the earth explodesYeah, you may have noticed I’ve been a little radio silent for the past week.  It was a mixture of sadness and preparing for the so called apocalypse.  Okay, not really the latter.  I didn’t really feel it was appropriate to go on touting gift guides when so many families would be happy to simply have their loved ones back.  So, I took a little time off to reflect on that.

Then the world was going to end.  But it didn’t.  Weird.  And now I’m back.  So, in case those dang Mayans have any more tricks up theirs sleeves (loincloths?), I’ve put together one of the most obnoxious gift guides yet.  I realize we’re cutting it a little close, but now that we know the globe’s not going to stop spinning (for now), you should probably shop for me–er, your loved ones.  And fortunately for you (and me), if you are unable to get the pony or purses here in time, my birthday is a mere month away, so you could make good on those on the twentieth of January (write that down).

luxurious holiday gifts1. Kiki de Montparnasse Black Chantilly Lace Belted Kimono, $1,4402. Helmut Lang Stretch Leather Leggings, $9203. Dr. Sebagh Platinum Gold Elixir, $6904. Rolex Vintage Oyster Perpetual Datejust Steel 18K Gold Men’s Watch, $4,600, 5. Christian Louboutin Pigalle 120 Crystal Embellished Suede Pumps, $3,3956. Deos Princess Cut iPhone Case, $3987. Eva Fehren Grey Diamond ‘X’ Necklace, $5,8508. Celine Phantom Tote9. Modern Snippets Snipalina (closest thing I can find to a unicorn), $4,500

broken boxes shipping

And as an early gift to you, another edition of the list- in original format- all ten down and dirty.

  1. All my politician “friends” on Facebook.  Cool it.  The only thing I’m voting on is hiding you from my timeline.
  2. Having to pretend you know who some of your relatives are.  Just kidding.  I don’t have that problem.  No, seriously…. I’m from West Virginia, we’re all relatives!
  3. Airport security lines during this time of year (and in general).  Guys, how hard is it?  They have signs… with pictures.
  4. Post offices this time of year (and in general).  It took me three minutes (literally) to ship my stuff.  Why’d it take you 30?
  5. Angelenos complaining about weather in the 50’s.  Buck up, pansies.
  6. People who are incapable of giving credit where credit is due.  Listen, you can’t always be the one with the good ideas, outfits, jokes.  That must be exhausting.
  7. Getting a bad bag of Sour Patch Kids that you’ve been craving for say, a week.  You know, when they’re all hard and shriveled.  The worst.
  8. Sensationalists.
  9. It’s very difficult to wear a topknot in below freezing temperatures.  A girl’s ears could get frostbite.
  10. Candied yams.  It’s true.  I hate ’em.  Sweet potatoes can kick rocks too.

Save me some eggnog though.  Actually, no.  Don’t.