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The List Volume LXXVII

By |June 22nd, 2012|The List|
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ten commandments of datingDating may be one of the hardest things that we, as women, have to deal with.  Fighting frizz?  No biggie.  Running on cobblestones in five inch heels?  Child’s play.  Passing the bar?  Nailed it.  That’s why I’m here to give you some of my greatest life lessons in love.  Sure, sure, we all know how great I am when it comes to relationships, but would you ever take advice from someone who hasn’t been through hell?  You know, they say those who can’t do, teach.  Well, I’m pretty sure that I fall under that category.  So, my children, do as I say, not as I do.

  1. Thou shall not divulge all your secrets upfront. (And don’t expect him to either).  I’m not saying be a liar, but hold off on letting him know about your bowel movements or past heartbreaks.  Let him fall for you before you scare him off.  And be aware: he probably has some secrets of his own that will eventually come to light.
  2. Thou shall agree to disagree.  You aren’t always going to see eye to eye.  Learn to pick and choose your battles before beating him to death.
  3. Thou shall not be desperate.  Tattoo this on your forehead: DBDG – Don’t Be Desperate, Girl.  Men can smell desperation/vulnerability a mile away.  FYI: It’s a pheromone for douchebags.
  4. Thou shall not make initial contact.  Give him the eye, the smile, or the hair toss to let him know you’re interested.  Anything past that falls on his shoulders.  Make him work for it- you’re worth it, afterall.
  5. Thou shall not conform.  Do NOT tailor your tastes to his.  Next thing you know, you’ll be climbing trees in the Redwood Forest when you’d rather be sippin’ cocktails poolside at the Mondrian.
  6. Thou shall not split the bill.  In no situation is it ever acceptable for a man you are newly dating to expect you to go Dutch.  If you do the mandatory “reach for your wallet” move and he accepts, he’s either 1). not into you, 2). a cheap mother f*cker, 3). tacky.  You don’t not want any of those.
  7. Thou shall not repeat past mistakes.  Uh, this should be self-explanatory, but can speak from experience that it’s not.  Fool me once, shame on you… fool me twice… It’s my own damn fault.  Fool me more than twice, I need to go to rehab.
  8. Thou shall not double text.  Ever.  Words to live by: No answer is your answer.
  9. Thou shall not settle. I know it feels scary now that your Facebook feed reads more of a bridal blog or “Babybook” but that’s no reason for you to feel compelled to grab the next willing young man to be your mate.  I can guarantee that being alone is a hell of a lot better than being with the wrong one.
  10. Thou shall not be a hater.  Being bitter won’t ever make it better.  Be happy for others who are in love and your prince charming will too some day arrive on his white horse.

Happy dating!

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume LXXVI

By |June 8th, 2012|The List|
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mean kittyTo be honest… this may or may not be the last week I do this whole “good cop/bad cop” list thing.  But alas, true to (current) form, here’s this week’s list… the good and the bad.

dead flowers

  1. Having the perfect outfit picked out in your head… only to decide you hate it 15 minutes before you’re supposed to leave.
  2. Being dripped on by overhead air conditioners.
  3. Men in gym shorts that are too short.  And tight.
  4. Million dollar weddings.
  5. Being in a city of over 8 million people, and running into the one person you’d rather not.

red roses

  1. Lana Del Rey
  2. Melon mimosas at Cafe Gitane.
  3. This lil’ nugget keeping me company while I’m without Smitty. sleeping cat
  4. Pedal party.
  5. Being back in New York.

 

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume LXXV

By |May 25th, 2012|The List|
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what goes upFor every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

  1. Airlines deciding to just “cancel” your flight.  Can they do that?  Wait.  I know the answer.
  2. Unsubscribing from emails only to receive another email to confirm that you’ve unsubscribed.
  3. Facebook’s new “star” feature where you can be updated of your favorite people’s activity… because once I was through “starring” people and only had TEN marked, I realized that I shouldn’t really have Facebook at all.
  4. Angry drunk dials.  Let’s be serious, all drunk dials are bad, but angry ones are the worst.
  5. Gaining five pounds being home with mom.

  1. Having to feign sadness when a friend cancels plans… cause you’re already in PJ’s and half a carton into Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey.
  2. Receiving an email so good that you are left laughing like a lunatic.  Alone.
  3. Having ten people in my life that I care enough about to want to know every move they make, every second of every day.
  4. Drunk showers.
  5. Being home with mom and realizing that your relationship has gone from simply mother/daughter to mother/daughter/best of friends.

That concludes today’s lesson.

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume LXXIV

By |May 18th, 2012|The List|
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life is hardIn all seriousness, it probably would have been easier to just write the list in its original form (all bad, all the time).  But I’ve made an effort to take a look on the bright side, so I managed to scrounge up equal parts happy as well as heinous.

  1. Men in sweatpants in public.  I don’t want to get too graphic here, but uh… it’s like the equivalent of a girl with no bra.  Catch what I’m saying?man in sweat pants
  2. Receiving emails like this.  When will men learn that this has the opposite of intended effect?name drop email
  3. “Fashion” segments on the Today show and the likes.  No wonder most of America look like assholes.
  4. Everyone who thinks he/she is going to get rich like a Zuckerberg by buying Facebook stock.  Please stop.
  5. Herve dress with Louis Vuitton bag and Louboutin heels.  Don’t be so obvious.  (J. Love Hewitt… ahem).

smiling cat

  1. Um… this guy. puppy in glasses
  2. Taking my grandma ice cream cones cause she’s decided that’s all she’s going to eat.
  3. Uh… Pittsburgh Dad.
  4. My new camera!  No more blurry photos! canon t3i rebel
  5. Berries for breakfast. berries and granola

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume LXXIII

By |May 11th, 2012|The List|
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glass half fullSince it’s clear that focusing on the negative does nothing but breed more negativity, I feel that it’s important to also discuss the things that make my little black heart sing.  You know, the things that bring me back from the ledge.  So, until further notice, the list will be split in two.  Pick your poison.

sad face banana

  1. Realizing that being born in 1991, makes you 21.
  2. Getting rejection letters from jobs I didn’t apply for.
  3. Streaky highlights.
  4. Fifty Shades of Grey (the trilogy).  For fifty or more reasons.
  5. Unfriendly hostesses.  I’m fairly certain that 88% of your job is smiling and being helpful.

pork luncheon happy face

  1. Spending time in a toy store.
  2. Wallpaper.  I’m itching to wallpaper something.  Anyone have a spare wall in need of paper?
  3. Standing under the steaming water of a shower just cause it feels nice.
  4. Taking all morning to eat my breakfast/drink my coffee.  Life is lovely at a leisurely pace.
  5. Happy birthday to Blake and his beautiful mama, Devan.  I can’t believe it’s been a year since you joined the party, little dude!

Until next time…

xx,

WhyDid

 

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