Love is in the Air… Is That What Smells?

As WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady has already mentioned, Valentine’s Day is amateur night. However, you will most likely be forced into participating in some way, shape, or form. So you may as well get that shopping out of the way and come up with something creative to make the whole production less painful for yourself and respective parties.  I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again: interesting gifts for your flavor of the week…

For Him:

Ladies, let’s be serious, he doesn’t care if you get him a new pair of cufflinks or a cuddly teddy bear. He paid for dinner and would now like some sweet affection for dessert. You’re getting off easy as far as I’m concerned (no pun intended).

One of my favorite things in the world is pretty lingerie.  You are already aware of my affinity for costumes and that doesn’t stop in the bedroom.  Men are visual creatures, so give him something to stare at (before he tears you to pieces).

Carol Malony Polka Party Panty, $52

That’s a present he’ll enjoy unwrapping. (Please disregard the model’s Lee Press-on’s and bizarre belly button. Ick.)

Not at the “pants off dance off” stage? Why don’t you really send him for a loop by picking up the check at dinner? A sexy way to do so is slip your waiter/waitress your card while on your way to the bathroom.

C’mon, girls, please cut it out with the collages, love notes, and stage 5 clinger type presents. They are totally lost on guys. The only thing you’re going to get in return are ignored phone calls and canceled dates.  Men like a few things (in no particular order): sports, red meat, sex, and beer.  Stick with those and you may find yourself with a date after Valentine’s Day.

For Her:

Guys suck at buying presents. I know this because I’ve received quite a few doozies in my day.  I know there is a small percentage of you out there who don’t, but the majority of your testosterone filled pals have spoiled the bunch. Whether it be a giftcard or a heinous piece of jewelry, please pay attention in order to avoid a mid-February arctic blast.

Again, some guidelines of what not to do to tick your girl off. You already know I’ve advised her to get some skimpy knickers for later, so you don’t want to miss out on those because you couldn’t pull it together and get a decent gift, do you? That’s what I thought.

One of the sweetest gifts I’ve ever received was actually not from a guy at all. WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady really outdid herself this year for my birthday.  She got me a beautiful silver box and inside are 52 little pieces of paper. Each one has a reason on it why she loves me. (One a week, in case you suck at math like me).  I look forward to opening them every week.

Too mushy gushy?

Buy her something red… as in red soled. There isn’t one girl on planet earth who wouldn’t appreciate a pair of Christian Louboutins (if you are that girl, what are you doing reading this?). This is 99.9% effective in panties dropping.  Trust me, a pair of nice shoes will get you much further than any cheesy Hallmark moment.

Something sparkly also usually does the trick. (This does not include rhinestones or anything from Ed Hardy). There’s a reason they say, “diamonds are a girl’s best friend.”

Why don’t I just make this easier for you and compile a list of DON’T’s?:

• Perfume- you’re going to get it wrong. It’s our job, let us pick out our own.
• Chocolate- do you want a fat girlfriend? Didn’t think so.
• Any sort of stuffed animal- are you a pedophile? I ask because the only girl who would appreciate this is still in highschool.
• Hanky Panky rose thong- I saw this on E!’s gift guide and nearly lost it. You buy me one of these and I’m going to stick it somewhere the sun doesn’t shine.
• Red roses- we’ve already covered this.
• Anything from Kay’s, Jared’s, or Zales. Cut the crap.

The most important part of this day is quality time.  Be available, be kind.  A handwritten card also never hurts. Listen, I’m just trying to help you out. Despite my tone, I love love, but a bad VDay showing could leave you alone and lonely. While I may be home popping chocolates in my mouth with a glass of red and my rabbit, I do wish the rest of you a very Happy Valentine’s Day.

xx,

WhyDid

Carol Malony, Christian Louboutin, Hanky Panky, Kirsten Smith, Valentine's Gifts, WhyDidYouWearThat

Just in the St. Nick of Time

Oh, right, it’s that time of year again. I guess that means I need to be less self absorbed for a few minutes and do some holiday shopping.  Luckily, like many of you, I’ve left this til the last minute, but have come up with some clever ideas that you can snatch up quickly and no one will be the wiser.

• Since I’m clearly obsessed with myself, I think a Flip Video recorder is kind of an awesome gift. Why would I not want to document my puppy’s every move? Or hilarious nights out with my friends? This is a great gift for new parents or newlyweds as well.

Flip Video Camera, $149.99-$199.99

• I got sushi making lessons as a gift once. It was actually a really fun and thoughtful gift. Do it as a couple of do it with a group of friends. The Institute of Culinary Educational has several different recreational classes that range from wine pairings to Italian cuisine.

• Clearly, I like to play games. Why not get a set of games, old classics like backgammon, Monopoly, or Trivial Pursuit? Just because we’re over the age of five doesn’t mean we should stop playing like children.  Besides, who doesn’t like a good challenge?

7 in 1 Game Compendium, $49.95

• A deliciously, wonderfully soft cashmere throw. I really can’t think of someone who would not appreciate this.  And I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a cashmere allergy.

Sofia Cashmere Fringed Throw, $300

• For your jet-setting friends, this little translator makes for an interesting gift. If you are really going for brownie points, couple this translator with a trip somewhere special where you can put this little guy to good use.

Lingo Xplorer Talking Translator, $219.99

• For your healthy friends who may not have time/access to the studios of Physique57, they now have full DVD sets of the workouts. Probably a good idea after stuffing your face all holiday season. No one likes a fatty…

Physique57 Complete 3 Disc Full Body Workout, $49.95

If these aren’t working for you, you could always reference my picks from last year (don’t forget my gift giving rules for you, fellas) since they are still relevant … well, except that painting of me and my ex-boyfriend that I received. But enough about me… Happy shopping.

xx,

WhyDid

“Paws”itively Stylish

Anyone who knows me is aware that the only thing I possibly love more than fashion is animals.  That’s why I was so excited to learn about the Heart U Back jewelry line.  It combines two of my very favorite things!

Gavin Kovacs created a jewelry line aimed at best friends and animal lovers alike.  It’s a collection of pendants, bangles, and friendship bracelets (a la Chan Luu) all designed with the Heart U Back logo.  The best part? A portion of all proceeds go to the ASPCA.  So you can feel good about your new purchase and know that you did something good for your furry friends today. 

www.iheartyouback.com

www.aspca.org

Not too late for mom…

Okay, slackers… Did you seriously forget about mom? The woman who gave you those good genes and taught you to apply  mascara?

Well, here are a few little last minute suggestions to get you off the hook:

• Flowers- this is totally obvious and you can still get them to her on time. Why not actually take some time to pick out some nice ones? I sent my mom a potted gardenia plant last year. Big hit.
• Send a card- It’s going to be late, but the postal service isn’t always so reliable is it? A great site that I found- www.astonishingcards.com.  You can make photo cards. Earn bonus points by sending her a card with a great photo of the two of you.
• Go shopping with her! (And this time- you foot the bill!)(online coupon codes- mothersday09, mothersdayjeans)
• Take her to brunch. Sometimes all mom wants is to spend some time with you. (Again, don’t you DARE let her pay).
• Arrange a pedicure or spa treatment at a nice local salon. She would never book it for herself. www.spafinder.com
• At the very least, make sure you call her and tell her how much you love her and thank her for everything she’s done for you (i.e., carry you around in her uterus for 9 months and ruin her perfect figure).

xx,

WhyDid