All Aboard The Ugly Express. Choo! Choo!

Dear Juicy Track Suit Wearer,

2001 called, they’d like their velour leisure suit back.

xx,

All of us

Seriously, if I see one more chick in the airport… or just in general… wearing a “track suit” as appropriate casual wear, I’m gonna flip. Like Carrie Underwood I just found out my man’s cheating kind of flip. I understand that we all want to be comfy when traveling (especially since not all of us are flying first class and sometimes get stuck in a middle seat sandwiched between two big’uns). Being comfortable does NOT mean that you need to look like you crawled out of a Pound Puppy factory.  Your warm and fuzzy jumpsuit isn’t giving anyone besides you the “warm and fuzzies.” And besides, do you really want the word “Juicy” written across your ass? Nothing about that sounds flattering.

Exhibits A, B, C, and D:

Catching my drift? Remember when Paris Hilton used to live in these things? Do you want to have anything in common with P. Hil (besides her checking account)? Didn’t think so. So, to avoid any second hand embarrassment on my part, let’s get you into something comfortable AND stylish.

Now is one of those times where leggings (not worn as pants) might come in handy.  Layer some leggings with a long tunic and/or yummy cashmere sweater (it gets chilly on those planes). Put on some flat boots (They don’t have to be flat, mind you, I’m just going for comfort. Bravo to you if you want to wear heels) and you’re good to go. Here’s a visual:

(sans lace gloves, obvi. Chanel bag optional).

A few more options if this is still not clear for you:

She’s even making “jeggings” look cool.

The trick is layering. It gives you versatility and you can take on or off depending on temperature and comfort. This is an extreme example, but you get the point (I hope).

I’m about to make this REALLY easy for you…

So Low Long Leggings, $51, Nightcap Clothing Cashmere Poncho Scarf Sweater, $532, Wilt Hi Lo Tank, $86, Ash Pearl Over the Knee Boots, $323.40, Alexander Wang Daphne duffel bag, $623, Carrera Champion Sunglasses, $120

All available at shopbop.com

Bon voyage!

xx,

WhyDid

A Sign of the Times

Oh, I’m sorry, does someone have a voodoo doll with my name on it?  I mean, I’m just wondering since I recently discovered the world’s worst invention- EVER.  Obviously, someone just wants to make me suffer from severe fits of anxiety.  Basically, if leggings as pants and True Religions got together and had a baby it would be this:

Oh, you think I’m kidding? I wish:

Are you f’ing kidding me??  It’s the spawn of satan.  Are you SO lazy that you actually need your jeans and your pajamas to be one in the same?  Do you mean to tell me that you didn’t even bother to shower after rolling out of bed this morning? I mean, what’s the point? You’re obviously already dressed! To me, this is a sign of how lazy and impatient our society has become.  What happened to taking pride in our appearance? This is just encouraging people to continue stuffing their faces (these puppies stretch, after all) and not care how the rest of the world perceives them. Remember this lady?

No? How about her?

They are rolling over somewhere in their graves. No proper lady would ever wear synthetic fake jeans to sleep in and then wear them out in public.  So why would you? Just saying…

xx,

WhyDid

Audrey Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Leggings, leggings as pants, Pajama Jeans, True Religion, voodoo doll

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse…

Dear sweet lord…. tell me this isn’t happening.

Has my worst nightmare just multiplied by a billion? Men…in…leggings?  This has got to be some sort of sick joke the fashion world is playing, right?  My friend sent me a link this morning that has confirmed my biggest fears.  Apparently, several designers sent men in leggings down the runways.  Weren’t skinny jeans enough for you?  I mean, that was pushing it, but leggings???

Men of the world, I beg of you, please do not fall victim to this trend.  There is nothing sexy about this.  Chicks will not dig this.  You will not appear fashion forward or trendy.  Let women worry about panty lines and no pockets.  There are some things men and women just should not share.  Leggings happen to be one of them.

xx,

WhyDid

Dear Beyonce,

First of all, let me say, you are one of the baddest chicks on the block. You know how to work your curves (and have taught so many women to love their bodies), you have unbelievable confidence, and you can sing your butt off (though I wouldn’t recommend it, cause I think your male fans would be devastated). Plus, I give any woman credit who can lock a man like Jay-Z down.

However, your performance outfit last night on the World Music Awards, was personally offensive. Leggings as pants? Really? And latex ones at that? You have just set me back about 1000 years on this ”don’t wear leggings as pants” campaign. Since so many women/girls look up to you, now they are going to think it is, in fact, okay to wear leggings as pants.  

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Leggings!

  Now it’s time to discuss one of my favorite topics… leggings. Leggings are the new sweatpants, the new Juicy tracksuit. (Thank god).  Anyway, while leggings are a much more chic way to stay comfortable, it has come to my attention that many people abuse the right to wear leggings. Below I will walk you through some of the Do’s and Don’ts of leggings:

• Leggings are NOT pants. If they don’t have pockets and they don’t have a fly, they are not pants. Please cover your hoo-ha when wearing leggings.
• White leggings will never fly unless you are a ballerina or dressed in costume and even then, this is treacherous territory.
• Please stop wearing leggings with open toe pumps. All this makes me think of is the Meatpacking District on a Saturday night.
• Black is always best. Avoid bright colors unless you are 5’10, 110lbs.
• Just because Lindsay says it’s cool, doesn’t always mean it is.http://www.lohangroupie.com/6126-leggings-by-lindsay-lohan-now-available/
• Lastly, and most importantly, let’s face it… not every trend is meant for every person. Be honest with yourself, if it doesn’t look good, skip it.