Oh… there she is. Lady Gaga wearing a dress made of… hair at the Oak Room in NYC last night. I mean, this shit is starting to get old. Meat, muppets, neckbraces, now a weave? What’s next toe nail clippings? Ugh… I probably just gave her an idea. Great. So, here’s where my confusion sets in… don’t we, as ladies (and some men) pay good money getting waxed in order to REMOVE body hair? This is unbeweavable.
What. The. Hell? I’m not sure I even know where to begin. I’d like to address her outfit, but am currently so caught off guard by whatever the hell is happening on her head. Is she a muppet? Raggedy Ann? Is she still “burning” from her Eminem video? Why is she doing this??? She used to be so pretty! Riri… help me help you.
Um, so first and foremost, I’m going to pose the question: When is the last time MTV actually even played a music video? Do people still make videos? Why? Seems like a whole lot of money to dump into something that has zero return rate, no? Kinda like a first wife.
Anyway, I’m not going to even bother with any type of fashion recap, cause quite honestly, it was all wretched and I don’t want to suffer through it for a second time. It’s bad enough that MTV will now continuously replay the VMA’s for a solid two an a half weeks. So, in case you missed it (and you miss it for the next 465 times they play it), here’s all you need to know:
Eminem is the smartest man on the planet. Demand that you open the show. Collect your money. Get the eff out of there.
No one felt like actually singing last night (minus Usher and Taylor Swift). Lip synching is the new black.
Lady Gaga is still a freak.
Chelsea Handler (god lover her) needed more vodka. I was almost as uncomfortable watching her as she was delivering her punchlines.
Taylor Swift and Kanye apparently still aren’t over it.
It seems hair streaks are coming back in “style.”
Justin Bieber is going to be a huge dickhead in two years.
Rihanna still looks like a muppet.
Speaking of muppets, Lindsay Lohan stopped by.
I need to watch more TV, cause I didn’t know who half the people on my screen were.
MTV probably needs to start playing more music videos or stop having the VMA’s. One or the other.
It would appear that Pharrell drives a Chevy.
There’s only one way to tell the difference between Justin Bieber and Hilary Swank
EVERYONE has a British accent.
Jared Leto is channeling Ellen Degeneres.
Taylor lost her shoes. Oops.
Kanye does not grasp the concept of irony.
And there you have it folks. Nothing to see here. Keep the line moving.