There’s quite a bit of time spent on WhyDid helping the ladies with the do’s and don’ts of fashion… but it occurred to me last night (while watching an especially offensive episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker) that we need to direct some of this professional fashion help towards our male counterparts. It also occurred to me that many of you men actually think you have the slightest clue as to how to dress yourselves. Welp, newsflash: You don’t. Just ask Kanye, who took the liberty of deciding he could show his “collection” at Paris Fashion Week. Oops!
So, this is dedicated to you, brothers Cruz and the rest of you gentlemen out there making our eyes hurt. (I’ll include photos as to be very explicit).
- Manpris. Yes, those are exactly what you’re thinking.
- Sleeveless hoodies.
- Anything with embellishment. Good rule of thumb: If you’ve seen it on The Jersey Shore, it for sure shouldn’t see it in your closet.
- Fishnet tank tops. Ahem, Jared Leto.
- If you must wear a blazer with your jeans (and it seems you all must), please, for heaven’s sake, do not wear sky blue baggy jeans with it. Dark and tailored denim, fellas.
- Button down shirts… only buttoned with one button. There are multiple buttons for multiple reasons. Use them.
- Knit hats and/or scarves at the beach or with a tank top, swim trunks, or anything else that could be worn in July.
- Jewelry other than a wedding band.
- T-shirts that could be mistaken for your girlfriend’s in the wash. Tight, deep V, etc. …. Please reference SNL’s Dangerously Deep V –
- Skinny jeans. I’m so uncomfortable with these for so many reasons. One being that I don’t need to know that your thighs are smaller than mine.