff informed me that he, in fact, hated what I was about to walk out the door in. This caused an emergency wardrobe change. My clothes have never come off faster!
• Speaking of changing, feel free to prance around in your pantaloons. He doesn’t care. When slipping out of my dress, we started hysterically laughing about his incredibly close proximity to my nipple.
• Sleepovers!! It’s nice to have a man around the house. Especially one whose socks you don’t have to pick up. How nice is it to have some testosterone without having to worry about a knock at your “back door” in the morning?
• Considering most gay men pride themselves on being well groomed, well, dressed, and all around good looking, they make for great arm candy. Don’t have a date to your upcoming function? Bring your gay bff. They look great in the photos and they’re probably a lot more fun on the dance floor than whatever suit you were planning on bringing.

Now, they aren’t like a handbag. A gay man is not an accessory and shouldn’t be treated as such.  Make sure you friendship is just that… a real relationship with someone who you care about. Basically, a gay man is the perfect hybrid between your best girlfriend and a boyfriend minus all the drama. I really can’t think of anything better. (Though the maltese/poodle hybrid is up there).

So what am I trying to say? Basically, Brit Brit wouldn’t have lost her shit shit if she’d had a gay compadre to reel her crazy ass in.

xx,

WhyDid

The Golden Years

So, part of my job as an event planner is to put out hypothetical “fires” when and if they arise. When I overheard two gentleman at one of my events last night discussing taking the floral arrangements home to their wives, I knew I had to step in. So, after I explained that NOTHING good can come out of bringing your wife or girlfriend secondhand flowers, the conversation took a turn toward gift town. We started talking anniversary and these lovely gentleman didn’t know that there are traditional themes to inspire a gift for each year you’re married.

Here are the main years you need to know:

• 1st – Paper – I’m going with plane tickets to a fab vacation.
• 2nd – Cotton – Pratesi linens for the bedroom.
• 3rd – Leather – I believe a handbag is leather, no?
• 4th – Silk – gorge nightgown or beautiful silk robe with her monogram
• 5th – Wood -  Yikes! Perhaps a ski trip in a “rustic” resort? By rustic I mean 5 star…
• 10th – Tin or Aluminum – maybe a new car?!
• 15th – Crystal
• 20th – China – yes…a trip to China counts.
• 25th – Silver
• 30th – Pearls
• 35th – Coral – might I suggest snorkeling someplace amazing?
• 40th – Ruby
• 45th – Sapphire
• 50th - Gold
• 55th – Emerald
• 60th+ – DIAMOND

Ladies – send this link to your man immediately!! If sending a print screen of a Tiffany’s add with my engagement ring to my bf didn’t work wonders…I wouldn’t be here today!

Lady Malkin’s Tip of the Week: Ladies, there’s nothing wrong with being explicit. Tell your mate exactly what it is that you’d like. Gentlemen, listen to your lady. She’s probably dropping hints left and right!

xx,

WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady

A Word to the Wise…

After feeling officially old by having to help (an even older) friend celebrate his birthday at a NIGHTCLUB last night, I realized that I could be helpful to some of you young ladies.  I’m still in my 20’s but a few years can make all the difference. Here are some things I wish I’d known as a fresh face in the big city.

1. I mean, first and foremost, don’t date a DJ. (This also includes club promoter, club owner, or any other kind of “nightlife” type).  You’re just asking for trouble. They have opposite schedules from you (unless you’re a cocktail waitress or bartender). They are constantly surrounded by “temptation.” 9 times out of 10, you’re going to get burned and I don’t mean from a bottle sparkler (though that’s possible too).
2. Don’t show up where you know your ex is to try and “show him what he’s missing.” There’s a reason he’s your ex. He isn’t “missing” anything- most certainly not you. Go home. Save face.
3. If you insist on parading around in front of your ex, don’t over-slut it. There’s a fine line between sexy and stripper. Don’t cross it.
4. Put on a bra for heaven’s sake. You’re 20. Your boobs should still be perky. This is why I’m an advocate for either fake boobs, or flat chests. They don’t sag. (I told you I’m very black and white).
5. Alcohol not only makes you fat, it also ages your skin. While going out every single night sounds like a good idea in theory, you’ll thank me later when you’re still getting carded at halfway to 30.
6. Going along with #5, let people wonder where you are. Remember when Paris Hilton was on EVERY SINGLE red carpet? She was like a cockroach who just wouldn’t die. Don’t be a cockroach. Stay home. Read a book. People will be more excited when you DO decide to show up.
7. You aren’t going to meet your future husband at a nightclub.  If you think you are, you’re going to wake up at 30 and wonder where all the nice guys are. They’re home. Being a functioning member of society. Not at a nightclub on a Tuesday. Promise. Hell, I pinky swear.
8. Less is more. How many different ways can I tell you this? Don’t spend 8 hours perfecting your outfit. Everyone’s drunk anyway. Between that and the strobe lights, no one will be able to tell you what you wore last night. Besides, do you really want to ruin your new Herve by being doused with cranberry and vodka? (B tee dubs, stick with soda as a mixer. Fewer calories and doesn’t stain).
9. Please don’t be “that girl.” We all like to have fun, but don’t be the one with the lampshade on her head. You want to cherish these fun moments in life, but that’s kind of hard when you’re black out drunk.
10. Nothing good ever happens after 2am. Go home.

You’re young. Have fun, but heed my advice. Just think of me like your big sister- just here to help. I wish I’d had some words of wisdom from someone (slightly) older and (much) wiser. Moisturize, drink plenty of water, take 2 Advil and call me in the morning.

xx,

WhyDid

Oh- P dot S… white guys- Don’t dance. Just don’t.