Why Did You Date Him: One Bad Apple Don’t Spoil the Whole Bunch, Girl.

By |July 28th, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?|


You know when you bite into an apple and it’s mealy? You chuck it across the room, nearly vom, and swear off the fruit forever. That’s letting one bad apple spoil the whole bunch and sometimes we do the very same thing with our relationships. We get burned one time and then swear off the entire species.

I have been there, my friends. With my last doozy of a relationship, I swore I was going to join the nunnery (my dad was pleased with this idea) and never ever date again. For a while, I actually did just that. I may as well have carried around a can of Man Raid. I was repelling men left and right because I wanted nothing to do with them. Some people suggest that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else (maybe not literally, but you get what I’m saying). I think that’s basically the worst advice in the world. It’s merely a Band-Aid and a temporary fix. It’s like trying to hot glue a hole in the Hoover Dam. Only a matter of time before that baby bursts and it all starts flooding.

That being said, it’s fine to take some time off of the dating scene for a while to heal, but there is no reason to be a complete and utter psychopath to some possibly wonderful men. I was so effed up from my break up that I blew of some great guys (and threw some crazy temper tantrums due to my trust issues).  Just because I found a worm in my last apple, doesn’t mean that every apple there after is going to suck.

You just have to take a blind leap of faith and take another bite. An apple a day…



Why Did You Date Him: You Don’t Always Get What You Want…

By |July 23rd, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?|

Girl Writing

Once upon a time a friend told me that I should go ahead and write down everything I wanted in a mate. Every single last little detail down to his hair color, shoe size, and favorite ice cream. She explained that by doing so, I would be putting it out there in “the universe.” She was on some kind of The Secret kick, but having gone through several traumatic third dates, I figured, “What the hell? Why not?”

So, I got to work writing down little things like his height, his goals, his age, his hobbies, the size of his… brain. Anything I could think of that mattered to me, I scribbled down on that piece of paper. It was like being five again and writing down your Christmas list for Santa. Now all I needed to do was sit back and wait for this so called “universe” to go ahead and deliver Prince Charming like a Barbie Dreamhouse.

At times I got a little impatient, but one fine day, my wish was finally granted, and I was presented with a gentleman (let’s use the term lightly, kids) who seemed to really fit my bill. He was basically all the things that I had hoped for on my little perfect mate wishlist despite the fact that he showed up for our first date wearing True Religion jeans (yes, I did specify that he would not own a pair of True Religions and in hindsight, this should have been my first clue). Needless to say, things did not quite pan out as planned and before long, I was cursing that damn list.

How on earth was it possible that after getting everything I’d wished for I was eventually left back at square one with absolutely nothing? Well, I’ll tell you how. Let’s go ahead and pretend that it isn’t totally ridiculous to think that writing a wishlist will get you everything you want (Uh- how many times did Santa forget that Easy Bake Oven?). The real problem? I seem to have left off a few key factors like “honest” and “loyal” and a few other core values that would have proven to be helpful. I was so fixated on superficial things that I thought I wanted that I forgot to focus on the things that matter in the long run.

Boy oh boy, if I could track down this list I’d first, die of second hand embarrassment for myself and then burn it. Better yet, I would keep it as a reminder to be careful what you wish for.

You may not get what you want, but if you’re very, very lucky, you’ll get what you need.



Five Things To Do Online Rather Than Stalk Your Ex

By |July 21st, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?|


We all know that the internet is ruining our dating lives but are you spending your valuable time worrying about others’ web presence? I’ve spent my fair share of time internet stalking via Facebook and Twitter and good old fashion Google… but there’s only so many searches you can do online before you’ve become bored and run out of background checks to run. Below are some more useful ways to waste your time online.

  1. Look up something you didn’t know. Knowledge is power, my friends. I Google just about everything. I hate not knowing the answer to things and who doesn’t like to always win an argument? Nobody. Don’t try and argue with me.
  2. Read the news. Novel idea, I know, but some people are only up to date as to whether Jennifer Anniston is actually pregnant or not. Why not become worldly and have something more interesting than Jessica Alba’s new bob to talk about at dinner?
  3. Find out about your ancestry. I mean, this seems like a no brainer to me. Who doesn’t wanna find out that they’re actually related to the royal family of Paraguay?
  4. Shop. Another no brainer. I’m starting to think I may need to put “online shopping” as a “skill” on my resume. I really have a knack for it, but this is a skill that should be honed and can only be done so with hours of practice. Don’t have you size in store? Not a problem, pal. Just find it online and use the best coupon codes from websites like Raise while you’re at it.
  5. Manage your finances. I guess this is a pretty funny thing to mention after encouraging you to shop online, but having a handle on what you are spending is very important. You never want to be worried that your card will be declined when trying to purchase those new Louboutins, so getting your bills and banking set up online is key to keeping yourself in check.

So put down the mouse and stop worrying about what Tommy did last weekend. (Yes, we know you’re totes hotter than his new gf, but who cares?).



Why Did You Date Him: … Just Right!

By |July 7th, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?|


Not so long ago I wrote about not being able to have it all in regards to footwear, but I’m starting to wonder if this also carries over into your love life. Since my last serious relationship I have dated a bit here and there but have not been able to find someone who I would even consider being totally committed to. I’ve met some really great and interesting men, but in each case, they seemed to be missing something.

This became blatantly clear to me recently when I was seeing a few guys at once (that’s right, fellas, ladies can juggle too). Each of the gentlemen that I was seeing possessed something that interested me, but lacked in other areas. Suddenly I felt like Goldilocks and the three dudes.

The first guy was incredibly good looking (like so good looking my friends gasped when they saw his photos), sweet, and funny. On paper and in theory, he is most certainly someone I should have wanted to nest with. I trusted him, he was respectful of me, and most importantly, wanted to settle down- with me.  So what was the problem?  I did not ever feel the urge to snuggle up next to him let alone rip his clothes off.  Bizarre, right? How in the world was I going to have a long term relationship with someone who I did not feel physically connected to? Sexy times seem to dwindle as time goes on, so where would this leave us six months from now when we were starting at zero? Negative 400? Too cold.

With guy number two I suffered the exact opposite problem.  I didn’t want to do anything but rip his clothes off.  He lived about 2700 miles away on the other side of the country, so when I actually got to see him it was on. However, when he would start talking to me, all I wanted him to do was shut up and leave. As sexy as our sexy times were and as physically attracted to him as I was, there is a lot more that goes into a relationship than a good ol’ fashion pants of dance off. Bad things happen in life and I need a partner, not a plaything. Too hot.

And my last little fellow, was something extra special.  He had something that neither of the first two had.  He got inside my head (which is no easy feat, my friends).  I actually never even realized what was happening because our relationship did not start in a “dating” scenario. We spent a lot of time talking and getting to know one another without much (read: any) physical interaction. He understood me and my twisted sense of humor and there was not a day that passed where he didn’t make me cry with laughter. The only thing that held me back was that he was not what I had pictured when my Cinderella fairytale played out in my head. Somehow that didn’t seem to matter. The connection I had with him mentally was much stronger than any of the physical connections from my past. Just right.

So what’s a girl to do? In a perfect world, I would be able to combine all three into the perfect specimen. Unfortunately, this is no perfect world and I don’t get to write my own script. And really? Is there such a thing as a “perfect man?” Probably not. So which is the most important? Looks? Chemistry? Connection? Can the physical connection grow as the mental connection increases? Is giving up one of the three settling or being savvy? Would waiting out for the trifecta be selfish or smart? Can a girl really have it all?

Sigh. Looks like I’ll be testing out more porridge til I have the answer.



Why Did You Date Him: Cat Scratch Fever

By |June 16th, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?|


For years women have endured the cat calls, whistles, and obnoxious shout outs from men on the street. It’s so common in NYC, that I actually no longer even hear it. When people are in from out of town they are appalled by the suggestive, aggressive, and offensive commentary.

Well, the other night, we decided to flip the script. We started treating men like the pieces of meat they’ve been treating us as from the moment we started wearing training bras. Surprisingly, our method was incredibly effective. We had a 95% return on our obnoxious commentary, which is sort of disturbing. It seems that men actually found it incredibly amusing… even (gasp) charming when we hurled lusty dialogue in their direction. Perhaps men appreciated the ladies doing the “work” for once, though I’d hardly consider telling someone to “take their top off” work.

Don’t believe me? Oh, well, don’t you worry… we documented it (obvsies):

And there you have it, my friends. Apparently, that’s all it takes.

Nice ass!