Recently, a male friend was filling me in on the details of his current romantic situation and he mentioned that his lady love had dished up an ultimatum. Yikes! All had been going well- or so he thought- until she let him know that it was her way or the highway.
While he was a bit caught off guard by what she’d said, I knew precisely what she was up to. Women often like to throw out a good ol’ fashion ultimatum in hopes that it will scare the pants off her man and secure her role in the relationship.
I mean, I don’t want to play Captain Obvious here, but your dating life is not a gameshow, ladies. Trying to pull trickery on your man isn’t going to get you any closer to the Showcase Showdown and I can pretty much guarantee it’s not going to land you a briefcase full of a million dollars
I have a bit of a flair for the dramatic, so, I, too am guilty of pulling this little move. My mom warned me once to make very certain I MEANT what I was saying before saying it. There’s no point to an empty threat. There’s a reason I had moving boxes stacked in my old apartment three months before actually moving out.
When giving an ultimatum, there are several possible outcomes. So, go ahead and brace yourself for one of the following:
- Your mate will call your bluff. This is when you better be ready to pony up and face the consequences of your words.
- Your mate will no longer take you seriously. Ever hear of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? Overuse empty threats too often and eventually you will not be taken seriously. Your words are now watered down and have zero credibility.
- It will work. Temporarily. When you have to “force” someone to do something it isn’t natural and will eventually implode . Yeah, sure, you got him to stay a few months longer because you threatened to kill yourself if he left, but really? He probably now a) thinks you’re bat shit crazy, and b) is plotting his exit strategy every time he looks at your crazy ass.
If you think threatening a man is going to get him to do what you want, you’re sorely mistaken. The fastest way to get a man to run for the hills is by trying to paint him into a corner. Feel free to go ahead and spin the wheel of love, but I can’t promise it won’t land on “bankrupt.”
Yeah. That dog just ain’t gonna hunt.
Not sure what that means, but bow wow wow yippie yo yippie yay.
I am living proof that ultimatums are the quickest route to a break-up performed with scalpel-like precision. I think the next post should be about how setting rules is yet another constrictive activity that will squeeze the life out of a relationship.
Damn, son. We will need to discuss. x
What, you mean clutching an ankle and being dragged down the hall is not an approved relationship retention strategy?
Oh no- that one TOTALLY works!