Why In Gay Hell Wouldn’t I Be Tan?

Sooo it’s “Beach Week” here at WhyDid and obviously you can’t go prancing around the pool looking pasty. So what’s a girl to do?  Get a tan, of course! I don’t mean go fry yourself under a heat lamp like a piece of fried chicken.  No one looks good with premature wrinkles and skin cancer.  I mean fake the funk with a fake tan.  To illustrate this, WhyDon’tYouEatMe, WhyDidYouWearThat, and I set off on a spray tan adventure which we’ll share with you below. Sit back, switch your heat lamp off and enjoy.

Sooo what was the outcome? Well, we’re all tan. We all have some degree of “tan palms.” The Fusion Glow tan of WhyDon’tYouEatMe was the most subtle and just gave a slightly sunkissed glow. A Tan For All Seasons gave WhyDidYouWearThat a bronze tan that looks like she spent a few days at the beach. It actually came out very brown as opposed to orange like a tangerine. And as for me? I am not nearly as tan as I was hoping to be. If you are only looking to be somewhat tan, Tan Towel is a good option, but not if you want to look like you spent a week baking in Jamaica. All in all, we all look beach ready. Remember, people, a fake tan is not a real base tan and you should ALWAYS use some type of sunscreen when basking in the UV rays. I mean, Why In Gay Hell would you want to look like a lobster when you can look like a Greek god?

xx,

WhyInGayHell

(*WhyDon’tYouEatMe’s bikini by American Apparel, WhyDidYouWearThat’s bikini by Vitamin A)

Why In Gay Hell Wouldn’t I Get Waxed?

Three weeks ago, I found myself in a conversation about male waxing. It was a funny conversation that left me with a few questions. The main one being are men getting their lower regions waxed? I mean, I am all about personal grooming- I get my hair did, eyebrows waxed, beard  trimmed, facials etc. With all of these services I am at total ease with letting the professionals take care of it, but the below the belt stuff I take care of myself. Until three weeks ago I was completely unaware that men could even get waxed..down there, at first thought I was horrified…I mean Why In Gay Hell would you wax your balls?

Well, after a thorough investigation into the world of male waxing , I found that it is much more popular than I thought. So, I decided…if everyone else is doing it, I want to do it too! (I mean, when in Rome…).

Now this is a  very delicate area to have waxed soooo I want the BEST and this led me to Face to Face Spa to meet a star in his field…. Enrique Ramirez. Enrique is a master in the field of male waxing (he is a master in all aesthetics actually) and he is also the owner of the spa. The male waxing services are cleverly named to sound less intimidating: full moon rising, crack down, south of the border, and my favorite, the marble sac and shaft! I decided on the crack down and the marble sac and shaft. I mean, go big or go home, right? The pain was minimal and well worth the results. I don’t know about other guys out there, but with shaving there is a lot of maintenance. With waxing, you’re smooth and hairless for a month- and when I say smooth I mean like a baby’s ass! The trick to getting waxed is finding a person you’re comfortable with. Let’s be honest, it’s very hands on (to say the least). Enrique is sooo professional and personable that the whole situation from start to hairless ass finish was a delight.

Now, of course, WhyDidYouWearThat and I had to video this journey and we have posted it below to share with you (probably not work appropriate – just a warning). it also has an interview with Mr Enrique himself! Sooo enjoy the video and ask yourself Why In gay Hell wouldn’t I get waxed?

xx,

WhyInGayHell

Why In Gay Hell Wouldn’t You Want My Cupcakes?

You may think cupcakes are all fun and games. I mean, what kind of harm could a cupcake do (besides add a few vanity pounds)? Well, let me tell you how a box of cupcakes nearly ruined my life.

I, like most girls, sometimes get ahead of myself when it comes to relationships. I mean, on a first date I already know what our wedding looks like, the house we will live in, and our childrens’ names (yes, names vary on the guy). I know I just recently wrote a blog about learning to love myself and yes, we are still on that journey… but, I can date, right? ……WRONG

Well, not so long ago I started talking to a guy and when we first started talking it was just as friends. The nice thing about this was there were no labels put on it. It was just two people talking, getting to know one another, enjoying each other. You get my drift. I am a lunatic though and after the first week,  my heart started racing and I grew emotionally attached. I was very honest with how UNREALISTIC these feelings of ”love” were and I expressed this to WhyDidYouWearThat quite often. I also knew in my heart, the timing was wrong for this (something else discussed in length with WDYWT).  I knew it wouldn’t be long til I was like an REO Speedwagon song saying, “I cant Fight This Feeling Anymore.”

Sooo we kept it light for as long as we could, but the attraction and the chemistry was undeniable. The Friday before Valentine’s Day we had dinner and it was a great night except towards the end of dinner the conversation fell on the topic of US. What are we? What are we doing?  Where do we want to go with this? The conversation seemed to go well and we decided to keep things simple and just continue to get to know each other. Before we said, “goodnight” for the evening I asked him to go to the movies with me on Sunday. Yes, Valentine’s Day. He accepted and my heart rejoiced.  I rode away on my unicorn with a smile on my face.

Valentine’s Day comes along. I go and purchase a card for him with the help of WDYWT.  It was perfect.  It said “Congrats, you’re my Valentine.” And because Cupid had hit me in the ass with one of his damn arrows, I went to the delish Billy’s Bakery and purchased my guy some cupcakes. I was in a romantic comedy in my head.  Little did I know, the joke was on me. Right before we were supposed to meet, he calls. He informs me he can’t do this anymore. He likes me too much and is not ready to get attached… and that he can’t talk to me anymore. I am not very often speechless, but I was at a complete loss for words and all I managed to mutter before hanging up was, “OK.”  I am now sitting at my desk, teary eyed, and staring at these damn cupcakes. The cupcakes that now make me want to throw myself in front of a speeding cab. The only thought running through my head is, “NOBODY is ever going to want my cupcakes….NOBODY!!”

Well, all I have to say is thank god for good friends because good friends always want your cupcakes. So, I hopped in a cab and headed right over to WhyDidYouWearThat’s apartment where I proceeded to talk about my insanity while we ate every last crumb of the cupcakes. I mean, Who In Gay Hell would waste good cupcakes?

Now, the cupcake fiasco for me does not stop there. The Wednesday following Valentine’s Day, I am at work and a man walks in with a delivery for me from Sugar Sweet Sunshine Bakery….Cupcakes!! The card attached has no name, but simply says, “Miss You.” I am sent into a tailspin. I want to believe that “the guy” sent these cupcakes. I want to believe he realized he made a mistake and these are “I’m sorry” cupcakes.  Sooo, I call the bakery to ask who sent them (more Nancy Drew detective work), they tell me they are not at liberty to tell me who sent them. I beg. They still refuse.

As I pig out on the delish cupcakes, I ponder who else could’ve sent them. I want them to be from “him”, but what if they aren’t? Turns out… it wasn’t “him.” A boy did send the cupcakes, but it was not the boy  I wanted it to be. They were from another boy I went on a couple dates with months ago. A boy I had totally forgotten about. I mean what in gay hell are the chances that on Sunday I would buy cupcakes for someone who did not want them from me… and then three days later receive cupcakes from someone I did not want them from? Who knew that cupcakes could be so problematic?  Well, I can say last week I literally had my cupcakes and ate them too. Why In Gay Hell not?

xx,

WhyInGayHell

We’re Flipping Out!

As some of you may know, we’re getting fancy over here at WhyDid… Christmas either came really early or kinda late for us yesterday. We got ourselves a pretty pink Flip video camera. So you know what that means, right? MORE OF OUR PRETTY FACES!! I know! You’re welcome. Here’s a clip of WhyInGayHell and I testing it out. Just your typical Friday afternoon… (please pardon the mess and WIGH’s munching).

xx,
WhyDid

Boylesque? Why In Gay Hell Not?

***WhyDid Warning- Again, this post is a bit racy (let’s say NC-17). Most certainly not for the faint of heart or easily offended.

Sooo, as many of you know it’s Fashion Week here in NYC. I, myself, have been immersed in this craziness doing glam nails for some really amazing designers, but we will blog about that later. In the midst of this fashion whirlwind, I decided to take a much needed break for some fun times with two of the funnest (yes, I said “funnest”) people I know: WhyDidYouWearThat and Mr. Ryan Darius Nickulas. I had recently heard about this Boylesque Show from a great new website I found called The Showt. The Showt is a biweekly email newsletter that gives you the inside track on the best of the best in fashion, nightlife, dining, and culture that your city has to offer. Ryan Darius and I are kinda obsessed with The Showt because it gives the skinny on the newest of new before the HYPE takes over.

So anyway, I got together my Nancy Drew Private Detective Agents and ventured down to Uncle Charlie’s on the Lower East Side (87 Ludlow St. between Broome and Delancey) to investigate this Boylesque Show. Boylesque (if you couldn’t figure it out) is a weekly gay burlesque show that takes place on Saturdays from 11pm-4am.

When we first walked into Uncle Charlie’s, we were a little confused. It’s a long narrow bar that leads to a back room with a very tiny stage.We got there early, around 11pm and the show, itself, does not start til.12:30am. We wanted to ensure we had good seats and boy oh boy, did we. The host of Boylesque is a boy with a lot of personality and goes by the name “GoGo Harder.” GoGo was clad in a jockstrap and some striped knee high gym socks and a little bit of eyeliner. Why in Gay Hell wouldn’t he be?

I will say at first sight, we were a little disappointed. It wasn’t the grand stage we had expected, the crowd didn’t look that excited to be there, and the bar itself kinda smelled. We couldn’t decide if the smell was shit (from the bathroom) or simply the smell of failure. However, this turned out to be like finding a vintage Louis Vuitton bag in  a thrift store. The store at first glance doesn’t look like much, but you know there is a hidden gem buried somewhere inside. Boylesque is the  hidden gem, Uncle Charlie’s is the thrift store.

The show started and we began to understand why The Showt had recommended this as a place to check out. GoGo informed the crowd that the night’s theme was mermaids. I get excited for anything with a mystical creature theme.  The performers are true artists and really know how to put on a good show. The first performer that stole our breath and hearts  away was a boy named Christopher David Bousquet (he goes by Bizkitt). He is a circus trained contortionist. Christopher did two amaze performances: one with hula hoops, and the second was to one of my FAVE songs of all time “Part Of Your World” from The Little Mermaid (WhyDidYouWearThat and I sang along as he performed). Christopher can bend his body in ways I didn’t know were possible and can really work a hula hoop (two things I find incredibly admirable). The second performer who really stood out was Nicholas Gorham. Nicholas is a beautiful man who truly understands performance as art. Nicholas gave a performance that left us wanting more. He looked fierce as he kept a serious face (makeup flawlessly applied) and proceeded to remove his clothing in a way that would’ve made Dita Von Teese proud. Bravo, Nicholas!

The rest of the show was made up of a beautiful singing Mystical Creature in a sparkle hooded cloak, a boy in a dinosour costume, and to close the night with a bang, a man who goes by the name Machine who revealed his privates which were clad in a pink fishnet body stocking. It was really a great night and I will be back to Uncle Charlie’s soon to see these amazing Boylesque boys again! Why In Gay Hell wouldn’t I go back? It’s like Pinkberry, I want more. I truly think this is a show everyone (gay or straight) should experience at some point in their life. Sooo with that being said, who’s coming with me?

xx,

WhyInGayHell

Happy Valentine’s Day from the WhyDid Fam

Oh, it’s Valentine’s Day alright. Please don’t throw yourself from the nearest bridge. WE love you, after all. What else could you possibly need (other than a tall glass of wine)?  Would some funny commercials with women holding the Shake Weight help?

Don’t worry, we didn’t forget you guys.

Sending our love.

xx,

WhyDidYouWearThat, WhyInGayHell, WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady, WhyDon’tYouEatMe, VintageVixen

Why In Gay Hell Wouldn’t I LOVE Me?

So, there is a saying out there that we’ve all heard a million times. It goes something  like this, “How can you expect  anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself?” The past couple of months I have been on a scavenger hunt for LOVE. I have been dating, and been having disastrous results (check out my last trainwreck) . Along with searching for love, I have also been trying to find the adult in myself. I can say that trying to find both of these things at the same time could be what is making the dating thing hard. I am really focused on my career, learning to manage my money, and getting my credit in order. I have been beating myself up a lot lately, because at 27 years of age I should already KNOW how to do this stuff , right? With that being said, part of me is embarrassed at where I am in my life. I feel like a school project that you waited til the last minute to throw together. The popsicle sticks  and glitter are falling off and the glue is barely dry. It’s not ready to be presented, but you present it anyway. If you couldn’t follow that analogy, the point I am trying to make is I don’t think I am presentable right now. I don’t think I have a lot to offer someone else. That is, unless, you like a disaster and then I’m your guy. This thinking is NOgood.  The main thing I am trying to drive home is I don’t like TJ lately (sad violin plays in the background) soo Why In Gay Hell am I dating? Well, I will tell you why. I like the  attention and validation that I get from a date, especially a first date because at that point it’s based on just physical attraction. It makes me feel good to know that someone thinks I am pretty. It also makes me feel good to know I can score a date when inside I feel like a tragedy. Sooo what do I do about this? How do I learn to LOVE me so that I can be truly open to loving someone else and have them love me back?

Well, I will tell you where I have decided to start: my appearance. I mean, part of loving yourself is loving the way you look, right? Soo with Valentine’s Day fast approaching, and me being single, I have decided to treat MYSELF to some services that cater to my vanity.  Here is a list of services I KNOW always help me like the way I look a little bit more….

• Get my hair did. Color, Cut, Scalp Treatment:  I always feel great when leaving a salon and I think most people do. Suggestion for all girls in NYC- I work at the best salon in the West Village (and rated best new salon in AM New York), Ryan Darius Salon! I can guarantee if you come down and visit the fab Ryan Nickulas for your hair, you will def. leave loving yourself a LOT more.
• Get a Mani/Pedi: Now, I am a fingernail aficionado (I do nails at Ryan Darius Salon, for a few Celebs, Fashion Shoots/Shows and TV) sooI know what a good mani/pedi looks like. I also know how good a girl feels after getting beautiful nails. Let’s also remember getting your hands and feet rubbed, I mean who doesnt love that?
• Getting Skin Soft and Smooth:  I will be getting waxed and a facial. Eyebrows are important to me and when I look in the mirror, I see them so they need to look good. I mean, they are on my face. Also, in the waxing arena (and thank you to WhyDidYouWearThat) I will be getting a little waxing called the “Backdoor.” Being well groomed below the belt can def. step your confidence level up a notch. After leaving the wax room, I head over to get my skin glowing and to gain some mental peace and quiet during a facial.
• Workin On My Fitness:  I am recommitting to the gym. I want the body I talk about having (this body I talk about resembles Sean Farisjust so ya know) and that means dedication. It also is good to set a goal and accomplish it because proving to yourself that you can accomplish things is another great way to start loving yourself. It’s like running a marathon (I am assuming because I don’t run. Why in Gay Hell would I?) When you finally cross the finish line, you are filled with a feeling that is undeniably amazing because YOU DID IT!

Now, I know from experience that yes, I am going to LOVEmyself a lot more after I get myself glammed up, but I do want to talk briefly about loving the “you inside” and not just  the “you outside.” I’ve also heard somewhere that it’s what’s inside that counts. I think the best way to start loving the “you inside” is to start by saying to yourself right now, “I am where I’m supposed to be.” For me, this starts by not comparing my life to anyone else’s (i.e She’s married soo I should be married. She drives a better car than mine. She makes twice the salary I do, etc.).  My path is my path,no one else’s. I have to be happy where I am today or it’s going to be a pretty miserable journey.

Lately I have been making “Gratitude” and “Accomplishment” lists. I need to remind myself to be thankful for what I have in my life and I need to remind myself that I have done things I should be proud of. When you write it down on paper and look at it, it’s  a great feeling. It inspires me to keep pushing and taking the risks I need to. It’s also important to acknowledge your efforts.  Sometimes things don’t turn out the way you want, but if you can say you put effort into it, remember that counts. Always give yourself an “A+” in effort. Last, but not least,  trust yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself as long as you put your heart in to it. A good relationship with yourself is like any other relationship you need TRUST to truly LOVE.

Now as far as Valentine’s Day, I am going to cut myself a break and I am not going to jump off the nearest bridge just because I am alone on the holiday of LOVE. Instead I am going to buy myself some of my fave flowers, (check out “Tough Love” to find out what flower that is), order a pizza from one of WhyDon’tYouEatMe’s suggestions, and have the best date with someone I am really happy to be getting to know….ME.

Happy V-day!

xx,

WhyInGayHell

Why In Gay Hell Would You Pay For That?

WhyInGayHell’s first “vlog” (video blog).  He’s even more amazing live.

xx,

WhyDid

Why In Gay Hell Would You Do That To Your Face?

I am disgusted this week….Absolutely disgusted!! The lengths some people will go to in order to be famous are outta this world! I have decided to write a letter to one of these people to let them know of my disappointment with their behavior. It really is a shame and truly depressing that this poor girl is sooooo DESPERATE for attention and fame that she would do this.

Dear Heidi Montag,
I want to start by saying I am sooo sorry for you. I feel deep down in my soul that you are just a sad girl who obviously didn’t get enough love or attention at some point in your life that you feel compelled to behave the way you do. What you have done to your body is disheartening and the message it sends to young women out there is deplorable. I also think you should know that you went from being a beautiful young woman to looking like a 45 year old washed up tranny! I know this is harsh on your freshly pulled back ears, but I say it out of of kindness for I fear that you will not stop untill you look like Jocelyn Wildenstein. When reading your interview there were a few things that stuck out to me and I want to address them. Your ultimate dream, you say, is to be a pop star. Now, when I read this I wondered if you were smoking any hallucinogenic drugs. You have no talent in this arena. I would think that this would have been made clear after seeing yourself at the Miss Universe Pageant. Musical and dance talent would be requirements for this to be successful. It’s not just about looking the part, my dear girl. You have to walk the walk as well. And your walk is equivalent to a drunk sorority girl who just got gang banged, woke up in her own puke, and has a broken high heel. You also state that your body is just a shell and that God doesn’t care because it’s what is on the inside that counts. Tell me what is on the inside? I do agree that your body is a shell but that shell looks empty. I also know that God would not be happy with the message you are sending to girls out there. I think Emmy Rossum said it all:

“It upsets me to see young women in the spotlight advocating plastic surgery ,” Emmy writes, adding, “Any surgery is extremely dangerous and should not be taken lightly — much less, used as a tool to increase notoriety or popularity.” She continues, “By putting this on magazine covers, we are somehow legitimizing the dangerous lengths to which some will go for fame and ‘beauty.”  Rossum concludes, “There are so many real issues in this world that need attention. Let’s try to take a moment to be grateful we are alive.”

In closing, I really want you to consider apologizing to your family for being a LIAR. I can’t believe that you didn’t tell your Mom or Dad what you were doing. Again, what a bad message. You are blessed and lucky to come from a family that cares about you and it is shameful that they had to read about this in People Magazine. I mean, haven’t you put them through enough by marrying that douchebag, Spencer Pratt? Must you continue to hurt them? I mean, heaven forbid something went wrong. It’s not like you went in for a teeth cleaning. You went in for a 10 hour procedure. I would ask what you were thinking but after reading this, it’s CLEAR you don’t think at all. The biggest disappointment in all of this is they couldn’t give you a new brain because really,  that’s what you need!

Sincerely,
Why In Gay Hell

Why in Gay Hell Didn’t I Run?

If you have ever seen a train wreck or a car crash then you know how I felt this past Saturday night.  I actually can’t even believe I am going to write about it.  I know part of me has already tried to suppress it and would rather deal with it in ten years with a therapist,  however, I think after going through what I went through, I can now offer some strong advice on how to deal with this kind of situation. What in Gay Hell am I talking about? Dates from Hell!!!

It all started Saturday afternoon when I was contacted by a boy (and I mean a boy..not a man) who I met a couple of weeks ago while out with friends. I am not going to lie, I do think my “picker” is broken and I do always seem to go for the cocky douchebag tools (CDT).  I am drawn to them like a moth to a flame. I like that they are cocky, arrogant, kinda rude and self involved. I believe I am attracted to them because I feel special, like I passed some mysterious test and these awful character flaws will never rear there ugly head in my direction. I am a fool for thinking this!!  I like to think I am soo great and cute that I could bring out the “knight in shining armor” in any boy….

Fact #1  If the guy is an ass in public, he will be an ass on a date. I am NOT sooo amazing that he will transform into a gentleman over night.
    
So,  Saturday afternoon after some flirtatious texting, I said “Yes” to dinner. I was picked up around 8:30 in a silver Mercedes SUV and we headed to an organic French bistro. So far,  sooo good,  right? I mean hot guy, great car and French food. Ooh la la.

On a first date, I believe that no one should get drunk. I mean, you want to present your best self, right? I order sparkling water, he proceeds to order a bottle of champagne for himself… YES, a bottle! We are not at a club hanging in VIP with P. Diddy  and we are not celebrating anything,sooo really? Now, like I said the first few interactions I had with him he was drunk, but he was out with friends and I excused it or blacked it out cause I couldn’t stop staring at his really cute face.

Fact #2 If walks like Duck.. Talks Like a Duck..it a Duck!!!  If he was drunk when you met him, he will prob get drunk on your date. Same goes if he is a tool, arrogant  or rude. 

I know Fact #1 and #2 are similar but, this point needs to be driven home. I need this to be cemented into my head just like “leggings are not pants” has been.  I am just not that special that he is going to change just because he has invited me on a date. Now here is the trick to this fact…If he is a nice, polite, and/or funny, these are traits that will appear on your date, but Why In Gay Hell would I be attracted to nice when badalways looks sooo GOOD?!!
   
As the dinner went on and the champagne bottle was getting close to empty, he decides he wants to talk about how much he loves to drink saying, “I mean, I have to drink. I loveto drink!!” Now, this was a red flag to me. Why are you sooo focused on the drinking and not getting to know me? I am then informed after dinner that we are going to continue the date by meeting up with some friends of his and then going to a club for some dancing.  This is where I should’ve said “goodnight” and rode off into the sunset on my unicorn- alone. Did I? Of course not!! I thought to myself,  How In Gay Hell could this get any worse?

Fact #3 If your gut tells you something, go with the feeling!If you feel like its time to say “goodbye” say “goodbye.” If something didn’t start well, it’s not going to end well.  If you were on a plane and you knew it was going down, would you stay on for the rest of the ride?  Hell NO! You would grab a parachute and jump for your life. I should’ve jumped!!
   
Wanting to see if it could get any worse, I went with him to a bar to meet his friends. It got worse!! I order a RedBull,  he orders a Jack on The Rocks (or three). He then asks me if I would mind driving his car home before we head to the club. This made me uncomfortable. I have never driven in the city and I knew this was actually his company car.  I  should’ve said “no” but I also didn’t want him to drive.  Against my gut, I said “Yes, I will drive your car.” I should honestly be slapped for my stupidity!! I mean, now I am the designated driver.  Are we even on a date anymore? What is goin on?

Fact #5 If the question pops into your head “Why In Gay Hell am I still on this date?”..End it ASAP!!  At this point, I was not having fun.  I was staying now to make sure he was delivered home in safe condition. Not my job. I also have heard of other girls having the feeling they should stay on a date because they feel guilty since he paid for dinner. The bottom line is: if it’s over in your head, end it for real. Do not put yourself through any more torture like I did. There are soo many ways out including, but not limited to:
-family emergency
-falling ill

-your pet parrot needs its meds
-you have to check the freshness dates on your dairy products.

Whatever the excuse, use it and leave. Do not subject yourself to torture because of any guilty feeling.

In the end, I finally got a ride home where he rambled on about politics (UGHHH! Who talks politics or religion on a first date?)  Where was he raised? I am not joking.  Mind you, I informed him I only know three things about politics- Barack is president, Joe Biden is XP, and Michelle should stop wearing sleeveless dresses.

After all this, I escaped. I RAN all the way back to Brooklyn where I slept like a baby. When I awoke in the morning, I chuckled to myself and thought what a great story I have to tell to all my girlfriends. Why in Gay Hell wouldn’t they find this amusing?

xx,

WhyInGayHell