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The List Volume 10/31

By |October 27th, 2013|The List|
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slutty halloween costumesIt’s true I rarely know what day of the week it is, let alone the actual calendar date, but as far as I’m aware, this past Saturday was not, in fact, Halloween.  As I sipped on my pinot at a party in Soho wearing a sweater dress and over the knee socks, I watched the influx of costume clad cuties circle the room(s).  Sure, there were moments when I had a tough time discerning who was actually dressed up and who was just abusing the right to wear spandex, but I was left wondering if I had missed the memo.   I’m no party pooper, but I think it’s safe to say I’m officially old when the thought of dressing up for Halloween sends sheer panic rather than anticipation through my veins.  Maybe it’s because I don’t need a specific holiday to look sexy or to wear lacy lingerie or maybe it’s because nearly every costume under the sun has been done.  Or perhaps, and most likely, it has something to do with the fact that putting the word “sexy” in front of something, doesn’t actually make it sexy.  And since it would seem that this year Halloween will be dragged out for the better part of a week, here’s a guide to what doesn’t fall under the umbrella of “sexy.”

  1. Pilgrims, Amish, and clergy- especially when impregnated.
  2. Most cartoon characters.  With the exception of Jessica Rabbit, they are meant for children… and while your costume is small enough to fit a child, there is no correlation.
  3. Anything 80’s.  Had it not been for French cut bathing suits and cocaine, I don’t think anyone would have had sex during that decade.
  4. Food in general.  I tried to think of a food that might be considered sexy, but I don’t think dressing up as an aphrodisiac would even get me in the mood.
  5. Anything involving the words “gold” and “digger.”  That’s a great way to send guys running… the other way.
  6. Certain animals were not mean to be sexy.  Cats, yes.  Squid, no.  Bunnies, yes.  Dolphins, no.
  7. Clowns.  Never clowns.  Ever.
  8. Anything involving scar tissue.
  9. Much like animals, not all occupations are sexy.  A naughty nurse is one thing, but a playful plumber?  Not so much.
  10. If it requires assistance when using the restroom, it’s too much and therefore, not sexy.

sexy halloween costume

Boo.

xx,

WhyDid

Monday Mashup: Grammy Edition x 2

By |February 14th, 2011|Monday Mashup, Red Carpet Recap|
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Let’s first talk about how obnoxious it was that the West Coast had a delayed viewing of the Grammy’s.  I already knew who wore what and who won what before seeing a second of footage.  So basically, I watched the Grammy’s twice.  This theme carried throughout the entire evening.  Seemed that everything was coming in pairs- aka- twice the pain.

The “buzz” for the evening was Lady Gaga arriving to the awards in an egg.  Yep, an egg.  Apparently, she was “incubating.”  I mean… I can’t.  I give people credit for being different, but sometimes trying too hard to be “different” merely makes you the same as everyone else.  I don’t want to point out the obvious, but that performance by Gaga was pretty reminiscent of a very “materialistic” pop icon who was once known for being “innovative” herself.  So, now I turn to you Nicki Minaj.  What are you trying to pull?  Why must you try so hard to shock us with these crazy get ups?  If you’re going to attempt to catch our attention, you’re gonna have to work a wee bit harder when you’ve got Lady Gaga walking the same red carpet as you.

A group of incredibly talented and lovely ladies paid tribute to the amazingly talented  Aretha Franklin.  While they did a fantastic job rounding up gals with some serious pipes, you can’t help but notice that Christina Aguilera blew them all out of the water.  It’s a good thing that Ms. Aguilera is talented because the way she’s been looking lately is just frightening.  I can’t help but think she looks a lot like a certain pork filled childhood pal…

Okay, so Snooki will never actually look like JLo.  However, Jenny from the Block may want to make sure her stylist isn’t moonlighting as Snooki’s stylist, which is very possible because Snookster looks a lot better than her usual hamster self.

Besties Katy Perry (in Armani) and Rihanna (in Jean Paul Gaultier) opted for white.  Both also opted to look like they were wearing costumes.  Katy is clearly an angel (see the wings?) and RiRi is most obviously a furry white caterpillar, duh. Guuuuys… this is the GRAMMY’s, not Halloween!

So basically, Natasha Bedingfield is wearing Ciara’s dress pre-run-in with weed wacker.

One of these things is not like the others.  One of these things just isn’t the same…  Give up?  Well, everyone here has a talent EXCEPT one.  Still stuck?

Oh… well, that’s just awkward.

So, while, I did tune into the Grammy’s this evening, I’m kind of wishing I hadn’t.  Lucky for me, I DVR’ed it.  So, in reality, I could watch it a third time.

xx,

WhyDid

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