RiRi Rehab

Dear Rihanna,

First and foremost, I think you are exquisite. I remember seeing you on the rooftop of Soho House last summer and being stunned by your beauty. You truly are a gorgeous girl. Our entire group had to pick our chins up off our poolside bed/couch as you sashayed by.

That being said, dub tee eff is going on with your outfits? I get that you have your own “personal style” but it’s getting kind of offensive. You’re sort of channeling Taylor Momsen/Jenny Humphrey with your “I don’t give a f*#$” get ups. Guess where that got little J? Written off of Gossip Girl. So let me step in and stop you before someone decides to write you off.

I get it. You’ve had a rough go this past year. My heart goes out to you. I know firsthand what boy dbaggery looks/feels like. No one deserves that. However, looking like a crazy bag lady certainly isn’t the best revenge. Take a cue from Kim K strutting around looking hotter than ever in her bikini (suck on that, Reggie). Or go get a weave like I did!

Let’s take a look at some of the biggest offenders:

What the f*#%? What happened to this little cutie?

I mean, I can’t vouch for that belly chain, but you get what I’m saying.  Let’s go ahead and reel it back in. How about getting some of your girliness back? Remember when you were so hot and feminine that people were hypothesizing that Beyonce was getting nervous? Yeah, let’s get that RiRi back before we have to send you to fashion rehab.

Sending my love.

xx,

WhyDid

You Are What You Eat.

So, you get it. We love cupcakes. They’re delicious. They’re pretty. They’re basically irresistible to most humans… I know they say, “you are what you eat” but there is no real reason to actually LOOK like a cupcake. It IS possible to have too much of a good thing. That being said, why is it that some of these celebs look like they’ve taken their cupcake obsession to the red carpet?

I have actually NO CLUE who this girl is, but I do know that she looks like a baked confection. (WhyInGayHell, can you help a sista out? Who is this?)

Oh, Carrie. Usually the picture of perfection… Now you just like a moldy cupcake.

Lil Mama, I’ve been salivating over your picture and not cause you look like a cupcake. I mean, what IS this that you’re wearing? It’s a lot. And what the hell does it say across your chest? I’m getting old and my eyesight is going.

Funfetti anyone?

Um, Sarah, you’re cupcake’s missing the icing. You’re a naked cupcake. (FYI- icing is the best part).

A lot of people tried to guess WTF Rihanna was channeling with this little get up. Well, we’ve cracked the case, folks. She’s a cupcake.

Natalie is just one big blob of icing. She and Sarah should get together and even out their cake to icing ratio.

I mean, you knew Paris wasn’t going to let us down on this one. She’s a cross between a black and white cookie and a cupcake. Although… that might be a pretty delicious crossbreed. More delicious than her channeling Charlotte York.  You’re not fooling anyone, P.

And the sprinkles on top of our cupcake… This is the epitome of asscake.

So,  I leave you with this, my friends. It’s fine to love cupcakes, but please, please, please don’t take your obsession to the extremes (i.e., your wardrobe). And on that note, WhyDon’tYouEatMe and I are heading to the gym, seeing as we’ve eaten our body weight in cupcakes this week.

xx,

WhyDid

My Future’s So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades

So, here’s something that I think needs to be discussed. The proper usage of sunglasses.  Last time I checked, they were for protecting your eyes from overexposure of UV rays (and to prevent crow’s feet).  However, it has become abundantly clear that not all of you got that memo.  I want to go ahead and point the finger at you, Hollywood.  You, somehow, gave people (a-hem, celebrities) the impression that sunglasses were like a mimosa.  Okay at any time. Well, have I got news for you. Sunglasses, are, in fact, not okay at any time.  For instance, at night. There is no sun.  So, unless you go ahead and invent something called “moonglasses” with some type of scientific research backing them up, please remove your shades.

This trend also spawned the usage of shades in nightclubs.  Remember those clear-ish shades that “juice heads” started wearing at “da club?”  Gross. I assume this was to either, A) attempt to disguise your quarter sized pupils from all the drugs you were on, B) attempt to disguise your inherent dbaggery. Failure on both. It only drew more attention to you as we pointed and laughed.

Celebs, this goes for you as well. Who do you think you’re fooling with those shades on? I might NOT have noticed you strolling by… until you slapped those ginormous sunnies on. Now I’m wondering who the creep in the sunglasses is.

I was like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” Well, MC, I’ll tell you why. (Disregarding your pink leather jacket) you’re out at night wearing sunglasses. Let’s go over this again, there’s NO SUN. Cut it out. You think we wouldn’t recognize you without them? Doubtful considering your affinity for pink leather attire.

Oh… RiRi, you look confused. could it be because you are wearing sunglasses in the pitch dark and can’t see four feet in front of you? Thought so.

I mean, I don’t know why I’m even throwing this guy in there. He’s king of all D’s. Of course he’s got his shades on.

Oh Kimmy, I can’t even focus on the fact that you’re wearing sunglasses at night because I’m entranced by the fact that you’re wearing LEGGINGS AS PANTS. YOU of all people should NOT being wearing leggings as pants. I understand that most shirts probably don’t even fit over your rear, but let’s give a try, no?

Um, hey guys? It’s RAINING. Know how I know? You’re holding an UMBRELLA. One of these things does not go with the others. (Btw- is that a fannypack?)

Alright, do I need to make a brief list of sunglass uses? Fine. I’ll go slow. Pay attention, please.

• Wear sunglasses when it’s sunny.  Novel idea.
• Do not wear sunglasses at night.
• Do not wear sunglasses when it’s raining.
• Just say, “no” to drugs. Even your sunglasses can’t help you here.
• The bigger and more obnoxious your sunglasses are, the more attention they will draw to you.
• Just because you can’t see us, doesn’t mean we can’t see you.
• Clear sunglasses are an oxymoron.
• There are no such thing as “moonglasses.” I was making a point.

xx,

WhyDid

Grammy’s Gone Wild

After getting love drunk with Lady Gaga and Elton John’s epic performance kicking of this year’s Grammy’s, the rest of the show just felt like a hangover.

I rarely do a red carpet wrap up for award shows because I usually find them so predictable and basically boring (and every other blog on the planet does them). However, there is something about the Grammy’s that brings all the crazies out- and I love every last second of it. This year was no different. There was good, bad, and most certainly ugly.  It’s just a matter of deciding where, oh where, I shall begin…

Oh, Katy Perry. You’re as good a place as any. I used to find you kind of adorable, and would at times chock your funny attire up to you being “quirky.”  But, due to your recent engagement to Russell Brand, I’m starting to think you’re just insane. What’s with that bindi on your forehead? Are you trying to blend into your heinous dress? That looks to me like one of those creepy stick on bath mats you use to prevent yourself from biting it while shaving in the shower. Ick.

Heidi Klum… don’t mind if I do. Hey Katy, wanna wear nude and sequins? This is how it’s done. This is the type of dress I pine over and wish I had in my closet for New Year’s and birthdays. She’s a golden goddess. Heidi, if you’d like me to take this dress off your hands (not like you can wear it again anyway), I will try and find some room for it in my closet…

No, you’re not hallucinating (like you were during the MJ tribute performance. Hey CBS, thanks for the head’s up that we’d need to bring along our 3D glasses to watch the show).  This is really Snooki from Jersey Shore. No, I don’t know how she managed to get in and Guiliana Rancic didn’t. Between her ski jacket, pink sunnies, and ginormous Coach bag, she’s sealed her fashion fate. Fail.

Fergie is looking delish in this cobalt blue mini. She and Snooks might be the same size, but she has made herself look long and lean by keeping it simple and sexy. I’m not 100% in love with that silver “snake” detail, but she still looks gorge.

Oh dear heavens! The Abominable Snowman is apparently up for a Grammy. Oh… wait, that’s Rihanna and apparently she’s had an issue with the TP in the bathroom. Rihanna is a beautiful girl, but this get up does absolutely nothing for her. A shorter hemline or a lower neckline would have balanced her out and made her look less like a snow ball and more like the belle of the ball.

Marisa Miller is white hot. It may not be the most creative or high fashion ensemble, but homegirl is aware of her assets and how to play them up. She kept it simple, chic, and sexy so we can focus on her gorgeous bod, hair, and face.

For once second, let’s pretend she’s NOT wearing a glitter wig. This dress… while it is interesting, it just isn’t fun or flattering. It’s flesh colored and skin tight. It could have possibly worked in a different hue and if she had piled her hair up on in a carefree updo. Not to mention that the particular shade of her “hair” and her dark brows really clash with this neutral dress.

Now this is how a neutral dress is done! Well played, Keri Hilson. It is incredibly well fitted and accentuates her curves in all the right places. She looks like a delicious dessert and I wanna take a bite!

Ciara, Ciara, Ciara… This hurts me because you were so charming in your red carpet interview with E!.  Why oh why do you insist on wearing creepy outfits like this?  It’s not flattering, it’s not attractive, and honestly, you’re not wearing pants. You said this was a “jumpsuit” but I’m going to call bullshit. I can see your thighs. Your skin and makeup was so beautiful, but I’m so distracted by your doily pants, that I can’t appreciate it.

Carrie Underwood is always a class act. She looks beautiful and elegant in this flowy white gown.  The only thing that irks me is her “mom” hairdo. You’re still young. Let your locks grow.  You can wear this do’ when you’re 40.

How sequins should not be done. I’m too exhausted by his jacket to even get into the faded ripped (probably True Religion) jeans that he’s wearing. I can’t.

How sequins should be done. This was an amazing shade for Taylor. It’s a great alternative to black and is gorgeous on her skin tone. The neck line is debatable and honestly, I would love it if Taylor would get some highlights. This is what my hair would look like if I decided to go ahead and quit getting it done. She needs to hightail it over to Ryan Darius for some sun kissed streaks and a “paddy cake” curl tutorial!

Oh, I’m sorry, Kesha, are you DRUNK? While delivering your lines this evening, I wondered if you were even speaking English. I’m going to assume you were also drunk when you got dressed. I get it. You’re “weird” and “off the wall.”  But honestly, if you’re going to be “zany,” go all out.

Speaking of off the wall, here is Lady Gaga giving it to us like she always does.  She never, ever disappoints and I wonder if she will ever run out of ideas for her crazy paparazzi ready outfits. We had a couple of ideas about this one- one being that she is, in fact, the universe (holding the star) and we are just living in it (her yellow hair being the sun).  The other is that she is Glenda the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz. Thoughts?

Another one who never fails to disappoint? The one, the only, Britney Spears.  Does she share a stylist with Ciara? Cause she is also not wearing any pants.  At what point do you think she decided it would be a good idea to just wear her gurdle with a shear slip over top?

All in all, the Grammy’s were pretty entertaining. Like I said, it was good, bad, and oh-so ugly. We saw some amazing performances from Lady Gaga, Pink, Taylor Swift with Stevie Nicks. We also saw Jamie Fox act like an ass and Eminem appear from nowhere. Most importantly, we saw some really bad fashion that left us wondering, “Why did you wear that?”

xx,

WhyDid

xx,

WhyDid