RiRi Rehab

Dear Rihanna,

First and foremost, I think you are exquisite. I remember seeing you on the rooftop of Soho House last summer and being stunned by your beauty. You truly are a gorgeous girl. Our entire group had to pick our chins up off our poolside bed/couch as you sashayed by.

That being said, dub tee eff is going on with your outfits? I get that you have your own “personal style” but it’s getting kind of offensive. You’re sort of channeling Taylor Momsen/Jenny Humphrey with your “I don’t give a f*#$” get ups. Guess where that got little J? Written off of Gossip Girl. So let me step in and stop you before someone decides to write you off.

I get it. You’ve had a rough go this past year. My heart goes out to you. I know firsthand what boy dbaggery looks/feels like. No one deserves that. However, looking like a crazy bag lady certainly isn’t the best revenge. Take a cue from Kim K strutting around looking hotter than ever in her bikini (suck on that, Reggie). Or go get a weave like I did!

Let’s take a look at some of the biggest offenders:

What the f*#%? What happened to this little cutie?

I mean, I can’t vouch for that belly chain, but you get what I’m saying.  Let’s go ahead and reel it back in. How about getting some of your girliness back? Remember when you were so hot and feminine that people were hypothesizing that Beyonce was getting nervous? Yeah, let’s get that RiRi back before we have to send you to fashion rehab.

Sending my love.

xx,

WhyDid

Cover Your Tracks.

So, we all sat down and watched the movie, “Good Hair” not so long ago and it was startling to learn that black hair industry is a $9 billion (yes, BILLION) business. I could not believe that such beautiful women were so stressed out about their hair… until I had my own type of hair inadequacy crisis.

Thanks to the great Smith family genes, I’ve been blessed with a full head of hair. Unfortunately, for me, too much is never enough. As you remember, I was fortunate enough to try out the Platinum Seamless extensions back in November. I loved them SO much that I felt like I was practically bald when they were removed (and not because they damaged my hair. It was left unscathed). So what’s a girl to do? Get some clip ins, of course!

At first, I only wore the clip ins for special occasions, like my birthday or an event.  Then they became addictive. I didn’t really want to leave the house without them. They made my hair so much fuller and turned even bad hair days into great ones.  I didn’t really like my normal hair without them and no amount of hair, skin, and nails vitamins were going to make my hair that thick. So, I continued wearing them all the time. I even figured out crafty ways to put them in (upside down) when I was wearing my hair up. Talent, not a skill, folks. No one could tell when they were in my hair because they match my hair EXACTLY plus I already have really long hair, so there was no weird “layer” where my real hair stopped and my clip ins began.

Sometimes, dating got a little weird. I had to perfect the art of clipping those suckers out one by one and stashing them in my bag while my gentleman caller turned his head. (I know, I’m sick). Never the wiser, I thought I’d duped my boo. He was probably baffled by my resistance to him touching my hair.

This was all fun and games until I was out one night and a friend of mine touched my head and said, “Girl! You got tracks in?” I was mortified. Now everyone was under the impression that my long luscious locks were not mine at all. 75% of it was all my own God given hair, but the cat was out of the bag and I wanted to shove that feline right back in.

So, I had to hold an intervention… with myself. When I spoke to the “boo”, he informed me he obviously knew all along that I’d been popping my clip ins in and out and actually laughed at the fact that I loved my “Texas hair” to be “obnoxiously large.” Hmph… guess I’m not as tricky as I thought. At this rate… I was one step away from a Bump-It.

I hadn’t actually worn my extensions since that night (until our photoshoot).  I quit giant hair cold turkey. I can’t say I won’t be putting them back in anytime soon. You’re all on crack if you don’t think that every Hollywood starlet from Kim K to Rachel Zoe aren’t wearing some type of hair enhancement (they’re more common than a boob job in LA). Clip ins are a great way to add a little extra glamour to your everyday  hair… just don’t get addicted.

To drive home the point that I’m not actually bald, here are some before and after photos of my white girl weave:

P dot S… please excuse my “photo booth” self portraits. Smitty sure is cute, but his furry paws can’t snap a photo.

xx,

WhyDid

I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream to Wear Preen.

So you have a hot date? A big event? You want something to make heads turn all the while looking effortlessly chic? Oh, this ol’ thing? Enter Preen by Justin Thornton and Thea Bregazzi.

Started ten years ago by the design duo, Preen has collected quite the celeb following including Kate Moss, Chloe Sevigny, and Thandie Newton. It is easy to see why. Take a look at some of my favorite pieces from their Spring 2010 collection:

I remember when Henri Bendel first started carrying this line over two years ago (when they still carried apparel). It was so incredibly sexy and chic without being blatant or cheesy. It was the ultimate alternative for cool girls who were sick of the oversaturated Hever Leger bandage dress. I was immediately smitten.

Pleat Tulip Dress, $1,106

One Shoulder Sheath Dress, $1,089

Power Knitted Lace Dress, $1,375

Friends often ask me for suggestions about what to wear when dressing to impress and I would say, if you want to look less Kim (Kardashian) and more Kate (Moss), go grab something Preen and wait for the boys to scream (had to).

Sigh… now if only I had a red carpet to walk…

xx,

WhyDid

My Future’s So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades

So, here’s something that I think needs to be discussed. The proper usage of sunglasses.  Last time I checked, they were for protecting your eyes from overexposure of UV rays (and to prevent crow’s feet).  However, it has become abundantly clear that not all of you got that memo.  I want to go ahead and point the finger at you, Hollywood.  You, somehow, gave people (a-hem, celebrities) the impression that sunglasses were like a mimosa.  Okay at any time. Well, have I got news for you. Sunglasses, are, in fact, not okay at any time.  For instance, at night. There is no sun.  So, unless you go ahead and invent something called “moonglasses” with some type of scientific research backing them up, please remove your shades.

This trend also spawned the usage of shades in nightclubs.  Remember those clear-ish shades that “juice heads” started wearing at “da club?”  Gross. I assume this was to either, A) attempt to disguise your quarter sized pupils from all the drugs you were on, B) attempt to disguise your inherent dbaggery. Failure on both. It only drew more attention to you as we pointed and laughed.

Celebs, this goes for you as well. Who do you think you’re fooling with those shades on? I might NOT have noticed you strolling by… until you slapped those ginormous sunnies on. Now I’m wondering who the creep in the sunglasses is.

I was like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” Well, MC, I’ll tell you why. (Disregarding your pink leather jacket) you’re out at night wearing sunglasses. Let’s go over this again, there’s NO SUN. Cut it out. You think we wouldn’t recognize you without them? Doubtful considering your affinity for pink leather attire.

Oh… RiRi, you look confused. could it be because you are wearing sunglasses in the pitch dark and can’t see four feet in front of you? Thought so.

I mean, I don’t know why I’m even throwing this guy in there. He’s king of all D’s. Of course he’s got his shades on.

Oh Kimmy, I can’t even focus on the fact that you’re wearing sunglasses at night because I’m entranced by the fact that you’re wearing LEGGINGS AS PANTS. YOU of all people should NOT being wearing leggings as pants. I understand that most shirts probably don’t even fit over your rear, but let’s give a try, no?

Um, hey guys? It’s RAINING. Know how I know? You’re holding an UMBRELLA. One of these things does not go with the others. (Btw- is that a fannypack?)

Alright, do I need to make a brief list of sunglass uses? Fine. I’ll go slow. Pay attention, please.

• Wear sunglasses when it’s sunny.  Novel idea.
• Do not wear sunglasses at night.
• Do not wear sunglasses when it’s raining.
• Just say, “no” to drugs. Even your sunglasses can’t help you here.
• The bigger and more obnoxious your sunglasses are, the more attention they will draw to you.
• Just because you can’t see us, doesn’t mean we can’t see you.
• Clear sunglasses are an oxymoron.
• There are no such thing as “moonglasses.” I was making a point.

xx,

WhyDid