I Should Have Gone to Cornell…

Okay, so I probably wouldn’t have gotten in. Not even that “A” in history (thanks, Mr. Whitehead) would have gotten me in.  However, after stumbling upon this little gem today, I’m starting to think I should have studied harder.

Basically, the ladies of Pi Phi at Cornell have enforced a VERY strict dress code (six pages worth).  God, I love a good dress code.  On my 21st birthday, I enforced a skirt or dress only dress code (mind you, I went to WVU, my bday is in the middle of January, and it was 28 degrees). Granted the Pi Phi’s of WVU were not exactly cool (It was all about the Xi’s, Phi’s, and DG’s), but they are earning some credibility in my book after seeing this.

Some people are lashing out and getting angry about it, but honestly, homegirl’s got some good points. A few highlights (quoted directly from the list):

• NO: Leggings worn as pants.
• YES: “Denim legging” is appropriate as long as it is done right, aka, not from American Apparel and worn with chic, cool, chunky boots over them and a longer top. NO camel toe.
• NO: Shoes- tacky/cheapo/pleather. Don’t mess with me people.
• YES: shaved legs.
• NO: Dresses- sleeveless unless you have really good arms.
• NO: Dresses- satin. No one looks good in satin unless it’s from Betsey Johnson or Dolce and Gabbana, weigh less than 130 lbs, have three pairs of Spanx on, and it’s New Year’s Eve.
• YES: Shoes- booties if you can pull them off, aka, probably not.
• NO: Watches- Another thing I am weird about. Nothing that has indiglo or a timer on it is going to be present, so forget it. I will have the time and keep you informed. So unless your watch is a piece of jewelry you don’t need it. Put a bangle on instead.
• Additional notes on accessories: I’m also weird about accessories. I’m not saying you have to be wearing the Harry Winston wreath for me to like it, but I won’t tolerate any gross plastic shizz. Remember: less is more. I love things on wrists and I demand earrings if your ears are pierced. However, as usual, use common sense– If you are wearing a statement necklace, you can’t wear statement earrings. Keep things coordinated, simple, pretty, and fashionable. Remember, if you don’t know, ASK! That’s what I’m here for.
• MY FAVORITE: These are life lessons so read carefully. Face: Your skin is your base.  Your skin is your starting point– If your skin doesn’t look good, nothing else will. Always remember that. So unless you are Chloe Hall or Carolyn Franco, chances are you need to do something about your skin. I preferably like tinted moisturizer.
• YES: Blush- this is not optional.
• Eyes: This isn’t Johnny O’s, people. Glittery/Smoky eyes is not happening, people. It’s daytime, eyes shoule (be) defined and refined, less is more.
• NO: Hair- Weird accessories like plastic glittery butterflies. If you use a clip or bobby-pin, make is simple, pretty, and understated.
• Additional notes on Hair, Makeup, and Nails- Wear perfume. Wear deodorant. Get waxed, colored, cut, and groomed. Mani and pedi prior to Ithaca.

I mean, I don’t know about you, but I want to be friends with this girl. She actually knows what she’s talking about (a future WhyDid in the making?).  Seems to me that these guidelines were set for the upcoming rush activities, and speaking from personal experience, there are some girls who NEED things spelled out for them.  Can’t lie, I recall 40 plus of my sorority sisters (myself included) stripped down to our knickers getting professionally spray tanned before rush. If you want the best, you’ve got to be the best.  Now, to clarify, these are for a specific event.  If it’s Friday night, I’m putting on my “fuck me pumps” and showing cleavage.

xx,

WhyDid

P.S. Sorority girl responsible for this list- get in touch. We may have a guest spot open for you.

Danger! Curves Ahead…

Did you know that the average American woman is 162.9 pounds and wears a size 14? I ain’t lyin, sister!  Many of our lovelyWhydid readers are stressing themselves to be a size 2, and I want you to just stop it right now!  Because I’m here with helpful tips to keep you curvaceous cuties looking great year round.  And to all of my vivacious, voluptuous, vixens, who aren’t necessarily a size “shrimp”, this one’s for you!

1. Buy the right FIT not the right SIZE: From my years of assisting at the Diane Von Furstenburg sample sale, I’ve seen too many ladies buy an 8 because that’s “their size”, but they end up looking like a sausage stuffed in casings and should actually be wearing a 12. The number on the label is really there as a point of reference. Use it as a guideline, and bring “your size”, a size up and a size down into the fitting room.
2. Undergarments are ESSENTIAL: Make sure that your bras and undies are the correct size and right fit for your frame.  Because no matter how great your dress may be, if we see bunching panties or a bulging bra, the effect is ruined. Now I know we’ve all heard about Spanx (which I adore) but Intimacy, Livi Rae, and Maidenform are also brands that specialize in flattering a fuller figure. Yes, yes, replacing your ill-fit unmentionables may cost you a bit, but a professional bra fitting is scott-free, and trust me, the end result will be priceless.
3. Play up your assets: If you’ve got big, beautiful chi chi’s, show ‘em off!  A Deep V-neck Tee will do the trick, or perhaps a scooped neck blouse will give “the girls” the undivided attention they deserve.  If you love your legs and have killer calves, then give ‘em some breathing room!  A skirt that hits above the knee will give your legs length and make you appear taller.  Instead of focusing on “what to hide”, think in the positive and make an effort to draw attention to your prettiest parts.
4. When in doubt, wear heels: I know, I know, they’re a pain in the neck (literally) but high heel shoes and boots can really take you from a 2 to a 10. They elongate the leg, force you to straighten up your posture, and make the boys go wild. Pair them with an Empire Waist or an A-Line dress, and you’re ready to paint the town red!
5. Last, but certainly not least, SMILE!: I’ve seen many a “gorgeous girl” be completely ignored in social settings, because the puss on her face looks like she smells poo. No way, Jose!  Turn that frown upside down and smile, laugh, and make conversation with the people nearby. When you smile, you’ll naturally radiate confidence, which like moths to a flame, will draw eyes on you, Ms. Thang.  Believe me when I say, a pretty smile will get your further than any designer duds ever will.

xx,

PinkyToe

Somebody Call 911…

I know it’s probably not nice to pick on poor Mischa after being hospitalized for a mental breakdown, but…

Seriously???  I’m thinking that perhaps this photo is, in fact, actually what may have caused her hospitalization.  After seeing herself looking like a complete and utter train wreck, she realized she had truly lost her mind. Not sure exactly where to start, but I guess the dress is as good a place as any.

It looks like a reject from Frederick’s of Hollywood or perhaps she is taking Shark Week a little too seriously and was going for the “I just got attacked by Jaws and lived to tell about it” look.  Either way, it’s a disaster and her FUPA is in full view. Ever heard of Spanx?

Tights in July/August? Probably not unless you are living much closer to the North/South Pole. Rule of thumb, if your dress is too short to be worn without tights, you probably shouldn’t be wearing it and it’s probably actually a shirt.

Her bloated head, crazy eyes, and mangled mane aren’t really helping her look either. She needs a blow out and dry shampoo STAT. 

Cherry on top? The woman in the left of this photo who seems to be biting her lip and thinking, “Oooh, girl…”  We’re with you, lady. 

I hope that Mischa comes out of the hospital looking as fresh as she did in her days as Marissa on The OC.  Along with a little rehab and a few self help books, she could probably use a style exorcism. Sending our love, Mischa.

xx,

WhyDid

Why Did of the Day

Oh Pam…  It’s hard for me to do this, but…

You are no longer the young C.J. Parker of your Baywatch glory days.  Though I must say, you have hung in there pretty well.  There is really not much wrong with the actual outfit itself, it’s just the execution.  The dress is a nice colorand your shoes are fantastic.  However, stretch charmeuse is difficult for even the tiniest of women to pull off without weird bumps and lines.

I’m not sure if you are familiar with the term, FUPA, but that is what this is.  Might I introduce you to Spanx?  Listen, no one can rock a one piece the way Pam used to, but sometimes we need to come to terms with getting older and needing to wear shaping undergarments.  No shame in that. 

I’m sure it is difficult for a beautiful woman once known as a sex symbol to age, but I sincerely hope that Pam starts to tone it down and age gracefully.  Not going to hold my breath, but it’s a nice thought.

Peep This…

It’s that time of year filled with lots of parties and reasons to dress up. For you ladies in warm climates, you are lucky enough not to be plagued with matching hosiery to your party dresses. You can show off your lovely gams without a second thought. Unfortunately for the girls in the North, it’s time to figure out how to coordinate that killer dress, tights, and shoes. (The naked leg this time of year in a cold climate is just seasonally inappropriate and you will look incredibly unaware).

So, my friend brought up a very interesting question today: Is it okay to wear hose/tights with open toe shoes?

Well, I think there is a “yes” and a “no” to this question. It really just depends on how you plan on wearing it. Read more »

When NOT to Fake the Funk

A psychic once told me that I was “okay with the little white lie.” While this might be true, there are a few things in life that you just shouldn’t fib about.

Herve Leger Bandage Dresses- Bebe, Express, and Alice and Olivia have all tried to replicate this trendy dress. None of them have been able to really recreate the drama of the real thing. A real Herve Leger dress hugs you in all of the right places and sucks you in in the others (think of Spanx gone sexy). There are no stray threads, the fabric is heavy and thick, and it only comes in certain styles each season. A black Herve bandage dress is worth the investment. It can be worn for a multitude of occasions. Skip the imitations though. You’ll only end up looking cheap, not chic.

Lips-Ugh! Have you ever seen women walking around with “duck lips”? So gross. There is nothing sexy about looking like Donald Duck’s sister. I understand that voluptuous lips like Angelina Jolie’s and Scarlett Johannsen’s are sexy, but we weren’t all created equal.  Learn to love your lips and invest in a good lip plumper (Lip Infusion is my favorite). Do you really want to walk around looking like Heidi from The Hills? Didn’t think so.

Read more »