Oct
07
2014
0


WhyDid or Why Don’t: Picture Perfecting

instagram photo appsA couple of weeks ago, a photo of Beyonce posted to her Tumblr account was called onto the carpet and not a red one for being  a very clear case of (bad) Photoshopping.  There was a very obvious alteration to the image made more painfully obvious by the mysterious slope in the stairs behind her perfectly spaced thigh gap.  If this was not a case of Photoshop foolery, the Carters better be careful young Blue Ivy doesn’t stumble down that warped yacht staircase.

Sadly, that was not the first time Beyonce had been called out for altering her candid photos, but to be fair she is only one of a slew of celebrities to tamper with their social snapshots.  What started off as simple and standard in app filters to enhance a tan, deflect less than stellar skin, or add artistic flair has turned into full blown post production photographs worthy of five figure paychecks.  Isn’t social media a place where celebrities should be better able to connect with fans?  You know, celebrities, they’re just like us.  Ideally, social media should be a place for celebrities to take on more human personas as opposed to their perfectly airbrushed alter egos.

Models and actors are already Photoshopped to within inches of their lives for ads, interviews, and endorsements, but most of the masses realize that much of that is simply smoke and mirrors.  Obviously, glossy magazine spreads and movie posters are all part of the job description and many Photoshop fails have come at the hands of professional retouchers employed by major publications and big brands, but when has it gone too far?

When there is no longer a line between reality and fantasy, how are we, as mere mortals, supposed to digest this photographic perfection?  How are young girls not to feel bad about themselves after seeing their idols looking like they really did wake up like that- AKA, full hair and makeup?  Listen, if I don’t have a thigh gap, I think it’s pretty safe to say that Queen Bey does not either. While, I may be able to call out “fauxtos” for what they really are, what about those who take these digital masterpieces more literally?  Are we only exacerbating the ideal of unachievable perfection?

So, how exactly are celebrities stepping up their Instagram game beyond basic filters?  Well, there are plenty of apps available now (one of which I used in the photograph above that is worth downloading for sheer entertainment purposes), that allow for serious digital makeovers.  Some of them are essentially equivalent to using a desktop version of Adobe Photoshop on your smartphone.  You can smooth out skin, nip, tuck, and even whiten teeth making it nearly impossible to ever take a bad photo again.  But what is the point of sharing moments that are anything but authentic?  I believe the “Insta” part of Instagram is meant to imply that we are sharing the moment as we’re in it (since we all know it never happened unless it’s documented on social media).  It’s bad enough that we watched the sun set the screen of our iPhone, must we waste another twenty minutes applying the perfect filters?

Last week new photos of Beyonce wearing yet another bikini materialized on the world wide web, presumably to back pedal her previous posts, but what it’s really done has given us a vehicle for side by side comparison.  Celebrities, they’ll never learn… just like us.

 

Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram.

xx,

WhyDid

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Aug
27
2014
1


Why Did or Why Don’t: Braidy Bunch

cary fukunaga braidsWe have already covered the man bun/mun/male topknot (feel free to weigh in), which does not seem to be going anywhere if this week’s awards shows have been any indication.  Just look at all the fuss over Game of Throne’s, Kit Harrington’s, perfectly executed updo from Monday night’s Emmy Awards.  But all the man buns in the world and even Jared Leto’s ombre mane couldn’t compete when True Detective’s director, Cary Joji Fukunaga, took the stage to accept the award for Outstanding Director.  I, for one, audibly gasped at this handsome man, but it wasn’t just his cheekbones that sent the internet into a tizzy.  It was his hair.  At first glance, he looked clean cut, but as he described his coiffure, “For tonight, I just thought business in the front, party in the back.”

Though Cary was a pleasant surprise in a room full of familiar faces and stuffy industry types and his hair seemed to be a fresh interpretation for man coifs worldwide, he’s not the first to be seen sporting man braids.  As a matter of fact, the night before rapper, Riff Raff, clad in denim had a head full of braids and is probably asking today, “Dafuq?” Even before Riff Raff, there was David Beckham, Axl Rose, and let us never forget Kevin Federline.

famous men braidsI, myself, spent a sunny Saturday afternoon in Amagansett this summer lackadaisically braiding cornrows into one of my man bun wearing guy friend’s head.  We thought it was kind of funny and for him, the look actually worked.  I even taught him the importance of patting his head when it started to itch as to avoid creating frizz.  So, back to Cary’s internet sensational hairstyle and potentially the next wave of hipster hairdos (Slate created a pretty genius rendering).  It may have something to do with the fact that he’s terribly good looking, but the only part of his hairstyle that truly bothered me was his (unintentionally) crooked part which The Cut got a close up of.  You see though, I’m quite dextrous and great with a comb, so Cary, call me next time you’re you’re looking for some Poetic Justice.

What do you think about men with braids?

xx,

WhyDid

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Aug
13
2014
0


Why Did or Why Don’t: Man Bun in the Oven

men-hairbun-high copyThis summer, men took accessorizing one step further by donning what we now know as the “man bun.”  And while I do have a healthy portion of male readers (God bless you analytics), I will not take the blame (or credit- depending on your stance) for the trend just because I’ve made more than one brilliant top knot tutorial (you can learn “how to” here and here).  For the past decade or so, men hadn’t had much wiggle room when it came to socially acceptable hairdos.  There’s been the classic buzz cut, the Bieber bob, and that whole spiky gelled situation that ruined shams worldwide.  And let’s just be thankful we all survived the “faux hawk.”

While the ponytail is nothing new (hello, Karl Lagerfeld), men decided that wasn’t good enough and began piling their locks on their heads way atop or grazing the napes of their necks, real estate formerly reserved for sweet nuzzles from their beloveds.  I’m not sure who can specifically be appointed as the official firestarter of this follicle free for all, but I think Colin Farrell was one of the male topknot pioneers.  To be fair, average citizens started sporting it well before it became mainstream.  I had an ex-boyfriend several years ago who began experimenting with the trend.  Granted, he also thought waking up and drinking the leftover beer on his nightstand from the night before was par for the course.  In any case, this hair-rowing (see what I did there?) hairstyle has taken over from east to west coast, north to south.  There are several blogs dedicated solely to the praise of ballerina buns fit for Baryshnikov (exhibit A and exhibit B) and The Awl even created a brilliant collection of the male topknot in its natural habitat.

celebrity man bunsMuch like the beard bubble was predicted to pop (and has yet to do so as late adopters are STILL jumping on the bearded bandwagon), the man bun would appear to have a shelf life itself.  Interestingly enough, it seems that the topknot and beard are not mutually exclusive and often worn in tandem.  All this hair has me asking a lot of questions though.  Many men claim to be the superior sex, but I’m beginning to sense a trend.  It started with our eyeliner and skinny jeans then men began eying our tank tops and now they’re angling for our hair ties?  And if you’re in a couple this also leads to a lot of financial hurdles.  Can we afford to double up on deep conditioners?  Do we need to own one flatiron or two?  Won’t our shower drain clog twice as fast?

So with the imminent onslaught of snow, will these top knot wearing gents be forced to concede their coifs once they realize a bun looks more like a goiter under a beanie?  Or will ear muffs have a renaissance for men?  As I typed this, a shiver went down my spine as I realized that the knitted headband or even a turban may not be off limits to a man who has mastered the art of bobbi pins.  I’d be lying if I didn’t get a little hot and bothered collecting visual aids for this post, but I really want to know your thoughts.

 

 xx,

WhyDid

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Jun
19
2014
0


Why Did or Why Don’t: Choke Hold
Written by: WhyDid | Why Did or Why Don't?

choker necklacesAlong with BirkenstocksTevas, and scrunchies, another 90’s accessory making its way back to the buffet for seconds is the choker.  Unlike failures in footwear, this was actually one trend I participated in the first go round.  However, the ones I was wearing looked a little different than the iterations most recently seen on celebrities, runways, and department stores.  No, no, mine weren’t the now sophisticated types made from shiny metals with beautiful embellishments.  Mine were a bit more basic, probably crafted out of hemp with the crown jewel being a- wait for it…  Fimo bead.

But these neckwringers, aren’t really to be credited specifically to the 90’s.  It just so happens that was the first time I (and most of you) were alive to wear them.  As a matter of fact, chokers were big all the way back in 1940 and in the 1860’s, prostitutes actually wore black ribbons around their necks to let the gents know they were open for business.  Now, wearing a choker will probably only insinuate that you’re under the age of forty and know all the lyrics to Ace of Bass’s “I Saw the Sign.”

choker necklace1. Victorian Lace Choker Necklace, 2. Pamela Love Sunset Gold Plated Labradorite Choker, 3. Eddie Borgo Safety Chain Choker, 4. Jules Smith Americana Choker, 5. Linda Farrow + Mawi Gold Tone and Watersnake Choker, 6. 90s Heart Invisible Choker Necklace, 7. Joomi Lim Lost Innocence Choker, 8. Arme De L’Amour Gold Plated Necklace, 9.Paula Mendoza Hera Gold Plated Choker

So, will you be giving this trend a second look?

xx,

WhyDid

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Jun
04
2014
1


Why Did or Why Don’t: Return to Sender (a Poll & PSA)
Written by: WhyDid | Why Did or Why Don't?

bone freeIn the digital age, dating has taken a turn for the worse.  Things that seem as though they should make meeting a mate more manageable have just become downright scary.  Social media has made everyone so much more accessible and while it can be used for good like tracking down that “missed connection” from the L train, it seems as if men are overly stimulated by the bathing beauties and their bikini pics only inflating their egos to the point wherein they think they stand a chance with the 23 year old model from Johannesburg who spends her days squatting, not eating the food in her pictures, and taking selfies, therefore blowing off the perfectly lovely local ladies actually available to them.  Along with turning Facebook and Instagram into quasi dating sites, there has since been the inception of Tinder, which will require a dedicated tiger clad post in and of itself at a later date.  All of these brilliant advances in technology just so happen to be within finger’s reach for us thanks to our so called smartphones.  No need to flip open that archaic laptop, ew.  You are just a swipe away from millions of other people in the midst of ignoring their “real life” company to bask in the glow of their screens.

Texting has overtaken the phone call and do not even ask me when the last time I received a hand written anything other than birthday cards from my best friends and family was.  Seriously, don’t ask me because I do remember.  (Pro-tip: bonus points earned for voice on voice contact, but if you take the time to put pen to paper and mail it, I’m yours).  That said, a lot is left to be desired in modern day romance as much of what we are trying to express over text is totally lost in translation.  There is no expression, no context, and no way of being sure that your message was received- both literally and figuratively.  There is, however, one type of text message that needs no analyzation.  Its context and subtext is quite clear.

penis street artAs we lay in one of my best friend’s cozy bed watching “That Awkward Moment” (insert irony here) last Saturday night, I asked her if she had heard from a particular suitor and I guess his ears– but more likely loins– were burning because as if on cue, her phone lit up and there he was.  Instead of your run of the mill midnight “u out?” bro text message, this was something far more frightening.  It was the dreaded “dick pic.”

I should have video recorded the reaction.  Not only did she not want to open the photo from the preview, she handed it to us to do the dirty work.  There was a lot of nervous laughter, a little bit of uncomfortable squealing, followed by a game of hot potato with her iPhone.  And should I ever have the pleasure of meeting this guy, I’ll have a hard time keeping it together seeing as I’ve already met his penis.  The odd part in all of this (as if there is anything more odd than receiving a photo of a basic stranger’s genitals) is that she has not been on a date with him, has not even kissed him, and hadn’t even responded to any of his messages for the past two weeks.  Post deleting his message and blocking his phone number, we managed to sleep through the night sans phallic nightmares.

When I awoke Sunday to a frantic phone call from the same friend, I postponed my run along the Westside Highway to hear her out.  As it turns out, after having headed home and slipping into a sweet slumber, another Prince Charming snapped a shot of his cyclops and sent it her way.  Again, someone who she had not been responding to all evening.  Two dick pics in less than twelve hours?  That’s got to be some kind of record, no?

tinder picture

And maybe my friends and I are alone in this and you all can chock us up as prudes (though that would be fairly inaccurate), but I’m really wondering if AND WHO?! are the ladies out there requesting pictures of male packages leading modern day men to believe that all of us are interested in a salami slider sent straight to our cell phones.  I imagine that somewhere along the line, these guys were given the green light by some broad because they seem to think this is the ticket to ride.  It’s as if they had the thought process of, “Oh, she’s not responding to my messages?  I’ll just send her cock shot.  That’ll get the rooster crowing!”

Here’s the thing: Women just aren’t aroused by pictures of your penises.  It’s science and I can speak from personal experience.  I had an ex who loved to send me penis portraits that I had never commissioned.  And some would say that so long as you’re actually sleeping with the sender, a photograph of his nether regions doesn’t seem all that offensive.  However, he enjoyed sending photos of his ship without wind in its sails.  Not sexy.  Plus, I’ve already been acquainted with your personal kayak, so don’t fill up your camera roll with your scrotum selfies.  Save space for pictures of your niece or your lunch.  Basically, you’re more likely to get my panties in a bunch by sending a picture of a puppy or perhaps your face.  Although, I did recently receive an unsolicited  and shirtless “right before bedtime selfie” that was very Jersey Shore.  We are no longer dating.

So, to the fellas out there, please stop sending us pictures of the land down below because we don’t want our passports stamped and to the ladies… are you down with the D or is this the modern day equivalent of flashing?

 

xx,

WhyDid

 

 

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