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The List Volume XXXII

By |December 17th, 2010|The List|
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I’m trying to keep in the holiday spirit, but good word, some people just do not know how to behave themselves. Let’s take a deep breath and get it together. Come on, people.  Seems like some of you should ask Santa for “a clue” this year.

  1. Unattended children. Can’t you harness those things? I keep my dog off of you. Keep your kid off of me.
  2. Celebrity splits. Marriage is not the same as leasing a car. You don’t get a new one every 36 months.
  3. Being called “ma’am.” I’m not that old. I still get carded, thanks.
  4. The Kardashian Kristmas Kard. You’re kidding, korrect? Kan we say, “krap”?
  5. The weird liquidy film at the top of yogurt.
  6. Gift cards. Enough said.
  7. People who quote song lyrics for their Facebook status updates. You’re not fly like a G6, nor are you anywhere near “fancy.”
  8. Inappropriate airplane behavior. This includes, but is not limited to: eating foul smelling (onions, pickles, garlic) food next to me, slamming the keyboard of your laptop, blaring whatever it is that you’re listening to so loud that I can hear it without headphones, talking on your phone immediately upon landing and holding up traffic as you struggle to grab your carryon without losing your call.
  9. People whose Facebook/Twitter/Whatever profile pics were taken on their webcam.
  10. Grinches, Scrooges, and all around grumps.

Excuse me now, while I sip on my eggnog.

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume XXXI

By |December 10th, 2010|The List|
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Sometimes I struggle with the list… other times it flows like the Niagra Falls. This week it was the latter.

  1. Barbara Walter’s Ten Most Fascinating People. If those are the most fascinating people in our country, I need to move. Jennifer Lopez? The Jersey Shore? I hear the weather in Reykjavik is lovely this time of year.
  2. Wearing glasses with no lenses in them. I get it. You’re so ironic.
  3. Stupid bright colored eye makeup. Save it for 13 year old girls, spreads in Cosmo, and Halloween. You look absolutely ridiculous.
  4. Ringtones. I mean, who actually has their phone on anything but vibrate at this point, but really? Sexy Back?
  5. People who overdo it with the winter gear. I’m talking to you Los Angeles. It’s not that f*#(ing cold here. So remove your puffer, fingerless gloves, and ski hat. Try living in New York or Minneapolis. Then you’ll know what “cold” is.
  6. Brushing your hair in public. That’s just disgusting.
  7. Mariah Carey’s Christmas outfit. God bless her, but come on. You’re not 22 anymore. 
  8. Blogs that simply re-post things from other blogs or post magazine spreads. If I wanted a runway re-cap I’d go to Style.com. If I want to see the new spread in Vogue… I’d buy a copy. It’s called “original content.” Try it.
  9. T-shirts with tacky, intentional holes. Don’t know about you, but I try to get rid of moths in my wardrobe.
  10. Amaze-balls. People who say, “amaze-balls” probably also say “Sunday funday.” Have an amaze-balls Sunday funday, assholes.

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume XXX

By |December 3rd, 2010|The List|
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Everyone’s favorite time of the week. The List. This week, I’m going to stick with the original format. Obnoxious on the rocks. You’re welcome.

  1. Kim Kardashian’s dating life. We get it. She’s slept with EVERYONE.
  2. Matt Lauer calling this little guy ugly. He probably punches kittens.
  3. People who complain about their weight and then chomp down on BK and Mickey D’s for lunch daily. Ever thought of a salad?
  4. People who do not remove the tags from their outerwear. I think it’s safe to assume they probably also did not unstitch their pockets either.
  5. The Subway commercials that use the little kid voices. Creeeep-y!
  6. Kathie Lee. Why’s she so mean to Hoda?
  7. People who take the elevator to get to the second floor. They’re called stairs. Try them. (*Note: unless you are physically unable then this is void).
  8. Crying children. Shut. Up.
  9. Waiting longer than two minutes to be served in an empty bar. No, seriously, it’s fine. I’ll wait.
  10. Justin Bieber’s new ‘do.

Have a wonderful weekend!

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume XXIX

By |November 26th, 2010|The List|
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I’ve been bombarded with commercials, tweets, and status updates about “Black Friday” shopping.  Not to sound like a snob, but I am not, nor have I ever, participated in what I consider such a barbaric event.  I don’t care how large a flat screen I can get or how many cashmere sweaters I can snag if it means that I will be forced to wait in the freezing cold with a bunch of cattle and then be pushed around, trampled, and most likely verbally assaulted once inside. No, thank you. Not worth it. That said, here are ten things I’d rather do than go shopping on Black Friday:

  1. Go ice fishing with my bare hands.
  2. Clean the bathroom with poisonous products and a fresh manicure.
  3. Long division with no calculator.
  4. Drink vinegar through a pink straw.
  5. Watch the Kanye West Runaway “movie” on repeat.
  6. Go sit in an office all day with a bunch of twatards who don’t know what they’re talking about.
  7. Go rock climbing with no harness on Mt. Everest.
  8. Walk home uphill both ways in the snow with no shoes while carrying a bale of hay.
  9. Have a root canal performed by my dog with no anesthesia.
  10. Wear leggings as pants.

Enjoy those sales!

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume XXVIII

By |November 19th, 2010|The List|
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Seeing as Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I do spend quite a bit of time bitching about things sucking, I figured I would make a list of things that I am incredibly thankful for. Here are ten (in mostly no particular order) of the many things I have to be thankful for:

  1. This guy. I do not know how I would function every day without him.
  2. My incredibly wonderful and supportive family… though now I’ve noticed we are long overdue for a family portrait.
  3. Prosecco.
  4. Living in a country where I can say, do, or wear anything I want all while turning on a faucet for clean water.
  5. Having some of the world’s best friends (who don’t mind a theme).
  6. Having had the opportunity to live in one of the best cities in the world (NY, obvi). The experiences are irreplaceable.
  7. Love. Real, true, pure, magical love.
  8. Thongs. No, I’m serious. Can you imagine a lifetime of VPL (visible panty lines)?
  9. Technology: cell phones, computers, TV’s, the INTERNET! How else would you be able to keep up with WhyDid?
  10. Most importantly, everyone who is reading this. A bored at work hobby has turned into more than I ever could have imagined. Couldn’t do it without you.

Count your blessings!

xx,

WhyDid


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