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WhyDid Wisdom: This Little Light of Mine

By Kirsten|October 11th, 2012|WhyDid Wisdom|

I like to say that I still have yet to peak. You see, I was never the most popular or the best looking or the president of well, anything, but I’ve always hung around some pretty extraordinary people and done some pretty noteworthy things. I really have nothing to complain about, but I can no longer deny the reason behind why I have yet to rise to the top. You see, while I’m far from failing or flailing, I’ve been happy to live just right under the surface of greatness. Right below the radar, if you will.

As I recently did a little introspection, I realized I prefer to be a bit passive and just hope that things will come to me and “work out how they are supposed to” rather than getting up and making those things happen myself. Now, I get that some will still argue that things really do work out the way they are predetermined and you can’t force anything to happen that is not meant to (aka, you can never make someone love you)–and I believe there is some truth to that. However, I find myself saying, “when this” or “when that” and basically making excuses as to why I’m not doing exactly what it is that I was put on this planet to do. Doing that not only makes me a procrastinator (and a bit of a wimp), but also means that I’m not living presently.

And while flying under the radar won’t exactly harm you, per se, it’s also not going to get you to where you want to be. If not today or tomorrow, then when? What are we waiting for? Better yet– what are we so scared of? I think Drake said it best when he so aptly stated, “YOLO.” Here’s the thing, being at the top or the forefront, you are making yourself a target. The leader of the pack is the first one to get hit by a cab. You can’t be ripped down if you’re hiding in the bushes.

By putting yourself out there in whatever context that may be (career, dating, dreams), you are making yourself vulnerable. It would seem that sometimes it’s more comfortable living in limbo than having a definitive answer. If you don’t ever try, then you can’t be rejected, right? Rejection is not an easy pill to swallow and at times I don’t think my overly sensitive soul could handle it. So, rather than excel, I coast. Even down to the way I dress sometimes. I’ll stick on my glasses just to tone down my curve hugging dress and deflect any potential attention. I’d rather be a wallflower than a centerpiece.

By selling yourself short or getting too comfortable doing the conventional thing, you will never fully become the person you want to or are meant to be. And in all honesty, it’s sort of selfish to keep your gifts all to yourself. Sure, it’s frightening to think that shining could potentially mean crashing and burning, but if you never even give yourself a shot at arson, all you’ll ever be is a big ol’ waxy wick.

So, I’m wondering: are you living the life you want? Are you living up to your full potential? Are you diving in head first or just dipping your toe in the shallow end to be safe? Are you going to look back and say, “coulda, woulda, shoulda”? Because the only thing worse than failing is wishing that you’d tried.

Come on, get your lighter out, girl. It’s time to shine.

xx,

WhyDid

WhyDid Wisdom: The Mysterious Case of the Missing Blog

By Kirsten|September 27th, 2012|WhyDid Wisdom|

About a week ago, I stopped posting on WhyDid. I just was not feeling the least bit inspired and rather than spam your feeds with insincere, lackluster, and subpar content, I gave myself a little bit of a mental break. I felt as if I was at a turning point trying to decide whether or not I even wanted to keep blogging. I love writing, but being the sensitive creative person that I am (read: spazz), I find it difficult to separate blogging with actual writing. One always distracts me from the other. And while I’m already 26,000 words into my first novel, that only equates to half and I haven’t touched it since my cross-country exodus. Also, I’d be lying if I didn’t feel free when I got up in the morning and had time to do all the other things that I typically get distracted from when I’m crafting up snarky quality content for WhyDid. Anyone who thinks blogging is “easy” needs to go ahead and try it.

When I was hanging out with some friends this past Saturday and we went to go watch one of my last How To Tuesday videos, the site frankly told us, “No Posts Match Your Search.” Oh, perfect. I couldn’t really deal with the issue at that particular moment because, 1). I wasn’t home, and 2). it was Smitty’s birthday. After receiving a few more texts from friends and one very frantic one from my father regarding the disappearance of WhyDid, I had to delve deeper into this mysterious blackhole that had apparently sucked in my blog. That’s when I logged into WordPress only to see the above photograph (screen shot). Nearly four years and 1,120 posts gone. Completely gone. Was this WhyDid outage a sign that I should just quit blogging? Oh stop it, Kirsten. Don’t be so dramatic.

Speaking of dramatic, many were concerned about my well being. As in like I deleted my blog and flung myself out the window. Come on, I live on the third floor of my building. At most I would have chipped a nail and minorly injured myself only adding to my heap of quickly amassing problems. What problems, you ask? Well, in the midst of all of this, I managed to leave my wallet in the back of a cab, the laundry I had so tediously separated into “wash and fold” and “dry cleaning” was all tossed into the same commercial strength machines, and shall we even get into the dating sitch? Yeah, no. So, needless to say, maybe flinging myself out the window might not have seemed so ridiculous afterall. However, I managed to keep some kind of crazy zen like calm throughout one disaster to the next. Not a single tear was shed, though there may have been a few glasses of wine. A friend even commented that she had no idea how I’d been able to attend a one year old’s birthday party and socialize without letting on the slightest hint of stress. My answer? What was I supposed to do? I very recently read a quote that said, “If you can’t control a situation, don’t.” How simple is that?

I still have no idea what exactly happened, but the good news is this: With the help of my dear tech savvy friend and a few painful calls to GoDaddy, WhyDid is back up and running. And boy did I miss you guys. I guess absence does, in fact, make the heart grow fonder.

xx,

WhyDid

P.S. thank you all so much for the sweet messages and for all of your patience. You’re the reason I write.

WhyDid Wisdom: Pick of the Litter

By Kirsten|August 16th, 2012|Why Did You Date Him?, WhyDid Wisdom|

Note: Smitty is not in this photo. He was busy. Being coddled by his new mom/soul mate.

I remember sprawling out in the grass in Central Park with my girlfriends one sunny afternoon. We were killing two birds with one blanket: catching up on the latest gossip and checking out what kind of hunks Manhattan had to offer. Forget the Meatpacking District, Central Park was a pure meat market on that particular Saturday. While scanning Sheep’s Meadow for Big Apple’s buffest, one Adonis-like gentleman caught my girlfriends’ eyes. As they began to “Ooh!” and “Ahh!” I lowered my Oliver Peoples, assessed the situation, and stated very matter of factly, “His nipples are HUGE!” and resumed scanning that month’s issue of Elle. My friends gave me a lot of grief for my observation and it became a bit of an ongoing joke, but here’s what: I’ve always known exactly what I’ve wanted and never seen any reason why I shouldn’t have it. And that includes the circumference of my potential mate’s areola.

Whether it’s been a dress, apartment, hairstyle, or shoes, I knew it the moment I saw it. I have laser sharp focus when it comes to such things and I really can’t be bothered with anything subpar. I’d rather have nothing at all than second choice. Now, I get that I may sound cold and some people may call me critical, but I’m not suggesting we go around judging everyone and everything. That’s not our job. Plus, I doubt I could stand up to my own scrutiny. I’m simply suggesting that in matters of the heart, we should have some standards. If I’m willing to hold out on a pair of shoes, why wouldn’t I do the same for love?

Many times I’ve referenced the sweet, sweet love of my life, Smitty. He’s the best friend and longest relationship I’ve ever had… and he was the pick of the litter. I got first dibs on the four maltipoo pups and I don’t think any of this is a coincidence. I saw him and I knew. Now, granted, he really had no choice in the matter… he was coming home with me whether he liked it or not, but it’s a prime example of seeing what you want and going for it rather than taking the little one in the corner who looks sad because you feel bad for him. Analogously, adopting a cat isn’t that bad of an idea, for the charisma & grace that trails them is unparalleled in the animal kingdom. Hence, if you change your mind, consider getting all the prerequisites you’d want from Cat World.

How exactly does this all relate to love? Well, having grandiose ideas about what you’re looking for in a partner can be off-putting to many. They may think you’re being idealistic or just too picky. A lot of people will try and sell you on the dream of, “Oh it might not come in the packaging you think” or, “You should give him a chance.” AKA, lower your expectations. You know what that’s called? Settling. And guess what? I’ve done that… and look how well that turned out!

So many times I’ve gone out with guys who are “meh” out of sheer boredom or just hoping that they would grow on me and turn into some fabulous Prince Charming once I got to know them. Well, here’s the thing. They grew on me, alright. Like barnacles. Nothing good will come out of dating a guy who you aren’t initially interested in. If I don’t like your face now, I’m certainly not going to like it ten months in once I’ve found out all of your bad habits like leaving your socks on the floor and never folding your towel.

So, I’ve just stopped doing that. I no longer spend time on the “so-so.” I don’t bother wasting my new Alexander Wang on just any ol’ schmoe. I’ll save it for someone worth impressing. I turned down multiple gentlemen callers on more than one night this past week because I’d really just rather sit home and hang out with my dog, a glass of wine, and an interesting book than exert the insincere effort. In the past, I’ve found myself gazing across the table thinking… let’s pretend for a moment that I care…

There is nothing wrong with holding out and being a little bit picky. Perhaps my “near marriage” experience has changed the way I feel about rushing down the aisle just so I’m not “alone.” Alone is a whole heck of a lot better than a bad relationship. So, if the guy is wearing a gold watch at the gym, you don’t need to cut him a break. Move along and wait for your pick of the litter. Here’s to being picky. I will gladly sit here solo with my glass of wine, Smitty, and Anna Karenina until Prince Charming does, in fact, show up.

xx,

WhyDid

WhyDid Wisdom: Third Time Is Not a Charm

By Kirsten|July 12th, 2012|Why Did You Date Him?, WhyDid Wisdom|

They say “Third time’s a charm,” yet that leaves me wondering: Who is “they”? and in what reference? Because in my experience, especially in love, the third time has been anything but charming.

You see, I am a hopeless romantic and have a bit of an overactive imagination, which is great for writing, not so much for relationships. Combine that with the dramatically romanticized television shows, movies, and books of our time and you’ve got a recipe for one hot mess of a love life. I love love, I love seeing people in love, and I am, without question, capable of love. While some argue that to be a good and even enviable quality, I find it to be a bit of a double edged sword. The upside is pretty obvious, but as for the downside, well, that’s where things get a bit messy.

For six years I tricked myself (with the aid of a “gentleman”‘) into believing we had some magical “connection.” So, we had an on again-off again, long distance, lacking all substance, but seriously there has to be something there relationship. Not kidding, six years. (I realize this either dates me, or you can’t believe my mom let me start dating at the tender age of 10). It was as if he had some type of sonar/GPS/radar on my heart. Each and every time I was in between a relationship, or a relationship was washing up at shore, lo and behold, there he’ be. Either that or he was a total stalker. Not even blocking his phone number kept him away, thanks to Facebook. (Zuckerberg, you trying to ruin my life?). This couldn’t be coincidence, right? Of course not! We were quite clearly very deeply connected! So what if I don’t think he even knows what I do for a living and the only reason he knows my birthday is because he needed it to book a flight? None of that matters when you and a person share an indescribable bond. Therefore, I continued to let it play out. Time and time again. Even after swearing I’d never let it happen again.

Every time I’d see him, I was left in a puddle of tears when he’d leave. Our latest installment, however, was, by far, the most dramatic. Without going into details, I left the situation feeling totally humiliated, shocked, and somewhat depressed. How was it possible that after all of this time, we could never manage to get things right? Oh, silly, silly girl, here’s the thing: there was no “connection.” All the going back and forth and showing back up in my life was merely a game to him. Cause, guess what? A guy who “knows” knows. He doesn’t allow a near decade to pass without so much as a whisper of commitment. I was writing the next epic romance novel and he was playing a cheap game of cat and mouse. I had successfully faked a relationship by allowing all the drama to cloud my judgement. Drama doesn’t equate to love and passion. Drama equals drama. I’d painted this person out to be a Mr. Big, when all he really was was a Mr. Big Asshole.

Speaking of which, a recent study even proves that you can “fake” being in love and actually fall in love. If that’s the case, I’m in love a few fellows at this very moment (call me). And while I now know that there was never any connection, let alone love, I also know my phone will ring sometime in the near future with that same familiar number on the caller ID. I certainly won’t be answering and I most definitely am not expecting him to show up in Paris to whisk me off my feet.

Better luck next time.

xx,

WhyDid

Why Did You Wear That: Tell Me the Truth

By Kirsten|July 10th, 2012|Personal Style, Why Did You Wear That?, WhyDid Wisdom|

The rampant use of Photoshop has stirred up quite a bit of controversy in the fashion and advertising worlds. While it may come in handy in some instances, there is a huge difference between removing a blemish or brightening up a photo and giving a woman a total digital diet. Seeing advertisements, magazine covers, and commercials showing already beautiful women Photoshopped to within an inch of their lives is disheartening to say the least. Uh, that Adele Vogue cover? At times, I can’t even tell who this month’s covergirl is. Is that Kim K or Jessica Alba? It frustrates me to hear friends talk about their children or nephews/nieces already dealing with body image issues due to the unrealistic pressures that society has put on them to be “perfect.”

That said, when Feel More Better asked me if I’d like to join 50 other influential bloggers to promote the Truth in Advertising message with their “Not Photoshopped” Story Tees, I was more than happy to be a part of it.

not photoshopped kirsten smith

For a chance to win a black “Not Photoshopped” Story Tee (like the one I’m wearing), Tweet me using the hashtag #FeelMoreBetter and tell me what you think makes a woman most beautiful. I will pick one winner next week. P.S. If you don’t win, you should still head on over and buy one yourself. For each purchase made, a book will be given to an underprivileged girl!