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The List: Volume XLI

By |April 22nd, 2011|The List|
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It’s been a while.  Lucky for you, The List is back.  One would think there would be far less to complain about in Pleasantville, but stupid people and annoying habits are everywhere.  You can run but you sure as heck can’t hide.

  1. .Strip malls.  How many different versions of the same thing can there possibly be?  I can’t even tell where I am half the time cause it all looks the same.  I know I’m close when I see Black Angus and Mini Golf World.
  2. Zuckerberg wannabes.  You are not about to the next Facebook.  Sorry.
  3. Brides/bridesmaids wearing cowboy boots at weddings.  I don’t care if you’re from Texas.  This is neither the time, nor the place. As a matter of fact, I’m not sure what that time or place even is. 
  4. Automated voice recordings that make you listen closely to a bunch of options so that your call is directed to the correct person… only to have that person ask you all the same questions again.  No, it’s fine, I had fifteen extra minutes to spare.
  5. The smell of dirt. How do worms live like that?
  6. People who are still speaking “Sheen.”  You just sound like a LOSER when you say WINNING.
  7. Audrina’s new show.  Enough is enough.  Even that killer bod isn’t gonna hold our attention for more than five minutes of meaningless babble.
  8. Girls who brag about their shitty shoe collections.  Steve Madden does not a shoe collection make.  Now, this is a shoe collection: 
  9. Autotune.  When are people going to start singing again?
  10. Malaria.  Monday, April 25th is World Malaria Day. Find out how to help here.

xx,

WhyDid

Why Did You Date Him: Ayo Technology

By |April 1st, 2011|Why Did You Date Him?|
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Oh, hello there. Yes, I’ve been MIA for a moment or two, but much like a boomerang, I always return.  This time with fun news to announce soon. Anyway, we return to our regularly scheduled program in 3, 2, 1…

With Facebook driving up divorce rates, it’s clear Granny is shaking her head somewhere and we have entered another realm of dating hell.  We are long gone from the days of sock hops, corsages, and soda fountains.  Forget about opening doors and sending flowers.  We’re doing dating 2.0 and it’s not your grandmother’s dating.

Nowadays you can log onto sites like Ashley Maddison that will help you orchestrate an affair and there are more dating websites than you can shake a stick at. However, you don’t even need to go to such extremes to find love on the web.  Using social platforms like Twitter and Facebook you can connect with just about anyone on the planet.  All you need is access to a computer (with warranty that covers laptop repairs in Ipswich so you don’t miss a moment with your potential true love), internet connection, and hungry loins.

I remember falling prey to creeps “trolling” the internet back in the early days of Myspace and Facebook (thank heavens for privacy settings!), but guys aren’t the only predators on the internet these days.  Many girls “tweet” and “poke” at boys who catch their eye.  A lot of females are very forward and outright pushy when pursuing the objects of their affection.  By being so “easy” and available to guys, women are simply making it that much harder on themselves.  See, the more you chase the less trouble fellas go to in order to woo you and win your heart.  Kiss hand written love letters and picnics in the park goodbye.

I’m fairly certain that the internet is ruining dating, relationships, and worst of all, chivalry.  Forget only a phone call away.  It’s become clear that people are just a few key strokes away.  Ask me out via Facebook, Twitter, email, or DailyBooth and watch how quickly you’re unfriended, unfollowed, or sitting alone listening to the sound of crickets.

Would you take a gamble on internet lovin’?

 

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume XL

By |March 4th, 2011|The List|
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Perhaps it’s a good thing that I’m finding it harder and harder to come up with things for “The List.”  Maybe that means I’m overall happier.  Or maybe it just means I don’t get out enough… either way behold “The List.”

  1. WordPress.Today specifically.  Instead of taking only a few moments to post “The List” this week, you consumed my day with all your new tricks and treats with this update.  Gracias and get it together.
  2. Reality TV.  Except The Bachelor.  He can stay.  Everyone else? Go home.
  3. People who change their Facebook pictures to sonograms.  That’s just weird and last time I checked, I wasn’t friends with a fetus. 
  4. Mike Catherwood.  I have a bone to pick with you, my friend.  I’m 99.4% certain that is not your real name.
  5. The Sneezee.  This thing can not be real.
  6. Stale marshmallows.
  7. Music videos.  I can’t believe people still make these.  Seems like a whole lot of “buck” without a lot of “bang.”  Besides, where would I even go to watch it?
  8. The hair on my knees.  No matter how diligent I am while shaving, I am always left with a patch reminiscent of a dandelion. 
  9. Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen jokes, Charlie Sheen interviews.  It was amusing at first, but now it’s just obnoxious.
  10. Split ends.

xx,

WhyDid

Why Don’t You Write? Why Don’t You Call?

By |March 3rd, 2011|WhyDid Wisdom|
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You never write.  You never call.

Sound familiar?  Probably something you’ve heard from mom or dad or maybe even grandma.  Our parents have had to give in to text messaging and joining Facebook just to keep tabs on us.  My entire family is now on Facebook and quite honestly, it’s frightening.  Remember when Facebook was simply a place for people with college email addresses?  Remember when you didn’t have to police your tagged photos? Anyway –not my point.

Our generation relies heavily on the internet and our cell phones.  I bet a lot of you can’t even go fifteen minutes without touching your iPhone/Blackberry. Go ahead, try it… I’ll wait.  While a lot of this is fantastic and we are lucky to have so much technology at our fingertips, we’ve kind of turned into blithering idiots.

Yes, yes, we know how to code and tag and blog and tweet.  Unfortunately, we can hardly compose a sentence anymore and I can’t even imagine what we would do without spellcheck.  Guys ask girls out via text message (lame) and people meet on Twitter (lamer).  No one knows how to even pick up the phone anymore (lamest). When did we become so technologically dependent?  Our grandparents would be appalled by our social etiquette (or lack thereof).  I don’t care if they have invented “netiquette.”  That is just a cop out word created to make us feel better about our social inadequacies.

customizable stationery from Paperless Post

Giving someone a Facebook “shoutout” on their birthday or a “Happy Thanksgiving” mass text during the holidays is just plain impersonal.  Send me a mass text, I dare you.  Newsflash: an e-mail does not = a letter.  Seriously, when is the last time you sent a hand written “thank you” note?  I’m surprised the paper industry is still in business!  We don’t even send out actual paper invitations anymore (unless we’re talking wedding- which is probably single handedly what’s keeping paper stores afloat).  Instead we send evites and Facebook event invitations.  What are we? Heathens?

An ex boyfriend once mailed me a card a month into dating to tell me how much he had enjoyed the past few weeks we’d spent together.  We lived in the same city, there was no need to actually mail me something, but the simple gesture won serious bonus points in my book.  (Step one in Bamboozle 101).  Sure, I said ex boyfriend, but I dated him for another 15 months after that darn card- so it counts for something.

Have you ever been into a stationery store?  It’s like fashion for paper!  Not sure why you wouldn’t take delight in designing your own stationery or picking out beautifully created notecards. OR if you’re really crafty, you could even make your own!

stationery from Retta Le Ritz

You have no idea how much it means to receive a handwritten note, or if you’re lucky, letter from someone.  I mean, how do you plan on scrapbooking an email?  So, I urge you to put down your phone.  Close your laptop.  And pick up a pen.  Perhaps this is one instance where going back in time could benefit us greatly.

xx,

WhyDid

The List Volume XXXVII

By |February 4th, 2011|The List|
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I wonder at times if someone has a voodoo doll with my face on it because the hits just keep on coming…

  1. Cantaloupe.  It’s bullshit filler fruit. Why do you insist on putting it in my fruit salad?
  2. Old people (the executive types) who keep trying to use “social media” but have no idea how to log onto Facebook.
  3. Celebrity perfumes. I do not, by any means want to smell like Halle Berry, Jennifer Anniston, or Britney Spears. Remember when actors just used to —act?
  4. The guy on the treadmill next to me boxing with the TV screen. Is that really necessary, sir?
  5. Camping.
  6. The buzz word “curated.”  Enough already.
  7. WHAT THE F*$^ are these?
  8. That big bootied celeb who complained about those (heavily photoshopped) photos in W. I can’t bring myself to say her name.
  9. People who are basically just waiting for you to stop talking so they can talk.
  10. Hosni Mubarak

xx,

WhyDid

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