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The List Volume LX

By |December 9th, 2011|The List|
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The holidays and weeks leading up to them can really bring out the best in people.  More often than not though, it brings out the worst.  It seems like some of you completely forget what the season is all about and chuck your manners right out the window.  Get it together, people.

  1. Ugly Christmas sweater parties. This is kind of like an 80’s party to me.  Why do you want to purposefully look bad when there are so many other fun things you could be wearing?  Like sequins?
  2. Speaking of which… SantaCon.  You could traumatize a lot of little children.  Do you want to live with that kind of guilt?
  3. Fitted sheets.
  4. The Lea Michele/Ashton Kutcher rumors.  Ashton, if this is your rebound, we need to talk.  Have your people call my people.  You’re better than this.
  5. Jeffrey Campbell Lita boots.  I don’t care how you try and spin it.  These are ugly.  Not to mention likely to result in a sprained ankle.  And is looking like a clown on stilts really worth a hairline fracture? 
  6. Blue Christmas lights.
  7. The Post Office.  In general, but especially during the holiday rush.  I have better things to do with the next two hours of my life…. but I’ll wait.
  8. Lindsay Lohan’s “leaked” Playboy pictures.  The entire thing is a problem. 
  9. Bruised bananas.
  10. Regifted gifts.  If you don’t want it… what makes you think I would?

xx,
WhyDid
Image via Harriet the Spy

The List Volume LIX

By |November 18th, 2011|The List|
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Let’s make it quick and painless, people.  Kinda like a one night stand. Wait, what?

      1. Occupy _______.  Seriously?  Why not try occupying your life?  Or a job?
      2. Christmas music.  Okay, yeah, I know.  You could call me the Grinch for that, but you’re wrong.  I love the holidays.  My real issue is that stores are already cranking out Frosty the Snowman, and I haven’t even thought about buying a turkey yet.
      3. A promotion without a raise.  That’s like a tequila shot without a lime.
      4. Debbie downers.  We only have so much time on this planet, so may as well make the best of it.  I realize it’s pretty ironic to include this on The List, seeing as the whole point is to bitch about annoying things.  But I’m just trying to make my remaining time on Earth less obnoxious by educating those who are less self aware.
      5. People who treat their airplane seats like La-Z Boys.  I know they recline, but if I wanted a lapdance, I’d just go to a strip club.  At least I can get a steak there.
      6. And while we’re at it, dangling your arms over the back of the seat.  I’m not sure what’s more awkward- that or your head in my crotch.
      7. Indecisive people.  Seriously, just pick something.  Anything.
      8. The entire family whose last name begins with K (and some with J).  When can we stop talking about them?
      9. Forever Lazy.  You’ve got to be f*&$ing kidding me?
      10. Lady Hoggers.  No, I’m lying.  I think it’s awesome.

Shut up.

xx,
WhyDid

The List Volume LVIII

By |October 28th, 2011|The List|
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Last week, I challenged you to make even the most mundane items slutty.  This week, let’s just go ahead and point out the already played out Halloween costumes for this year (seemed to work out for you folks last year).

  1. Black Swan.  You’ve been planning this for 9 months haven’t you?
  2. Nicki Minaj.  This is this year’s Lady Gaga.
  3. Charlie Sheen.
  4. Amy Winehouse.  Just ew.
  5. Steve Jobs.  Too soon.
  6. Pan Am flight attendant.
  7. Any of the Kardashians. Ever.
  8. Angry Birds.
  9. William and Kate.
  10. Justin Bieber.

Hey, there’s still time to make a swap.

xx,
WhyDid

 

P.S. Last year’s list.

The List Volume LVII

By |October 21st, 2011|The List|
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What used to be a holiday for good ol’ wholesome trick or treating has morphed into one big lingerie party full of lots more tricks than there are treats.  Sadly, it seems that girls think as long as you throw the word “sexy” in front of another word, you’ve got a great Halloween costume.  Exhibit A: the f*cking “sexy skunk” costume above.  Hate to point out the obvious, but skunks smell and well, there’s really nothing sexy about that (sorry, Pepe Le Pew).  While I do admit that a sexy skunk is pretty creative, I’m kind of sick of the usual slutty suspects (sexy nurse, sexy cop, sexy pirate, sexy sailor, sexy bee, sexy etc.).  Now, I’d be a big fat (sexy) liar if I told you I hadn’t fallen victim to the whole sexy Halloween costume schtick.  I’ve been everything from a sexy football player to a sexy Veronica Corningstone (Anchorman).  Hey, at least I was creative.  I guess that’s my point, if you are gonna go “sexy” this year (and who are we kidding, you know you are), at least be creative.  So I’ve compiled a list of ten very un-sexy things that I dare you Halloween hoochies to make slutty.

  1. Sexy pencil.
  2. Sexy refrigerator.
  3. Sexy rhinoceros.
  4. Sexy ceiling fan.
  5. Sexy Rosie O’Donnell.
  6. Sexy garbage person.
  7. Sexy sledgehammer.
  8. Sexy toilet.
  9. Sexy peanut butter.
  10. Sexy mulch.

Please, please, please (I beg of you) take photos if you do, in fact, use one of these ideas.
xx,
WhyDid

The List Volume LVI

By |October 14th, 2011|Somethin for the fellas, The List|
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There’s quite a bit of time spent on WhyDid helping the ladies with the do’s and don’ts of fashion… but it occurred to me last night (while watching an especially offensive episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker) that we need to direct some of this professional fashion help towards our male counterparts.  It also occurred to me that many of you men actually think you have  the slightest clue as to how to dress yourselves.  Welp, newsflash: You don’t.  Just ask Kanye, who took the liberty of deciding he could show his “collection” at Paris Fashion Week.  Oops!

So, this is dedicated to you, brothers Cruz and the rest of you gentlemen out there making our eyes hurt.  (I’ll include photos as to be very explicit).

 

  1. Manpris.  Yes, those are exactly what you’re thinking. 
  2. Sleeveless hoodies. 
  3. Anything with embellishment.  Good rule of thumb: If you’ve seen it on The Jersey Shore, it for sure shouldn’t see it in your closet. 
  4. Fishnet tank tops. Ahem, Jared Leto. 
  5. If you must wear a blazer with your jeans (and it seems you all must), please, for heaven’s sake, do not wear sky blue baggy jeans with it.  Dark and tailored denim, fellas. 
  6. Button down shirts… only buttoned with one button.  There are multiple buttons for multiple reasons.  Use them. 
  7. Knit hats and/or scarves at the beach or with a tank top, swim trunks, or anything else that could be worn in July. 
  8. Jewelry other than a wedding band. 
  9. T-shirts that could be mistaken for your girlfriend’s in the wash. Tight, deep V, etc. ….  Please reference SNL’s Dangerously Deep V –
  10. Skinny jeans.  I’m so uncomfortable with these for so many reasons.  One being that I don’t need to know that your thighs are smaller than mine. 

xx,
WhyDid

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