A Few Things…

So clearly, I have had a bit of extra time on my hands these days.  This has gven me the opportunity to conjure up some deep thoughts…

• Did I NOT get the memo that cowboy boots are making a comeback?  I remember hussing around Manhattan in tiny short shorts and cowboy boots circa 2005, but that was courtesy of the Dukes of Hazard remake (you have NO idea how much it hurts me to give Jessica Simpson credit for anything). Anyway, I’ve seen more than a couple young ladies strutting the streets wearing cowboy boots recently.  Now that summer finally arrived and temperatures are nearing the 90’s, there’s nothing I’m less interested in sticking my foot in than a bulky leather boot. P-U.  For the record, the original Daisy (Catherine Bach) didn’t even wear cowboy boots.

Now that’s how short shorts are done!

• I keep seeing this commercial for Maybelline’s SuperStay 24 Hour Makeup. Um, really?  I personally do not wear foundation because I don’t like it, but for the life of me I can not understand why anyone needs to have their makeup stay on their face for 24 CONSECUTIVE HOURS!!! Ever heard of letting your skin breathe?  Facewash? Acne?

• Dear Carrie Bradshaw- I just rewatched the Sex and the City movie with my mom last night (don’t judge me) and I have a bone to pick with you.  Other than the fact that you all overacted your characters, you also gave girls across the country “false hope.” Remember when your sweet sweet assistant Louise (from St. Louis) reminded you to go grab your $450 Manolo’s from the apartment before they changed the locks? And you corrected her that they were $525?  Um, well… girls around the globe probably saved up their funds in hopes of slipping on these shoes and finding their own Mr. Big… until they got to the store and the shoes were actually $945!!!

Whew! I feel better.

xx,

WhyDid

Go Commando

Summer is the time of year where ladies love to bear it all. We’ve perfected our spray tans and spent hours in the gym to get our glutes in tip top shape.  In all honesty, we’ve earned it.  However, there are tricks to making our barely there outfits work without being utterly offensive. 

One of the biggest offenders all times of the year is VPL (visible panty lines).  We all know what this is (for heaven’s sake, even my Dad knows what VPL stands for).  I would hope by now, that everyone knows you need to wear a thong if you are wearing tight pants or a tight skirt.  Taking it one step further, sometimes a thong alone doesn’t cut it.  With very sheer or clingy fabrics, sometimes the outline of your thong will still show giving you unnecessary lumps and bumps.  You might be tempted to just go sans panties, but rather than show us your Paris/Britney, I have another solution.  Enter the Commando Tiny Thong. Lots of places have introduced seamless, no-show panties, but these are the original tried and true.  Having worn these myself, I can vouch that you will not see even the tiniest seam, not even under a body skimming chiffon dress. They have several variations of these panties, I prefer the Tiny Thong (it’s the least amount of fabric, obvi).

Another offender? Illegal use of bra straps.  I am totally cool with showing a beautiful bra under a see through blouse, or having a bit of your lacy bra pop out, but ONLY when done appropriately and intentionally (a la Carrie Bradshaw).  Not only are there tons of bras out there to allow you to re-configure your straps, there are also now gadgets  that are meant specifically for hiding your straps. Hollywood Hook Ups are a great option (a lot better than my MacGyver tricks involving safety pins and rubber bands).

NOT SEXY:

SEXY:

Having a royal nip slip can also put a damper on your summer evening out.  To avoid this, just grab some double sided tape to hold your drapey blouse in place.  I like Matchsticks because they are in cute pink packaging that you can just pop in your purse. 

USE TAPE ON A TOP LIKE THIS:

TO AVOID A MOMENT LIKE THIS:

Cameltoe, literally.

It’s hump day, and apparently, SJP is taking it literally (wait for it- I will take this full circle).  You’re thinking to yourself, “She looks pretty normal.  This is a pretty standard running errands around New York outfit. Granted I wish she was decked out in true Carrie Bradshaw style.”  Take a look at her shoes.  Notice the weird big toe compartment.  She has given herself a case of cameltoe. Camels have humps. Wednesday is hump day. Told you I’d bring it home. Big thanks to PinkyToe for the pic. xx