LOL :-)

Well, I’m sure you remember when I explained to you that a wink face basically ruined my life. While perusing iTunes to update my collection (because, yes, I do take iTune’s suggestions), I stumbled upon this little musical masterpiece (I REALLY wish this was a joke):

Guess we ALL know what wink faces and emoticons insinuate. I suppose this doesn’t really fall under my typical wadrobe WhyDid’s, so let’s just file this under WhyDidYouProduceThat?? It seems you could write a song about cookie dough and egg nog and make a hit (I have both in case you  need either).

xx,

WhyDid

Hey Girls…

Let’s not get overzealous. While gallivanting last evening, I was startled to see SO MANY young ladies parading their naked legs around town.  I get it, we finally hit above 40 degrees yesterday, but that is no reason to get ahead of ourselves. It’s still freaking cold out.

I’m not quite ready to see your pasty stems. Just because it’s March and we saw a few hours of sun, does NOT mean that it’s time to break out the bare legs and open toed sandals. You haven’t even prepared yet! Before the legs come out (which is right around the corner), you must hit the gym and de-pasty yourself.  The first girl I saw I thought was a fluke. However, I continued to see bare legs left and right. Casper was hittin da club scene. I mean, I can’t. It was actually startling. Like smack me in my face startling.

Let’s hold off, my friends. It’s not time yet. I will send out the smoke signal when it is.  In the meantime, keep your pants on, ladies!

xx,

WhyDid

A Word to the Wise…

After feeling officially old by having to help (an even older) friend celebrate his birthday at a NIGHTCLUB last night, I realized that I could be helpful to some of you young ladies.  I’m still in my 20’s but a few years can make all the difference. Here are some things I wish I’d known as a fresh face in the big city.

1. I mean, first and foremost, don’t date a DJ. (This also includes club promoter, club owner, or any other kind of “nightlife” type).  You’re just asking for trouble. They have opposite schedules from you (unless you’re a cocktail waitress or bartender). They are constantly surrounded by “temptation.” 9 times out of 10, you’re going to get burned and I don’t mean from a bottle sparkler (though that’s possible too).
2. Don’t show up where you know your ex is to try and “show him what he’s missing.” There’s a reason he’s your ex. He isn’t “missing” anything- most certainly not you. Go home. Save face.
3. If you insist on parading around in front of your ex, don’t over-slut it. There’s a fine line between sexy and stripper. Don’t cross it.
4. Put on a bra for heaven’s sake. You’re 20. Your boobs should still be perky. This is why I’m an advocate for either fake boobs, or flat chests. They don’t sag. (I told you I’m very black and white).
5. Alcohol not only makes you fat, it also ages your skin. While going out every single night sounds like a good idea in theory, you’ll thank me later when you’re still getting carded at halfway to 30.
6. Going along with #5, let people wonder where you are. Remember when Paris Hilton was on EVERY SINGLE red carpet? She was like a cockroach who just wouldn’t die. Don’t be a cockroach. Stay home. Read a book. People will be more excited when you DO decide to show up.
7. You aren’t going to meet your future husband at a nightclub.  If you think you are, you’re going to wake up at 30 and wonder where all the nice guys are. They’re home. Being a functioning member of society. Not at a nightclub on a Tuesday. Promise. Hell, I pinky swear.
8. Less is more. How many different ways can I tell you this? Don’t spend 8 hours perfecting your outfit. Everyone’s drunk anyway. Between that and the strobe lights, no one will be able to tell you what you wore last night. Besides, do you really want to ruin your new Herve by being doused with cranberry and vodka? (B tee dubs, stick with soda as a mixer. Fewer calories and doesn’t stain).
9. Please don’t be “that girl.” We all like to have fun, but don’t be the one with the lampshade on her head. You want to cherish these fun moments in life, but that’s kind of hard when you’re black out drunk.
10. Nothing good ever happens after 2am. Go home.

You’re young. Have fun, but heed my advice. Just think of me like your big sister- just here to help. I wish I’d had some words of wisdom from someone (slightly) older and (much) wiser. Moisturize, drink plenty of water, take 2 Advil and call me in the morning.

xx,

WhyDid

Oh- P dot S… white guys- Don’t dance. Just don’t.

Where My Dogs At?

News flash: I’m obsessed with my dog. He has a CLOSET for crying out loud. Needless to say, he’s a pampered little K-9. (My vet actually told me he’s spoiled and has an attitude problem- which only made me love him more).  So, of course, he gets one heck of a bday party every year. Lucky for him, it’s cupcake week. Why should he (or your pooch) be excluded? Below is a pretty simple recipe for doggy cupcakes- dare I say, “pupcakes”?

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 cup soft butter
1/2 cup corn oil
1 jar strained beef baby food
4 eggs
bacon bits

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Cream butter until smooth. Add corn oil, baby food, and eggs. Mix until smooth.

Mix dry ingredients into beef mixture until batter is smooth. Fold bacon bits into batter. Spoon batter into cupcake tin. Bake for  30 minutes. Cool on wire rack. Frost with low fat cream cheese and sprinkle with bacon bits. Also, you can use ketchup to write a little message or add some extra flair. (recipe makes around a dozen pupcakes).

Someone’s got a full belly…

xx,

WhyDid

(music: Snoop Dogg- What’s My Name)

You’re a Sweet Treat

We all know that cupcakes are utterly impossible to pass up (just ask my thighs). Want to be as irresistible as our favorite baked sweet treat? Here are a few fun products that will have you looking and smelling as pretty as a cupcake!

Dylan’s Candy Bar Chocolate Cupcake Ice Cream Sugar Scrub, $20

13 piece Cupcake Lipgloss bucket, $5.95

Buttercream Cupcake Body Butter, $16

Jaqua Pink Buttercream Frosting Shimmer Lotion, $10

Cupcake Panties, $29

Cupcake Perfume Oil Roll-on, $8

So lather up, slather on, and wait to be devoured ( you won’t be waiting long).

xx,

WhyDid

You Are What You Eat.

So, you get it. We love cupcakes. They’re delicious. They’re pretty. They’re basically irresistible to most humans… I know they say, “you are what you eat” but there is no real reason to actually LOOK like a cupcake. It IS possible to have too much of a good thing. That being said, why is it that some of these celebs look like they’ve taken their cupcake obsession to the red carpet?

I have actually NO CLUE who this girl is, but I do know that she looks like a baked confection. (WhyInGayHell, can you help a sista out? Who is this?)

Oh, Carrie. Usually the picture of perfection… Now you just like a moldy cupcake.

Lil Mama, I’ve been salivating over your picture and not cause you look like a cupcake. I mean, what IS this that you’re wearing? It’s a lot. And what the hell does it say across your chest? I’m getting old and my eyesight is going.

Funfetti anyone?

Um, Sarah, you’re cupcake’s missing the icing. You’re a naked cupcake. (FYI- icing is the best part).

A lot of people tried to guess WTF Rihanna was channeling with this little get up. Well, we’ve cracked the case, folks. She’s a cupcake.

Natalie is just one big blob of icing. She and Sarah should get together and even out their cake to icing ratio.

I mean, you knew Paris wasn’t going to let us down on this one. She’s a cross between a black and white cookie and a cupcake. Although… that might be a pretty delicious crossbreed. More delicious than her channeling Charlotte York.  You’re not fooling anyone, P.

And the sprinkles on top of our cupcake… This is the epitome of asscake.

So,  I leave you with this, my friends. It’s fine to love cupcakes, but please, please, please don’t take your obsession to the extremes (i.e., your wardrobe). And on that note, WhyDon’tYouEatMe and I are heading to the gym, seeing as we’ve eaten our body weight in cupcakes this week.

xx,

WhyDid

Why In Gay Hell Wouldn’t You Want My Cupcakes?

You may think cupcakes are all fun and games. I mean, what kind of harm could a cupcake do (besides add a few vanity pounds)? Well, let me tell you how a box of cupcakes nearly ruined my life.

I, like most girls, sometimes get ahead of myself when it comes to relationships. I mean, on a first date I already know what our wedding looks like, the house we will live in, and our childrens’ names (yes, names vary on the guy). I know I just recently wrote a blog about learning to love myself and yes, we are still on that journey… but, I can date, right? ……WRONG

Well, not so long ago I started talking to a guy and when we first started talking it was just as friends. The nice thing about this was there were no labels put on it. It was just two people talking, getting to know one another, enjoying each other. You get my drift. I am a lunatic though and after the first week,  my heart started racing and I grew emotionally attached. I was very honest with how UNREALISTIC these feelings of ”love” were and I expressed this to WhyDidYouWearThat quite often. I also knew in my heart, the timing was wrong for this (something else discussed in length with WDYWT).  I knew it wouldn’t be long til I was like an REO Speedwagon song saying, “I cant Fight This Feeling Anymore.”

Sooo we kept it light for as long as we could, but the attraction and the chemistry was undeniable. The Friday before Valentine’s Day we had dinner and it was a great night except towards the end of dinner the conversation fell on the topic of US. What are we? What are we doing?  Where do we want to go with this? The conversation seemed to go well and we decided to keep things simple and just continue to get to know each other. Before we said, “goodnight” for the evening I asked him to go to the movies with me on Sunday. Yes, Valentine’s Day. He accepted and my heart rejoiced.  I rode away on my unicorn with a smile on my face.

Valentine’s Day comes along. I go and purchase a card for him with the help of WDYWT.  It was perfect.  It said “Congrats, you’re my Valentine.” And because Cupid had hit me in the ass with one of his damn arrows, I went to the delish Billy’s Bakery and purchased my guy some cupcakes. I was in a romantic comedy in my head.  Little did I know, the joke was on me. Right before we were supposed to meet, he calls. He informs me he can’t do this anymore. He likes me too much and is not ready to get attached… and that he can’t talk to me anymore. I am not very often speechless, but I was at a complete loss for words and all I managed to mutter before hanging up was, “OK.”  I am now sitting at my desk, teary eyed, and staring at these damn cupcakes. The cupcakes that now make me want to throw myself in front of a speeding cab. The only thought running through my head is, “NOBODY is ever going to want my cupcakes….NOBODY!!”

Well, all I have to say is thank god for good friends because good friends always want your cupcakes. So, I hopped in a cab and headed right over to WhyDidYouWearThat’s apartment where I proceeded to talk about my insanity while we ate every last crumb of the cupcakes. I mean, Who In Gay Hell would waste good cupcakes?

Now, the cupcake fiasco for me does not stop there. The Wednesday following Valentine’s Day, I am at work and a man walks in with a delivery for me from Sugar Sweet Sunshine Bakery….Cupcakes!! The card attached has no name, but simply says, “Miss You.” I am sent into a tailspin. I want to believe that “the guy” sent these cupcakes. I want to believe he realized he made a mistake and these are “I’m sorry” cupcakes.  Sooo, I call the bakery to ask who sent them (more Nancy Drew detective work), they tell me they are not at liberty to tell me who sent them. I beg. They still refuse.

As I pig out on the delish cupcakes, I ponder who else could’ve sent them. I want them to be from “him”, but what if they aren’t? Turns out… it wasn’t “him.” A boy did send the cupcakes, but it was not the boy  I wanted it to be. They were from another boy I went on a couple dates with months ago. A boy I had totally forgotten about. I mean what in gay hell are the chances that on Sunday I would buy cupcakes for someone who did not want them from me… and then three days later receive cupcakes from someone I did not want them from? Who knew that cupcakes could be so problematic?  Well, I can say last week I literally had my cupcakes and ate them too. Why In Gay Hell not?

xx,

WhyInGayHell

Hey, Sweet Thang!

We’ve officially dubbed this week “Cupcake Week.”  We’ve been stuffing ourselves with cupcakes lately (we’re total cupcake whores) and decided to share our wealth of knowledge in all things cupcake. And honestly, who the hell doesn’t love a good cupcake?

Stay tuned to hear about the best places to gorge yourself with frosted goodness, how a cupcake could potentially ruin your life, and how to look as pretty as a cupcake. You’re welcome!

xx,

WhyDid

We’re Flipping Out!

As some of you may know, we’re getting fancy over here at WhyDid… Christmas either came really early or kinda late for us yesterday. We got ourselves a pretty pink Flip video camera. So you know what that means, right? MORE OF OUR PRETTY FACES!! I know! You’re welcome. Here’s a clip of WhyInGayHell and I testing it out. Just your typical Friday afternoon… (please pardon the mess and WIGH’s munching).

xx,
WhyDid

Thorn Without a Rose

Dear Amber Rose,

First and foremost, I’d like to say, who the hell are you? You keep popping up everywhere so clearly I went ahead and Wikipedia’ed your ass. (Ass being operative word seeing as this is what Wiki had to say):

Amber Rose (born October 21, 1982) is an American model, socialite and former exotic dancer, best known for her relationship with musicianKanye West.^{[citation needed]} Her mother is from Cape Verde and her father is of Italian and African American and Irish descent.^{[citation needed]}She is the youngest child of Shauna and Juan Palmer. Her parents divorced when she was three years old, and she was raised by her maternal aunt, Mary Lakes. Rose originally wanted to own a restaurant because she enjoyed food but instead turned to modeling as a career.

Okay, couple things… seems as though “socialite” is being thrown around pretty carelessly these days.  How do you think Tinsley Mortimer feels about being lumped in the same category with an ex stripper turned nude model?

On a total side note, why do they call it “exotic” dancing? I mean, there’s nothing “exotic” about it. Am I right? It’s like calling the garbage man a “waste technician.” Let’s call a spade a spade.

This is the picture that got me to venting:

This is you at Fashion Week. Why are you there? I was not aware that Darth Vader was showing this season.

Oh… leggings as pants. Leopard leggings as pants. Two birds. One stone.

I mean, really? Did you think that we wouldn’t mind your cameltoe if you matched your pants to your lipstick? Strike two.

You obv don’t wanna be a wallflower, so why on God’s green earth are you dressing like wallpaper?

You’re really testing my patience, Amber.

Oh, you’re a bumblebee. Is that what all the buzz is about?

And your worst fashion choice of all? Kanye as an accessory.

Now I know why you were a stripper/nude model, cause you actually are better off with no clothes on.

xx,

WhyDid