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Why Did You Date Him: Too Much. Too Soon.

By |May 12th, 2011|Why Did You Date Him?|
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Have you ever met someone who came on so strong that it was off putting?  Kind of like walking into an elevator that wreaks of cheap cologne?  Makes you gag and want to exit immediately.  But it’s too late. The doors have already closed.  You’re stuck on the ride… at least for a little bit.

At our core, we all want to feel accepted, so when someone embraces us immediately, it can have a very ego boosting effect.  But be careful my beautiful beans…

Whether it’s a new friend or a new beau, opening up or offering up too much can be a big fat red flag.  When people give you so much of themselves and their lives so early on, it can be interpreted in a few different ways (none of which are good):

  • Desperate
  • Insincere
  • Obsessive


I have dated guys who gave me the keys to their apartments in the first two weeks of courting.  While in the moment it feels flattering and exciting, you’ve got to pump the brakes and ask yourself, is this too much too soon?  Well, let’s just put it this way, I’m not dating any of said key slangin’ gentlemen.  It’s fun to play house and it’s nice to feel wanted, but what on earth is the rush?  One of the fellows who so kindly bestowed upon me the keys to his domicile turned out to be incredibly possessive and controlling.  He wanted me to have his keys so he knew I would always be at his home.  It was like a serrated metal GPS.  Needless to say, those keys were deposited ever so kindly in a white envelope and returned to sender.

Guys aren’t the only ones who make unwanted advances in relationships.  Girls can also come on all hot and heavy giving you the feeling of “kindred spirits.”  These are the girls you need to watch out for.  Most likely, they don’t have a ton of “real” friends.  They have about 4 billion acquaintances though.  While they are fun to share laughs over a cocktail with, be careful of the information you share.  If your new gal pal wants to give a detailed outline of her befuddled past, let her.  Just don’t get caught up in the fun and lose your head.  All great relationships (platonic or romantic) take time and building of trust.  Who knows? A month from now you may realize you don’t even like the person.

Now when I meet people who are overly clingy, I’m a bit wary.  Not to say that I don’t like nice people.  There’s a huge difference between being friendly and being “emotionally slutty.”  I do not need to know your sexual past and we certainly don’t need to start naming our children within the first thirty minutes of meeting.  My friendships and relationships are very sacred.  I don’t let just anybody in and neither should you.

xx,

WhyDid

Why Did You Date Him: A Case of the Ex

By |January 27th, 2011|Why Did You Date Him?, WhyDid Wisdom|
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The other day I had to pull an intervention on a girlfriend who was being completely crazy and masochistic.  Though I love her dearly, I had to save her from herself.  What was her problem?  She was obsessing over an ex… The real problem? It wasn’t her ex.  It was her boyfriend’s ex.

For some reason girls love to know about their boyfriend’s exes.  I can not explain this.  I think we want to find out why it didn’t work and obviously compare what an “upgrade” we are to his old flame.  While a little curiosity may not kill you, if you let the need for knowledge get out of hand, you will drive yourself bat shit crazy.  Thanks to Facebook, Twitter, and the good ol’ Google, you can do quite a bit of reconnaissance work.

However, be careful how deep you dare to dig because once you see some things, you will never be able to erase them from your brain.  In all honesty, yes, he did have a life before you.  Yes, he has had other girlfriends.  And yes, he did most likely care about them at some point in the previous relationship.  Also, don’t forget that you have a past too.  I doubt your boo wants to think about all of the boys before him and I doubt you’d want him to.

I had a guy friend once tell me that his girlfriend brought up his ex so much that he had now thought about his ex MORE in his CURRENT relationship than he did when he was dating her.  How crazy is that?  You said you’d never have a threesome… yet it looks like his ex will be joining you every night in bed.

As if orchestrated by the heavens, I read a quote yesterday that perfectly summarized all of this:

If it happened before you, then it really doesn’t concern you. Don’t let an ugly past ruin a beautiful future. – Rob Hill Sr.

The point is, his ex is just that- his ex.  If he loved her and wanted to be with her, he would.  Do not get so caught up in the past that you completely destroy any chance of a future.  You, my girl, are smart, beautiful, and wonderful and that’s why your boyfriend is with you.  He’s not the one who can’t get over his ex… you are.

Get over it.

xx,

WhyDid

WhyDid Wisdom: Age Ain’t Nothin’ But a Number, Right?

By |January 20th, 2011|WhyDid Wisdom|
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So, yes, it’s true. I’m having a birthday today.  As this is not one of the super fun ones like twenty one… or twenty five… I’m going low key with it.  While it is not a “big” one, I have found it harder and harder to realize I’m a grown woman now.  I don’t know that someone could call me a “girl” though I still sort of feel like one.  I suppose it’s time to get this show on the road.

Even though I still get carded (er.. an unusually awkward moment at Soho House last week), I am well aware that I am no longer the new girl in town.  Girls like Emma Roberts, Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, and Victoria Justice are well on their way to becoming the screen queens in Hollywood.  Wasn’t Hannah Montana in diapers like… last week?  Didn’t I babysit her? While out one afternoon, we overheard a young lady attempting to purchase beer and the clerk checked her ID which said she was born in 1990 making her twenty one. PEOPLE BORN IN 1990 are TWENTY ONE!!! How crazy is that?

It is so weird to realize that pretty soon I will have to adhere to dressing “age appropriate” and behaving like a lady rather than a child. (Guess that means no more dancing on tables at Cipriani- see how that dates me?).  It’s also bizarre when you start to notice that you actually are aging.  Like WTF is that wrinkle? Wasn’t there yesterday.  Oh, and this extra dimple on my derriere? Welcome.  Make yourself at home.

My dad (wise man that he is) once quoted someone as saying, “Being beautiful is like having an ATM account that you can only make withdrawals from.”  Well, then.  I guess he has got a point.  Yes, you can get Botox and plastic surgery and whatever else, but it will never be the same as the glow of true youth.  I asked my mom (who was and still is a very beautiful woman) if it was difficult getting older and aging gracefully.  She said it absolutely is, but you start to treasure other aspects about yourself.  Instead of relying so heavily on appearance you emphasize your wit and intelligence.   I think if/when I ever have a little girl, I’m going to stress to her that she is smart and kind rather than cute or pretty.  Might as well give her a head start.

I guess my point is to appreciate what you’ve been given.  Heaven knows I wish I had appreciated my insane metabolism and 18-23 year old bod that I didn’t even have to work for.  Brooklyn Decker, who?  So, with that said… I’m going to go ahead and enjoy the rest of this special day by putting on a short skirt, sipping on a bellini, and maybe- just maybe dancing on a table.  Hell, I’m older, not dead!

xx,

WhyDid

P dot S- happy birthday to everyone else who shares today with me!

WhyDid Wisdom: Grasping At Straws

By |January 13th, 2011|WhyDid Wisdom|
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While I tried to sleep last night with a dog curled around my left foot and a cat purring like a diesel engine in my right ear, I wasn’t particularly thrilled to wake up to a talking cat on TV this morning. That’s right, Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch was my wakeup call.  Seeing as our family zoo partied all night, I was far too tired to bother changing the channel before opening my laptop and sipping on my morning beverage. So, when the credits rolled for Sabrina, I still didn’t bother changing the channel.  I was too immersed in Twitter updates and Google Analytics to exert the extra effort.

Then something caught my ears:

“Everything you’re chasing is worth nothing.”

Some creepy spiritual infomercial was on, but this gentleman put into words something I have thought to myself many times.  Right before I moved to Los Angeles, I think I was guilty of this very same thing.  For so long, I had been putting emphasis on all the wrong things.  Things that just did not and should not matter.

I am no longer 22, bright eyed and naive, so why in the world would I still be chasing the same things?  The novelty of nightclubs and i-bankers and “celebrities” should wear off after a while, shouldn’t it?  When does one realize that  he or she is not a celebrity and is most likely not going to be receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame any time soon?  Why on earth are so many people still grasping at straws and trying to “live the dream”?

Our culture has somehow tricked itself into thinking that we are all a whole lot more important than we really are.  With reality shows focusing on just about every topic under the sun and “stars” who are famous for adding nothing of value to humanity (talking to you Kardashians and Hilton), we all are under the impression that fame and fortune is just within reach.

The sad truth is that most people will never reach fame or fortune but will certainly exhaust themselves trying.  Racking up credit card debt to buy “things” that make them feel good temporarily and to be “seen” at places that will make them feel “cool” in that moment.  At the end of the day, none of this garbage matters.  It’s all just white noise.

The things that matter are much simpler.  Meaningful relationships, family, health, and kindess are just a few to start.  Unfortunately, for some, they may not even realize what’s important until it is too late. And alas, they’ll be the last one in the nightclub with cranberry stains on their clothes and the janitors mopping the floor. Alone.

xx,

WhyDid

Why Did You Date Him?: Attached at the Hip

By |December 31st, 2010|Why Did You Date Him?|
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Recently, I’ve seen a lot of shows including “man caves”, girls’ nights out, and fellas griping about the old “ball and chain.”  (This may or may not have something to do with the continuous loop of HGTV shows we’ve been watching). I’m a bit put off by all three of the former terms.  First and foremost, I need to understand a man cave. What is it that goes on inside of said “man cave” that must happen within those confines?  Why can’t these goings on take place in, say, the living room?

Also, I enjoy a cocktail with the girls as much as the next woman, but I never feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t get away from my man and have a cosmo in my hand in the next five minutes.  I don’t need to spend the next three drunken hours discussing the very same men that we were itching so hard to get away from. I can’t imagine dating, let alone being married to someone who I didn’t genuinely enjoy being around.

My man friend and I are starting to become the real life  Alex and Simon from The Housewives of New York City, except about 450,000 times less creepy and I’m 157% certain my love is not playing for the other team.  Since we started dating, we haven’t ever slept a night apart. Basically, I came to visit him and just never bothered to leave. Some may think that is strange, but there is quite honestly no one else I’d rather spend my time with (except for Smitty).  Being around him is like being with myself.  A good friend of mine once told me that when you are with the “right” person, it’s like being all by yourself.  No, she didn’t mean you are sitting there talking to a brick wall.  What she meant was that there are no airs. There are no expectations.  You are being fully and completely yourself. There’s no show and you don’t have to be on your best behavior until the credits roll.

Granted, he does go to work Monday through Friday, so we are apart (albeit we talk on iChat all day…). I just want to be around him because we are always having fun and it’s always easy.  Now, let’s go ahead and take a step back.  There is something to be wary of here.  Wanting to be with someone for the former reason is a great thing in my book.  However, if you have ulterior motives for wanting to be with someone or if the feelings are not mutual, you may be in for some trouble.

With an ex, the reason I wanted to be by his side at all times was because I knew the moment I was out of sight, he would be trying to bag the next pretty young thing who walked through the door.  I was constantly on edge and I knew in my heart of hearts that when he was on “business trips” or boys’ trips (that’s a WHOLE other topic, mind you), it was fairly (read: very) likely that I was not the last voice he’d be hearing before bed. My reasons for wanting all of his time and attention were not out of genuine love and desire.  They were out of fear. Now that’s just not healthy. Whether or not my feelings were validated, I was miserable and that’s no way to live.

Though you may want to spend every waking moment and very last breath with your boo, be sure to make certain that these feelings are shared.  It should be pretty obvious if they are.  You won’t have to ask or beg or fight or trick or threaten about it. It will just “be.”

So if your man is acting more like a neanderthal down in his “special place” and you’re out with the girls drinking to forget that he’s ignoring you in his cave, then maybe its time to reevaluate and perhaps roll a boulder in front of the opening to his man cave. Just a thought.

xx,

WhyDid

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