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Drop it Like it’s Not Hot

By |April 13th, 2009|Somethin for the fellas, Uncategorized|

baggy-pants

Dear boys/men across the globe,

Did you not realize that your sagging pants are not, in fact, sexy?  Did it not occur to you that looking as though you are wearing a saggy diaper does not woo the ladies?  Had the thought ever crossed your mind that looking like you “dropped a deuce” in your pants might not be a flattering look after all?

Well, guess what?  Baggy, saggy, droopy pants are not hot.  Period.  There is nothing cool about it.  It does not serve any purpose except making you look like you could not control your bowel movements and making it slightly more difficult for you to walk.

I am not suggesting that you wear skinny tight hipster jeans (I’m still weirded out by men whose thighs are smaller than mine), but I am suggesting that you buy pants that fit you.  Get yourself to Jean Shopand have them fit you for a pair that will actually flatter you.  If these are a little pricey for your budget (I do admit they are a little ridiculous, but a nice booty is a nice booty) try Levi’s Slim Straight 514.

How would you like it if the ladies stopped wearing jeans that flattered our bootylicious bods?  What if we just decided that we’d had enough of your baggy pants and all started wearing mu-mu’s?

xx,

WhyDid

Markets May Be Down, But Your Stock Could Be Going Up

By |April 7th, 2009|Somethin for the fellas, Uncategorized, Why Did You Date Him?|

stock

So, one of my young male friends often talks about how he can not capture the heart of a worthy woman in this city.  He’s no schlub, mind you, but he hasn’t quite hit his stride in his career either.  He’s also on the younger side (read: under 30) and hasn’t quite gotten all of his partying/oat sewing out just yet.

He tends to meet lots of floozies and spends his nights with drunken sorority girls and women of low caliber.  Then the next day he wakes up (usually with one of those drunken floozies) feeling empty and most likely hungover.  I scold him about these little raunchy escapades, but to no avail.  I remind him that he is probably not hanging out in places that the respectable and date worthy women frequent.

Then I read this articleby the lovely and hilarious DABA girls.  It gave me an idea.  Maybe my dear young friend should be aiming much, much higher.  If these “take home to mama” kind of girls are feeling undersexed and under-appreciated by their banker/laid off banker bf’s, maybe there is a shot for a guy like him.  He may not be bank rolling like the guys of Wall Street, but he is charming, respectful, good looking, and I’m sure has plenty of “loving” to go around.  No disrespect, DABA girls, this might just be something fun to hold you over until the next boom on Wall Street… kind of like a disco nap before a big night out or a black and white cookie before your 10:30 dinner reservation at Waverly.  See? Everybody wins! Just a thought…

xx,

WhyDid

Ladies Who Brunch

By |March 27th, 2009|Uncategorized|

merkato1

diner

Not that brunch ever officially slows down in New York, but it does pick up as the ice starts to thaw, the birds start to chirp and the skin starts to be exposed.  That is why I thought “brunch attire” should be covered, stat.

The recession hasn’t stopped people from boozing up their Saturdays and Sundays here in NYC, if anything, it’s given us all the more reason to pound back a bellini with our challa French toast.  Whether you’re dancing on the tables at Bagatelle or just enjoying girl talk at a quiet table at Tre, brunch is a New York institution.  I tend to avoid the raucous wild party brunches, but I’ve been known to hallucinate after a few glasses of rose at Felix.

For those of you who have yet to experience “brunch,” just think of it as tailgating- except with better food, better drinks, no face paint or port-o-potties, and probably better company.  Regardless, careful consideration should go into your brunch attire.  Brunch is tricky because you still want to look cute, but you can not go decked out in your Saturday night best (i.e., sequins and stilettos) though this doesn’t stop some.  Careful distinction between daytime and nighttime makeup must also be made.  Maybe your heavy eye makeup looks cool at 1am tucked in a banquette at Bijoux, but you will look like a tranny at 1pm at Merkato55.

Here are a few brunch style tips to help:

  • Invest in some cute flat or slightly wedge heeled shoes.  You will be drunk and falling off the banquettes at some point, may as well decrease your chances of a sprained ankle.  Bonus- one of the few times that you can actually get away with flat shoes and happy feet.
  • Wear pants whether they be skinny jeans or leggings (take this lightly, remember, leggings aren’t really pants) because, again, you will be drunk and falling.  No one needs/wants to see your “Britney.”
  • Go easy on the eyeliner.  You don’t want to look hungover before you’re actually hungover.
  • Avoid make up touch-ups and re-coiffing your hair in the bathroom after 2 or more bloody mary’s.  Nothing good will come from this.
  • Sunglasses are always a good call.  They can hide your hangover from the night before or the one you start to get around 6pm.
  • Avoid slutty tops that will slip off of your shoulders or give too much cleavage.  It’s daylight, we will catch a nip slip. We’re drunk, not blind.
  • Take a “disco nap” before attempting to go out after brunch.  Your brunch outfit is no longer relevant at 1Oak.  Flat shoes? You think they let anyone under 5’7″ in the door?
  • The point of brunch attire is to look like you didn’t try too hard, so don’t.  A cute tank or tee with a great fitting pair of jeans and boots and you’re good to go.  You want everyone to think you look that fabulous all the time.
  • Don’t think for one second that it’s okay to roll out wearing what you had on the night before.  You’re not fooling anyone. We saw you. (Besides, we can smell the cigarette smoke and see that cranberry juice stain).
  • Moisturize. Use concealer if you must.  Just remember, natural light is much less forgiving than flashing disco balls.

All in all, brunch is a fun time to get together with friends and cut loose.  Don’t take it too seriously.  Nothing is that serious… well, except for wearing leggings as pants.

xx,

WhyDid

We’re All Bitches

By |March 13th, 2009|Somethin for the fellas, Uncategorized, Why Did You Date Him?|

(Please note, this post is for you ladies as well.  For you, “They’re All Dogs” is the title.)

New York is a city full of millions of people and while you may be surrounded by hundreds of people at any given moment, sometimes you still feel completely alone.  Hence, this brings up the question, “Should I get a girlfriend or a dog?” (My friend, swear to you, just asked me this five minutes ago).

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Nine times out of ten, I am going to go with the dog.  I may be slightly biased because I happen to have the most awesome dog on the planet, but I do have reasoning to back up my vote for the dog.

  • They can’t talk- or talk back. (Barking does not count- annoying as it may be at times).
  • Buying your furry bitch a shirt from Trixie and Peanut is far cheaper than buying your unfurry (hopefully) bitch a shirt from Prada.
  • Unconditional love. Period. End of story.  They do not care if you look like crap, you smell funky, or you didn’t email them enough today at work.
  • They always want to cuddle and you don’t have to suffer through a round of jack rabbit sex to get a good snuggle.
  • No matter what time you get home, they are ALWAYS psyched to see you.  Rather than your gf (bf) tapping her (his) foot when you stroll (stumble) in at 4am.
  • Beneful is a hell of a lot cheaper than a meal at Nobu.
  • They are incredibly loyal.  Your dog is not going to cheat on you, leave you for a new owner, or run off to Vegas for the weekend.
  • Honestly, at the end of the day, I would much rather clean up literal shit than figurative shit.

So there you have it.  Now get to the local animal shelter and adopt yourself the ultimate companion.

xx,

WhyDid

Can’t Help But Smile

By |March 11th, 2009|Uncategorized|

Though the last week and a half has been the most horrific week and a half of my short but tumultuous life, I couldn’t help but smile this morning.  On my usual uneventful train ride to 5th Ave, a man wearing the most adorable tie was standing right in front of my face.

bear-tie

Not the chicest, I know, but there was something so charming about this.  He was an older gentleman and it reminded me of my dad (who can always make me smile).  There is a big bear and a baby bear.  My mom happens to lovingly refer to my father as, “Bear.”  (I don’t want to get into the gritty details of that though).

**Extra bonus: I learned how to turn the flash off of my camera on my Blackberry.  Watch out, America, now I can take incognito photos whenever I want 🙂

Happy Hump Day.

xx,

WhyDid