Guest Blogger | WhyDid.com

Why Don’t You Eat Me: Locanda, Locanda, Locanda Verde!

By Kirsten|February 14th, 2010|Guest Blogger, Why Don't You Eat Me?|

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Let me begin this post by saying nothing makes me happier than a really good meal. I mean, REALLY happy: A kid on Christmas morning happy (ok, a rich kid on Christmas morning), a boy finding out how truly pleasurable his “special no no place” can really be happy, a child finding out his parents aren’t really his parents happy (oh wait.. that’s not a happy moment..). Anywho… you get my point! I LOVE ME SOME FOOD! By the way, folks, a dear friend of mine went ahead and told me I write like a fat chick this week. I grinned from ear to ear and realized that I’m doing a great job because don’t fat chicks LOVE their food? Ummm I’m going to venture out there and say – YES! They sure as hell seem to be well acquainted with it at least.

This week’s restaurant REALLY made me want to drop my panties. This past Friday I ventured to Locanda Verde (meaning “green inn”) in Tribeca with celebrity chef Andrew Carmellini. Sir, let me tell you: you may celebrate with me whenever you’d like! That is, of course, as long as you’re feeding me copious amounts of your food.

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I started out with the blue crab with jalapenos and tomato and sheeps’ milk ricotta with sea salt and herbs crostinis. The sheeps’ milk is one of their fan faves, but I absolutely LOVED the blue crab. (Again one of those instances where I’d choose food over sex).

I then got the steak tartara piedmontese with walnuts, truffles, and crispy guanciale (Wikipedia definition for you folks out there: Guanciale is an unsmoked Italian bacon prepared with pig’s jowl or cheeks.). Ok, so, the guanciale sounds rather nasty with words like pig’s jowl or cheeks stuffed in there with it, but it was far from nasty. Let me just say that I love a good pig! This was probably the best steak tartare (er.. tartara) I’ve ever had. Let’s be honest with ourselves here: with walnuts, truffles, and pig jowl bacon how could it not be?

The main dishes were just as panty dropping and leg spreading as the others. For the mains we got the spaghetti friuliano with cabbage, smoked bacon and pecorino sardo and the roasted sea scallops with lentils, gala apple and pancetta. Now you’re really starting to believe me when I tell you I love pig, huh? The spaghetti fruiliano was very comparable to a carbonara, but this was like a lighter version that didn’t lose out on any taste and the roasted sea scallops were amazing with the lentils, apple, and pancetta all bursting with these flavors that worked so perfectly together. Come on… we ALL love when things burst with flavor in our mouths, no? Yes? No? Just me here? Fine.

Who thinks I left here without dessert? Exactly. You know there’s no way in hell I left here without trying dessert. I opted for the toffee date cake with caramelized apples and vanilla rum gelato. Mixing alcohol with any dessert just makes my legs quiver and this cake and gelato definitely didn’t disappoint.

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I would say that this place is all ‘pros’ and no ‘cons’ when it comes to food, ambiance, and service. Even the fellow customers made this place entertaining with the older couple next to me complaining about the prices (um, don’t you check those things in advance? Don’t come if you don’t want to pay!) to the miserable couple with their son next to us (the father was so obviously diddling his secretary and this was a guilt dinner to try and prove otherwise) to the older coug ladies (one even wore leopard print for further entertainment purposes) that were shooting me death stares across the way (I’m terribly sorry that you’re past your prime ladies, but it’s simply not my fault that gravity is beginning to take hold and that once youthful glow has disappeared along with your waistline.).

All in all I loved it! You’ll love it! We’ll all love it and wars will cease to exist and world peace shall reign! I’m determined that good food will lead to world peace. Why you ask? 1.) When people are eating, they aren’t talking. No talking means no stupid bs coming out of someone’s mouth. 2.) When people are eating, they aren’t fighting. Who shoots a gun with a cheeseburger in hand? 3.) When people are eating, they’re generally happier. I can tell you from personal experience that I am one grumpy beyatch when I haven’t had a feeding in awhile. So the moral of the story is keep feeding me and keep feeding yourselves good food and the world will be a much happier place!

WhyDon’tYouEatMe gives Locanda Verde 4 out of 5 mouths. This could possibly go up to 5 out of 5 after I have been there a couple more times and tried more of the food. So feel free to take me at any time!

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See you next Munchin’ Monday!

xx,

WhyDon’tYouEatMe

**WhyDon’tYouEatMe bases its mouth scale solely on food quality and taste ranging from one mouth (meaning you probably would have rather eaten road kill) to five mouths (meaning you saw God while eating this food).

Why Don’t You Eat Me: You Wanna Pizza Me?

By Kirsten|February 8th, 2010|Guest Blogger, Why Don't You Eat Me?|

OMFG! I can’t stop thinking about pizza! I also can’t stop eating pizza. So, I figured I may as well write about it too. Or ‘blog’ about it…you get the idea. I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I’m a blogger now, but I always go around yapping about how much I love food and how I’m a ‘foodie’, so it really is only fair that I share my love of food with a dash of sarcasm and cynicism with the rest of the world. Don’t you think? If you don’t, then no one asked you.

Now on to the cheesy goodness of that magical food that is pizza. This is where I REALLY don’t discriminate on food. I love the low end stuff and I love the high end stuff. Here’s my list of my 5 fave pizza joints (or restaurants that just make one hell of a pizza) here in NYC (in no particular order):

1. Lombardi’s: If you live in NY, then you’ve heard of it. If you’re an idiot, you’ll actually wait in line and not go at an off peak hour instead. My point is that it’s good. Really good. So good that way too many tourists have heard about it and ARE willing to wait in that line. So do yourself a favor and go during the week for lunch or go right before that dinner crowd hits. I always order a pie with meatball and ricotta. It’s so good that I’m salivating as I write this and considering blowing off my dinner date with my boyfriend to go pig out on pizza alone and later cower in shame and regret about my pizza debauchery. Ok, not really.

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2. Artichoke Basille: This is some of the best creamy, artichoke-y (yes, I’m going to go ahead and make up that word) goodness you can get. For the first few bites, you feel as if you’ve stepped out of NYC and into some sort of delicious artichoke dream. Then you start to feel rather ill and have to stop, but believe me. . .those first few bites are worth a trip here.

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3. John’s of Bleecker Street: John’s never disappoints and was actually the first pizza place in NY that I went to, so it will always have a little place in my heart (and mouth). Lines can also form at this popular pizza joint, so I’d give the same recommendations on when to go as I did for Lombardi’s. I also always go with the meatball and ricotta pie here (seeing a trend?), but every pie I’ve ever had here has been tasty.

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4. Otto: Dear Prosciutto Arugula Pizza at Otto, I love you. You never fail to make me happy and I feel as if I can always count on you. You’re the wind beneath my wings. If I could propose to you then I would, but I’d inevitably eat you and end up a lonely spinster. Alright, in all seriousness: this is a good pie. I’ve had prosciutto arugula pizzas all over Manhattan and this one is definitely the best in my eyes. Otto also rocks because it has tons of other great food that I’ll blog specifically about some other time.

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5. Gonzo: I was just introduced to Gonzo’s pizza last week by my dear pals WhyDidYouWearThat, WhyinGayHell, and WhyDon’tYouActLikeALady. I was informed of the killer two for one special on Mondays and I was overcome with joy for getting the chance to stuff my face full of pizza and save money at the same time. We ordered four pizzas and all were fabulous, but two specifically stood out to me: the spicy chicken and the brussel sprouts pies. I’m typically not a huge chicken fan, but this pie made me rethink those claims. Just the right amount of chicken, cheese, and spiciness! As for the brussel sprouts pie. I LOVE me some brussel sprouts , so when you go and combine two of my favorite things such as brussel sprouts and pizza then that makes for an orgasmic experience. It rocked my world and will most definitely rock yours, BUT it’s a special for a limited time so go soon! Now even. Go now! Run!

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So there you have it. My current 5 fave pizza places in NYC. I say ‘current’ because that could easily change at any minute if I’m introduced to some other fabulous pie, but all of these places are worth taking a trip to.

All in all I’d give each of these places 4 out of 5 mouths for being seriously tasty and making me want to stuff copious amounts of pizza in my mouth.

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See you next Munchin’ Monday!

xx,

WhyDon’tYouEatMe

Why Don’t You Eat Me: Me Nobu You Long Time

By Kirsten|February 1st, 2010|Guest Blogger, Why Don't You Eat Me?|

Let me begin by telling you a little bit about myself and my passion for food…

I was raised in the South and therefore, know about the beauty of truly wonderful barbeque, the brilliance of fried foods such as fried okra, fried green tomatoes, and most definitely fried chicken and chicken fried steak that almost make you want to scream aloud, “SCREW THIS WHOLE BEING THIN THING!”

Oh, but that was just the beginning. Once I moved to New York, I realized that I absolutely LOVED all things food. Given the choice between sex or food at an amazing restaurant I may very well choose food. Ok, not really. Well, depends on the restaurant…

That leads me into my first restaurant. Nobu 57. Another fun fact about me is that when I go to a restaurant I am going SOLELY for the food. I don’t care if it’s a “good scene” or if Leonardo Dicaprio will be at the table next to me. Don’t get me wrong… I enjoy some good eye candy while I’m eating, but I prefer a good meal to a good view any day of the week. So, whenever I go to Nobu, I forego on reservations and just walk in and sit at the bar. At Nobu 57 you happen to get both good food and good eye candy at the bar because the bartenders are super cute. Not only are they cute, but they’re even helpful. Here you can order from the full menu and have the bartender make you drinks based on your taste preferences. I am now a huge fan of the Lychee Martini. Who am I kidding? I’m a fan of just about all their drinks. Maybe I’m just a fan of all drinks? No…no…Just all THEIR drinks.

Now for the best part! The food! These are two items that I ALWAYS order: The yellowtail sashimi with jalapeno and the washu beef. Both literally melt in your mouth. This is one of those times where I would VERY likely choose food over sex. I also strongly recommend the fluke sashimi with dried red miso and yuzu sauce, the squid “pasta” with light garlic sauce, and the black cod with miso.

If you’re looking for a good roll, then DEFINITELY go for the house roll – hands down the freshest fish I’ve ever had. If you’ve ever had not so fresh fish, then we all know the definite importance of very fresh fish….in ALL aspects. You may or may not have to delve into your inner pervert to get that one.

The bad parts:

1. Running into someone you dated back in highschool that has multiple piercings in, errr, odd places. Seriously, how does that happen?!?

2. Having people hover over you while you eat if it’s really crowded.

3. Having to listen to some of the pretentious people’s conversations sitting next to you – you really just want to ask them to please stop and reevaluate their lives.

All in all WhyDon’tYouEatMe gives Nobu57 5 out of 5 Mouths because it rocks our world and will most definitely rock yours as well.

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See you next Munchin’ Monday!

xx,

WhyDon’tYouEatMe

Guest Post: Danger! Curves Ahead…

By Kirsten|December 24th, 2009|Guest Blogger|

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Did you know that the average American woman is 162.9 pounds and wears a size 14? I ain’t lyin, sister! Many of our lovelyWhydid readers are stressing themselves to be a size 2, and I want you to just stop it right now! Because I’m here with helpful tips to keep you curvaceous cuties looking great year round. And to all of my vivacious, voluptuous, vixens, who aren’t necessarily a size “shrimp”, this one’s for you!

Buy the right FIT not the right SIZE: From my years of assisting at the Diane Von Furstenburg sample sale, I’ve seen too many ladies buy an 8 because that’s “their size”, but they end up looking like a sausage stuffed in casings and should actually be wearing a 12. The number on the label is really there as a point of reference. Use it as a guideline, and bring “your size”, a size up and a size down into the fitting room.
Undergarments are ESSENTIAL: Make sure that your bras and undies are the correct size and right fit for your frame. Because no matter how great your dress may be, if we see bunching panties or a bulging bra, the effect is ruined. Now I know we’ve all heard about Spanx (which I adore) but Intimacy, Livi Rae, and Maidenform are also brands that specialize in flattering a fuller figure. Yes, yes, replacing your ill-fit unmentionables may cost you a bit, but a professional bra fitting is scott-free, and trust me, the end result will be priceless.
Play up your assets: If you’ve got big, beautiful chi chi’s, show ’em off! A Deep V-neck Tee will do the trick, or perhaps a scooped neck blouse will give “the girls” the undivided attention they deserve. If you love your legs and have killer calves, then give ’em some breathing room! A skirt that hits above the knee will give your legs length and make you appear taller. Instead of focusing on “what to hide”, think in the positive and make an effort to draw attention to your prettiest parts.
When in doubt, wear heels: I know, I know, they’re a pain in the neck (literally) but high heel shoes and boots can really take you from a 2 to a 10. They elongate the leg, force you to straighten up your posture, and make the boys go wild. Pair them with an Empire Waist or an A-Line dress, and you’re ready to paint the town red!
Last, but certainly not least, SMILE!: I’ve seen many a “gorgeous girl” be completely ignored in social settings, because the puss on her face looks like she smells poo. No way, Jose! Turn that frown upside down and smile, laugh, and make conversation with the people nearby. When you smile, you’ll naturally radiate confidence, which like moths to a flame, will draw eyes on you, Ms. Thang. Believe me when I say, a pretty smile will get your further than any designer duds ever will.

xx,

PinkyToe

Beauty Buzz: Bacon Looks Better Brown

By Kirsten|August 11th, 2009|Beauty Buzz, Guest Blogger|

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Tan Towel:

Fight the white with tan towel. Each individually wrapped towelette is saturated with a self-tan formula guaranteed to leave a streak free beautiful glow. Easy application puts even the most novice applicator at ease. I recommend a second application 4 hours following your initial application for prime color.

Pasty is not tasty, so let your bronze goddess out.

xx,

RyGuy

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