Another year, another round of award shows doling out little metal trophies to folks who may or may not deserve them. But the fun is not in who wins what as much as it is in who wears what. So, let the self tanner application, lapses in style judgement, and wardrobe malfunctions begin and let’s kick things off with last night’s American Music Awards.
While it’s been a while since I’ve tuned in, some things remain exactly as they did a year ago… and beyond. These include but are not limited to:
They’re still letting Chris Brown perform. Why they even let him out of his cage, I’ll never know, but this white girl won’t be dancing like it’s her birthday when his songs come on. Ever.
Jenny McCarthy is still hot.
You still can’t touch MC Hammer.
Christina Aguilera still wears leotards when she probably shouldn’t (but she can still sing like nobody’s business, so we’ll give her a pass).
Pitbull is still making songs that don’t make any logical sense in English or Spanish.
Crowding the stage with babes in bedazzled bustiers will still cover up any bad performance.
Taylor Swift is still singing about some boy who did her wrong in something that resembles a bad prom dress.
Nicki Minaj is still in need of a time out.
Pink could still kick your ass.
No Doubt is still as rad as ever.
And while it’s nice to have a bit of stability in your life, I’m a little concerned about America’s choices in music. Perhaps that’s a better indicator of the state of our nation? One thing that does seem to be changing is Justin Bieber’s voice (anyone else catch that?) which was quite clear after hearing him dedicate his win to the “haters” (he realizes he’s an eighteen year old 98lb white kid, right?). So, I decided I was going to come up with my own award categories that seem much, much more important:
Color of the Evening:
Most in Need of a New Hairstyle:
So, let’s step it up, folks. We’ll consider this a “warm up.” A “rehearsal” if you will. Last time I checked, which was just now, my socks are still on, so no one particularly blew me away. Bring on the crazy… I’ve gotta have something to write about.
Sunday night Hollywood’s hottest headed to the 2011 Teen Choice Awards in Los Angeles. While this isn’t quite the Met Costume Gala and may be frowned upon by the fashion elite, I always like seeing the fresh young faces in more casual, carefree attire. This year, the stunning starlets certainly did not disappoint. Below are a few of my favorite looks. I’ve recreated each to show you that looking red carpet ready is as easy as 1, 2, 3.
Blake Lively in Gucci, Christian Louboutin, and Lorraine Schwartz jewels
So, last week Nick Lachey popped the question to long time love, Vanessa Minnillo right before they both celebrated their birthdays in Mexico. Ah… young love. The news spread quickly and focused mostly on the fact that Jessica Simpson was probably eating her weight in Hagen Daas while having a mental breakdown. Then lo and behold… We find out that now Ms. Simpson is also ENGAGED! Not even a week later, Jessica was seen sporting a ring from boyfriend of six months, Eric Johnson. Um, coincidence?
I’m not going to harp on their short courtship (cause these things do happen -wink, wink), but I’m actually more concerned with the far too obvious (might I add tacky) timing. I mean, what are the chances that both Nick and Eric had been planning tandem proposals? Slim to none. Methinks Ms. Simpson lost her shit and poor Eric feared for his life. The only way to tame the shrew? Put a ring on it. I feel halfway sorry for Eric while the other half feels like he’s a big pu$$y who knew he might be in jeopardy of losing his meal ticket (and we know Jessica never misses a meal). I smell foul play… or is that the smell of desperation?
So, who got the better bling? Eric popped the question to Jessica with a ruby ring flanked by diamonds from Neil Lane, while Vanessa was proposed to by Nick with an ascher cut diamond from jewelry designer Bader and Garin.