WhyDid Wisdom: Reserve Yourself

By |January 31st, 2014|WhyDid Wisdom|

annoying callerWinter is the time of year when many of us yearn to couple up in order to stay warm and potentially lower our ConEd bills. A lot of my friends are what could be considered professional daters. I’ve stopped asking what any of their chaps’ names are because I can’t keep up and would need a very elaborate flow chart in order to stay entirely in the loop. I’m always in utter amazement as to how they meet all of these fellas because most of my male companionship comes from my dog, gentlemen playing for the other team, and re-runs of Frasier. Ironically, I think I’ve just cracked the code as to my singledom with that last sentence.

Anyway, unlike myself, you’ve been hitting the town and getting hit on, you little minx, you. And in the mix of things, you’ve met a couple of cuties who have actually made it beyond asking for your number in between swigs of Jameson and you’ve spent a handful of cozy dinners and Saturday brunches at Extra Virgin and Cafe Cluny with one, maybe two, in particular. You knew it was meant to be when he ordered another round of mimosas and declared that there may be nothing better in this world than a great chocolate chip pancake except for maybe a hammock on Alphonse Island. In your mind, you’ve already started planning your June wedding at the St. Regis and have named your first born child due early next fall (you decided on something gender neutral and inanimate). You’re a perfect match much like Domenico and Stefano, so you can’t quite put your perfectly polished finger on why your affections, and text messages aren’t being returned.

Ready for an awful truth?

(You may need a quaalude and a seat for this). Okay, you know that one guy who continues to text you after countless subtle blow offs, blatant verbal abuse and finally virtual radio silence? You know… the one who tricked you into giving him your number after you said you’d just take his and then called himself from your phone. Yeah, that guy. Well, you may very well be that girl.

I know. It seems highly improbable, even mind blowing, that anyone male, female, or house plant could possibly resist your feminine wiles, biting wit, and Pilates body. But alas, as hard as it is to wrap your pretty little head around, you may have found the one and only human this side of the galaxy not interested in you or the Illuminati conspiracy theories.

Fine, maybe you didn’t bamboozle your way into his Blackberry (who still has one of those, by the way?), so let’s use another example. You know the sort of goofy handsome guy you went out with from Goldman Sachs? While he was perfectly nice and in “theory” should be a totally perfect partner completely capable of rearing healthy children and providing a stable lifestyle for your future family, there was just one problem. You didn’t feel any of that wild, crazy, I must have you more than this season’s Céline. He didn’t do anything wrong, per se. He was a perfect gentleman and has since then been hitting you up to have a second, third, and final date… before that wedding he’s planned in his head complete with future (already named) child.

Yep. It’s all starting to click isn’t it?

beyonceWe’ve all got a few of those guys lying around much like the Federal Reserve has a few spare bricks of gold. They’ll never get used, but it’s nice to know that they’re there for security’s sake and all. At one point, there were so many “code names” in my phone that I hadn’t really any clue who was calling anymore. I just knew I wasn’t going to answer under any circumstance. Not even after two dirty martinis. Okay, I have responded on occasion to these “reserves.” Sometimes because I’m just too nice and felt guilty leaving them hanging (passive aggressive much?). Other times I’ve just been totally bored in between checking Twitter and Instagram. There have been lonely nights in between relationships with people I actually liked. And sometimes my friends and I think it’s downright hilarious. Call me a mean girl if you want, but your nose may be growing at this very moment. You’ve totally done the same thing. We all have. And whether you admit it out loud or not, I want you to realize that it’s entirely possible that’s what is going on with you and Mr. Perfect.

While it can take women a little bit longer to warm up to a potential mate, guys know what they want almost instantly. They are hunters by nature and when they see something they want, they go for it. Full force. It’s science. A guy can sway us to the other side after a couple of dates by revealing a shared love of cheese, a dark sense of humor, or just general kindness and good behavior. Inversely, a guy can be completely smitten with a girl and she can crash and burn merely by being a bitch. Don’t be a bitch.

I’ve been given a hard time for having fairly high expectations, and while I may be asking a lot for wanting a 6’0+ gentleman with great style, a sense of humor, brains, charisma, love of small white dogs named Smitty and a handle on his personal finances, I don’t think common courtesy is too much to ask. I certainly do expect my potential love interest to have the capacity to craft up a cohesive text message using the proper your/you’re and two/to/too, let alone actually grasp the concept of dialing my telephone number for voice on voice conversation. As a matter of fact, I don’t think any of that is too much to ask- and you shouldn’t either. I have been pursued hard, like verging on restraining order, so, I know the difference between being the “reserve” and the “jackpot.” If someone can’t even take a moment from his or her grueling life (barring he/she is doing volunteer work in a country without telephone wiring or toilets), that person is probably not particularly interested in you. At very least, you just aren’t ranking high on the priority list and well, that’s a problem.

Listen, it may be disappointing to realize you aren’t someone’s ideal match but, there’s no need to beat yourself up about it or shamelessly and repeatedly throw yourself at someone who just thinks you’re “ok for now.” (Remember DBDG?) Essentially he’s doing you a favor by self eliminating. It’s like Darwinian dating. Instead of wasting any more time on someone who doesn’t see how absolutely spectacular you are, you can keep on stepping… right on towards your true “Mr. Right.” (And you should probably throw in a hair toss or two). You wouldn’t jam your feet into shoes that don’t fit (I mean, maybe), so why would you try to force a connection that just isn’t there? All that comes from that is uncomfortableness and corns. Just repeat to yourself, “No answer is your answer.”

So, next time you are staring at your gold iPhone imploringly, just remember that poor ol’ chap you’ve renamed “Never Gonna Happen” and reserve yourself.




Coincidentally saw this video this afternoon post-posting.  All too fitting.

WhyDid or Why Don’t: The Rest Is a Little Scrunchie

By |October 16th, 2013|Why Did or Why Don't?|

Alright, when I said the 90’s revival was something I could get behind, I seem to have forgotten about one trend that probably should stay tucked safely inside that decades’ time capsule.  The scrunchie.  Ah yes, that fabric covered hair tie of school days past.  Be it in your hair or on your wrist, you were nobody without a color coordinated scrunchie.  Despite the upside of the scrunchie (less stress on your tresses), I’m not sure it’s one hair trend that I want to see resurrected.  And isn’t that why they invented these?

As Carrie Bradshaw so adeptly stated in an episode of Sex and the City:

“Okay, but here’s the thing. Here’s my crucial point.  No women who works at W Magazine and lives on Perry Street would be caught dead at a hip downtown restaurant wearing a scrunchie!”

But alas, designers like Vivienne Westwood, Ashish, Missoni, and Marc Jacobs sent looks down the catwalk accessorized with this beauty throwback (you can buy a $95 Missoni one here).  Even “it” girls Fearne Cotton and Cressida Bonas have been seen keeping stray strands at bay with the aid of a scrunchie.  Former “it” girls all over the trend?  Lisa Turtle, all three Tanner girls, and, gasp, even Sarah Jessica Parker herself.





image via

WhyDid Wisdom: A Little R & R

By |July 15th, 2013|WhyDid Wisdom|

There comes a day in every girl’s life when she must part with something she truly loves. Something she’s spent every single day for several years with. Though it’s painfully hard, she knows it’s for the best for both of them. So, she takes her computer to Tekserve to give it a little rest and relaxation.

It would appear that I’ve been awfully hard on my Mac. The poor thing has run out of space and I’d been seeing the “wheel of death” way more frequently than one should. Things that would normally take a few moments started taking many minutes. My patience finally wore thin and I knew it was time for an intervention. What took me so long to bring my baby into the shop? Well, it’s terribly tough to figure out the most opportune time to be without your computer when you’re a writer. Not to mention, spending an hour in line waiting to speak to a technician is less than an ideal way to spend Saturday afternoon–but that’s precisely how I spent mine. The technician was impressed that I’d backed up my hard drive that morning and I informed him that Sex and the City had at least taught me one valuable lesson. He admitted he’d only seen the episode that had been filmed there because it used to play on a loop in the waiting area.

So, that’s where we’re at. My computer is having a spa getaway, I’m feeling anxious posting from an iPad, and we should be reunited and up and running again this afternoon.


Why Did You Date Him: Mr. Big Mistake

By |August 11th, 2011|Why Did You Date Him?|

By now, it should be clear how much I enjoy Sex and the City (SATC).  Not really because it is soooo accurate (cause it kind of isn’t), but because it is so very well written and there’s a lot of great shoes.  Plus, what girl doesn’t like to commiserate with others about those dogs we called men who ruined our lives?  I could watch old episodes over and over and over… and as a matter of fact thanks to our bizarrely programmed HD cable box, I get to watch it on both east and west coast timezones (booyah).  And yes, that is just what I did yesterday.  All five of the last episodes were on (that’s three hours, kids) and I watched them all.  Twice.

I love so many things about the show.  I love that it’s shot in New York and not some stupid soundstage in LA. I love the witty banter and the situations that so many of us can relate to.  There is, however, one thing that I do not love.  His name is Mr. Big.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love Mr. Big as a character.  He could charm the knickers off a nun.  What I do not love is what he represents.  He is that one guy that every girl has dated.  The unattainable for whatever reason.  The one who broke our heart.  The one who got away.

If we were to use SATC as our bible (but who would do that, seriously?), we would be led to believe that some day our mysterious, elusive Mr. Big will magically reappear back into our lives and we’ll all live happily ever after.  The end.  Newsflash: that’s ridiculous.  When Mr. Big was a douche the first time, Carrie should have kicked him to the curb- for good.  But alas, much easier said than done.  So, fine.  We give the guy another chance.  Still a douche?

Rather than seeing all the good right in front of her (Aidan? Are you effing kidding?) she continues in search of something intangible.  She’s holding out for Mr. Big while simultaneously destroying any and all good that’s right in front of her face.  Sound familiar?  I get it, you don’t want to settle, but there’s a big (no pun intended) difference between “settling” and just being outright stupid.  Get your mind right, little one.  You can go clomping around the globe chasing your Mr. Big but he’s gonna chew you up and spit you out.  A guy who treats you poorly once, always will.  You’d be much better off finding someone who loves you from moment one.

I remember right before my first “real” date with my now fiance.  I wasn’t sold on the whole idea to be honest, but my friend said to me (and I will never forget it), “This is what it looks like when a guy really likes you.”  And she was right.  He pulled out all the stops and really tried.  Once she said that to me, it was a game changer and in some ways, I have her to thank for the way things turned out.

And no, I’m not up on some soapbox just cause I happened to get lucky by meeting the male version of myself.  I’m down in the trenches with you single ladies because I get it.  Hell, I’ve been right down there with you.  I have dated in one of the toughest cities to date in: New York City.  Am I right, ladies?  There I dated some of the biggest douchebags on the planet.  I’m not kidding.  You can check my references.  I’ve been through relationship troubles that would make your stomach turn.  The reason I’m going on and on is because you ladies are beautiful and special and wonderful.  Why on earth would you EVER want someone who didn’t recognize that immediately?  Who wants a guy that took a billion years of hemming and hawing and testing out the other goods before realizing you were “the one”?

You’re better than that.

So my advice to you is to watch SATC for the clothes and Samantha’s sexy boyfriend, Smith rather than for any real life love advice.  It is a TV SHOW afterall.  And for those late adopters, 1. better late than never, 2. go out and splurge on the DVD’s. There is a lot lost in the editing for cable TV (listen, a nipple can go a long way).



Monday Mashup: Nice Guys Finish Last

By |April 25th, 2011|Monday Mashup|

Blair’s been there.  Carrie’s been there.  Even I have been there.  It’s the inner struggle between good and evil.  The choice between the good guy and the guy who makes your hair stand on end.  You know what I’m talking about.  There is the guy who you know will make a great boyfriend, great husband, great father and then there is the guy who makes your stomach flip flop when you hear the mere mention of his name.

We have all met the guys who are perfect on paper.  Good job, good family, good looking.  All reasonable logic would tell you, “Pick him! PICK! HIM!” but then there is that pesky little thing called lust.

For Blair, Dan is a complete departure from her usual type.  As a matter of fact, he is the epitome of all that is awful in her world.  Chuck on the other hand is cut from the same cloth as Ms. Waldorf.  But is Blair fighting against the very thing that she actually needs?  Are we programmed to think that we “need” one thing when in reality what we actually need is something completely different?

I’m fairly certain that women’s hearts around the world broke when Carrie ditched Aidan… not once, but twice in Sex and the City.  He was tall, dark, and most certainly handsome.  Not to mention, he was a man’s man who was good with his hands.  Carrie, WTF?  But alas, our heroine sauntered off into the sunset yet again with Mr. Big.  I can’t lie, there is something eternally endearing about Mr. Big (don’t we all have our very own Mr. Big?), but we all know he is nothing but trouble.  Was Carrie really in love or was she just addicted to the struggle?

So is there an answer to the age old question?  Head or heart?  Do good guys always finish last?

I like to think I got lucky and wound up with both head and heart.