Oh, Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna (can I call you Riri?)… why, oh why must you make my job so easy? I don’t want to keep picking on you but…
Yes, we get it. Camel is in for fall. This is what you call taking a trend too literally. Do you not recall this little ditty from Tyra? Yeah, I thought so. Do you want to be like Tyra, Riri? Is that what you want for yourself?
Ugh… I will let you guys flesh this one out (ba-dum ching!)
Ooooh, Tyra. I want to hate you, but I love you so. I love you for never, ever disappointing in the second hand embarrassment department. Whether you’re comparing someone’s missing limb to that time you smiled with your eyes or claiming that you could be a size 0 “if you wanted to” you always deliver. Thank you for that.
Since I’m clearly busier on a Wednesday night than a Friday, I only just NOW got to catch this week’s installment of America’s Next Top Model, Cyle 5,387 (okay, 14). It was all well and good. The typical 5’4″ girls “posing” as models (pun intended) and arguing with each other about absolutely nothing in the house. Did a little photo shoot. And then… it was time for judging.
I just want to know… what in the HELL were you wearing at that judging?
I mean, the look of disgust on everyone’s face behind you says it all. Your flesh colored catsuit makes you look like a prosthetic limb or an uncircumcised penis- take your pick. Don’t get me wrong- I love nudes for spring but head to toe dermis is not what I had in mind. This little number would look wretched on ANYONE, but alas, you’re the one who decided to sport it. Shocker.
I think Mr. Andre Leon Talley is about to vomit on you. The horror on his face could only be directed towards your flesh colored bodysuit. I wonder what Anna thinks…
I want to tell you to just “stop it” Tyra, but please, PLEASE don’t.
Seriously, Tyra? You’ve gone too far this time. Cycle 13 of America’s Next Top Model (slated to premiere tonight) is dedicated to “models” who are 5’7 and under. Yeah, that’s right. Anyone over 5’7 who showed up to the auditions was turned away.
Basically, the show has given in to the fact that it’s a total joke. While I have tuned in to several seasons from start to finish (it is good entertainment, after all) none of the winners or contestants have ever gone on to have legitimate modeling careers. The only posing they are doing is on the banquettes of NY nightclubs.
Maybe producers decided that tall girls were no longer interesting. After the casting fiasco for the shorty showdown, perhaps they are on to something. Either that or maybe the tall girls realized this was not the way to go about getting signed to an agency and a kiss of death to their career.
Being a lofty 5’7, myself, I just find the whole concept silly. I did the obligatory stint in modeling that most girls go through after arriving in Manhattan, but soon realized I was a good two inches too short and 5 years too late. Granted Kate Moss is only 5’7, but she makes up for her lack of height in sheer badassness (not sure that’s a word, but we’re talking about Kate here). I would assume the real working models of the world think of this as a kind of insult? Either way, I will probably still tune in and watch Tyra talk about herself and teach the girls how to “smile with their eyes.” Good reality TV is hard to find.