Ooooh, Tyra. I want to hate you, but I love you so. I love you for never, ever disappointing in the second hand embarrassment department. Whether you’re comparing someone’s missing limb to that time you smiled with your eyes or claiming that you could be a size 0 “if you wanted to” you always deliver. Thank you for that.

Since I’m clearly busier on a Wednesday night than a Friday, I only just NOW got to catch this week’s installment of America’s Next Top Model, Cyle 5,387 (okay, 14). It was all well and good. The typical 5’4″ girls “posing” as models (pun intended) and arguing with each other about absolutely nothing in the house. Did a little photo shoot. And then… it was time for judging.

I just want to know… what in the HELL were you wearing at that judging?



I mean, the look of disgust on everyone’s face behind you says it all.  Your flesh colored catsuit makes you look like a prosthetic limb or an uncircumcised penis- take your pick. Don’t get me wrong- I love nudes for spring but head to toe dermis is not what I had in mind. This little number would look wretched on ANYONE, but alas, you’re the one who decided to sport it. Shocker.

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODELI think Mr. Andre Leon Talley is about to vomit on you. The horror on his face could only be directed towards your flesh colored bodysuit. I wonder what Anna thinks…

I want to tell you to just “stop it” Tyra, but please, PLEASE don’t.