It always seems that the people who are looking the hardest for love are the ones without it. Seems unfair, but I suppose that’s just the way the cookie crumbles. Maybe it’s because they seem desperate. Maybe it’s because they are looking so hard they can’t see what’s right in front of their face. Whatever the case may be, they are unable to find love.
I won’t disclose all the details (I’ll save that for my novel), but let’s just say that I found true love in a very unexpected fashion. A little over a year ago, I had been coping with the aftermath of a gut wrenching breakup by going out a lot and dating several different boys without the intent of committing to any of them. I had sworn off marriage altogether and decided that living in a beach shack with my beautiful adopted children and pets would be just fine.
And then a funny thing happened. I needed help with a project and a girlfriend of mine put me in touch with a former colleague who she’d remained friendly with. From the first email, there was a connection. I looked forward to each and every one of his email exchanges more than an episode of Gossip Girl. While they had started as formal and work related, they turned into hilariously quick back and forth banter that I’d never shared with anyone before. One of my friends called it early on, but I refused to admit that I’d met my match.
I fought it the entire time. I had four million different reasons why it couldn’t be. He wasn’t even remotely my “type.” He lived across the country. He couldn’t possibly like me… He was my mirror image and he was exactly what I needed. I raised my white flag and finally surrendered to the love that had been there all along.
My point is this. Once you come to terms with yourself and the possibility of being alone, you’re more likely to be open to someone else. Perhaps when you are looking so hard for love, you force things that aren’t meant to be. You may even settle for someone who is only “eh” rather than “AH!” Sometimes people are so scared of being alone that they accept behavior and people who aren’t worthy. You can’t find love. Love can only find you and you’ve got to be ready and willing when it knocks on your door. It may very well show up looking a bit different than you’d imagined, but it’s love all the same.
Those that go searching for love, only manifest their own loveless ness. And the loveless never find love, only the loving find love. And they never have to seek for it. -D.H. Lawrence