WhyDid Wisdom: Against the Grain

By |June 14th, 2012|WhyDid Wisdom|

square peg round holeHave you ever been doing something and thinking to yourself, “What the hell am I doing?”  You know you are going down the wrong path but continue on because you figure, “Hell, I’ve come this far.”?  It’s as if you’re watching yourself from the outside, but are unable to stop what’s playing out.  You’re a spectator of your own life.  You’ve got tickets to a movie you didn’t want to see and now you probably look back and wish you’d just put your foot down in the first place and said, “That’s not what I want.”

Well, as it happens, I am quite friendly with these feelings.  I let my life be guided by social “norms” for the past couple of years only to be kicked in the teeth after it all imploded and the universe had had enough of watching me squander and squirm.  I remember having a glass of prosecco with one of my best friends in between trying on wedding dresses and confessing to her that something didn’t feel quite right.  She assured me that feelings of anxiety were fairly normal, but I didn’t have the heart, or the guts, to tell her it was something more.  So I finished my prosecco, decided on a beautiful Vera Wang and continued planning a wedding and living a life that were so clearly not meant for me.

Since I was a child, I have had an alarmingly acute sense of intuition.  I have no idea where it came from and my father still tells a story of when it first became apparent.  The problem is that as the years have gone by and I lost more and more of my childlike purity of thought, I’ve lost touch with my intuition.  I’ve let other people’s perceptions of me influence who I was becoming and how I thought.  I’ve let people make me feel guilty for not seeing the good in others, but unfortunately and as it turns out, not all people are good.  My intuition was still there, but had become latent because I’d managed to always let people talk me out of it.  The combination of a big heart and laser sharp intuition are the stuff contradictions are made of.

whack a moleAs my situation continued, the uncertainty and feelings of uneasiness persisted and increased, but I just bopped them on the heads like a game of  Whack a Mole.  I was so scared to end it.  I was terrified of not fitting into the social norms and disappointing others that I didn’t listen to my own heart, my subconscious, my intuition.  When it became evident to all parties that this was a railroad engine heading straight for a brick wall, we braced for impact and let the train wreck derail.

Ironically, I consider myself lucky enough that he ended it.  The hardest part was letting go of the idea.  I knew it had been wrong all along, but was so stubborn (in my head loyal) by holding onto what I’d let others and myself tell me was right for me when in all actuality was totally wrong.  I’ve talked to more than a few women since then who have assured me that I am so fortunate to have not gone through with things.  Most of them are already divorced and still quite young and each one had had the same feelings I’d had.  And as hard as it was, I know I’m lucky.  Lucky because now I can start over.  Lucky because now I can become who I am supposed to be.  Lucky because I don’t ever have to wonder “what could have been?”  Lucky because I didn’t settle out of fear.

trainwreckWe trick ourselves into thinking and believing things that are not congruent with our true selves.  You didn’t even like that guy or want that job, so stop beating yourself up over over it.  Stop letting people tell you what’s right for you or what you “should” be doing.  Listen to your intuition.  Nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either and many are just projecting their own feelings and insecurities about their own experiences onto you.  That’s their life, not yours and you’re not wrong for feeling what you feel.  I’ve never been wrong when I’ve had a gut feeling, but I’ve let people make me think I’m being “crazy” and in the end, I’m most angry at myself for not having listened to me.  This wasn’t the first time and it wasn’t even the last.  I’ve fallen victim to the same mistakes since then, but I’m still learning to reconnect with what’s been there all along.

We only have one shot at this.  Don’t let other people’s projections for you predict what you do and who you become.  Listen to yourself, your gut, your intuition, and don’t ever be scared to ask for what you really want.



Weekend Playlist: Get Down Tonight

By |April 28th, 2012|Weekend Playlist|

roller disco partyHere’s a question:  What better way to celebrate a birthday than with a 70’s disco roller skating party?  Answer: There is no better way.  My favorite guest DJ and all around crafty lady, Katie (aka the best friend a girl could ask for), is celebrating her golden birthday this weekend.  No, Kim, that’s nothing even remotely close to a golden shower.  A golden birthday is when you turn your age, say 22, on the day, the 22nd.  Get it?

So, while we are combing out our afros and stretching out our leotards, we’ll be getting in the mood with this 70’s inspired playlist.  And probably drinking a little prosecco too.

Send Katie a little birthday love while you’re at it.



The List Volume 1/20

By |January 20th, 2012|The List|

I was not kidding about that pony.  I feel that in honor of my birthday, I should suspend the usual snark fueled list in order to honor some things that make me giggle with glee.  So, here are ten of many in no particular order.

  1. Benetint. I don’t know how else I can say it.
  2. Crispy rice spicy tuna.
  3. Have I ever told you about Smitty
  4. Love.  Surprisingly enough… I love love.  So hard.
  5. Prosecco.
  6. My beloved friends… though I often have to Photoshop us into the same place for us to all be together. 
  7. Shiny things and chandeliers.
  8. Classic television, ie; Golden Girls, Cheers, Who’s the BossDesigning Women, Full House, The Nanny … (yes, I’m old).
  9. My pink HB cashmere robe.
  10. Any good reason to celebrate and deck myself out.

Happy birthday to me (and the rest of you Capriquarius kids).


The List Volume XXVIII

By |November 19th, 2010|The List|

Seeing as Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I do spend quite a bit of time bitching about things sucking, I figured I would make a list of things that I am incredibly thankful for. Here are ten (in mostly no particular order) of the many things I have to be thankful for:

  1. This guy. I do not know how I would function every day without him.
  2. My incredibly wonderful and supportive family… though now I’ve noticed we are long overdue for a family portrait.
  3. Prosecco.
  4. Living in a country where I can say, do, or wear anything I want all while turning on a faucet for clean water.
  5. Having some of the world’s best friends (who don’t mind a theme).
  6. Having had the opportunity to live in one of the best cities in the world (NY, obvi). The experiences are irreplaceable.
  7. Love. Real, true, pure, magical love.
  8. Thongs. No, I’m serious. Can you imagine a lifetime of VPL (visible panty lines)?
  9. Technology: cell phones, computers, TV’s, the INTERNET! How else would you be able to keep up with WhyDid?
  10. Most importantly, everyone who is reading this. A bored at work hobby has turned into more than I ever could have imagined. Couldn’t do it without you.

Count your blessings!