This week’s list is a little different. I’ve decided to not just complain, but also teach a lesson while complaining (multitasking). A lesson in vocabulary. You see, there’s not a day that goes by that I hear someone say something so dumb, trite, or played out that it makes me cringe with sheer secondhand embarrassment. This is usually as simple as scrolling through my Facebook feed.
Since I love all my WhyDid readers nearly as much as I love Friday afternoons, here are ten things that you need to remove from your vocabulary immediately (if not sooner):
“WINNING!” It was funny for the first two or three days of Charlie Sheen’s delusion filled rants, but now you just sound like a washed up has been…
“Sigh” “Le sigh” Any variation of air leaving the body.
“Just saying…” I was an early adopter of this phrase. I really loved it… two years ago. Now everyone seems to tag it onto the end of every sentence for maximum impact, but here’s the thing: we know you’re “just saying” because you JUST SAID IT.
“Hit me up” I’m not even sure what that means.
“Sunday Funday” Just because it rhymes doesn’t make it cute. Boozeday Tuesday? Highday Friday? Didn’t think so.
“Nuts-o” “Dunz-o” Anything-o. Adding an “o” to the end of words sucks-o.
It’s been a while. Lucky for you, The List is back. One would think there would be far less to complain about in Pleasantville, but stupid people and annoying habits are everywhere. You can run but you sure as heck can’t hide.
.Strip malls. How many different versions of the same thing can there possibly be? I can’t even tell where I am half the time cause it all looks the same. I know I’m close when I see Black Angus and Mini Golf World.
Zuckerberg wannabes. You are not about to the next Facebook. Sorry.
Brides/bridesmaids wearing cowboy boots at weddings. I don’t care if you’re from Texas. This is neither the time, nor the place. As a matter of fact, I’m not sure what that time or place even is.
Automated voice recordings that make you listen closely to a bunch of options so that your call is directed to the correct person… only to have that person ask you all the same questions again. No, it’s fine, I had fifteen extra minutes to spare.
The smell of dirt. How do worms live like that?
People who are still speaking “Sheen.” You just sound like a LOSER when you say WINNING.
Audrina’s new show. Enough is enough. Even that killer bod isn’t gonna hold our attention for more than five minutes of meaningless babble.
Girls who brag about their shitty shoe collections. Steve Madden does not a shoe collection make. Now, this is a shoe collection:
Autotune. When are people going to start singing again?
Malaria. Monday, April 25th is World Malaria Day. Find out how to help here.
Perhaps it’s a good thing that I’m finding it harder and harder to come up with things for “The List.” Maybe that means I’m overall happier. Or maybe it just means I don’t get out enough… either way behold “The List.”
WordPress.Today specifically. Instead of taking only a few moments to post “The List” this week, you consumed my day with all your new tricks and treats with this update. Gracias and get it together.
Reality TV. Except The Bachelor. He can stay. Everyone else? Go home.
People who change their Facebook pictures to sonograms. That’s just weird and last time I checked, I wasn’t friends with a fetus.
Mike Catherwood. I have a bone to pick with you, my friend. I’m 99.4% certain that is not your real name.
The Sneezee. This thing can not be real.
Music videos. I can’t believe people still make these. Seems like a whole lot of “buck” without a lot of “bang.” Besides, where would I even go to watch it?
The hair on my knees. No matter how diligent I am while shaving, I am always left with a patch reminiscent of a dandelion.
Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen jokes, Charlie Sheen interviews. It was amusing at first, but now it’s just obnoxious.