The List XVII

I mean, I’m about to start listing people by first name… But alas, I will save you the embarrassment.

1. Turtlenecks in summer. I don’t care if it doesn’t have sleeves or is a dress.
2. Girls with shitty hair who insist on growing it out. Know your role.
3. While on the subject, not everyone is meant to be blonde. (This goes double for those of you not genetically predisposed).
4. “Sunday Funday.” This couldn’t be more overused. It’s Sunday… guess what that means… Tomorrow’s Monday and everyone knows that’s not very fun.
5. Shit talkers. How’s your breath? No, seriously. How is it?
6. Guys who think the waitress wants to F&*#. She just wants a tip… and not the tip of your …
7. Waitresses who whore themselves out to guys drinking beer. They are not big spenders and I need a refill. Thanks.
8. Co-workers who throw out your lunch. Looks like I need my own Fridge Locker.
9. People who re-Tweet celebrities, verified accounts, horoscopes, and quotes. We get it, they said EXACTLY what you were thinking. Chances are we’re all following them too, so we don’t need you to re-Tweet their shit. Thanks.
10. YOU.

xx,

WhyDid

Would You Wednesday: Beyonce Edition

This one hurts. Brace yourselves. Here are Beyonce and Jay-Z boarding a yacht in St. Tropez yesterday.

Let’s have a closer look… Good word. I mean, I’m not sure I even know what to say about this one. Nevermind, yes I do. Beyonce (BeyBey), Jay is NEVER supposed to look better than you. How is that even possible? You’re supposed to be the pretty one!

Ugh… I can’t look at this anymore. What do you guys think?

xx,

WhyDid

RiRi Rehab

Dear Rihanna,

First and foremost, I think you are exquisite. I remember seeing you on the rooftop of Soho House last summer and being stunned by your beauty. You truly are a gorgeous girl. Our entire group had to pick our chins up off our poolside bed/couch as you sashayed by.

That being said, dub tee eff is going on with your outfits? I get that you have your own “personal style” but it’s getting kind of offensive. You’re sort of channeling Taylor Momsen/Jenny Humphrey with your “I don’t give a f*#$” get ups. Guess where that got little J? Written off of Gossip Girl. So let me step in and stop you before someone decides to write you off.

I get it. You’ve had a rough go this past year. My heart goes out to you. I know firsthand what boy dbaggery looks/feels like. No one deserves that. However, looking like a crazy bag lady certainly isn’t the best revenge. Take a cue from Kim K strutting around looking hotter than ever in her bikini (suck on that, Reggie). Or go get a weave like I did!

Let’s take a look at some of the biggest offenders:

What the f*#%? What happened to this little cutie?

I mean, I can’t vouch for that belly chain, but you get what I’m saying.  Let’s go ahead and reel it back in. How about getting some of your girliness back? Remember when you were so hot and feminine that people were hypothesizing that Beyonce was getting nervous? Yeah, let’s get that RiRi back before we have to send you to fashion rehab.

Sending my love.

xx,

WhyDid

Bling Bling!

So remember when I was a little taken aback with Beyonce’s “glitter wig” at the Grammy’s? Well, upon further investigation (you KNOW my middle name is Google) I have cracked the case. Nancy Drew strikes again.

Although it wasn’t a “glitter wig” (I still think she was wearing a wig), there were, in fact, strands of metallic hair knotted in. These little tinsel like strands are called Bling Strands and they’re one of the newest trends in hair. My dear friend, Ashley, just got them done at a salon and she looked absolutely adorable. You can get the look at home by ordering them online and watching the “how to” video. They are sold in packs of 25 strands ($6.50 for 18″, $8.95 for 36″) and come in a multitude of fun colors, but if you aren’t very crafty, I’d leave it up to the experts. You may end up with a knotted mess.

I can’t say that I will be sporting these little guys around, but I do think they are a fun accessory for the right girl or for a special occasion.

Get your shine on.

xx,

WhyDid

Grammy’s Gone Wild

After getting love drunk with Lady Gaga and Elton John’s epic performance kicking of this year’s Grammy’s, the rest of the show just felt like a hangover.

I rarely do a red carpet wrap up for award shows because I usually find them so predictable and basically boring (and every other blog on the planet does them). However, there is something about the Grammy’s that brings all the crazies out- and I love every last second of it. This year was no different. There was good, bad, and most certainly ugly.  It’s just a matter of deciding where, oh where, I shall begin…

Oh, Katy Perry. You’re as good a place as any. I used to find you kind of adorable, and would at times chock your funny attire up to you being “quirky.”  But, due to your recent engagement to Russell Brand, I’m starting to think you’re just insane. What’s with that bindi on your forehead? Are you trying to blend into your heinous dress? That looks to me like one of those creepy stick on bath mats you use to prevent yourself from biting it while shaving in the shower. Ick.

Heidi Klum… don’t mind if I do. Hey Katy, wanna wear nude and sequins? This is how it’s done. This is the type of dress I pine over and wish I had in my closet for New Year’s and birthdays. She’s a golden goddess. Heidi, if you’d like me to take this dress off your hands (not like you can wear it again anyway), I will try and find some room for it in my closet…

No, you’re not hallucinating (like you were during the MJ tribute performance. Hey CBS, thanks for the head’s up that we’d need to bring along our 3D glasses to watch the show).  This is really Snooki from Jersey Shore. No, I don’t know how she managed to get in and Guiliana Rancic didn’t. Between her ski jacket, pink sunnies, and ginormous Coach bag, she’s sealed her fashion fate. Fail.

Fergie is looking delish in this cobalt blue mini. She and Snooks might be the same size, but she has made herself look long and lean by keeping it simple and sexy. I’m not 100% in love with that silver “snake” detail, but she still looks gorge.

Oh dear heavens! The Abominable Snowman is apparently up for a Grammy. Oh… wait, that’s Rihanna and apparently she’s had an issue with the TP in the bathroom. Rihanna is a beautiful girl, but this get up does absolutely nothing for her. A shorter hemline or a lower neckline would have balanced her out and made her look less like a snow ball and more like the belle of the ball.

Marisa Miller is white hot. It may not be the most creative or high fashion ensemble, but homegirl is aware of her assets and how to play them up. She kept it simple, chic, and sexy so we can focus on her gorgeous bod, hair, and face.

For once second, let’s pretend she’s NOT wearing a glitter wig. This dress… while it is interesting, it just isn’t fun or flattering. It’s flesh colored and skin tight. It could have possibly worked in a different hue and if she had piled her hair up on in a carefree updo. Not to mention that the particular shade of her “hair” and her dark brows really clash with this neutral dress.

Now this is how a neutral dress is done! Well played, Keri Hilson. It is incredibly well fitted and accentuates her curves in all the right places. She looks like a delicious dessert and I wanna take a bite!

Ciara, Ciara, Ciara… This hurts me because you were so charming in your red carpet interview with E!.  Why oh why do you insist on wearing creepy outfits like this?  It’s not flattering, it’s not attractive, and honestly, you’re not wearing pants. You said this was a “jumpsuit” but I’m going to call bullshit. I can see your thighs. Your skin and makeup was so beautiful, but I’m so distracted by your doily pants, that I can’t appreciate it.

Carrie Underwood is always a class act. She looks beautiful and elegant in this flowy white gown.  The only thing that irks me is her “mom” hairdo. You’re still young. Let your locks grow.  You can wear this do’ when you’re 40.

How sequins should not be done. I’m too exhausted by his jacket to even get into the faded ripped (probably True Religion) jeans that he’s wearing. I can’t.

How sequins should be done. This was an amazing shade for Taylor. It’s a great alternative to black and is gorgeous on her skin tone. The neck line is debatable and honestly, I would love it if Taylor would get some highlights. This is what my hair would look like if I decided to go ahead and quit getting it done. She needs to hightail it over to Ryan Darius for some sun kissed streaks and a “paddy cake” curl tutorial!

Oh, I’m sorry, Kesha, are you DRUNK? While delivering your lines this evening, I wondered if you were even speaking English. I’m going to assume you were also drunk when you got dressed. I get it. You’re “weird” and “off the wall.”  But honestly, if you’re going to be “zany,” go all out.

Speaking of off the wall, here is Lady Gaga giving it to us like she always does.  She never, ever disappoints and I wonder if she will ever run out of ideas for her crazy paparazzi ready outfits. We had a couple of ideas about this one- one being that she is, in fact, the universe (holding the star) and we are just living in it (her yellow hair being the sun).  The other is that she is Glenda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz. Thoughts?

Another one who never fails to disappoint? The one, the only, Britney Spears.  Does she share a stylist with Ciara? Cause she is also not wearing any pants.  At what point do you think she decided it would be a good idea to just wear her gurdle with a shear slip over top?

All in all, the Grammy’s were pretty entertaining. Like I said, it was good, bad, and oh-so ugly. We saw some amazing performances from Lady Gaga, Pink, Taylor Swift with Stevie Nicks. We also saw Jamie Fox act like an ass and Eminem appear from nowhere. Most importantly, we saw some really bad fashion that left us wondering, “Why did you wear that?”

xx,

WhyDid

xx,

WhyDid

2009 VMA’s (aka View. My. Ass.)

It seems that this year people actually tuned into the MTV VMA’s.  Perhaps it was the tribute to Michael Jackson, or maybe that it was back in good old NYC, either way the show did not disappoint.  Twitter was abuzz last night with updates on all the drama and performances.

Clearly, the theme for last night was a lot of gratuitous ass.  I would have come up with an “A” word for vagina, but could not think of one.  The bar was set high when Katy Perry performed wearing WHITE shiny leggings and a serious case of cameltoe.  

And just in case you didn’t notice her lady parts, she finished off her performance with a “crotch grab.”  Classy. Love Katy, but no woman should attempt the white spandex pants. Ever. 

Speaking of ass, Kanye West sure acted like one when he ruined Taylor Swift’s moment to shine.  Really, Kanye? Get a life. Picking on a cute girl like Taylor is just LAME. 

Oh, Lady Gaga. I wouldn’t expect anything less from her.  She’s notorious for her lack of clothing and her affinity for all things leotard.  While she normally has security who blocks paparazzi from taking photos of her derriere, we got a full view last night as she swung covered in “blood” from the ceiling.  If Lady Gaga could buy stock in “inappropriateness”, she would. 

It’s clear to all of us why Jay-Z went ahead and put a ring on that.  I have to give the girl props for sporting this little number, however, that’s a lot of crotch.  A couple of things: 1) I want the number to her waxer.  It’s safe to bet that Beyonce took a trip to Brazil before her performance, 2) the trick to Beyonce’s svelte thighs? Double (or even triple) layers of tights.  A shiny shaping pair layered beneath nude fishnets will erase and trace of cellulite or extra lbs. 

We all know pink is a bad ass, but attempting this little stunt in a unitard with a huge contraption in her crotch giving her the world’s largest cameltoe… Ouch. 

I wanted to also include a photo of Russell Brand in that ridiculous suit of his because he is a total ass and we also saw too much of his crotch as well. I’m confused as to why MTV signed him on for a second year of hosting. Do people actually like him? And for the record, women aren’t the only ones who need to be conscious of their thighs in skinny pants. Men with thick thighs can not, I repeat, can not pull off skinny pants. 

But alas, there was a happy ending after all. 

Beyonce saved some ass (ahem, Kanye) after she graciously gave up her time for an acceptance speech for Video of the Year in order to allow Taylor Swift to complete her acceptance speech that had been cut short due to douchebaggery. 

I propose that next year they go ahead and change the name.  

xx,

WhyDid

Dear Beyonce,

First of all, let me say, you are one of the baddest chicks on the block. You know how to work your curves (and have taught so many women to love their bodies), you have unbelievable confidence, and you can sing your butt off (though I wouldn’t recommend it, cause I think your male fans would be devastated). Plus, I give any woman credit who can lock a man like Jay-Z down.

However, your performance outfit last night on the World Music Awards, was personally offensive. Leggings as pants? Really? And latex ones at that? You have just set me back about 1000 years on this ”don’t wear leggings as pants” campaign. Since so many women/girls look up to you, now they are going to think it is, in fact, okay to wear leggings as pants.  

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