The List Volume 12/21/12 & a Ridiculous Gift Guide:

By |December 22nd, 2012|Gift Guide, The List|

the earth explodesYeah, you may have noticed I’ve been a little radio silent for the past week.  It was a mixture of sadness and preparing for the so called apocalypse.  Okay, not really the latter.  I didn’t really feel it was appropriate to go on touting gift guides when so many families would be happy to simply have their loved ones back.  So, I took a little time off to reflect on that.

Then the world was going to end.  But it didn’t.  Weird.  And now I’m back.  So, in case those dang Mayans have any more tricks up theirs sleeves (loincloths?), I’ve put together one of the most obnoxious gift guides yet.  I realize we’re cutting it a little close, but now that we know the globe’s not going to stop spinning (for now), you should probably shop for me–er, your loved ones.  And fortunately for you (and me), if you are unable to get the pony or purses here in time, my birthday is a mere month away, so you could make good on those on the twentieth of January (write that down).

luxurious holiday gifts1. Kiki de Montparnasse Black Chantilly Lace Belted Kimono, $1,4402. Helmut Lang Stretch Leather Leggings, $9203. Dr. Sebagh Platinum Gold Elixir, $6904. Rolex Vintage Oyster Perpetual Datejust Steel 18K Gold Men’s Watch, $4,600, 5. Christian Louboutin Pigalle 120 Crystal Embellished Suede Pumps, $3,3956. Deos Princess Cut iPhone Case, $3987. Eva Fehren Grey Diamond ‘X’ Necklace, $5,8508. Celine Phantom Tote9. Modern Snippets Snipalina (closest thing I can find to a unicorn), $4,500

broken boxes shipping

And as an early gift to you, another edition of the list- in original format- all ten down and dirty.

  1. All my politician “friends” on Facebook.  Cool it.  The only thing I’m voting on is hiding you from my timeline.
  2. Having to pretend you know who some of your relatives are.  Just kidding.  I don’t have that problem.  No, seriously…. I’m from West Virginia, we’re all relatives!
  3. Airport security lines during this time of year (and in general).  Guys, how hard is it?  They have signs… with pictures.
  4. Post offices this time of year (and in general).  It took me three minutes (literally) to ship my stuff.  Why’d it take you 30?
  5. Angelenos complaining about weather in the 50’s.  Buck up, pansies.
  6. People who are incapable of giving credit where credit is due.  Listen, you can’t always be the one with the good ideas, outfits, jokes.  That must be exhausting.
  7. Getting a bad bag of Sour Patch Kids that you’ve been craving for say, a week.  You know, when they’re all hard and shriveled.  The worst.
  8. Sensationalists.
  9. It’s very difficult to wear a topknot in below freezing temperatures.  A girl’s ears could get frostbite.
  10. Candied yams.  It’s true.  I hate ’em.  Sweet potatoes can kick rocks too.

Save me some eggnog though.  Actually, no.  Don’t.



The List Volume Blackout

By |November 24th, 2012|The List|

black friday rushNo, I wasn’t absent from the internet yesterday because I was busy bashing in skulls in hopes of acquiring a fifty inch plasma to watch “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”  I was busy digesting my Thanksgiving dinner… and that took a lot of hard work and concentration… or wine.  To be quite clear, I find Black Friday to be all my worst nightmares and biggest fears combined.  It’s kind of the same way I feel about fake handbags.  I find it hard enough to shop busy stores on your average Tuesday, let alone when all the animals have been let out of their cages and taunted with raw meat.  There are about a billion other things I’d rather do than fight over a cashmere scarf marked down 50%… ten of which are listed here.  The only type of bargain shopping I will submit myself to are the deals that can be found behind the safety of my computer screen.  That said, I didn’t figure it’d be in good taste to complain after my last post.  So I’ve decided to be a bit charitable today and have found you ten places better to throw your hard earned money: small businesses and charities.

  1. Not sure where to start?  Check out American Express for a list of retailers participating in Small Business Saturday.
  2. As obsessed with your dog/cat as I am with Smitty?  Help out all the other furry little creatures by donating or volunteering with the ASPCA.
  3. Mikini Bikini is offering 10% off with code COLORFULFRIDAY at checkout.
  4. Got kids?  Got siblings? Like kids?  Stop human trafficking by supporting Children of the Night.
  5. Looking for something to do December 10th?  Look no further.  Buy your tickets for Charity Water’s Charity Ball right here.
  6. Speaking of kids… this one won’t even cost you any money.  Become a Big Brother or Big Sister.
  7. If you’re in New York, Darling is offering 25% off purchases (and trust me, it lives up to the name).
  8. Another one for the kids: Petit Organics is offering 25% off all orders today!
  9. Shop Alex and Ani today and get 10% off of your entire purchase.
  10. Kill two birds with one click.  Shop and support a great cause with rad apparel from TWLOHA (To Write Love on Her Arms).

Now, if you’ll excuse me I have some pie to polish off.



The List: Volume Sandy

By |November 2nd, 2012|The List|


hurricane sandy traffic lightsWhile the entire southern portion of the city starts to cheer about their power returning this evening… I can’t help but be a bit of a sour puss ’cause my building just sent a little memorandum letting us know that we’d be without power for another two weeks due to the need of a new generator. Well, then… who wants to spend a week in Miami with me? Anyway, while this storm has been less than pleasant, it has taught me to be patient, be kind, and believe that the worst is yet to come (kidding, kind of). Here are the top ten lessons ol’ Sandy taught me:

  1. Cab drivers don’t know why they have headlights. This one’s for you, cab driver who told me he couldn’t take me downtown because, “it’s dark down there.”
  2. “Damn, girl, get a flashlight.” Clearly, I’ve been reading too much classic literature (by candlelight) and thought it would be super romantic to use a candle torch to navigate my way down the stairs… Next time I’ll wear a flowing white nightgown and bouffant… or just get a flashlight. (FYI: get the good ol’ battery operated kind because it turns out, when the power goes out, the rechargeable type isn’t all that useful).
  3. My body looks crazy good by candlelight, so ladies… if you’re looking to get down… light those candles.
  4. Coconut water makes a great mixer with vodka. I’d like to take 100% credit for this, but remember this guy I dated? He mighta made it for me once… nonetheless, comes in great during a crisis.
  5. This is when actual “books” come in handy. I know your iPad is great, but you can’t read it by candlelight when the battery dies.
  6. Greek yogurt, fruit, eggs, and salmon are not non-perishable. Arm and Hammer, ahoy.
  7. Get a dog. They’re the only things that will keep you sane while you sit in silence and sing them songs about why they’re so awesome, handsome, smart, and funny.
  8. Always look your best (as you can) since you never know who you’ll meet while hanging out in a pub charging your phone. One can’t predict when a handsome stranger should present himself… although most of the handsome strangers worth meeting defected upstate in their Range Rovers. (I should know, I watched them leave).
  9. A hurricane is no excuse for a messy apartment. You best believe that my bed was made every morning (proud, mom?) and it’s in your best interest to clean out your refrigerator sooner than later. That smell… I won’t forget it any time soon.
  10. Even in a natural disaster, leggings are not pants.



The List Volume LXXXV

By |October 12th, 2012|The List|

datingSeeing as I’m now back in the dating pool (though I don’t date a lot… reasons following), I have remembered why it is that dating can be both glorious and horrifying at the same time.  While some men are gallant and chivalrous like white knights, others are more like the town idiots riding around town on broke down donkeys.

The good ones are far and few between and the bad ones are so bad, they almost cancel out all the good ones… making me want to just throw in the towel and start the adoption process… and I know I’m not alone in this.  So go ahead and print this out, ladies.  Post it by the watercooler in your office or better yet, the men’s bathroom.  Pass it along anonymously (or not) to the men in your lives in hopes that somehow, some way they’ll get the hint.

berger sex and the city

  1. When you ask for my number and I say I’ll just take yours and then you make me call you so you have mine.  Unfair.
  2. Asking for my Instagram info rather than my phone number.  Are you serious? (By the way, WhyDid is now on Instagram: whydid_dotcom).
  3. Telling me about all the other girls you’re dating.  Well, that clears up what’s going to happen after dinner: Nada.
  4. I appreciate you offering to buy me a drink.  But please, PLEASE, do not berate me for politely declining.  As a matter of fact, you should thank me.  I just saved you fifteen dollars.
  5. If I do not ask you to come upstairs after a date, this is not the time to pout like a child.  Just ’cause you bought me dinner doesn’t mean I owe you anything.

man with flowers

    1. Remembering minor details, ie; I don’t drink anything without a straw.
    2. Finding out what neighborhood I live in and then picking the restaurant based on that.
    3. The ol’ make sure I get in a cab safely tell the driver where I’m going, pass him a $20, and give him a stern warning that I better arrive home in one piece.
    4. Treating my friends as kindly as you treat me (non-romantically, of course).
    5. Not looking at your phone for one second during our date.

Welp, who wants to order in Chinese?

The List Volume LXXXIV

By |September 28th, 2012|The List|

taxi cabsI know you’d expect me to come in with guns blazing for this week’s edition of The List.  And while it would be fairly simple to stick to a straight up original ten point list (all things considered), let’s see if I can’t somehow spin all that negativity into something even the slightest bit positive.

fighting for a taxi

  1. The blame game.
  2. Thinking you’ve made the biggest designer shoe score EVER only to realize the box was mislabeled and you don’t actually wear a size 5.5.
  3. Finding makeup on a pillow (not to mention the sham!) that is so clearly not yours because you don’t wear the shade called, “Creamsicle” or “Oompa Loompa.”
  4. People using fancy words in hopes of sounding smarter, but instead confusing words as simple as “lair” and “layer.”  Oops.
  5. Having too many plans.
catching a cab
  1. Having too many plans.
  2. Knowing how to walk properly on a sidewalk.
  3. Getting all of your fall shoes and boots re-heeled fully knowing you’re about to rip them all right back off the moment you step foot on a subway grate.
  4. The look on the delivery man’s face when answering the door in a robe.
  5. Having friends, family, and loyal readers who love and support you through those tough times when you just feel like throwing in the towel.

You may have noticed I went ahead and left off “leaving wallet in taxi” and “site outages” because, well, we already know those suck.  So, have a great weekend