Dear boys/men across the globe,

Did you not realize that your sagging pants are not, in fact, sexy?  Did it not occur to you that looking as though you are wearing a saggy diaper does not woo the ladies?  Had the thought ever crossed your mind that looking like you “dropped a deuce” in your pants might not be a flattering look after all?

Well, guess what?  Baggy, saggy, droopy pants are not hot.  Period.  There is nothing cool about it.  It does not serve any purpose except making you look like you could not control your bowel movements and making it slightly more difficult for you to walk.

I am not suggesting that you wear skinny tight hipster jeans (I’m still weirded out by men whose thighs are smaller than mine), but I am suggesting that you buy pants that fit you.  Get yourself to Jean Shopand have them fit you for a pair that will actually flatter you.  If these are a little pricey for your budget (I do admit they are a little ridiculous, but a nice booty is a nice booty) try Levi’s Slim Straight 514.

How would you like it if the ladies stopped wearing jeans that flattered our bootylicious bods?  What if we just decided that we’d had enough of your baggy pants and all started wearing mu-mu’s?