This summer, men took accessorizing one step further by donning what we now know as the “man bun.” And while I do have a healthy portion of male readers (God bless you analytics), I will not take the blame (or credit- depending on your stance) for the trend just because I’ve made more than one brilliant top knot tutorial (you can learn “how to” here and here). For the past decade or so, men hadn’t had much wiggle room when it came to socially acceptable hairdos. There’s been the classic buzz cut, the Bieber bob, and that whole spiky gelled situation that ruined shams worldwide. And let’s just be thankful we all survived the “faux hawk.”
While the ponytail is nothing new (hello, Karl Lagerfeld), men decided that wasn’t good enough and began piling their locks on their heads way atop or grazing the napes of their necks, real estate formerly reserved for sweet nuzzles from their beloveds. I’m not sure who can specifically be appointed as the official firestarter of this follicle free for all, but I think Colin Farrell was one of the male topknot pioneers. To be fair, average citizens started sporting it well before it became mainstream. I had an ex-boyfriend several years ago who began experimenting with the trend. Granted, he also thought waking up and drinking the leftover beer on his nightstand from the night before was par for the course. In any case, this hair-rowing (see what I did there?) hairstyle has taken over from east to west coast, north to south. There are several blogs dedicated solely to the praise of ballerina buns fit for Baryshnikov (exhibit A and exhibit B) and The Awl even created a brilliant collection of the male topknot in its natural habitat.
Much like the beard bubble was predicted to pop (and has yet to do so as late adopters are STILL jumping on the bearded bandwagon), the man bun would appear to have a shelf life itself. Interestingly enough, it seems that the topknot and beard are not mutually exclusive and often worn in tandem. All this hair has me asking a lot of questions though. Many men claim to be the superior sex, but I’m beginning to sense a trend. It started with our eyeliner and skinny jeans then men began eying our tank tops and now they’re angling for our hair ties? And if you’re in a couple this also leads to a lot of financial hurdles. Can we afford to double up on deep conditioners? Do we need to own one flatiron or two? Won’t our shower drain clog twice as fast?
So with the imminent onslaught of snow, will these top knot wearing gents be forced to concede their coifs once they realize a bun looks more like a goiter under a beanie? Or will ear muffs have a renaissance for men? As I typed this, a shiver went down my spine as I realized that the knitted headband or even a turban may not be off limits to a man who has mastered the art of bobbi pins. I’d be lying if I didn’t get a little hot and bothered collecting visual aids for this post, but I really want to know your thoughts.
Once a wizard of Waverly Place, Selena Gomez has ditched her Disney darling act as most recently showcased in the raunchy film, Spring Breakers. Sure she caught a temporary case of Bieber fever, but it seems Ms. Gomez is growing up and moving on. It’s alright, girl. We’ve all made mistakes. If we looked back at at my boyfriend at twenty, I’d be a little red faced too. Along with her dating and career choices, her style is also evolving and with her glossy locks, long legs, and girl next door (in your dreams) looks, she’s setting herself up to be a real red carpet darling. Not one to shy away from a bikini or midriff baring top (clearly, she spent two hours on the big screen in not much else), Gomez has captured the perfect mix between young woman and youthful age appropriateness- unlike some of her tween trainwreck graduates. To get Gomez’s enviable style, grab some key pieces below and start doing some sit ups, like right now.
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl break up. Girl proceeds to ruin boy’s life. They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned… and I happen to know there’s a bit of truth to that. Not that I’ve ever gone all Carrie Underwood on anyone… well, except that one time, but in this day and age, breakups and their pretty personal details have become quite public.
For instance, the adorable Selena Gomez stopped by David Letterman this week where she was promoting Spring Breakers and dropping bombs on Justin Bieber. During the interview, Gomez points out something she and Letterman happen to have in common and it’s a real zinger. She delivers the line so subtly and sweetly that it’s hard not to want to give her daps, but is dissing your ex publicly awesome or just kind of immature?
Now, I’m no Wizard of Waverly Place, but clearly, I have a very public vehicle for the purpose of spot blowing. Fortunately for the past loves of my life, I have an almost incomprehensible amount of restraint when it comes to dishing out the deets of what exactly went down during our time together. (You’re all very welcome). However, there are certainly times I have most definitely wanted to lay the story perfectly straight for my love life spectators and perhaps help a sister out in the process. As a matter of fact, my ex’s ex (we following that?) is the producer for a very popular morning radio show. While she and her cohorts did make some commentary regarding her breakup (at which point I received some pretty unpleasant Tweets from their fans), the references were somewhat vague. Looking back, I wish she’d just been blunt about the level of douchedom that went down or that I had just gone ahead and called into the show myself. Sure would have saved me some time.
So what do we think? Acceptable to ruin someone’s day publicly? Or totally tacky?
Another year, another round of award shows doling out little metal trophies to folks who may or may not deserve them. But the fun is not in who wins what as much as it is in who wears what. So, let the self tanner application, lapses in style judgement, and wardrobe malfunctions begin and let’s kick things off with last night’s American Music Awards.
While it’s been a while since I’ve tuned in, some things remain exactly as they did a year ago… and beyond. These include but are not limited to:
They’re still letting Chris Brown perform. Why they even let him out of his cage, I’ll never know, but this white girl won’t be dancing like it’s her birthday when his songs come on. Ever.
Jenny McCarthy is still hot.
You still can’t touch MC Hammer.
Christina Aguilera still wears leotards when she probably shouldn’t (but she can still sing like nobody’s business, so we’ll give her a pass).
Pitbull is still making songs that don’t make any logical sense in English or Spanish.
Crowding the stage with babes in bedazzled bustiers will still cover up any bad performance.
Taylor Swift is still singing about some boy who did her wrong in something that resembles a bad prom dress.
Nicki Minaj is still in need of a time out.
Pink could still kick your ass.
No Doubt is still as rad as ever.
And while it’s nice to have a bit of stability in your life, I’m a little concerned about America’s choices in music. Perhaps that’s a better indicator of the state of our nation? One thing that does seem to be changing is Justin Bieber’s voice (anyone else catch that?) which was quite clear after hearing him dedicate his win to the “haters” (he realizes he’s an eighteen year old 98lb white kid, right?). So, I decided I was going to come up with my own award categories that seem much, much more important:
Color of the Evening:
Most in Need of a New Hairstyle:
So, let’s step it up, folks. We’ll consider this a “warm up.” A “rehearsal” if you will. Last time I checked, which was just now, my socks are still on, so no one particularly blew me away. Bring on the crazy… I’ve gotta have something to write about.
I can help you do a lot of things… one of which is make stuff. However, there are a few things that I can not do – like materialize the perfect boyfriend (does that even exist?). So, until I get my masters degree in wizardry, you’re just going to have to settle for making the perfect boyfriend t-shirt (sans boyfriend). And isn’t that better anyway?
So here’s all you need to get that comfy, lived in t-shirt look/feel:
salt (1 cup)
a large pot
Now, remember that the more you wash your t-shirt (with fabric softener), the softer and more worn it will become. Like all good relationships, it takes time. This is merely a method to jumpstart the process:
Perhaps your sexy new boyfriend tee will atrract your next boyfriend? Meh. So what wizadry shall we partake in next week?