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Why Did You Date Him: Come One, Come All

By |April 28th, 2010|Somethin for the fellas, Why Did You Date Him?|
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** Warning: R rated material. Dad, you probably wanna go ahead and skip this one.

couple-in-bed

So, I’ve had full on arguments about this before. Guys are apparently clueless when it comes to the female anatomy and the big O. I’ve been so annoyed that I’ve literally had to hang up the phone or leave the room. Guys sure do have a lot of nerve thinking they know more about what’s going on with our equipment than we do.

What’s the problem you ask? It seems that most guys out there think that we ladies are coming left and right when having sex. Au contraire mon frere. Just because we make a squeak or a sigh here and there does not mean that you’ve just hit our jackpot. If you did, trust me, you’d know. Don’t believe me? (of course you don’t). Here are the facts:

About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone — that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances. – ABC News

Read it and weep, fellas. Just intercourse alone isn’t going to do the trick for most ladies. We need a little extra attention in our nether regions to get things going. And don’t you DARE look at us like it’s our fault when the fountain doesn’t overflow. I’ve had a guy legitimately ask me if I’m just not capable like I’m the one with the problem. This proves to be very frustrating for women. We don’t want to disappoint you, but at the same time, we don’t want to be disappointed either. It’s a team effort, folks. The sooner guys come to terms with this, the sooner we’ll all be satisfied customers.

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I have a couple of girlfriends who are in that freaky percentage of women who can get off from good ol’ fashion sex (lucky bitches), but as for the rest, they’ve either had to incorporate some helpful toys or become incredibly vocal about what exactly is or isn’t working.

That being said, I’ve met plenty of guys who are under the impression that ALL of the girls they’ve been with have been screaming their praises. Guess what all those girls were? Liars. Big. Fat. Liars. Hey, girls? Why are you faking it? You gals are totes effing things up for the rest of us. Now, Mr. Hotshot thinks he knows what he’s doing and I’m suffering through some wonktastic jackrabbit sex…Again. Ugh.

I’m hoping this will clear the air while simultaneously deflating a few egos leading us all to a much more fulfilling sex life. For the time being, I’m probs just better off with my pal, rabbit.

Happy Hump Day!

xx,

WhyDid

Why Did You Wear That: Get it Shorty

By |April 27th, 2010|Personal Style, Why Did You Wear That?|
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I mean, it may have something to do with how liberating it was to have my own personal pants off dance of this past Saturday (read: I ditched my skinnies and skirts for some tiny shorts), but I’m really feeling for short shorts right now. Therefore, I’ve compiled some of my favorites that you can buy RIGHT now!

larok2042829834_p1_v1_m56577569831920199_254x500La Rok Power Strutter Shorts, $168

midsize9846-3311Blank Denim Patchwork Short, $68

71575918-04Forever 21 Fab Abstract Shorts, $11.50

serve.aspAmerican Apparel High Waisted Denim Shorts, $35

18101089_041_aFree People Ruffled Tap Pant, $68

image4xlMotel High Waisted Floral Shorts, $50.73

mason2010213049_p1_v1_m56577569831874135_254x500Mason by Michelle Mason Full Shorts, $178

69230698-03Forever 21 Floral Denim Shorts, $18.90

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Paige Premium Denim Mariposa Shorts, $139

Dress them up. Dress them down. Shorts can easily transition from day to night simply by switching out your flats for sky high heels and adding some accessories. Dresses are sweet, skirts are pretty, but shorts are sexy and fun.

**Warning: remember that not every trend is for everyONE. I would probably steer clear of the short shorts after 35. It really isn’t age appropriate. Also, if you haven’t seen the inside of the gym in quite some time, probably not for you either. No reason to subject us to your juicy jiggles.

xx,

WhyDid

Why Don’t You Eat Me: Ice Ice Baby

By |April 26th, 2010|Guest Blogger, Why Don't You Eat Me?|
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sharing-ice-cream-cone

By now, you know how much I love cupcakes. Well, there are only a few other desserts that trump cupcakes in my book and ice-cream happens to be one of them. Summer is quickly approaching and while April showers typically bring May flowers, I figured I’d bring us into May with a list New York’s best ice-cream (or gelato) shops. Are you ready? Spoon in hand? Here we go.

ciao-bella

1. Ciao Bella Gelato: This is by far my favorite in the city. Love it. Love it so much that when their store on Mott St. was closed earlier than I’d remembered one winter evening, I went on a citywide scavenger hunt for a deli that carried it. Have no fear my friends, mission accomplished. While every flavor I have tried is good, my absolute faves are the Tahitian Vanilla and Pistachio.

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2. Emack & Bolio’s: While Ciao Bella may be my first choice, Emack & Bolio’s is a close second. I was lucky enough (or cursed) to live only a block away from their SoHo store for years. It was on my way home from the train and boy, that was a pit stop I made far too often.  You must be wondering how I’m not 500 lbs at this point? It’s a good question, really. Good genes I guess (thanks, mom and dad). Anyway, most of their flavors are creative and about as good as it gets. My favorite happens to be the Raspberry Truffle with vanilla ice-cream, raspberry swirl, and raspberry truffles mixed in. De-lish!

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3. Otto: Otto makes my list here for the most creative and outside the box gelati (as they call it). My all-time fave is the Olive Oil gelati. Olive oil gelati? Really? YES! It’s AMAZING! They also have flavors like Salty Peanut and Guinness Stout. I know all you boys just stopped reading this and are heading over to get a pint of the Guinness Stout now. It’s ok. I don’t blame you.

shake-shack

4. Shake Shack: I’ve got 3 words for you: BEST MILKSHAKE EVER. Every time I go, I get both the chocolate and vanilla milkshakes. Why choose between the two? I haven’t had a chance to try this yet, but I desperately need to try their bacon and pancake custard ASAP. Bacon anything makes my heart melt.

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5. Momofuku Milk Bar: With flavors like “cereal milk” or “cream cheese frosting”, how can this place not rock my world? Exactly. It can’t.  I am also completely obsessed with their cookies, but that’s for another day…

With so many ice- cream/gelato/gelati/this/that/other shops in NYC, it’s hard to choose, but these five are the best in my humble opinion (which just so happens to usually be right). Ice-cream genuinely makes me happy. It’s up there with kittens and rainbows and glitter and you get the idea. You call it ice cream, I call it heaven. Now get your spoons and get to lickin’!

See you next Munchin’ Monday!

xx,

WhyDon’tYouEatMe

Why Did You Eat That: Smooth Operator

By |April 24th, 2010|Recipes, Why Did You Eat That?|
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How-to-Make-Fruit-Smoothie2

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day (obvi), so I try to never skip it. It cranks up your metabolism for the day and keeps you focused until lunch. However, I’m sometimes in such a rush in the morning that it seems like a hassle. That’s when I decided it would be easier for me to just “drink” my breakfast. Why not drink some Ensure? Oh… because I Regina George’d myself. (Remember when she eats all those “health” bars and gets fat?). Yep! I got fattish.

Thankfully, one of my bff’s stepped in and saved me. She sent me the recipes below for a healthy drinkable breakfast… or lunch… or dinner:

All use whey protein,I like vanilla but you can use chocolate too.

1 banana (good for getting rid of extra fluid intake)
A spoonful of almond butter or organic peanut butter
Crushed almonds
Whey powder
Cup of skim milk and ice

Whey protein
1 banana
Flax seed
Cup of frozen blueberries
Cup of strawberries
I even add a handful of spinach…you can’t taste it and its good for you.

Those are my standard smoothies…you can add any of your fav fruits to the second. Even add pineapple. Get crazy.

So I started drinking these basically every day for breakfast and I’m not fat. Phew! When picking out the whey protein, make sure it has little sugar, few carbs, and low calories. I just asked the guy at GNC which one wasn’t going to make me fat.

So grab your blender and a straw. Happy sipping!

xx,

WhyDid

You’re On My List

By |April 23rd, 2010|The List|
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pissed-off-woman1So, Kingsley did it. I’ve done it before. Today, I will do it again. Just a few things that annoyed me this week.
  1. Kate Gosselin’s weave.
  2. Volcanoes. I mean, really? We have things to do and you’re totes effing up our sched.
  3. Bathroom attendants. I don’t need your help pumping the soap and no, you don’t deserve a dollar for it.
  4. Molly Sims. No reason necessary.
  5. People who talk to me when I’ve clearly got headphones on. I’m obvi trying to avoid all communication with you. Get it?
  6. iPads. Still don’t get it.
  7. The Millionaire Matchmaker reunion show. Reunion shows are bullshit.
  8. Cellulite. I wanna know the male equivalent. Balding?
  9. SJP’s Vogue cover. Why does she look 24? She’s 40+ and we know it.
  10. Shrimp.

Okay, that’s all… for this week.

xx,

WhyDid

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