Why Did You Wear That? | WhyDid.com

Why Did You Wear That: Suit Up

By Kirsten|March 11th, 2010|Why Did You Wear That?|

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In case you weren’t already aware, I’m a swimsuit aficionado. I own more bikinis than most Hawaiians and I wish I had more reasons to wear them. (hint, hint, fellas).

Not everyone is as enthusiastic about swimsuit season as I am though. Last year, I gave some tips on how to find the right bikini so let’s go ahead and revisit those really quickly and then I’m going to add some more rules to help guide you to looking like Brooklyn Decker on the cover of SI. (Well, keep your top on).

First, you need to take a good look in the mirror and determine your body type. What part of your body do you love and want to emphasize? What parts are not your favorite?
Get a bathing suit that is flattering on YOU. Don’t grab one because you saw it on someone else or it is trendy. Bathing suits are a personal thing and just because Marisa Miller looked hot in it, doesn’t mean you will (I know, we all want to look like her).
Thongs are either meant to be worn under your clothes or on your feet. Please do not wear thong bikinis. There is the TINIEST percentage of the population that looks good in them (mostly based in Brazil). You are more than likely not one of them.
Speedos are not cute. Ever. It’s a swimwear version of leggings as pants.
Get waxed. WhyInGayHell did it, so can you. No one wants to see your burning bush. Promise.
Don’t be afraid to mix and match. Switch it up. Go ahead and wear a top from one bathing suit with the bottom of another. Just make sure they do coordinate in some way (i.e. same color family, complimentary colors).
Guys- your shorts shouldn’t be super baggy, and they also shouldn’t be super short. Aim for right around the top of the knee. Also… lay off the crazy flower patterns and flames. Simple is good.
Hit the gym. Not only is it good for your health, it’s good for my eyes. You want to look like a well oiled machine when you’re splashing in the sea. Flab is in no way fab.

Trouble with the Tush?

Maya makes a great bikini that is incredibly flattering on the derriere. They have added a little cinching on the back so that it gives your booty more definition. They also aren’t large bottoms, which goes along with my guidelines for good fitting bikinis.

C29B36-431_med Maya Signature Cut and Triangle top in Cherry Coral, $185

Tata Trauma?

If you’re looking for a little more up top, try to get something with embellishment or ruffles, or pattern.

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OndadeMar Girly Ruffle Bikini, $144

Does your cup runneth over? The key is support, support, support!

6559 Becca Bungalow Bandeau Top, $80, bottom, $64

Tummy Terrors?

I’m not the BIGGEST fan of this new “high waisted bikini” thing, but I do get where it could be helpful for some. This is a good way to make your trouble zone look a little slimmer.

17594086_060_a Free People Printed High Waist bikini, $198

Hopefully this will put you at ease while swimsuit shopping. Vacations are meant to be fun and this carries over to your swimwear. Now go grab a cocktail and trashy novel and soak up the sun.

xx,

WhyDid

Red Carpet Recap: The Money Shot…

By Kirsten|March 8th, 2010|Red Carpet Recap, Why Did You Wear That?|

Typically I find the big award shows to be one big snooze fest. It seems like a lot of people wearing the gowns they weren’t able to wear at their senior proms. However, this year I was pleasantly surprised. Despite the fact that I spent my morning doing the oh-so rigorous Intensanti with WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady, I didn’t fall asleep (let alone yawn) during the red carpet pre-show. Below are some of the good, bad, and just plain ol’ ugly.

The Good:

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Speaking of pleasantly surprised, Meryl Streep looked stunning in Chris March (Project Runway). She is a great example for the older actresses everywhere (take note: she covered her ARMS!!). An absolute perfect choice.

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Sandra Bullock has really never looked better. Her hair and makeup make her look totally feminine and this dress by Marchesa is truly a departure for her. Obviously Oscar worthy.

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Some may disagree with me, but she’s SARAH JESSICA PARKER for crying out loud! Would you really expect her to wear some run of the mill satin gown? Abso not! The pale yellow of her Chanel gown is beautiful on her and I love, love, loved her gigantic hairdo. Matt, you’re not looking too bad either.

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Despite the fact that Miley is slouching as if she’s got osteoporosis at age 17, I thought this was a wonderful choice for her (Jenny Packham). It’s a little more grown up, while still maintaining a youthfulness about it. Well played, Hannah Montana.

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At first, I wasn’t a believer. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for Rachel McAdams. She’s a gorgeous girl. This dress absolutely grew on me like fungus and it is so different from the typical tulle and taffeta. Bravo, Elie Saab!

Not a huge Cameron Diaz fan, but I am a fan of her in this Bulgari creation. She looks absolutely delightful.

Elizabeth Banks looks amazing in this grey number by Atelier Versace. My only call out? That cheeseball headband. Just too much.

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I don’t usually find the men’s outfits all that enthralling, but I do love that Robert Downey Jr. decided to be playful with his accessories. Sometimes it gets so boring with everyone in the standard black and white.

The Bad:

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I’m 50% sure that Tina Fey is, in fact, wearing a Bump It. Yes, a Bump It a la Snookie on the Jersey Shore. This Michael Kors dress would have been okay on her, if she had just styled the rest of herself correctly.

nicole-richie

This dress by Reem Acra isn’t HORRIFIC, but it does remind me of something my grandma would wear by the pool in Palm Beach. To “top” it off, her hair looks like she was getting in a last minute pre-Oscar workout and didn’t have time to wash it, let alone, dry shampoo.

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I have a serious girl crush on Amanda Seyfried, but I do NOT have a girl crush on her Armani Prive. It is not a flattering color for Amanda and it is just too much dress for her. Better luck next time.

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I think someone summed it up best when they said, “George Clooney looks like a lesbian.” I mean, I have to agree. What is going on? And what is going on with Elisabetta’s shawl? Are we really at Junior Prom?

The Ugly:

First of all, WHY ARE YOU HERE??? That being said, your Armani Prive frock is a fashion fail. It looked like cotton candy gone wrong (as if that’s even possible). For a curvy girl, you should know better than to draw more attention to your hips than you need to.

Maggie, Maggie, Maggie. Really? Were you on your way to a luau and lost your way? Your Dries Van Noten looks like a Hawaiian shirt gone all kinds of wrong. Mahalo.

Oh, did you forget you silverware? No worries, Carey’s got you covered in her Prada gown encrusted with all different types of hardware. Dig in.

Diane Kruger is typically a fashion dream come true, but she’s kind of my worst nightmare in this dress by Chanel.

Yike, yikes, yikes! Zoe Saldana is fashion schizophrenia in her Givenchy gown. The top is actually kind of beautiful. Unfortunately, the red carpet isn’t shot from the waist up. The bottom looks like a cross between a purple poodle and a garden of hydrangeas.

Okay, seriously? Do I even need to go into a diatribe about the nipple covers on Charlize’s Dior gown?

And the Ridic:

I mean, this is all I’m going to say (quote), “If fashion was porn, this dress would be the money shot.” Um, thanks for the… err… visual, Gabourey.

All we really wanna know is where was Lindsay Lohan? Now back to the beach.

xx,

WhyDid

Why Did You Wear That: You Are What You Eat

By Kirsten|February 25th, 2010|Why Did You Wear That?|

cupcakedress

So, you get it. We love cupcakes. They’re delicious. They’re pretty. They’re basically irresistible to most humans… I know they say, “you are what you eat” but there is no real reason to actually LOOK like a cupcake. It IS possible to have too much of a good thing. That being said, why is it that some of these celebs look like they’ve taken their cupcake obsession to the red carpet?

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I have actually NO CLUE who this girl is, but I do know that she looks like a baked confection. (WhyInGayHell, can you help a sista out? Who is this?)

Grammy Awards Press Room

Oh, Carrie. Usually the picture of perfection… Now you just like a moldy cupcake.

lilmama

Lil Mama, I’ve been salivating over your picture and not cause you look like a cupcake. I mean, what IS this that you’re wearing? It’s a lot. And what the hell does it say across your chest? I’m getting old and my eyesight is going.

10th+Anniversary+Party+Flaunt+Magazine+Ldjpm-vDDDwl

Funfetti anyone?

sarah

Um, Sarah, you’re cupcake’s missing the icing. You’re a naked cupcake. (FYI- icing is the best part).

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A lot of people tried to guess WTF Rihanna was channeling with this little get up. Well, we’ve cracked the case, folks. She’s a cupcake.

natalie

Natalie is just one big blob of icing. She and Sarah should get together and even out their cake to icing ratio.

paris-hilton-party-dress

I mean, you knew Paris wasn’t going to let us down on this one. She’s a cross between a black and white cookie and a cupcake. Although… that might be a pretty delicious crossbreed. More delicious than her channeling Charlotte York. You’re not fooling anyone, P.

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And the sprinkles on top of our cupcake… This is the epitome of asscake.

So, I leave you with this, my friends. It’s fine to love cupcakes, but please, please, please don’t take your obsession to the extremes (i.e., your wardrobe). And on that note, WhyDon’tYouEatMe and I are heading to the gym, seeing as we’ve eaten our body weight in cupcakes this week.

xx,

WhyDid

Why Did You Wear That: A Thorn Without a Rose

By Kirsten|February 19th, 2010|Why Did You Wear That?|

Dear Amber Rose,

First and foremost, I’d like to say, who the hell are you? You keep popping up everywhere so clearly I went ahead and Wikipedia’ed your ass. (Ass being operative word seeing as this is what Wiki had to say):

Amber Rose (born October 21, 1982) is an American model, socialite and former exotic dancer, best known for her relationship with musicianKanye West.^{[citation needed]} Her mother is from Cape Verde and her father is of Italian and African American and Irish descent.^{[citation needed]}She is the youngest child of Shauna and Juan Palmer. Her parents divorced when she was three years old, and she was raised by her maternal aunt, Mary Lakes. Rose originally wanted to own a restaurant because she enjoyed food but instead turned to modeling as a career.

Okay, couple things… seems as though “socialite” is being thrown around pretty carelessly these days. How do you think Tinsley Mortimer feels about being lumped in the same category with an ex stripper turned nude model?

On a total side note, why do they call it “exotic” dancing? I mean, there’s nothing “exotic” about it. Am I right? It’s like calling the garbage man a “waste technician.” Let’s call a spade a spade.

This is the picture that got me to venting:

This is you at Fashion Week. Why are you there? I was not aware that Darth Vader was showing this season.

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Oh… leggings as pants. Leopard leggings as pants. Two birds. One stone.

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I mean, really? Did you think that we wouldn’t mind your cameltoe if you matched your pants to your lipstick? Strike two.

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You obv don’t wanna be a wallflower, so why on God’s green earth are you dressing like wallpaper?

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You’re really testing my patience, Amber.

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Oh, you’re a bumblebee. Is that what all the buzz is about?

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And your worst fashion choice of all? Kanye as an accessory.

Now I know why you were a stripper/nude model, cause you actually are better off with no clothes on.

xx,

WhyDid

Why Did You Wear That: All Aboard The Ugly Express. Choo! Choo!

By Kirsten|February 18th, 2010|Why Did You Wear That?|

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Dear Juicy Track Suit Wearer,

2001 called, they’d like their velour leisure suit back.

xx,

All of us

Seriously, if I see one more chick in the airport… or just in general… wearing a “track suit” as appropriate casual wear, I’m gonna flip. Like Carrie Underwood I just found out my man’s cheating kind of flip. I understand that we all want to be comfy when traveling (especially since not all of us are flying first class and sometimes get stuck in a middle seat sandwiched between two big’uns). Being comfortable does NOT mean that you need to look like you crawled out of a Pound Puppy factory. Your warm and fuzzy jumpsuit isn’t giving anyone besides you the “warm and fuzzies.” And besides, do you really want the word “Juicy” written across your ass? Nothing about that sounds flattering.

Exhibits A, B, C, and D:

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51K2BD361QL__AA280_ Eva Longoria

tracksuit_fashion

Catching my drift? Remember when Paris Hilton used to live in these things? Do you want to have anything in common with P. Hil (besides her checking account)? Didn’t think so. So, to avoid any second hand embarrassment on my part, let’s get you into something comfortable AND stylish.

Now is one of those times where leggings (not worn as pants) might come in handy. Layer some leggings with a long tunic and/or yummy cashmere sweater (it gets chilly on those planes). Put on some flat boots (They don’t have to be flat, mind you, I’m just going for comfort. Bravo to you if you want to wear heels) and you’re good to go. Here’s a visual:

richie

(sans lace gloves, obvi. Chanel bag optional).

A few more options if this is still not clear for you:

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She’s even making “jeggings” look cool.

travel

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The trick is layering. It gives you versatility and you can take on or off depending on temperature and comfort. This is an extreme example, but you get the point (I hope).

I’m about to make this REALLY easy for you…

travel outfit

So Low Long Leggings, $51, Nightcap Clothing Cashmere Poncho Scarf Sweater, $532, Wilt Hi Lo Tank, $86, Ash Pearl Over the Knee Boots, $323.40, Alexander Wang Daphne duffel bag, $623, Carrera Champion Sunglasses, $120

All available at shopbop.com

Bon voyage!

xx,

WhyDid

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