What used to be a holiday for good ol’ wholesome trick or treating has morphed into one big lingerie party full of lots more tricks than there are treats.  Sadly, it seems that girls think as long as you throw the word “sexy” in front of another word, you’ve got a great Halloween costume.  Exhibit A: the f*cking “sexy skunk” costume above.  Hate to point out the obvious, but skunks smell and well, there’s really nothing sexy about that (sorry, Pepe Le Pew).  While I do admit that a sexy skunk is pretty creative, I’m kind of sick of the usual slutty suspects (sexy nurse, sexy cop, sexy pirate, sexy sailor, sexy bee, sexy etc.).  Now, I’d be a big fat (sexy) liar if I told you I hadn’t fallen victim to the whole sexy Halloween costume schtick.  I’ve been everything from a sexy football player to a sexy Veronica Corningstone (Anchorman).  Hey, at least I was creative.  I guess that’s my point, if you are gonna go “sexy” this year (and who are we kidding, you know you are), at least be creative.  So I’ve compiled a list of ten very un-sexy things that I dare you Halloween hoochies to make slutty.

  1. Sexy pencil.
  2. Sexy refrigerator.
  3. Sexy rhinoceros.
  4. Sexy ceiling fan.
  5. Sexy Rosie O’Donnell.
  6. Sexy garbage person.
  7. Sexy sledgehammer.
  8. Sexy toilet.
  9. Sexy peanut butter.
  10. Sexy mulch.

Please, please, please (I beg of you) take photos if you do, in fact, use one of these ideas.