Why Did You Date Him: Deciphering the First Date

By |December 10th, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?, WhyDid Wisdom|

The holidays are a great time to couple up with someone new. With all the parties and the cold weather, why wouldn’t you want someone to share it with and snuggle up to? Be wary though… it’s about quality not quantity. You can size up most guys by the type of first date they take you on. While some guys are looking for that special someone, others are simply looking for a little bit of booty (by that I mean alotta bit). Here’s a breakdown to help you break it down:

  • Coffee Date: This is a joke. I, myself, have never gone on a coffee date. Probably because if someone asked me on such a ridiculous date, I would immediately block his number. Someone who asks you on a coffee date is one of three things: cheap, a cheating boyfriend/husband, just not that into you.

  • Meet for Drinks: In New York, this is a pretty common date. Probably because the city is full of a bunch of alcoholics looking for the BBD (Bigger Better Deal). This one can mean a few different things- He’s looking to get laid and plying you with alcohol is just the ticket. He’s meeting his girlfriend/wife for dinner. He’s not sure if he likes you yet and this is your interview. If he does, you may get the dinner invite after a couple glasses of pinot.

  • Dinner and a Movie: This is just boring and he’ll probably be bad in bed. (*Note: this only applies to the FIRST date).

  • “Group Date”: This is red alert, mayday, SOS shit. There is a much larger issue at hand if your date needs to have his posse with him. This isn’t an episode of The Bachelor and you’re not Vince from Entourage.

  • “Meet me Out”: This is not a date. Getting hammered on promoter’s vodka and grinding to Usher does not a date make. Period.

  • Romantic Dinner for Two: I don’t mean a stop at In N Out Burger. I mean pulling out all the stops- flowers, romance, picking you up, opening doors, chivalry. If he can commit to a quiet dinner, he can probably commit to a lot more.

  • Something Physical (and I don’t mean in between the sheets): Doing something physical and new is a great way for a new couple to bond. There is a reason they have people skydiving and tight rope walking on all those crazy dating shows. A guy who puts some thought into a date is worth keeping around for a second date.

Hopefully this will help you navigate the single’s scene. Dating is not easy- this I know. Another thing to keep in mind: Under no circumstance should a guy ask you out over text message, Twitter, or Facebook. If he can’t pick up the phone, I can’t be bothered. Happy hunting!



Why Did You Date Him: If You Have to Ask…

By |December 8th, 2010|Why Did or Why Don't?, Why Did You Date Him?|

I should be shot for admitting this… but the other day I was watching Married to Rock on E! (I know) and one of the women on the show- I believe her name is AJ- decided that it was time to take matters into her own hands.  She is the only one on the show who is not officially “married” to rock.  Apparently feeling left out, she hits the jeweler and picks out a rock for herself and starts to plan a grand proposal to her rocker love.

Um, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news… but if you have to ask… you probably already know the answer.  There is no reason that you should need to go out and buy your own ring (not to mention his) and essentially propose to yourself. If  a man wants to marry you, he will.

By putting your man on the spot, you may end up with an unwanted outcome.  We all know, most men would probably rather remove their own penises before having to tell you the awful truth.  So, while he may say “yes” out of sheer horror, I fear that you may be in for your very own frightfest down the road when he realizes he doesn’t want to go through with it.

There are some gender roles that don’t need to be reversed. Just sayin…

So, would you propose to your man?



Why Did You Date Him: Deal or No Deal?

By |November 19th, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?, WhyDid Wisdom|

Recently, a male friend was filling me in on the details of his current romantic situation and he mentioned that his lady love had dished up an ultimatum. Yikes! All had been going well- or so he thought- until she let him know that it was her way or the highway.

While he was a bit caught off guard by what she’d said, I knew precisely what she was up to. Women often like to throw out a good ol’ fashion ultimatum in hopes that it will scare the pants off her man and secure her role in the relationship.

I mean, I don’t want to play Captain Obvious here, but your dating life is not a gameshow, ladies.  Trying to pull trickery on your man isn’t going to get you any closer to the Showcase Showdown and I can pretty much guarantee it’s not going to land you a briefcase full of a million dollars

I have a bit of a flair for the dramatic, so, I, too am guilty of pulling this little move.  My mom warned me once to make very certain I MEANT what I was saying before saying it.  There’s no point to an empty threat. There’s a reason I had moving boxes stacked in my old apartment three months before actually moving out.

When giving an ultimatum, there are several possible outcomes. So, go ahead and brace yourself for one of the following:

  • Your mate will call your bluff.  This is when you better be ready to pony up and face the consequences of your words.
  • Your mate will no longer take you seriously. Ever hear of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? Overuse empty threats too often and eventually you will not be taken seriously. Your words are now watered down and have zero credibility.
  • It will work. Temporarily. When you have to “force” someone to do something it isn’t natural and will eventually implode . Yeah, sure, you got him to stay a few months longer because you threatened to kill yourself if he left, but really? He probably now a) thinks you’re bat shit crazy, and b) is plotting his exit strategy every time he looks at your crazy ass.

If you think threatening a man is going to get him to do what you want, you’re sorely mistaken. The fastest way to get a man to run for the hills is by trying to paint him into a corner. Feel free to go ahead and spin the wheel of love, but I can’t promise it won’t land on “bankrupt.”



Love Don’t Cost a Thing

By |November 17th, 2010|Gift Guide, Why Did You Date Him?, WhyDid Wisdom|

Speaking of engagements

Love is a beautiful thing, but man, is it expensive!   A lot of guys say that they aren’t able to “pull the trigger” because they can’t afford the ring.I want to go ahead and call bullshit… except, of course, if the girl has an expected ring in mind. (One of the three carat caliber). When girls set crazy parameters on the type of ring they’re hoping for, they’re really just shooting themselves in the foot. That puts a huge amount of pressure on a guy and also probably makes him wonder whether you love him or his checkbook. If you want to get a great diamond ring go to Iturralde Diamonds.

If you really want to be with someone for the rest of your life, a ring should never be the thing to hold you back, nor should it be the only reason you want to marry someone. When a man really wants to be with you, he will find a way to put a ring on it in whatever way he is capable of, and he would get himself at JewelersTradeShop.com and ensure that she gets nothing but the best- and you should be flattered by whatever it is that he pledges his love to you with. He should be able to propose to you with a Ring Pop and you’d say, “YES!”.  Our society has started to focus on merely the carat size rather than the commitment level and that probably has a lot to do with the over 50% divorce rate.  I’d pick a guy with a pure heart over a stone with perfect clarity.

With that being said, why not pick out a beautiful ring that is as affordable as it is unique?  Here are several modern options (all under $2,500!):

3/4 Carat Garland Diamond Ring, $2,300

1 Carat Solitaire Princess Diamond Engagement Ring, $1,999.99
Tiffany Garden Flower Ring, $1,500

2 1/5 Carat Sapphire and Diamond Engagement Ring, $899
Cartier Entrelaces Pink Gold Ring, $850

3 3/4 Carat Black and White Diamond Ring, $708.99

1/2 Carat Black and White Diamond Engagement Ring, $595

1/4 Carat Diamond Antique Replica Ring, $274.99

After all, are you marrying the man or the ring?



You Make Me Wanna Snoop

By |September 2nd, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?|


In reference to last week’s post about the woman who had never seen her boyfriend’s house, I wanted to re-visit the topic of snooping. To me, it is baffling that this woman would not have done a little legwork to try and discover what the heck this guy was hiding. When I start dating someone, I already know what his favorite pastimes are, his mother’s maiden name, and, of course, what his ex looks like. Needless to say, I don’t really like surprises.

Most of you assumed that the gentleman in question was obviously living with his wife or girlfriend. I tend to agree. This leads me to one of two conclusions: either he’s a really good liar, or she is just really effing stupid.

Since I have a hard time believing that anyone is that great of a liar, I wonder if this woman is missing the “woman’s intuition” gene. As women, we generally know when something in the milk ain’t clean. Why, oh why did her antennae not go up? I would be a liar to say that I have not done some hardcore PI work in my day. I am so good at digging up dirt, that sometimes, my friends have asked for my assistance and have suggested that, perhaps, I missed my calling.

Even the trickiest of the tricky could not dupe me (I’m talking to you, Mr. I Saved My Mistress as My Brother in my Phone). While, I like to know what’s going on, some have argued that snooping is the equivalent of opening Pandora’s box. What happens when you scroll through your man’s phone and don’t find anything… this time? Now you’ve started a habit and trust me, it’s not an easy one to break. My only defense for snooping is that when you feel like something’s up, you’re probably right. My instincts have never steered me wrong. If you need the proof, then you may have to snoop- just be ready for what you might find.

After being in a healthy relationship, I have not felt the need to snoop or check texts or emails, which further validates my “woman’s intuition” theory. Sometimes, I think people who don’t look are scared of what they might find and are really just turning their heads. What do you think?

In most cases, when the urge to snoop comes about… it’s probably time to re-evaluate the relationship. Whether you find something or not, you’re on a one way track to an unhealthy relationship. Run for your life!