The List Volume 2013

They say the way you spend New Year’s day foreshadows how you will spend the rest of the upcoming year. Probably not promising for a lot of you who woke up missing articles of clothing, unable to identify your bedside companion, sans cab fare for the journey home, and with a headache equivalent to the explosion of the Hindenburg. As for me, if today is any indication, I’m all set. Being handed a mimosa upon parting my eyelids, walking outside outfitted in a crop top, and spending the rest of the afternoon alternating between drinking rosé and napping is something I could get used to. Certainly an improvement over the last twelve months. 2013 was a hot ass mess… or maybe that was just me. I basically spent this past year dating completely inappropriate individuals, staying up too late, not working hard enough, and writing it all down. There are plenty of personal bad habits that I wish to lay to rest along with 2013. That said, here’s a countdown of some other things from 2013 that I certainly won’t be crying crocodile tears about kissing goodbye.

No, I don’t want to play Candy Crush.
FOMO.
Trainwrecks. I mean, obviously literal ones, but really figurative ones a la Amanda Bynes, Lilo, and most of my ex-boyfriends. Can we please stop encouraging bad behavior?
Parody t-shirts. You know: Féline, Homies, Commes des Fuckdown, and the likes.
Anything with a peplum.
“Keep Calm” and STFU. Please stop making these. Along with most some e-cards, and definitely those comic strip things.
The word/action of twerking. Also, all mentioning of molly.
“DJ” as a fallback career. When did grasping the general concept of Spotify equate to a paid occupation?
Awl dese cray wayz of mizspelling thangz n stuph. Idk. Itz nawt kewl, bb, k? Werq.
The exploitation of unicorns.
Miley Cyrus’s tongue. (Though her explanation to Babs was somewhat endearing). Let the record show- I’m a Miley fan.
Dubstep.
Leggings as pants. Seriously.