The List Volume LXIII

By |January 6th, 2012|The List|

Just as time marches on, so do the lists.  You didn’t think that 2012 would be any less annoying than years past, did you?  With the onslaught of new reality TV, celebutards, and fashion delinquents, the best is yet to come.  Bring it on 2012!

  1. Bubble Lounge.  This may very well be one of the worst places in New York City.
  2. Rainboots in the airport.  Call me an optimist, but I think you, me and Terminal B are in the clear as far as rain showers are concerned. 
  3. Magazine covers that are so photoshopped I have to actually read the headlines to figure out who the covergirl is.
  4. People who post photos of other people who could look like them (with enough photo filters and if I squint my eyes) and pretend it’s them.  That’s just weird.
  5. Kanye West.  Just please stop talking… and tweeting.
  6. People who think they are funny.  Mostly because people who think they’re funny usually aren’t.
  7. Season 5 of Jersey Shore.  Seriously, are we still doing this?  Is there even anything left to smush?
  8. Can we stop speaking like valley girls and using abbreviations for everything?  OMG, that’s AMAZE, obvs!
  9. There are so many problems with this video (and yes, it’s for real).  First of which: muffins and cupcakes are not the same thing. (Thanks, Cat).
  10. ESPN commentators apparently need some geography lessons… not to mention some practice in current events seeing as they don’t know where West Virginia is, nor do they know who Michelle Obama is.  As a matter of fact, all on air media personalities should probably do their homework before speaking. Don’t just talk for the sake of talking.


The List Volume XXV

By |October 29th, 2010|The List|

Oh it’s that time of year again.  The time of year that women exploit their sexuality. I love costumes. I love themes. I hate brainless costumes. I hate cliches. Come on, you had all year to come up with something good and you opted for a slutty bumblebee?  Here’s ten costumes I BETTER not see this weekend:

  1. Lady Gaga. In any way, shape, or form.
  2. Hooters girl. It wasn’t funny the first time. Guess what? It still isn’t funny.
  3. Anyone from the Jersey Shore. Make it stop.
  4. Anyone from Glee. No one’s gonna know who you are anyway.
  5. This thing:
  6. Anything from Twilight. I mean, haven’t we had ENOUGH?
  7. Any costume that came in a plastic bag or from Ricky’s. Use your noggin.
  8. A slutty nurse/taxi driver/school girl/ballerina/red riding hood/Tinkerbell/firefighter/toaster/martini. Basically anything that requires the word “sexy” in front of it.
  9. The Kardashians.
  10. Chilean miners. Too soon.

Happy haunting, bitches.



Monday Mashup: Catfight

By |October 11th, 2010|Monday Mashup|

Who was it that got into a drink throwing bar fight the other night in NYC? Was this another episode of the Jersey Shore?

Screen shot 2010-10-09 at 12.28.08 PM

Was it Snooki or Kim K? It’s actually kind of hard to tell the difference, huh? But alas, it was Miss Kardashian being pelted with bottom shelf liquor. Sigh… do people still do things like this? Animals. You’re all animals.



Why Did You Wear That: Grammy’s Gone Wild

By |February 1st, 2010|Red Carpet Recap, Why Did You Wear That?|

After getting love drunk with Lady Gaga and Elton John’s epic performance kicking of this year’s Grammy’s, the rest of the show just felt like a hangover.

lady-gaga-2I rarely do a red carpet wrap up for award shows because I usually find them so predictable and basically boring (and every other blog on the planet does them). However, there is something about the Grammy’s that brings all the crazies out- and I love every last second of it. This year was no different. There was good, bad, and most certainly ugly.  It’s just a matter of deciding where, oh where, I shall begin…


Oh, Katy Perry. You’re as good a place as any. I used to find you kind of adorable, and would at times chock your funny attire up to you being “quirky.”  But, due to your recent engagement to Russell Brand, I’m starting to think you’re just insane. What’s with that bindi on your forehead? Are you trying to blend into your heinous dress? That looks to me like one of those creepy stick on bath mats you use to prevent yourself from biting it while shaving in the shower. Ick.


Heidi Klum… don’t mind if I do. Hey Katy, wanna wear nude and sequins? This is how it’s done. This is the type of dress I pine over and wish I had in my closet for New Year’s and birthdays. She’s a golden goddess. Heidi, if you’d like me to take this dress off your hands (not like you can wear it again anyway), I will try and find some room for it in my closet…


No, you’re not hallucinating (like you were during the MJ tribute performance. Hey CBS, thanks for the head’s up that we’d need to bring along our 3D glasses to watch the show).  This is really Snooki from Jersey Shore. No, I don’t know how she managed to get in and Guiliana Rancic didn’t. Between her ski jacket, pink sunnies, and ginormous Coach bag, she’s sealed her fashion fate. Fail.


Fergie is looking delish in this cobalt blue mini. She and Snooks might be the same size, but she has made herself look long and lean by keeping it simple and sexy. I’m not 100% in love with that silver “snake” detail, but she still looks gorge.


Oh dear heavens! The Abominable Snowman is apparently up for a Grammy. Oh… wait, that’s Rihanna and apparently she’s had an issue with the TP in the bathroom. Rihanna is a beautiful girl, but this get up does absolutely nothing for her. A shorter hemline or a lower neckline would have balanced her out and made her look less like a snow ball and more like the belle of the ball.


Marisa Miller is white hot. It may not be the most creative or high fashion ensemble, but homegirl is aware of her assets and how to play them up. She kept it simple, chic, and sexy so we can focus on her gorgeous bod, hair, and face.


For once second, let’s pretend she’s NOT wearing a glitter wig. This dress… while it is interesting, it just isn’t fun or flattering. It’s flesh colored and skin tight. It could have possibly worked in a different hue and if she had piled her hair up on in a carefree updo. Not to mention that the particular shade of her “hair” and her dark brows really clash with this neutral dress.


Now this is how a neutral dress is done! Well played, Keri Hilson. It is incredibly well fitted and accentuates her curves in all the right places. She looks like a delicious dessert and I wanna take a bite!


Ciara, Ciara, Ciara… This hurts me because you were so charming in your red carpet interview with E!.  Why oh why do you insist on wearing creepy outfits like this?  It’s not flattering, it’s not attractive, and honestly, you’re not wearing pants. You said this was a “jumpsuit” but I’m going to call bullshit. I can see your thighs. Your skin and makeup was so beautiful, but I’m so distracted by your doily pants, that I can’t appreciate it.


Carrie Underwood is always a class act. She looks beautiful and elegant in this flowy white gown.  The only thing that irks me is her “mom” hairdo. You’re still young. Let your locks grow.  You can wear this do’ when you’re 40.


How sequins should not be done. I’m too exhausted by his jacket to even get into the faded ripped (probably True Religion) jeans that he’s wearing. I can’t.


How sequins should be done. This was an amazing shade for Taylor. It’s a great alternative to black and is gorgeous on her skin tone. The neck line is debatable and honestly, I would love it if Taylor would get some highlights. This is what my hair would look like if I decided to go ahead and quit getting it done. She needs to hightail it over to Ryan Darius for some sun kissed streaks and a “paddy cake” curl tutorial!


Oh, I’m sorry, Kesha, are you DRUNK? While delivering your lines this evening, I wondered if you were even speaking English. I’m going to assume you were also drunk when you got dressed. I get it. You’re “weird” and “off the wall.”  But honestly, if you’re going to be “zany,” go all out.


Speaking of off the wall, here is Lady Gaga giving it to us like she always does.  She never, ever disappoints and I wonder if she will ever run out of ideas for her crazy paparazzi ready outfits. We had a couple of ideas about this one- one being that she is, in fact, the universe (holding the star) and we are just living in it (her yellow hair being the sun).  The other is that she is Glenda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz. Thoughts?


Another one who never fails to disappoint? The one, the only, Britney Spears.  Does she share a stylist with Ciara? Cause she is also not wearing any pants.  At what point do you think she decided it would be a good idea to just wear her gurdle with a shear slip over top?

All in all, the Grammy’s were pretty entertaining. Like I said, it was good, bad, and oh-so ugly. We saw some amazing performances from Lady Gaga, Pink, Taylor Swift with Stevie Nicks. We also saw Jamie Fox act like an ass and Eminem appear from nowhere. Most importantly, we saw some really bad fashion that left us wondering, “Why did you wear that?”





The Epidemic

By |January 11th, 2010|Uncategorized|


I know everyone is obsessed with The Jersey Shore on MTV and “The Situation” but he’s got nothing on “The Epidemic.”  Something fishy (kinda like NJ smells) is going on.  Beautiful girls are breaking up with their boyfriends left and right. Didn’t I tell you guys that winter is the time for COUPLING UP??

For many assorted (but equally as douchey) reasons, there are several more beautiful single women walking the streets of New York City. I really can give no explanation as to what is going on. What I can tell you is that there is a new sickness infiltrating the men in our beautiful US of A. Heard of the swine flu?  Well, this is a special little strand of it called the DoucheBag Flu (D1B1).  Please take your men to go get the vaccine IMMEDIATELY to prevent them from falling ill as well infecting anyone else.

In the meantime, my single sweeties, keep your beautiful chins up. Life will go on and so will you.  Review my old breakup rules and start letting time heal all wounds.



P.S. Can we talk about how watching the Jersey Shore only reminds me of the frat parties I attended in college?