There’s a Time and a Place

While strolling the aisles of Target picking up the essentials (toilet paper, bottled water, more SATC DVD’s, tampons, etc.), we stumbled upon this:

I mean, really? It was 7pm on a Wednesday evening. WHERE are you going?

WHAT are you shopping for?

Why? Why? WHY?

Listen, I appreciate a gal who puts pride into her appearance, but this? Just too much. There certainly is a time and place for everything. I am not, by ANY means, suggesting that homegirl should be strutting through Target with a Juicy tracksuit and Uggs (heaven forbid), but there is such a thing as overkill. Regardless of the fact that her outfit looks like a leftover from the Clueless wardrobe closet, she is totally overdressed for running errands. And no, I don’t believe she is going somewhere super fun afterwards and just had to pop into Target on the way.

Always keep in mind the place you are going and what is appropriate attire. No one wants to be the only one who jumps in the pool at a party.

All I know is that I hope she got the stock boy’s digits at least.

xx,

WhyDid

Samantha Who?

As I sit here with a dog on my left, cat on my right, Deluscious cookie wrappers strewn about and watching Sex and the City DVD’s (I’m PMS’ing, don’t judge me), I started thinking about our dear friend, Samantha.

We all love to think that we’ve got a little Samantha in us.  Unfortunately, I don’t know that that’s true.

After years of playing cat and mouse with a guy, I finally agreed to clear my schedule and make it a date. No friends as bodyguards, no BS, no games.  After dinner I decided to escort my fellow back to his hotel and allow whatever was meant to happen happen. I told myself it was totally fine and braced myself for emotional impact. During the deed, I caught myself thinking, “Is this okay?” When it was all said and done and he went to the restroom, I put my clothes on faster than a wardrobe change backstage during fashion week. When he came back and I was buckling my shoes he was startled and told me he’d like me to stay, but I was out of there like a bat out of hell.

On the way home, I thought about what had just happened. I had gone into it thinking that I didn’t care. I hadn’t cared about this guy for all the time that he had been pursuing me, so WHY all of a sudden did I care? Why is it, that women can not sleep around the way that men can? I know that a lot of women like to pretend that they can have sex with no feelings, but I really just don’t buy it. I just believe that women are wired much, much differently than men.

What do you think? Can women have sex like men? Void of feelings and commitment? Or is there a deeper lying issue here?

xx,

WhyDid

Jean Therapy

Dear god, guys. Seriously? Do I really have to do this again?  I mean, again?  Apparently so.

Last week while grabbing a cocktail at The Standard with a girlfriend, we ran into a male pal of ours who was seated with two other gentlemen.  Being as The Standard (aka Cougs and Dudes) was busy as usual, we gladly accepted their invitation to sit at their table. Don’t mind if we do!  All seemed fine as we sat and chatted while sipping on our Kettle One and sodas… and then… it happened.

One of the gentlemen excused himself to the little boy’s room. No, he didn’t have skid marks. And no, he wasn’t shorter than expected (remember that episode of Sex and the City where Samantha dates a midge?).  What the problem was- his jeans.  Ugly, nasty, ill fitting, yellow stitched, obnoxious pockets True Religions. I mean, don’t you read WDYWT? Did you not get the memo? These jeans should come with a surgeon general’s warning.  They’re not only bad for YOUR health, they’re bad for MINE.

When he returned from the loo, I questioned him as to why he thought it would be a good idea to wear such heinous pants.  From the waist up, he was a good looking, well dressed man. He went as far as having a pocket square in his well tailored blazer. So, why on earth would he ruin all his good work by wearing clown pants? Poor guy, he didn’t know any better. I know this because he defended himself by informing me that he had a great pair of Cavalli jeans as well. Yikes.  Luckily, he was a good sport as I listed oh so many reasons why he looked like a dbag. Here are some rules to live by:

• Dark- They must be dark. Save the stone washed, and distressed for your gf. You just stay dark.
• Simple- You don’t need your pants to be fancy. There is no need for contrast stitching or bedazzled pockets. Plain is a man’s best friend.
• Pockets are crucial- One of my biggest issues with True Religion jeans are the pockets. They can turn even the perkiest rear into a dumptruck. It all has to do with pocket placement. Pockets should be high (on the actual buttocks) and closer together rather than further apart (this goes for you ladies as well).
• Length- Your jeans should be long enough to rest on the top of your shoe, but not so long that they drag on the ground and get ratty. On a side note, men should NEVER wear capri jeans. I got heartburn just thinking that I even have to clarify that.
• Size- Also crucial.  Baggy, saggy poo in my pants is not cute, nor is being able to see the outline of your “package.”

Need some visuals?

Seven For All Mankind Standard Straight Leg Jeans, $169

Nudie Big Bengt Straight Leg Jeans in Dark Crinkle, $225

Prps Barracuda Regular Straight Leg Jeans in Dark Selvedge, $354

Levi’s 514 Slim Straight jeans in Tumbled Rigid, $48

I suck at math, but here’s one equation I know : girls in leggings as pants >= men in True Religion jeans.

Do us all a favor and create an Ebay account to rid your closet of any and all toxic jeans. I won’t be as forgiving next time.

xx,

WhyDid

A Few Things…

So clearly, I have had a bit of extra time on my hands these days.  This has gven me the opportunity to conjure up some deep thoughts…

• Did I NOT get the memo that cowboy boots are making a comeback?  I remember hussing around Manhattan in tiny short shorts and cowboy boots circa 2005, but that was courtesy of the Dukes of Hazard remake (you have NO idea how much it hurts me to give Jessica Simpson credit for anything). Anyway, I’ve seen more than a couple young ladies strutting the streets wearing cowboy boots recently.  Now that summer finally arrived and temperatures are nearing the 90’s, there’s nothing I’m less interested in sticking my foot in than a bulky leather boot. P-U.  For the record, the original Daisy (Catherine Bach) didn’t even wear cowboy boots.

Now that’s how short shorts are done!

• I keep seeing this commercial for Maybelline’s SuperStay 24 Hour Makeup. Um, really?  I personally do not wear foundation because I don’t like it, but for the life of me I can not understand why anyone needs to have their makeup stay on their face for 24 CONSECUTIVE HOURS!!! Ever heard of letting your skin breathe?  Facewash? Acne?

• Dear Carrie Bradshaw- I just rewatched the Sex and the City movie with my mom last night (don’t judge me) and I have a bone to pick with you.  Other than the fact that you all overacted your characters, you also gave girls across the country “false hope.” Remember when your sweet sweet assistant Louise (from St. Louis) reminded you to go grab your $450 Manolo’s from the apartment before they changed the locks? And you corrected her that they were $525?  Um, well… girls around the globe probably saved up their funds in hopes of slipping on these shoes and finding their own Mr. Big… until they got to the store and the shoes were actually $945!!!

Whew! I feel better.

xx,

WhyDid