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The List Volume XLVII

By Kirsten|June 24th, 2011|The List|

This week’s list is a little different. I’ve decided to not just complain, but also teach a lesson while complaining (multitasking). A lesson in vocabulary. You see, there’s not a day that goes by that I hear someone say something so dumb, trite, or played out that it makes me cringe with sheer secondhand embarrassment. This is usually as simple as scrolling through my Facebook feed.

Since I love all my WhyDid readers nearly as much as I love Friday afternoons, here are ten things that you need to remove from your vocabulary immediately (if not sooner):

“WINNING!” It was funny for the first two or three days of Charlie Sheen’s delusion filled rants, but now you just sound like a washed up has been…
“Sigh” “Le sigh” Any variation of air leaving the body.
“Just saying…” I was an early adopter of this phrase. I really loved it… two years ago. Now everyone seems to tag it onto the end of every sentence for maximum impact, but here’s the thing: we know you’re “just saying” because you JUST SAID IT.
“Hit me up” I’m not even sure what that means.
“Sunday Funday” Just because it rhymes doesn’t make it cute. Boozeday Tuesday? Highday Friday? Didn’t think so.
“Nuts-o” “Dunz-o” Anything-o. Adding an “o” to the end of words sucks-o.
“Fashionista” With exception to the website.
“I’m straight.” That’s wonderful, but I asked how you were doing.
“Literally” People misuse this bad boy all the time. Literally means actually; without exaggeration or inaccuracy.
“Guru” “expert” “maven” Chances are if you refer to yourself as one of these… you aren’t.
*A late addition: “Curate” or any adaptation of…

Choose your words wisely and always remember, “silence hath more eloquence than speech.”

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume XLVI

By Kirsten|June 3rd, 2011|The List|

Let’s keep it short and bittersweet… kind of like the cocktail I had at 5 o’clock.

Bacne.Take care of your craters before slipping into a halter. Thx.
Burnt popcorn. (To be honest, I don’t like popcorn at all).
Open toed shoes are a privilege. If you insist on wearing them, please make sure your toes are presentable.
San Francisco’s weather.
Melodrama.
The Real Housewives of New Jersey. This is a grown up Jersey Shore and it’s gotta go. (Ya hear that, Bravo?)
Dirty grout.
The smell of laundry that’s been left in the washer too long.
High waisted jeans. Everyone looks like an a-hole in them. No one’s vajay and entire female reproductive system needs to be accentuated to that degree.
People who will not, no matter how hard I stomp, huff, and/or puff get out of the middle of the sidewalk. MOVE.

Have an absolutely fantastic weekend. It’s calling for rain here in SF. Mazel.

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume XLV

By Kirsten|May 20th, 2011|Somethin for the fellas, The List|

This week the list is dedicated to all you men out there. At times, I am utterly appalled by your behavior and wonder why we women haven’t boycotted you altogether.

So gentlemen, read carefully. Ladies, please feel free to print this sucker out and affix it to any and all men’s bathroom doors.

Money can’t buy you love. Yes, it’s true. Girls love gifts. And while this may work for a little while, there will come a time when you need to pony up and show us what you’re made of. A new pair of Louboutins for every you time you $*%* up will fill our closets, not our hearts. (Sidenote: bragging about your cash is vulgar. It doesn’t impress us -at least not the nice girls- it just makes us think you’re insecure).
Your grooming habits and products should not be more complex nor should they take up the space of mine. A little “manscaping” is one thing. Highlighted hair, waxed brows, and manzilians aren’t things that I want to have in common with you. If I liked girls, I’d date Ellen Degeneres.
Man boobs. Never, ever should your breasts resemble your lady friend’s. If you happen to be one of those gentlemen who grew mammaries overnight, at least cover them up by not wearing a silky shirt that emphasizes your newly swollen teets. If you happen to pass by the mirror and turn yourself on with the tittays you see, it’s time to hit the gym.
Pushing women out of the way to get on the subway/train, front of the line, etc. first. Who are you? Did you not have a mother? Have a little bit of class. Forget what ya heard, chivalry is not dead.
Arnold Schwarzenegger. You, my friend, have now joined the ranks of Jesse James and Tiger Woods. Congrats. Oh, and by the way, Jesse – all men do not cheat.
Cat calls. Um, how’s your ROI been on those? Remember this little experiment?
Tank tops. They aren’t meant for you. I don’t care if you are some cutie patootie with nice triceps. You still have armpit hair. And furthermore, by you wearing that tank top, you’re sending the message to other men (probably the ones who have no business wearing one) that it is, in fact, fine to flaunt the fat.
Belching, farting, scratching. We get it. These things happen. The body must function as it will– not at its will. Thing is- we don’t need to know you do it. Just like women never poop. Some secrets are meant to be kept.
Bromances. It’s nice to have friends. We love our girls’ nights too. However, dating (aka taking care of) one guy is hard enough. Don’t make me babysit your bestie too.
“No” means “no.” This may be a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes… we’re just not interested. Calling us a “bitch” or “fat heifer” just cause we shot you down isn’t going to get you very far. All it does is solidify what a douchebag you are.

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume XLIV

By Kirsten|May 15th, 2011|The List|

For the list this week, I thought I’d really throw you for a loop. Not only because I’m doing it on a Sunday (to start off the week) but also because I found that I have far too much to be happy about to complain this week. It’s so much easier to find the negative than the positive, so I figured I’d practice being positive.

Trees covered in flowers. The branches so heavy with flowers that they look like they might break at any moment.
Perfectly executed surprise birthday parties.
Being greeted by these guys upon arrival home everyday:
Sun showers.
Fuzzy slippers and perfectly polished toes.
Heeeeey cutie. My mom has been harassing me to stock my home with these sweet (and healthy) treats for a while now.
The color of the sky just before sunset at the beach. Can never be recreated by man.
The unthinkable has happened. But I’m a woman who can admit when she’s wrong. You know how strongly I felt about my Blackberry, but I will never go back…
Speaking of iPhones… Let’s talk about WhatsApp. Never have I been so thrilled about technology. This little “app” allows me to talk to 3 of my favorite gals all in one place at the same time.
Sweet, sweet baby boy Blake- born 5/14/11. Welcome, little man! (Don’t break too many hearts).

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume XLIII

By Kirsten|May 6th, 2011|The List|

This week’s list is a compilation from coast to coast. I’ve apparently been too busy to be annoyed, but thankfully, I got a little help from my friends- and they’re very annoyed. Here are a few things that annoyed some of my besties this week (and a couple that annoyed me too):

The people who stand outside of stores to try and lure you in. Um, if I needed to come in there, I would. This also goes along with the people who hand out flyers too. I do not want your flyer. Stop it.
Motorcycle/biker arm signals. I know you know what it means… but we don’t. Try a blinker.
People who “fake wash” their hands in the bathroom so you won’t think they’re scummy. With all the effort you put into pretending… you could have just lathered up.
Three words: Failure To Launch. It’s time to be a big girl/boy. Stow away your stuffed animals and get a grown up job.
People who like to play the “victim.” Shut. Up. and do something about it.
Having things “taken” from your shopping cart on RueLaLa. Um, I was going to buy that.
Girls who get angry when you come up to the mirror to reapply your lipgloss/fix your hair/etc. in the bathroom. Oh, I’m sorry… is this your mirror?
Speaking of hair: Touching your hair in public. Like, I’m not talking a little twirl of the hair while flirting. I mean a full on coif at the dinner table or perhaps flat ironing your hair on public transportation… yeah, I’m talking to you girl on the CalTrain…
Public overshare. This includes but is not limited to: Facebook break ups/make ups, Twitter lists of what you ate today, YouTube sob stories, DailyBooth risque photos. Let’s use social media for good, not evil.
People who feed their children fast food. I don’t mean for a “treat” from time to time. I’m talking about when it’s the rule rather than the exception.