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Why Did You Date Him: One Bad Apple Don’t Spoil the Whole Bunch, Girl.

By |July 28th, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?|
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Worm-in-The-Apple

You know when you bite into an apple and it’s mealy? You chuck it across the room, nearly vom, and swear off the fruit forever. That’s letting one bad apple spoil the whole bunch and sometimes we do the very same thing with our relationships. We get burned one time and then swear off the entire species.

I have been there, my friends. With my last doozy of a relationship, I swore I was going to join the nunnery (my dad was pleased with this idea) and never ever date again. For a while, I actually did just that. I may as well have carried around a can of Man Raid. I was repelling men left and right because I wanted nothing to do with them. Some people suggest that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else (maybe not literally, but you get what I’m saying). I think that’s basically the worst advice in the world. It’s merely a Band-Aid and a temporary fix. It’s like trying to hot glue a hole in the Hoover Dam. Only a matter of time before that baby bursts and it all starts flooding.

That being said, it’s fine to take some time off of the dating scene for a while to heal, but there is no reason to be a complete and utter psychopath to some possibly wonderful men. I was so effed up from my break up that I blew of some great guys (and threw some crazy temper tantrums due to my trust issues).  Just because I found a worm in my last apple, doesn’t mean that every apple there after is going to suck.

You just have to take a blind leap of faith and take another bite. An apple a day…

xx,

WhyDid

WhyDid Wisdom: Update This

By |July 25th, 2010|WhyDid Wisdom|
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girl-on-computer

So, as I was perusing Facebook on my Blackberry last night while I waited for my girlfriend to return from the bathroom, I became irate. I think people are abusing the right to “update” their “status.” This very same topic made “the list” not so long ago and it seems that some of you did not get the point. Here is just a small sampling of the updates that I encountered:

  • HAPPY!! 🙂
  • Many things.
  • Ugh. 🙁
  • I haven’t been up this late in a long time. Thanks, coffee!!
  • has anxiety.
  • Alright, world. I’m ready for you.
  • lazy Sunday!!
  • Hahahahaha…. just giggly 😉
  • LALALALALALALALA
  • 🙂 yay
  • i <3 mamosas
  • BORED
  • bored… so I’m off to tan.
  • laying in bed
  • is excited 🙂
  • so tired.
  • Charmed&Dangerous! 😉 XO
  • Is so so so sad.. Thought it was my turn to be happy??????
  • It’s party day!
  • It’s going to be a crazy day….crazy crazy crazy!!
  • is St. Tropez.
  • easier said than done….. coulda woulda shoulda..

Apologies if one of those is yours. Upon reading these to my friend, a cleanse of my Facebook friends was strongly suggested. While a few were certainly sacrificed, I figured I’d give some status update pointers before ridding my account of the rest of you Facebook status spammers.

  1. Spellcheck, spellcheck, spellcheck. That little red line under the word you just typed is trying to tell you something. Another rule of thumb? Don’t use words that you can’t spell.
  2. If you are on Facebook, we already know that you’re probably bored. No need to broadcast it.
  3. A half assed coy “happy” or “excited” post is bullshit. No one likes a tease. Either spill the beans o or don’t.
  4. Don’t forget to remove the “is.” You are a not a city, a country, or an emotion.
  5. Broadcasting your personal problems is what therapy is for. No one on your friends list is that interested. If you need help, call a professional.
  6. I don’t care what you had for breakfast and neither do your 300 other “friends.”
  7. Facebook is not meant for bragging about how great your life is. Are you trying to convince us or yourself?
  8. You are not Eminem. Quoting song lyrics is unnecessary. I get it, you’re feeling exactly like Christina Aguilera did when she wrote the lyrics to her last ballad- except she didn’t write it. Her producer did. Shut up. No one cares.
  9. I do not need a play by play of your schedule. Facebook is not a Post-it. If you need a reminder, write yourself a note.
  10. Before you post, ask yourself, “Would I give a shit if someone else wrote this?”

xx,

WhyDid

Why Did You Date Him: You Don’t Always Get What You Want…

By |July 23rd, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?|
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Girl Writing

Once upon a time a friend told me that I should go ahead and write down everything I wanted in a mate. Every single last little detail down to his hair color, shoe size, and favorite ice cream. She explained that by doing so, I would be putting it out there in “the universe.” She was on some kind of The Secret kick, but having gone through several traumatic third dates, I figured, “What the hell? Why not?”

So, I got to work writing down little things like his height, his goals, his age, his hobbies, the size of his… brain. Anything I could think of that mattered to me, I scribbled down on that piece of paper. It was like being five again and writing down your Christmas list for Santa. Now all I needed to do was sit back and wait for this so called “universe” to go ahead and deliver Prince Charming like a Barbie Dreamhouse.

At times I got a little impatient, but one fine day, my wish was finally granted, and I was presented with a gentleman (let’s use the term lightly, kids) who seemed to really fit my bill. He was basically all the things that I had hoped for on my little perfect mate wishlist despite the fact that he showed up for our first date wearing True Religion jeans (yes, I did specify that he would not own a pair of True Religions and in hindsight, this should have been my first clue). Needless to say, things did not quite pan out as planned and before long, I was cursing that damn list.

How on earth was it possible that after getting everything I’d wished for I was eventually left back at square one with absolutely nothing? Well, I’ll tell you how. Let’s go ahead and pretend that it isn’t totally ridiculous to think that writing a wishlist will get you everything you want (Uh- how many times did Santa forget that Easy Bake Oven?). The real problem? I seem to have left off a few key factors like “honest” and “loyal” and a few other core values that would have proven to be helpful. I was so fixated on superficial things that I thought I wanted that I forgot to focus on the things that matter in the long run.

Boy oh boy, if I could track down this list I’d first, die of second hand embarrassment for myself and then burn it. Better yet, I would keep it as a reminder to be careful what you wish for.

You may not get what you want, but if you’re very, very lucky, you’ll get what you need.

xx,

WhyDid

Five Things To Do Online Rather Than Stalk Your Ex

By |July 21st, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?|
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facebook-stalking

We all know that the internet is ruining our dating lives but are you spending your valuable time worrying about others’ web presence? I’ve spent my fair share of time internet stalking via Facebook and Twitter and good old fashion Google… but there’s only so many searches you can do online before you’ve become bored and run out of background checks to run. Below are some more useful ways to waste your time online.

  1. Look up something you didn’t know. Knowledge is power, my friends. I Google just about everything. I hate not knowing the answer to things and who doesn’t like to always win an argument? Nobody. Don’t try and argue with me.
  2. Read the news. Novel idea, I know, but some people are only up to date as to whether Jennifer Anniston is actually pregnant or not. Why not become worldly and have something more interesting than Jessica Alba’s new bob to talk about at dinner?
  3. Find out about your ancestry. I mean, this seems like a no brainer to me. Who doesn’t wanna find out that they’re actually related to the royal family of Paraguay?
  4. Shop. Another no brainer. I’m starting to think I may need to put “online shopping” as a “skill” on my resume. I really have a knack for it, but this is a skill that should be honed and can only be done so with hours of practice. Don’t have you size in store? Not a problem, pal. Just find it online and use the best coupon codes from websites like Raise while you’re at it.
  5. Manage your finances. I guess this is a pretty funny thing to mention after encouraging you to shop online, but having a handle on what you are spending is very important. You never want to be worried that your card will be declined when trying to purchase those new Louboutins, so getting your bills and banking set up online is key to keeping yourself in check.

So put down the mouse and stop worrying about what Tommy did last weekend. (Yes, we know you’re totes hotter than his new gf, but who cares?).

xx,

WhyDid

WhyDid Wisdom: My Hedgehog Ate My Homework…

By |July 12th, 2010|WhyDid Wisdom|
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baby-hedgehog-3At some point in everyone’s life, one decides he/she needs a hedgehog. Last Wednesday was that day for me.

I know, I know. You’re really wondering how on earth I came upon this totally well adjusted idea. Well, that stupid Baskin Robbins commercial with the porcupine reminded me of a dear friend so I proceeded to YouTube it. As  you may or may not know, YouTube then bombards you with other videos that might interest you. I was sucked into a blackhole of cuteness. After about twenty minutes (read 2.5 hours) of browsing my quilled friends, I realized that hedgehogs rather than porcupines were, in fact, my new animal crush.

Had I known of a pet store that readily stocked hedgehogs, I would have had one that afternoon. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), the pet stores I know of in New York only supply over priced puppies from puppy mills and the designer clothing they wear. Damn. So, I did what any other normal person would do. Googled images of hedgehogs until my heart nearly exploded with sheer joy. Visit us for the best cat doors at a glance.

While perusing photos of these sweet little rodents, I stumbled upon some Wiki answers and was intrigued. After some research, I found out that hedgehogs are “biters.” Perfect. I read the “step by step” directions as to what to do when your “hedgie” bites you. While the articles suggested that a hedgehog bite is no more painful than that of a hamster, I decided that perhaps I should reconsider my desire for a pet hedgehog.

Yawning

The moral of my story? It is important to do your homework. Had I not done a little digging, I would currently be sitting here trying to post a Craigslist ad for a “free hedgie” but unable to type because my fingers would be bandaged due to my bite wounds. Whether it be a new car, career, boyfriend, beauty product, or pet, it is wise to do a little background check before delving into the unknown. I’m all for spontaneity and living by the seat of your pants, but a little knowledge never hurt anyone (which is more than I can say for hedgehogs).

xx,

WhyDid

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