I’ve been bombarded with commercials, tweets, and status updates about “Black Friday” shopping.  Not to sound like a snob, but I am not, nor have I ever, participated in what I consider such a barbaric event.  I don’t care how large a flat screen I can get or how many cashmere sweaters I can snag if it means that I will be forced to wait in the freezing cold with a bunch of cattle and then be pushed around, trampled, and most likely verbally assaulted once inside. No, thank you. Not worth it. That said, here are ten things I’d rather do than go shopping on Black Friday:

  1. Go ice fishing with my bare hands.
  2. Clean the bathroom with poisonous products and a fresh manicure.
  3. Long division with no calculator.
  4. Drink vinegar through a pink straw.
  5. Watch the Kanye West Runaway “movie” on repeat.
  6. Go sit in an office all day with a bunch of twatards who don’t know what they’re talking about.
  7. Go rock climbing with no harness on Mt. Everest.
  8. Walk home uphill both ways in the snow with no shoes while carrying a bale of hay.
  9. Have a root canal performed by my dog with no anesthesia.
  10. Wear leggings as pants.

Enjoy those sales!