You know what they say, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” I’d say this most commonly refers to relationships seeing as when we are in one, we’re curious about what else is out there. When we aren’t in one, we’re desperately trying to settle down and settle in. The upsides of being in a relationship are quite clear, but what about all the perks that come with rolling solo? It’s not such a bad thing, after all.
Ten things that do NOT suck about being single:
It’s very difficult to argue with yourself. (Though it can be done).
The toilet seat is always in the correct position and there’s no longer the chance of falling in during a middle of the night tinkle break.
I don’t care. I do what I want!
You can watch whatever the hell you want (whenever you want). Golden Girls? Gossip Girls? It’s your world, girl.
Oh bikini waxes? Sorry.
Do you know how good it feels to stretch out horizontally across your bed?
You are no longer at risk of morning sex.
The only person’s shit you have to clean up is your own (okay, and maybe your dog’s).
You will not get fat from eating things that boys like to eat. Hello, Lean Cuisine!
Girls’ night every night.
And while you may only be single temporarily, enjoy it. Cause it’s only a matter of time before someone is crowding your space, stealing your covers, and breathing in your face.
You didn’t think that just because I missed a couple week’s of the list that my life had turned into a magical fairytale, did you? Get real. I was taking a breather and counting to a billion.
Spending money on expensive sheets only to wake up in a pile of nerd balls.
Gerber daisies. Sorry.
Indian givers. I’m fairly certain that when you give someone a gift, there is no return policy.
Facebook timeline. Don’t like it can’t make me. Oh wait.
Vet bills. I appreciate you exploiting my emotions while emptying my wallet.
Men on Pinterest. Ladies, if your husband/boyfriend is pinning at his computer… he may very well want to be “pinning” all kinds of other things (wink, wink).
Creepy married men. Sir, I can see your ring.
People who have conversations at an excessively loud decibel. This goes double when said individuals are discussing last night’s episode of Gossip Girl, Real Housewives, etc. How do you know if I’ve watched yet?
Name dropping. I just mopped the floor. Can you pick that up?
It’s that time of year again. It’s always some time of year again though. Anyway, the time of year I’m talking about is Halloween. And while some of you may be crotch deep in slutty costumes, some of us are a little tired of plopping down 50 bucks for a pre-packaged costume the size of a dinner napkin from Ricky’s only to exile said costume to the far corners of our closets the day after fright night. Luckily, there are quite a few frocks that can do double duty. Not only are they spot on for Fall, they’d also make for very good witchy, vampy costumes with the right makeup and props. Now to be clear, vampires just really aren’t my thing, but I’m not here to judge. I’m in front of my TV every Monday night for Gossip Girl… so…
Anyway, wearing a black lace or deep red velvet frock with some snagged stockings, smokey eyes, and maroon lips would make for a very sultry, very sexy (not slutty) Halloween costume. Pop some vampire teeth and fake blood in your clutch for added effect and you’ll be utterly bewitching.
In honor of Gossip Girl’s return to television, this week’s inspiration is brought to you by the letters S and B. Whether you’re team Serena or Team Blair, there’s no denying that these ladies have serious style. New York is one of the most magical places during the fall. I don’t know what exactly it is, but I think anyone who’s spent a fall in the Big Apple can attest to that special something that’s in the air. Now, I know Serena is taking the season off in sunny California, but I’m still channeling the sumptuous accessories that a city girl might add to her collection this fall- the perfect shoes, scarf, and clutch for catching cabs and ducking into the hot club du jour.
As many of you have probably read, another young starlet has a “nude photo scandal.” The lovely Blake Lively of Gossip Girl fame allegedly has some leaked naughty nude photos running rampant via the web. Her reps were quick to deny they were Blake (shocker), but the resemblance is uncanny.
A couple of things: 1. If I was Blake, I’d claim that body. Don’t care whose it is- Yowza! 2. If this is not, in fact, Blake, I trust that the fine folks over at Victoria’s Secret/Sports Illustrated, are on the hunt for the young lady who this bodacious bod belongs to.
Okay, so back to the real topic at hand. When the hell are girls (especially those of the celebrity species) going to learn? If you take naked pics and send them to your beau du jour, at some point in time an unintended audience will probably be fortunate enough to enjoy your nekkid body. Now, (Dad- earmuffs), I have sent some racy photos to a significant other before… And while I do wish this fella was no longer in possession of said sexy photos, they weren’t something I’m morbidly ashamed of. That said- I would NOT want the entire world to see them. I take care of my body and would like to keep its splendor strictly reserved for my future hubs and my best gal pals (not modest, kids). If I wanted the entire planet to see all my nooks and crannies, I’d just do a spread in Playboy. At least I’d get paid…