Why Did You Eat That: No Bitchin’ in My Kitchen

By |January 23rd, 2012|Why Did You Eat That?|

vintage housewife

Okay, so I’m no Martha Stewart, but I do know how to keep a happy and functional home.  I also do enjoy baking and cooking (baking more than cooking).  There is also something to be said about a woman who can cook and look good while she does so.  I know we think it’s hilarious that Carrie Bradshaw used her oven to store sweaters, but today’s “modern girl” can do it all… and that includes whipping up a gourmet meal.

You don’t need every fancy appliance under the sun to make your kitchen run more smoothly, but there are a few gadgets that may very well change your life (or at least make you more efficient when it comes to the kitchen).

  1. Crock Pot 5 Quart Stainless Steel Slow Cooker, $41 – A crock pot is the lazy girl’s dream appliance.  Basically you could throw just about anything in in the morning and come home to a delicious meal.  It does the work for you and do you know how many amazing recipes there are?
  2. As Seen On TV, Eggies, $9.99 – Okay, I must admit I fell for something I saw on TV.  Hey, at least it’s not Pajama Jeans.  These will blow your mind if you enjoy hard boiled eggs, deviled eggs, or egg salad.
  3. KitchenAid Apple Wedger, $10.29 – I love apples, but I hate biting into them (creeps me out) and I find cutting them can be cumbersome (Okay, fine.  I can’t be trusted with sharp objects).  This little guy slices and apple right up in one swift move.  No more excuses when it comes to making yourself a healthy snack.
  4. Wusthof Kitchen Shears, $19.99 – My mom scolded me for years for not having a “proper” pair of kitchen shears.  Theses babies can do everything from cut meat to trim flower stems.
  5. Rabbit by Metrokane Zippity Rabbit Wine Opener, $79.99 – Alright, alright… the kitchen doesn’t have to be all business.  This wine opener is the best thing going.  When you have company, there’s nothing worse than fighting with a rogue cork.  The rabbit (not that rabbit) will have you in and out in no time. [insert dirty joke here].

A functional kitchen is a happy kitchen.



Why Did You Date Him: Come One, Come All

By |April 28th, 2010|Somethin for the fellas, Why Did You Date Him?|

** Warning: R rated material. Dad, you probably wanna go ahead and skip this one.


So, I’ve had full on arguments about this before. Guys are apparently clueless when it comes to the female anatomy and the big O. I’ve been so annoyed that I’ve literally had to hang up the phone or leave the room. Guys sure do have a lot of nerve thinking they know more about what’s going on with our equipment than we do.

What’s the problem you ask? It seems that most guys out there think that we ladies are coming left and right when having sex. Au contraire mon frere. Just because we make a squeak or a sigh here and there does not mean that you’ve just hit our jackpot. If you did, trust me, you’d know. Don’t believe me? (of course you don’t). Here are the facts:

About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone — that is without the extra help of sex toys, hands or tongue. And 10 to 15 percent never climax under any circumstances. – ABC News

Read it and weep, fellas. Just intercourse alone isn’t going to do the trick for most ladies. We need a little extra attention in our nether regions to get things going. And don’t you DARE look at us like it’s our fault when the fountain doesn’t overflow. I’ve had a guy legitimately ask me if I’m just not capable like I’m the one with the problem. This proves to be very frustrating for women. We don’t want to disappoint you, but at the same time, we don’t want to be disappointed either. It’s a team effort, folks. The sooner guys come to terms with this, the sooner we’ll all be satisfied customers.


I have a couple of girlfriends who are in that freaky percentage of women who can get off from good ol’ fashion sex (lucky bitches), but as for the rest, they’ve either had to incorporate some helpful toys or become incredibly vocal about what exactly is or isn’t working.

That being said, I’ve met plenty of guys who are under the impression that ALL of the girls they’ve been with have been screaming their praises. Guess what all those girls were? Liars. Big. Fat. Liars. Hey, girls? Why are you faking it? You gals are totes effing things up for the rest of us. Now, Mr. Hotshot thinks he knows what he’s doing and I’m suffering through some wonktastic jackrabbit sex…Again. Ugh.

I’m hoping this will clear the air while simultaneously deflating a few egos leading us all to a much more fulfilling sex life. For the time being, I’m probs just better off with my pal, rabbit.

Happy Hump Day!



WhyDid Wisdom: Do It Yourself

By |April 14th, 2010|WhyDid Wisdom|

one lady dinner

People wonder why I don’t discuss my love life in my posts. Well, there a few reasons. One being that I’ve had some pretty traumatic experiences that aren’t ready to be discussed (yet) and another being that writing the details of my love life might mess up my game.  The current reason? I don’t really have a love life.  I have decided that I’m just not in the right place for it and there is no reason to subject someone else to my relationship ADD or lack of willingness to commit to anything serious.

Now, don’t take this the wrong way. I love the thought of sharing my life with someone special, but not right now. I’m actually happier than I’ve been in quite some time. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want and not feel guilty about it. I can sit around and partake in my “secret single behavior” without ever being judged. It’s really kind of amazing.

There are some little perks that may be missing by not having someone “special” in your life, but these are all things you can do yourself. So, if you are choosing a temporary bout of celibacy like me (or Lady Gaga), here are some sweet nothings to whisper in your own ear:

Floral Sex: I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, why wait for some dude to buy you flowers (probably the wrong ones) when you can hit any deli in the city and buy yourself some? They’ll brighten up your home and your mood.

What Lies Beneath: I always feel much better when I’m wearing beautiful underpinnings.  There’s no reason you should save your sexy lingerie for a special occasion. Every day is special.

Putting on the Spritz: Perfume isn’t just for a hot date. Nor should it really be meant for someone else. I always dab on my favorite scent before leaving the house, but I especially love to spritz it on right before bed.

Fall Down the Rabbit Hole: I mean, without getting too into detail… Why not enjoy yourself… alone? There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You’re probably a whole lot safer healthwise both physically and emotionally.

Spoiler Alert: Whether you buy yourself something shiny or cook yourself your favorite meal, it’s great to pamper yourself every once in a while. Go to the spa, get a massage, get a manicure, feel good about yourself. There’s nothing more gratifying than knowing you can take care of yourself.

See? The single life is highly underrated. I’m enjoying it for the time being. The more you take care of yourself, the more likely you’ll be able to care of someone else when you’re ready. Besides, I share my bed with the most handsome man every single night, Smitty Lebron Smith.



WhyDid Wisdom: When NOT to Fake the Funk

By |December 17th, 2008|WhyDid Wisdom|

A psychic once told me that I was “okay with the little white lie.” While this might be true, there are a few things in life that you just shouldn’t fib about.

Herve Leger Bandage Dresses- Bebe, Express, and Alice and Olivia have all tried to replicate this trendy dress. None of them have been able to really recreate the drama of the real thing. A real Herve Leger dress hugs you in all of the right places and sucks you in in the others (think of Spanx gone sexy). There are no stray threads, the fabric is heavy and thick, and it only comes in certain styles each season. A black Herve bandage dress is worth the investment. It can be worn for a multitude of occasions. Skip the imitations though. You’ll only end up looking cheap, not chic.

Lips-Ugh! Have you ever seen women walking around with “duck lips”? So gross. There is nothing sexy about looking like Donald Duck’s sister. I understand that voluptuous lips like Angelina Jolie’s and Scarlett Johannsen’s are sexy, but we weren’t all created equal.  Learn to love your lips and invest in a good lip plumper (Lip Infusion is my favorite). Do you really want to walk around looking like Heidi from The Hills? Didn’t think so.