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WhyDid Wisdom: Hold Your Tongue.

By Kirsten|April 8th, 2010|Somethin for the fellas, WhyDid Wisdom|

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Hey- this one’s for you, guys. Yeah, I know there are guys sneaking on and reading this. Don’t act like you’re not. It’s come to my attention that a lot of you have diarrhea of the mouth and are scaring the ladies off before you even get a chance to ask for those digits. Since, the weather is starting to get nice and the ladies are coming out of hiding, I’m going to give you a few pointers so that you don’t spend your summer sad and lonely.

Here are a few things that are sure to get a fork in your eye if you utter them to your lady friend:

“Don’t you know who I am?’ – Well, sir, if you have to actually ask, no, I don’t know who you are (nor do I really care).
“You look tired.” – This is basically the same thing as telling us that we look like shit. Smooth move.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” – Don’t. Just don’t. The only man who’s allowed to say this to us is our gay bff.
“Are you going to eat all that?” – Um, don’t mind if I do. Wasn’t aware I was on Celebrity Fit Club. This is the fastest way to give your gf an eating disorder and some serious insecurities.
“How many people have you been with?” – Why don’t you go ahead and mind your business? You’re never going to get an honest answer… just like we’re never going to get one from you. So just leave it alone.
“I forgot my wallet.” SHUT UP. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
“She’s just a friend.” Liar. You may as well carry a fire extinguisher with you, cause you’re pants are on FIRE.
And last but, most definitely not least: Don’t make false promises. Girls, as my friend, JT would say, “Don’t give up the ass until you see the cash.” Pretty wise advice. In my few years living in NY, I’ve been promised a record deal (um, not kidding), vacations, presents, jobs, etc. I’ve seen about a 5% return on these. (Obvi the record deal never happened seeing as my singing voice resembles that of a cat getting neutered). Fellas, don’t offer it up unless you’re ready to deliver. Ladies, there is NO such thing as a free lunch.

So, the next time you feel the onslaught of verbal suicide, just refer to these guidelines to save yourself from a lifetime of solitude.

xx,

WhyDid

WhyDid Wisdom: Thin Is Not Always In

By Kirsten|April 4th, 2010|WhyDid Wisdom|

anorexia

I’m taking a break from my usual catty BS, to talk about something kinda of serious (and I don’t mean visible panty lines). I’m sort of torn about writing this because I don’t want to encourage it- just bring some awareness to it.

In the midst of our grueling photoshoot last week, something called “thinspiration” came up. Our makeup artist, the lovely and talented Stephanie Peterson, informed us of a growing epidemic of girls posting videos on YouTube of rail thin girls who they are using as inspiration to get/stay thin. I watched a couple of these videos (of which there are HUNDREDS) and it was utterly disturbing. First of all, most of the girls are so young they probably aren’t even in highschool. Also, they are not Gisele “fit” thin. They are skeletal. Not cute. Actually scary.

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I know I make jokes about being thin (and my friends would argue I have a severe case of body dysmorphia), but that’s just it… they’re jokes. Starving yourself and aspiring to be stick thin is kind of wack a doo. There’s a huge difference between leading a healthy lifestyle, eating right, and exercising and eating cotton balls to fill your stomach. Being too thin is NEVER sexy. No guy wants to haul around a bag of bones! Trust me, I was told to “go eat a porkchop” by a man on the street when we were shooting. We all have issues with our bodies, but there’s no need to starve yourself and put your health in danger. I’ve been lucky enough to not have to deal with eating disorders personally (neither myself nor my close friends), but if you or someone you know is starting to look a bit frail try and get some help before it gets out of hand.

thinspiration

So who is to blame for all of this? Perhaps the fashion world. Perhaps Hollywood. Perhaps photoshop. Regardless, there is apparently a lot of pressure being put on young girls to be thin and we, as a whole, need to do something to let girls know that curves and womanly bodies are sexy and healthy. I’m not saying to hit Mickey D’s and pound a Big Mac, but no need to deny yourself life’s little pleasures (like chocolate!).

laetitia-casta-victoria-secrets-lingerie-2 Life is short, eat dessert.

xx,

WhyDid

I’m Baggin That

By Kirsten|March 12th, 2010|Why Did You Wear That?, WhyDid Wisdom|

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Okay, so you’ve got the tan. You’ve got the suit. Frosty beverage is in hand. So what’s in your bag? Packing for a day at the pool or by the beach is serious business. No one wants to run back up to the room because they forgot something. So let’s get it right the first time around. There are several crucial items that you should always have stashed in your beach bag. Let’s start at the top.

The bag:

I know there are a lot of options out there, but I think a waterproof/resistant bag is a safe bet. It’s prob going to get wet and/or sandy. No reason to spend five billion dollars on a beach bag, but it should certainly still be cute.

diavf2094728998_p1_v1_m56577569831881094_254x500 DVF Egypt Tattoo Beach Tote, $75

The hat:

You don’t necessarily need to wear it all day, but it is good to have on hand in case your nose gets a little too much sun or heaven forbid your ex shows up at the pool and you need a quick disguise. A large floppy one is great because you can stash it in your bag and not worry about it getting crushed. Just pull it out, shake it out, and voila! Instant shade.

pROXY1-7147938t382x444 Roxy Sandbox Hat, $28

The coverup:

You need to get to and from the pool, so you’re going to need something to wear over your slinky suit. Get a coverup that can also double as clothing if need be. You never know how many cute boys you may meet that want to take you for a bite after lounging in the sun.

irissinger_2096_1286710341 Mara Hoffman Chiffon Drape Coverup, $305

The contents:

Okay, here we go. All the items that you need to go ahead and make certain are in your bag:

Sunblock. You should ALWAYS be wearing at least SPF 15. I don’t know how else to pound this into your heads. Skin cancer + premature aging = not sexy.
Lip balm- not gloss. Guess why? Lip gloss is like putting oil on your skin. It actually will increase your chances of getting a sunburn on your lips. Ouch! Try to also get some lip balm with SPF.
Sunglasses. I mean, this is pretty obvious. They are so essential for so many reasons. They can hide a bad hangover, provide yet another form of disguise, prevent squinting (squinting causes crows feet, people), and they’re obvi a great accessory. Be sure to grab a case for them as well. Don’t want sand scratching up the lenses.
Bottled water. I’ll probably have some environmentalists yelling at me for this, but how else would you like to carry my water? Perhaps a canteen? Hydration is really important in order not to get overheated in warm climates. (To appease the environmental activists- refill the same bottle with water when you run out. Happy?)
Trashy beach read. I am the queen of “pink books.” My bookshelf basically consists of those and business books (I know…). Might I suggest some Candace Bushnell?
iPod. You may actually get sick of your bff’s constant babble about her ex-bf and want to shove some headphones in your ears to drown out her drone. Why not pick up a water resistant case for your iPod?
Camera. Obviously you want to document how fab you look sitting by the pool so you can immediately upload to Facebook. If you’re really ambitious, you’ll invest in a Flip cam like us.
Aloe/after sun lotion. Your skin will be parched after a day of sun. Give it some TLC. (This will also extend your tan).

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy your day in the sun. (And send us your best beach pics!)

xx,

WhyDid

Why Did Wisdom: Hey Girls…

By Kirsten|March 6th, 2010|WhyDid Wisdom|

BikiniSnowAngel

Let’s not get overzealous. While gallivanting last evening, I was startled to see SO MANY young ladies parading their naked legs around town. I get it, we finally hit above 40 degrees yesterday, but that is no reason to get ahead of ourselves. It’s still freaking cold out.

I’m not quite ready to see your pasty stems. Just because it’s March and we saw a few hours of sun, does NOT mean that it’s time to break out the bare legs and open toed sandals. You haven’t even prepared yet! Before the legs come out (which is right around the corner), you must hit the gym and de-pasty yourself. The first girl I saw I thought was a fluke. However, I continued to see bare legs left and right. Casper was hittin da club scene. I mean, I can’t. It was actually startling. Like smack me in my face startling.

Let’s hold off, my friends. It’s not time yet. I will send out the smoke signal when it is. In the meantime, keep your pants on, ladies!

xx,

WhyDid

Behind Every Fabulous Woman is an Even More Fabulous Gay Man

By Kirsten|March 5th, 2010|WhyDid Wisdom|

brit

It has been hypothesized that if Britney had had at least one gay in her life, the meltdown of ’08 may have been avoided. I tend to agree with this. In my opinion, every great girl has got to have a great gay somewhere in her life.

Ever heard of Lady Gaga? Oh, you have? Well, guess what. She has a little something called the Haus of Gaga and it consists of a team of her best friends who are also responsible for all of her amazing/ridiculous outfits. Who wants to wager on their sexual orientation? Just saying…

Gawker did a little number on the gay/straight relationship and while there are some valid points, I don’t completely agree with it. Sounds like it was written by a bitchy queen who doesn’t value real friendship. I have been blessed to have one of the greatest gays I’ve ever met be a part of my life. He likes my boy drama and is always down for a little shopping trip- but that’s because he’s actually my friend. I listen to his boy drama too- and if he’s looking for a sequin blazer, I’m right by his side. But alas, they’re right about not trying to set up your gay. I wouldn’t even know where to begin (top? bottom?) and we often bicker about why each other’s prospective love interests SUCK.

That being said, there’s a plethora of reasons why girls need gays:

They will tell you if you look fat. I’ve always said that when it’s time to shop for wedding dresses, I’m bringing a gay man. They have nothing to gain/lose by telling you the truth. Once, while getting ready for a big event, my gay bff informed me that he, in fact, hated what I was about to walk out the door in. This caused an emergency wardrobe change. My clothes have never come off faster!
Speaking of changing, feel free to prance around in your pantaloons. He doesn’t care. When slipping out of my dress, we started hysterically laughing about his incredibly close proximity to my nipple.
Sleepovers!! It’s nice to have a man around the house. Especially one whose socks you don’t have to pick up. How nice is it to have some testosterone without having to worry about a knock at your “back door” in the morning?
Considering most gay men pride themselves on being well groomed, well, dressed, and all around good looking, they make for great arm candy. Don’t have a date to your upcoming function? Bring your gay bff. They look great in the photos and they’re probably a lot more fun on the dance floor than whatever suit you were planning on bringing.

Now, they aren’t like a handbag. A gay man is not an accessory and shouldn’t be treated as such. Make sure you friendship is just that… a real relationship with someone who you care about. Basically, a gay man is the perfect hybrid between your best girlfriend and a boyfriend minus all the drama. I really can’t think of anything better. (Though the maltese/poodle hybrid is up there).

So what am I trying to say? Basically, Brit Brit wouldn’t have lost her shit shit if she’d had a gay compadre to reel her crazy ass in.

xx,

WhyDid

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