The List Volume LVIII

By |October 28th, 2011|The List|

Last week, I challenged you to make even the most mundane items slutty.  This week, let’s just go ahead and point out the already played out Halloween costumes for this year (seemed to work out for you folks last year).

  1. Black Swan.  You’ve been planning this for 9 months haven’t you?
  2. Nicki Minaj.  This is this year’s Lady Gaga.
  3. Charlie Sheen.
  4. Amy Winehouse.  Just ew.
  5. Steve Jobs.  Too soon.
  6. Pan Am flight attendant.
  7. Any of the Kardashians. Ever.
  8. Angry Birds.
  9. William and Kate.
  10. Justin Bieber.

Hey, there’s still time to make a swap.



P.S. Last year’s list.

The List Volume XLVII

By |June 24th, 2011|The List|

This week’s list is a little different.  I’ve decided to not just complain, but also teach a lesson while complaining (multitasking).  A lesson in vocabulary.  You see, there’s not a day that goes by that I hear someone say something so dumb, trite, or played out that it makes me cringe with sheer secondhand embarrassment.  This is usually as simple as scrolling through my Facebook feed.

Since I love all my WhyDid readers nearly as much as I love Friday afternoons, here are ten things that you need to remove from your vocabulary immediately (if not sooner):

  1. “WINNING!”  It was funny for the first two or three days of Charlie Sheen’s delusion filled rants, but now you just sound like a washed up has been…
  2. “Sigh” “Le sigh” Any variation of air leaving the body.
  3. “Just saying…” I was an early adopter of this phrase.  I really loved it… two years ago.  Now everyone seems to tag it onto the end of every sentence for maximum impact, but here’s the thing: we know you’re “just saying” because you JUST SAID IT.
  4. “Hit me up” I’m not even sure what that means.
  5. “Sunday Funday” Just because it rhymes doesn’t make it cute.  Boozeday Tuesday? Highday Friday? Didn’t think so.
  6. “Nuts-o” “Dunz-o” Anything-o.  Adding an “o” to the end of words sucks-o.
  7. “Fashionista” With exception to the website.
  8. “I’m straight.” That’s wonderful, but I asked how you were doing.
  9. “Literally” People misuse this bad boy all the time.  Literally means actually; without exaggeration or inaccuracy.
  10. “Guru” “expert” “maven” Chances are if you refer to yourself as one of these… you aren’t.
  11. *A late addition: “Curate” or any adaptation of…

Choose your words wisely and always remember, “silence hath more eloquence than speech.”



The List: Volume XLI

By |April 22nd, 2011|The List|

It’s been a while.  Lucky for you, The List is back.  One would think there would be far less to complain about in Pleasantville, but stupid people and annoying habits are everywhere.  You can run but you sure as heck can’t hide.

  1. .Strip malls.  How many different versions of the same thing can there possibly be?  I can’t even tell where I am half the time cause it all looks the same.  I know I’m close when I see Black Angus and Mini Golf World.
  2. Zuckerberg wannabes.  You are not about to the next Facebook.  Sorry.
  3. Brides/bridesmaids wearing cowboy boots at weddings.  I don’t care if you’re from Texas.  This is neither the time, nor the place. As a matter of fact, I’m not sure what that time or place even is. 
  4. Automated voice recordings that make you listen closely to a bunch of options so that your call is directed to the correct person… only to have that person ask you all the same questions again.  No, it’s fine, I had fifteen extra minutes to spare.
  5. The smell of dirt. How do worms live like that?
  6. People who are still speaking “Sheen.”  You just sound like a LOSER when you say WINNING.
  7. Audrina’s new show.  Enough is enough.  Even that killer bod isn’t gonna hold our attention for more than five minutes of meaningless babble.
  8. Girls who brag about their shitty shoe collections.  Steve Madden does not a shoe collection make.  Now, this is a shoe collection: 
  9. Autotune.  When are people going to start singing again?
  10. Malaria.  Monday, April 25th is World Malaria Day. Find out how to help here.



The List Volume XL

By |March 4th, 2011|The List|

Perhaps it’s a good thing that I’m finding it harder and harder to come up with things for “The List.”  Maybe that means I’m overall happier.  Or maybe it just means I don’t get out enough… either way behold “The List.”

  1. WordPress.Today specifically.  Instead of taking only a few moments to post “The List” this week, you consumed my day with all your new tricks and treats with this update.  Gracias and get it together.
  2. Reality TV.  Except The Bachelor.  He can stay.  Everyone else? Go home.
  3. People who change their Facebook pictures to sonograms.  That’s just weird and last time I checked, I wasn’t friends with a fetus. 
  4. Mike Catherwood.  I have a bone to pick with you, my friend.  I’m 99.4% certain that is not your real name.
  5. The Sneezee.  This thing can not be real.
  6. Stale marshmallows.
  7. Music videos.  I can’t believe people still make these.  Seems like a whole lot of “buck” without a lot of “bang.”  Besides, where would I even go to watch it?
  8. The hair on my knees.  No matter how diligent I am while shaving, I am always left with a patch reminiscent of a dandelion. 
  9. Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen jokes, Charlie Sheen interviews.  It was amusing at first, but now it’s just obnoxious.
  10. Split ends.



The List Volume XXXVI

By |January 28th, 2011|The List|

Ah yes, it is that time of the week.  The list.  It never ceases to amaze me that so many things can be so obnoxious.

  1. The post office. Why is there always a line? What is so difficult?
  2. Willow Smith in Vanity Fair. Isn’t she like two?
  3. Why does my yogurt have a twitter logo on it? I can’t click it. I also don’t want to follow you on twitter, yogurt.
  4. “Fashion” bloggers who can’t spell the names of designers.
  5. People who don’t know how to merge (the cause of all LA traffic).
  6. Greasy bangs. Ew. Just ew.
  7. Brain freeze.
  8. Friends with Benefits coming out right after No Strings Attached. How did the exact same movie get made twice? Like, who forgot to pass along that memo?
  9. Sleeveless turtlenecks. Um? Oxymoron, no?
  10. Charlie Sheen. Seriously, get. it. together.